RL Anger

[hedgehog]

@Ganymede

He wants to be a robotics engineer.

[mietze]

By the time engineers get out of engineer school they all have the same handwriting.

[Thenomain]

@mietze said in RL Anger:

By the time engineers get out of engineer school they all have the same handwriting.

And tolerance to alcohol that would make a bartender shocked.

[surreality]

@Catsmeow said in RL Anger:

When it comes to bacon I"m more worried on the the sodium levels.

I have naturally low blood pressure; it's 'normal' on two pots of coffee and a pack of cigarettes a day as a fat girl. I don't worry too much about the sodium.

Unrelated:

That moment you finally break down and get up the courage to ask about something that, if it is what it looks like, you know you're just going to fucking die a little. And that even asking might end a friendship, but you can't sit on it any more because it's fucking killing you. I've totally just had it and I need to remember how to breathe and will be a total fucking wreck until I know it's either OK, or it's time to start the grieving process for good on an important chapter of life.

[TwoGunBob]

@WTFE I appreciate the detailed breakdown as it gives me a lot to think about regarding what to ask my new doctor in regards to both weight management and headaches. Don't worry I'm not going to run out and potentially dive in head first cause everyone's chemical make up is different. It just gives me a lot to note down to talk to my doc about and a new avenue of approach. Can't thank you enough.

[Catsmeow]

Being out of work for almost /six/ fucking months.

Sidenote: If anyone is independently wealthy out there and wants to give me a few grand, hit me up in PM (haha sobs hahaha)

[Auspice]

By and far, my roommate has been pretty awesome. I mean, this lady enjoys washing dishes.

But she got dumped by her boyfriend a couple weeks ago. And less than a week later, was seeing a new guy. Alright, cool, we all do the rebound thing.

This guy isn't bad. He's just loud and never shuts up, but whatev.

...except he walked in, using her key, while she is at work. I was not informed of this.

I mean, I never put a caveat in the roommate agreement of 'no visitors here when you aren't,' but I've always considered it a sort of unspoken rule. To at least give your roommate(s) a heads up. 'By the way, my current bed warmer is gonna hang out for a bit while I go to work.'

[Catsmeow]

Oh hell no
@Auspice

OH HELL NO

I'd be having a roomie talk about who has access to the apartment and when. I have a right to my feelings of comfort and safety too. So I'd be like:

Hey, I know this hasn't come up before, but we need to talk about visitors. I'm not really comfortable with them here when you aren't without some discussion beforehand.

[Three-Eyed Crow]

Rebound guy having access to a KEY after a week would freak me out a lot more than anything else in that scenario, maybe even more than him randomly hanging out. YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY. I would hit the goddamn roof.

[Misadventure]

Privacy, security, safety.

Two adults failed to assess the situation. So yeah, have a talk.

[Auspice]

I'm trying to manage my anxiety enough to do so.

Unfortunately, she works second shift and I'm usually in bed / asleep when she gets home. And I don't feel quite comfortable texting her about this.

[RnMissionRun]

IMO it was unaceptable for him to be in the home when the room mate herself was not there. Not when you are also living there. Neither of you know this person well enough yet to be trusting him with a key.

Yes, you definitely need to have a conversation with this woman.

[mietze]

I wouldn't assume that new /boyfriend/ is totally new/a stranger to her.

But even if he was her bestie or someone she was cheating with for 5 years (hence the dumping by ex boyfriend) or a coworker she's known for a long time that now is a FWB...I would say regardless of fucking status, no one of any gender should be entering the apartment without the roommate being present unless you agree to it and are given a heads up. Not siblings, not parents, not best friends, not lovers, not anyone.

[Auspice]

My main reasoning of him being new is they've had talks (while in the same room I'm in, so it's not like eavesdropping) about her not wanting him to meet her friends or coworkers yet.

It's possible he's been a secret for a while, but from interactions between them and conversations I've had with them, I'm about 95% certain he's new.

He drives for Uber/Lyft and usually does so overnight. Maybe he wanted to sleep more before driving home after dropping her off at work. But I'd have appreciated a heads up, a text message, something other than just him waltzing in the door without her.

I've got someone coming into town next week. I've let her know they'll be around during the day (and since I work from home, obvs I'll be here)... but they have a hotel. I'd considered asking her about them crashing here for the visit, but decided y'know, that's a bit much to thrust onto someone who doesn't know this person themselves.

...now I kinda wish I had.

[Catsmeow]

@Auspice

You don't have to justify your feelings. Your roomie is in the wrong here. I'm all for people bringing home who they want and doing what they want (as long as I'm still safe and feel safe - don't bring home the high meth head yo). However, I'm not okay with it when their not there. For a few reasons. So I'll hand them over and you can give them to her.

1. I don't like surprise people - That is a way to get the surprise person harmed. If I am home alone and you aren't the one coming in the door, it might not work out well for the other person. I'm not prone to violence, but I am prone to personal protection.

2. People aren't always who they appear to be. I like my stuff not stolen. I like drug deals not done in my apartment. I like things on the up and up.

3. Here's really the one that should be first. RESPECT. I don't even bring a friend over to another friend's house without asking. That's just if they are going to be there for a moment with me quickly. I mean we grew up asking our parents if people could come over, it's obvious that people need to be made aware.

4. Anxiety. People who are not my people left there causes deep deep deep anxiety on my part. Now, if we talk about it and I'm prepared, then I can alter my reactions and you know understand it's happening.

I have had a roomie who gave her boyfriend her key to our apartment and he did drug deals out of the place. I came home early and was like um... no. He also had other girls over #KeepingItClassy - So really, you have to know the person well and EVERYONE living there has to be okay with it. I don't give out keys or grant access until all parties are comfortable. Your home is your sanctuary and your safety area.

Obviously, by the length of this post, I'm angry for you.

[Auspice]

For all she knows, I go around naked when she's not here.

(No, I don't, but sometimes I do wander around in a robe before/after I shower.)

I'll be staying with someone for 2 weeks end of March / beginning of April (traveling to attend a wedding and making it a longer trip so I can do some tourist-y stuff). They have a roommate. I work 'from home' during the day. But they informed their roommate and got the go ahead a few weeks ago.

That, to me, is the difference.

I just hate feeling like the bad guy. Years ago (I was... 22?), I worked 3rd shift. Got home one day, 5am, and walked in to find three people I'd never met just hanging out in the living room.

"Where's <roommate>?"
"Oh, she went to work. She said it'd be cool if we hung out."
"Alright, well... I'm about to go to sleep and I don't feel comfortable with you guys being out here. Please go."

Roommate was pissed at me for weeks.

This guy has been over here pretty much every day/night for almost 2 weeks, but never without her until now. So maybe that was her logic- that I'd 'gotten to know' him enough. I don't know. I'll have to bring it up tomorrow (since I'll be asleep before she gets home tonight). Well. Try to bring it up tomorrow. Confrontation gets me super anxious.

[surreality]

@Auspice said in RL Anger:

For all she knows, I go around naked when she's not here.

(No, I don't, but sometimes I do wander around in a robe before/after I shower.)

Oh, I would be tempted.

Or tempted to leap out of a hallway in some crazy-ass costume, then look stunned that someone is in the house, then scream, and hide back in my room.

Or start loudly singing the most embarrassing off-key show tunes while leaving a vibrator turned on and sitting beside the door to the inside of my room while I started to crack on the high notes.

The possibilities are endless here, but if you don't want guests returning without warning, there are absolutely ways.

Edit: A former roomie of mine (not while he was living in the house I was renting, but before this) guaranteed no one would disturb him in his room, while he was in the military, without knocking or warning by painting a target on the wall opposite the bed, and mixing up some sfx semi-transparent glue he'd layer and splatter it with every so often. Gross, yes. Funny as fuck, hell yes. Effective? EXQUISITELY.

[mietze]

If you answer the door naked, the Jehovahs Witnesses mark you off their walking lists.

[surreality]

@mietze This is good advice and I'm keeping it to pass along to the husband.

He does this.

The dude who is always cold walks around naked all the time. The girl who is always hot still manages to keep her knickers (and plenty else) on.

Of course, right?

[mietze]

Probably the mormons would too but to be honest I think the kids they send around are just cute as a button and I don't want to scar some sheltered boy for life. All the JW folks I have encountered have been grumpy old ladies and weird dudes, with the exception of one young woman who was pretty personable.