RL Sads
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Just feeling like a shitty everything tonight. Maybe the feeling will pass, maybe it won't. Maybe it's just the new state of being.
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***=CW - death***
click to show"Just leave me alone. I'm not myself. I'm falling apart, and I don't want you here." - ― Daniel Keyes, Flowers for Algernon
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Thank you.
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This morning, my kid found a very young bird (still had some of its baby fluff, couldn't fly) out in the garden. He was on his way to school. I kept an eye on it, and after I got done with my stuff four hours later it was still there.
I made some baby bird food and took it in. It was strong, and I had lots of hope of it surviving.
My kid came home and was thrilled. I sat him down and told him all about baby birds, and how we had to be EXTRA gentle because they are very fragile. And, from how he was acting with it, being very gentle, I allowed him some supervised time with it. I was right there.
Anyway. I put it in a cage and made myself some food. I made the bird, now named McNuggets some food, all was good. We snuggled, watched some TV. Kiddo occasionally popped in to touch it. All is fine.
Second feeding went really well. But I was exhausted. I put him back in the cage, perched him by my head so I could hear him if he got hungry before his next feeding time. Literally a foot from my face.
Its been 2.5 hours. I caught my son in the room at my side with the bird. He would reach in and pet it and leave. He did this twice, but I was damn sure to tell him to leave it alone. Many, many times.
I never dreamed that he would take the cage and take it out.
But he did. He stole the bird in its cage away and took it to another room where he tried to smush it into a slipper and broke its neck. Then he tried to perform CPR on it in his panic (pushing on its tummy) and... Well. Didn't make it better.
I'm so disappointed. Sad.
This is one of those teachable moments I guess. Gotta be gentle when I don't want to fucking be gentle. -
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@carma Well if I tell him "hey, you broke the birds neck when you were using it as a toy and stuffed it into your grandmother's slipper" he will be absolutely crushed.
We have opted to tell him the bird was sick and weak instead and honestly - he was very panicked and freaked out even over that. Cried. I mean, quite a bit traumatized but we have been distracting him with games for the time being. He's a sensitive guy. A little obsessed with getting another right now. He ells me he wants a "really expensive bird" one, buuut I'm kinda terrified that's going to be a "really expensive bird funeral".
The road to hell is paved with adverbs.
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Does he perhaps know that his actions caused the bird to die regardless of how it was told to him? I find even very young children often know. They feel bones break or other aspects when they squeeze/drop/stuff and believe that it was related to their actions.
It is something to monitor/watch out for. I have seen young children also get more freaked out when they suspect that one thing is true but then are directed elsewhere by trusted adults, but granted this is more for preschool+ not toddler, and there's a spectrum as far as when that bridge happens.
What a tough situation though. I hope you guys are all on the mend soon.
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@boneghazi said in RL Sads:
A little obsessed with getting another right now. He ells me he wants a "really expensive bird" one, buuut I'm kinda terrified that's going to be a "really expensive bird funeral".
Is he perhaps equating 'expensive' with 'resilient'? Because that would make sense. Things that cost more don't break as easy and last a lot longer.
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And also, as someone who has worked for years in ECE (albeit with a huge gap) plus done a lot of volunteering with elementary age outdoor education and the like, i know that this can be a knife to the heart for a parent but it doesn't mean you did anything wrong or your kid is a bad kid! (I'm sure you know that!) It is common enough that the school i currently work for has a policy on how to handle supporting kids and families when a critter is accidentally killed or hurt (the playground is largely field/wooded and near a slough/protected area so we have lots of tiny bunny nests/bird nests/tree frogs/snakes/ect even in the fenced/mowed areas and sometimes stuff happens before we can run over/see it.
You're doing a great job just being calm and supporting them!
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I deal with chronic nerve pain in my right arm due to a rib that doesn't like to sit where it should in my spine.
Regularly seeing a chiropractor had helped alleviate this pain by a large margin. But there are time when he adjusts it that it doesn't pop back into place like it should.
And when it doesn't do that, I get tingly pain all down my arm into my fingers. It's not debilitating buy it does really suck.
And I just wish someone would take a bat to the back of my shoulder.
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@testament I get something similar every once in a while due to a bone spur somewhere in my neck that once in a great while ends up pinching a nerve to my arm. I'm sorry you have to deal with it more on the regular.
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@testament I have something very similar. Chafing my arm with my other hand helps quite a bit, if you think it will work for you.
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@testament You might want to try massage. They won't reposition a bone but if all the muscles around it are tight and/or in spasm, it could be why it moves out of position. Massage could loosen the area and keep it from becoming a problem.
Note that, like everything, not all massage therapists are created equal and it might take a while to find one who you like and who is also competent.
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Today is one year anniversary of having to say goodbye to one of my family members, of standing in a vet exam room and being unable to stop my beloved best friend from seizures and then having to make the decision to let him rest than letting him suffer just for my own emotional security. My Old Man was the best cat. And there isn't a day where I don't think about him in some capacity.
I didn't press the plunger, but I killed him all the same, regardless of how much I know now that it was the right decision. Even if there are times where I second-guess it constantly.
If you had taken better care of his teeth
If you had taken him to the vet twice a year instead of once a year
If you had tried to make him eat more wet food than dry
If you had been more concerned with his excessive peeing
If if if if if
I know these thoughts don't help, and they're detrimental, and I'm still grieving over a cat that died a year ago. Maybe I'm being over-dramatic, or maybe this day just hits harder than most as I often find myself back in that vet room.
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@testament These thoughts are natural. Guilt is part of grief - what if is a nasty way we torment ourselves as we deal with loss.
You did your best to look after your cat. And he had a good life and a good friend in you. He went out loved, and knew it.
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I choose to believe that so long as we do our best to treat our friends right that we gave them the best life they could want.
That’s we love our pets so much. They don’t want presents. They don’t want to go out on dates. But they do want to be with you, and that’s the purest sort of affection.
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I choose to believe that so long as we do our best to treat our friends right that we gave them the best life they could want.
That’s we love our pets so much. They don’t want presents. They don’t want to go out on dates. But they do want to be with you, and that’s the purest sort of affection.
A long time ago, in a different life, when my life was much worse than it is now, he was there. When I had nothing, I had him. And that cat who used to sit next to me is perhaps one of the few reasons I'm still here to type this.
He saved me from myself. Even if he did so because without me, how would he get his crunchers?
I joke, but it's probably the only reason I'm holding myself together at work today.
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@testament Is holding yourself together right now what you need to do, or is it what you want to do because you're afraid of what will happen if you let go? I ask because I'm worried about you. The way you're talking, it sounds like the struggle is hurting you.
