Feb 5, 2020, 8:55 PM
I have two cats and they have to approve of anyone I date.
Ok. One does. The other is an idiot and would approve of a damp sock if it contained treats.
Dating in the 2020's
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@RightMeow said in Dating in the 2020's:
@Auspice Yes. I hate dishes though.
perfect, I don't mind dishes.
sold. -
If I mow the lawn, rake the leaves, clean out the gutters, etc, can we be a polycule?
Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
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@Ominous said in Dating in the 2020's:
If I mow the lawn, rake the leaves, clean out the gutters, etc, can we be a polycule?
Yes.
But everyone folds their own laundry. I'll run the laundry, but I ain't folding it. -
@SinCerely said in Dating in the 2020's:
All of my serious adult relationships started online. Met my first boyfriend in an IRC RP chat, that was 8 years of glorious fun and he's still one of my best friends. Met my husband on WoW, he was my GM and I traded soundbytes for enchant materials. Poly, so met another SO in an MU*. I don't know what to do with people I meet in real life other than to feed them and give them coffee. I'm too awkward to express attraction if it's not somewhere I can delete and correct before hitting enter. Dating sites give me the willies but I do like the social personals app Lex.app, because I can meet friends that way. Still poly but dating? I can't remember how to do that.
One thing I appreciate about online dating culture is the feeling that it’s helped destigmatise polyamory.
I myself am not poly, but I feel like a few of the people I dated in my youth were. If they’d been able to just say so early on without fear of social repercussions, a lot of heartache and frustration could’ve been avoided on both sides.
Negotiating expectations and knowing yourself is hella important.
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@Ominous said in Dating in the 2020's:
@Kestrel said in Dating in the 2020's:
Online people openly list things like their political views, their favourite TV shows, music etc., long before you would find these things out about them in person. Especially on OKCupid, with its question format, it's super easy for me to, for example, click right through to the disagreement section and eliminate anyone who doesn't answer "yes" to "are you a feminist". Because honestly it gets tiring for me to have to educate good looking arseholes on these issues IRL.
OKCupid is dead, at least in my area. I went from having like 50-60 women in the 90 ratings in a 50 mile range in 2011-2015 to 5 today. Ever since they changed the messaging system, made it so that you can't rate lower than 50% with someone, got rid of the minimum 200 questions before being able to have a rating, and let people choose their own questions to answer (thus letting people avoid some of the nitty gritty questions that help you figure a person out), the population has plummeted. Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge somewhat are the only places that people seem to be on anymore, and those sites/apps are even more superficial than meeting someone in person and dating them out of lust.
It's pretty active where I live (admittedly a densely populated big city), but I wonder if it also somewhat depends on what you're looking for?
I don't think OKCupid is a good app to use for hookups etc., at least not if you're a straight guy. The gender imbalance is real and your chances of finding a quick shag are slim to nonexistent. It's plainly illogical for a woman to go through the effort of filling out a profile and answering a bunch of questions on there when the dicks are lined up like a firing squad on lower-investment apps like Tinder.
But if your profile's meaty, unabashedly honest and demonstrates clear respect for the opposite gender, I think your chances are much higher. Especially if the messages you send reference the other person's profile rather than their looks (physical compliments are a dime a dozen), are flirty, witty, telegraph clear interest and ask good questions without making it feel like a job interview.
N.B. I've joked with a friend that I want to start a seminar teaching men how to use online dating. Maybe go undercover as one and see how I do.
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Man am I so glad I don't have to date... Reading all these makes me feel for all of you that are still in the 'dating pool'. If I ever had to date again, I would likely just end up single and celebate.
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@Kestrel said in Dating in the 2020's:
One thing I appreciate about online dating culture is the feeling that it’s helped destigmatise polyamory.
Yes and no.
It's destigmatized it without educating about it.I know some people who are and have been poly (safely so in both physical and mental health) who are very, very unhappy with the turn it has taken in the last number of years (at least in the US; maybe in the UK it's a different story). It's basically become a 'get out of jail free' card for a lot of people. A way to sleep around without taking responsibility. 'Oh yeah I slept with her. It's not my fault: I'm poly.'
Instead of what poly is (engaging in multiple healthy, honest, engaging relationships), they're just using it as a way to sleep around and cheat on each other. And it's caused, in some areas (the CDC has some reports on this), a rise in STIs.
So it's destigmatized it, but not in a great way sadly.
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I mean. No one HAS to date. I have deleted my OKC profile within a couple weeks of making one every time because yeah ... it sucks.
Maybe one day I'll meet somebody but I'm 35 and haven't gotten around to it yet so I guess it just isn't that much of a priority for me.
Least I got a kitty.
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@saosmash said in Dating in the 2020's:
I mean. No one HAS to date. I have deleted my OKC profile within a couple weeks of making one every time because yeah ... it sucks.
Maybe one day I'll meet somebody but I'm 35 and haven't gotten around to it yet so I guess it just isn't that much of a priority for me.
Least I got a kitty.
Cats before prats fam.
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I have two cats and they have to approve of anyone I date.
Ok. One does. The other is an idiot and would approve of a damp sock if it contained treats.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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@Auspice said in Dating in the 2020's:
The other is an idiot and would approve of a damp sock if it contained treats.
That reminds me of one of my last internet dates.
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@Auspice I fold laundry. ...most of the time. Like so far this year, I'm 100% same day wash/dry/fold.
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So what I hear is we have a thing going with @Auspice, @Macha, @Ominous, and myself. This is working out great. So far I don't have to do laundry or dishes. Or yard work stuff.
#OnlineDatingRocks
Also in reality, I'm pretty content with myself and a circle of friends. I don't feel a driving urge to couple up. Every now and then I do. Like sometimes I'd like to come home and cry on 'my person' but that's about it. And for the life of me, I cannot go to a restaurant on my own. I'm sort of working on that. Sorta.
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My mom is out of town right now, but she travels a lot for work and uses this app that has her meet other travel alone people for eating in restaurants not alone, I will try and remember to ask her what it’s called. Google is not helping. She says it’s mostly been a positive experience for her.
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@RightMeow said in Dating in the 2020's:
And for the life of me, I cannot go to a restaurant on my own. I'm sort of working on that. Sorta.
I've gotten to where I can enjoy going to a restaurant by myself. Tonight I ate at El Arroyo! (Yes, the restaurant of the signs, ala:
)(It was on the same block as the bar I met my old coworkers at for our weekly hang.)
I miss the domestic life for shared chores, shared bills, and just having someone to chill with while watching trashy TV.
Also the sex. I miss sex. -
@RightMeow My question is - who is cooking? I mean, I make some good stuff, but only if the stuff is there to make. lol
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@Macha said in Dating in the 2020's:
@RightMeow My question is - who is cooking? I mean, I make some good stuff, but only if the stuff is there to make. lol
so it's more 'who is buying groceries' then. or we take turns to cook.
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I am a decent cook. I thought about going to culinary school in high school but opted for college instead, and I have watched every episode of Alton Brown's Good Eats three or four times. I think that makes me at least on par with Emeril Lagasse or maybe Wolfgang Puck.
As for dining out alone, I do it all the time. I usually sit at the bar, since it's quicker service and it's not too weird to strike up a conversation with others at the bar, unlike talking to the table across from you.
Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
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@Ominous I'm a fan of Good Eats. And lots of stuff on the Food Network. I thought about culinary school, but then I was dating a chef, so I didn't.
I just don't 'cook cook' much with just me.
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@Ominous said in Dating in the 2020's:
I usually sit at the bar, since it's quicker service and it's not too weird to strike up a conversation with others at the bar, unlike talking to the table across from you.
I don't often sit at the bar because it feels too crowded and I've got touch issues. So I'm that bitch taking up a table that could seat four while I sit there reading my book.