Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff
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My father's birthday is next week. It's the first one since he died. I can FEEL the depression already, and I have no idea how to stop it. I won't see my therapist next week, and I'm to the point of wanting to just lay down and sleep to ignore it all.
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@Macha Grief is natural and expected. You don't have to stop it. Just feel it. You're allowed. It's not bad. Bottling it up doesn't make it go away. Just the reverse.
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@TNP It's just that I have to work and function, and if I'm already feeling it like this, it ramps up the anxiety about how I will make it through the work week.
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@Macha I've been through this. When you need to, take off to the bathroom or someplace private, have a few minutes of tears or whatever, then go back to work. Rinse, repeat. Then go home and have a good shower and a big cry. Rinse, repeat ad nauseum.
You can do this. For me, it helped to remember that the Victorians used to have a two or three year period where you were /expected/ to grieve intermittently, it's part of the wearing of black for that time period. We don't allow ourselves enough time to properly grieve in this day and age.
I'm sending virtual hugs.
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@Macha said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
@TNP It's just that I have to work and function, and if I'm already feeling it like this, it ramps up the anxiety about how I will make it through the work week.
I know it gets said often, but I know I sometimes need a reminder when my mental state is really bad:
take it one day at a time.
Us anxiety-ridden types are really bad about worrying about the future. And when depression (situational, a spike in chemical depression: whatever) kicks in, it can be all the worse.
On those days, lying in bed in the morning as I consider just calling out of work so I can sleep all day... I just make myself focus on what's right in front of me. Get up. Get dressed. Get out the door. Each one becomes a chunked item that I focus on. Broken down it gets easier and it also gives me a purpose.
So yes, I know 'take it one day at a time' just sort of falls into that whole big realm of 'shit everyone says,' but it's also the one that I need be reminded of the most because it's a reminder to give myself a purpose I can fulfill right here, right now. I'm not stressing over next week. I'm not getting more upset because I can't fix my current state. I'm telling myself: all I need to do in the next two hours is eat.
Then, eventually, between the small victories and focus (worrying about the right now that's achievable vs the nebulous future)...... it clears.
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@Auspice I have a hard time slowing my brain down to one thing at a time. As for getting out of bed in the morning.. I look at Logan, and remind myself he depends on me to feed him and take care of him.
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@Macha said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
@Auspice I have a hard time slowing my brain down to one thing at a time. As for getting out of bed in the morning.. I look at Logan, and remind myself he depends on me to feed him and take care of him.
That is absolutely valid. I can honestly say I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for my cat.
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@Auspice And, you know, he gives me all the love when I'm down. One can not discount the love of pets.
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@Macha said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
@Auspice And, you know, he gives me all the love when I'm down. One can not discount the love of pets.
Purrs have healing power (legit) and just interacting with your pet is stress relief.
I got night terrors for a while. Ike would wake me up and force me to cuddle her for a bit (wedging herself against me etc so I didn't just fall back asleep) until she was sure I was okay.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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@Auspice said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
Purrs have healing power (legit) and just interacting with your pet is stress relief.
Truth.
I miss my kitty.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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@Ganymede said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
@Auspice said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
Purrs have healing power (legit) and just interacting with your pet is stress relief.
Truth.
I miss my kitty.
You need more kitty in your life.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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@Auspice said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
You need more kitty in your life.
I get all the kitty I need, mostly, but I could use more.
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I've had a low-grade fever all weekend and now I'm sitting at work with a fever of 100.something, feeling just bad enough to want to be lazy, but not bad enough to justify going home, especially since I have several deadlines coming up.
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Weather changes have me absolutely non functional today (fibro flare). I made it to work thinking I was still just tired but fell asleep at my desk a couple times and couldn't focus on anything, period.
I'm glad my job isn't shitty or weird about stepping out like this but I mean. Better I do than spend a whole day doing nothing of worth at all.
Now time to go home and sleep forever.
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Continuing yesterday's gripe, I'm supposed to give a webinar this evening, and I'm clinging on to what remains of my voice with every ounce of my being. Will take recommendations on how to quickly restore vocal strength (even if it only lasts an hour)!
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@Lisse24 Hot lemonade with honey and a splash or two of whiskey.
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@Lisse24 Got a grocery store nearby? See if they have any Throat Coat tea in stock.
"If you stand for nothing Burr, what will you fall for?"
-- Hamilton: An American Musical -
@Cupcake said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
@Lisse24 Got a grocery store nearby? See if they have any Throat Coat tea in stock.
This stuff is golden. Most groceries carry it, too. Everywhere I've lived in the US has had it.
(My go to tea when I have a cold is throat coat, echinacea, and ginger root with honey.)
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fibro flare, sugars keep trying to slip low, ankylosing is on high today - and then, to add to depression weirdness - Someone asked me why I was out early Friday. Explained it was dad's birthday - less than a minute later, a client called in to schedule - who had my father's first name, and my father's occupation for his last name. Nothing weird about that at all.
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OCD is stupid.
My bus driver sees me every day, so while I was fumbling my phone out for my pass, he just waved me on by......but I had to finish going through the motions anyway because it's a required part of my daily routine.
