The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

Auspice

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I wanna take a mental day. But I left early because sick last Friday and I need the money and...

...but my ADHD has been so bad this week that I am getting nothing of consequence done. I actually made myself light-headed twice today by aggressively forcing myself to focus on things.

I just can't do it. None of my coping methods are working. I just have constant racing-bouncing-all-over-the-place thoughts and even with headphones and music I am distracted by everything.

So I'm just massively depressed because I feel like I'm failing at my job. Which is making me feel worse mentally in the long run.

Wretched

@Auspice This may sound trite, but exertion/exercise does sometimes help, as a last resort, like taking a walk. This is however anecdotal.

Edit: My therapist was talking to me about fight/flight responses and a lot of times those feelings are literally adrenaline with nowhere to go. To paraphrase badly.

Auspice

@Wretched said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

@Auspice This may sound trite, but exertion/exercise does sometimes help, as a last resort, like taking a walk. This is however anecdotal.

Edit: My therapist was talking to me about fight/flight responses and a lot of times those feelings are literally adrenaline with nowhere to go. To paraphrase badly.

they are, I agree. I've gone on RUNS and I'm not a running person to deal with them.
But unfortunately, the change in weather this week has left me struggling to even walk because yay arthritis.

Wretched

Does anyone else have a near pathological need to rebel? To test limits of rules and taboo and everything else, like the proverbial red button that NEEDS to be pushed no matter how many times someone tells you not to? Testing the limits of work dress codes, how often to use which shortcuts. Just that subconscious need for a little anarchy.

Macha

@Wretched There actually is a condition for that. Defiance disorder.

Macha

Has anyone ever had their add hyper focus kick in - in a way that it probably shouldn't? Like "I shouldn't do this, but I totally can" sort of way?

dvoraen

@Wretched said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

Does anyone else have a near pathological need to rebel? To test limits of rules and taboo and everything else, like the proverbial red button that NEEDS to be pushed no matter how many times someone tells you not to? Testing the limits of work dress codes, how often to use which shortcuts. Just that subconscious need for a little anarchy.

Sort of? The thing I have found I do a lot, especially when stressed and/or frustrated, is that my mind will be writing these near screenplays where I am just angry ranting at people in charge in some sort of righteous outrage over <insert topic>. This happens even if I have absolutely no reason to talk to that person and they are not involved in the daily functions for my work area. I mean, we're talking sharp words at best. Nothing profane, just an extreme amount of indignation on my end.

Wretched

@Macha So it does...

Macha

@Wretched I remembered reading about it and it being attached to ADD

Ganymede

@Macha said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

There actually is a condition for that. Defiance disorder.

Unironically, I was diagnosed with this.

surreality

@Ganymede Ditto. At the time, though, it was 'Oppositional Defiance Disorder'.

I will be sad if they drop the first bit. Being clinically ODD is somehow really fucking apt for me.

faraday

@surreality It's still ODD in everything I've read recently.

Auspice

I wish I could play more multiplayer games.

Overwatch, Rocket League, etc.
I usually have to be drunk to play them (so as to shut up parts of my brain). Otherwise I end up wanting to alt-tab to this or look at that or do other things. Focusing on ONE THING for an ENTIRE MATCH (or consecutive matches ala Rocket League) is just beyond me. It's frustrating because I wanna play shit with my friends, but doing just one... single... thing... for hour(hours) on end is just beyond me.

I played League of Legends for a while and as the game environment evolved into these 45 minute, hour long matches I had to stop because I would end up so fidgety I'd get agitated and upset. It was a game I was pretty good at, too!

I haven't gone back to Elite Dangerous, either, even though I fucking love that game. I'm limited, really, to games with really short matches (maybe part of why I love Mario Kart so much?) or single-player pausable games because I just...... can't do things that require I focus on one thing for too long.

I hate my brain.

Rinel

@surreality @Ganymede

IIRC it's quite rare for ODD to persist into adulthood, though I'm sure extreme contrariness probably remains in those who had it.

My DSM is at the office tho.

ETA: @Auspice do you like rhythm games? They're very, very engrossing to my OCD brain, and each round is super short. That might be something you could do with friends.

Auspice

@Rinel said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

ETA: @Auspice do you like rhythm games? They're very, very engrossing to my OCD brain, and each round is super short. That might be something you could do with friends.

I love rhythm games.
Most of my friends do not. XD

Macha

@Auspice come play arams with me on League. They don't last as long, and the action is more condensed. I also find that talking to my buddies when we play helps me NOT alt-tab out. Mainly because we constantly talk shit. - Each other, the game (riot), the other players, etc.

dvoraen

@Auspice Something I've found with respect to myself and multiplayer games:

Genre matters a lot. To use Overwatch as an example, I don't think I'm terrible at it, but I can easily lose track of my surroundings because I'm so focused on what I am doing versus my time or possible flanking, etc.

Starcraft II, on the other hand, I forget about base maintenance things a LOT. (I play co-op almost exclusively for SC2.) I've slowly started to get better about it, but I'll frequently catch myself with the expansion untended and needing more workers, upgrades that aren't in progress, and so on. Lately, though, I've actually started to catch myself more and more, which kind of makes me happy to be honest.

The point of this post is that I do think some ADD/ADHD behaviors can be, with time, mitigated. I make no claims that it's easy, but over the years I can certainly say that I've learned some control over some of mine. It's not always, and it's not completely, but I do see a difference. There is some anxiety over containing some of it, though, but one technique I've noticed works for me some of the time is (in MU*ing and other text-based conversation) is typing out what I would have said, and promptly hitting delete instead of enter.

Food for thought.

surreality

@Rinel In my case, I suspect any lingering bits have to do with 'the more someone nags me to do something, the more I want to avoid doing it'.

To me, that just feels like a normal human response, but apparently it is not.

Auspice

@Macha said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

@Auspice come play arams with me on League. They don't last as long, and the action is more condensed. I also find that talking to my buddies when we play helps me NOT alt-tab out. Mainly because we constantly talk shit. - Each other, the game (riot), the other players, etc.

I tried ARAM when it first came out and hated it. I'm sorry. I would, but I just did not like ARAM.

@dvoraen that's true, but I just think also, because it's gone untreated, my ADHD has gotten worse. Like now that my depression is under control and my anxiety is under control... I'm realizing that my ADHD is getting worse with time. My coping mechanisms are steadily no longer working.

Now that I have insurance again (or will in 2 days when it goes into effect), I'll be looking for a new doctor (since while I, in general, like the one I've been seeing... she won't even consider trying to put me on anything for it) to discuss meds.