Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff
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Me too. I get you. It sucks hammered dog shit. Also, it. Isn't. Fucking. Fair.
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@Sunny said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
Me too. I get you. It sucks hammered dog shit. Also, it. Isn't. Fucking. Fair.
You ever kinda sorta wish it was bipolar instead of just major depression like 'yeah that one super sucks too but man I could get some shit done in a manic episode'
Instead I just spend a lot of time unable to do anything at all and hoping I don't go into a suicidal streak
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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For the past few weeks I've been very stressed - my volunteer and professional lives have both piled a bunch of stuff on me at the same time - which far from activating my normal trigger of 'yay deadlines! let's get stuff DONE!' has managed to completely overwhelm that reflex and instead nothing is getting done as deadlines sail past my head.
This has now lead to serious anxiety to the point that I feel nauseous 90% of the time, my appetite is shot to shit, and I burst into tears at inopportune moments every other day. To top it off I now can't seem to sleep more than a few hours at a time before waking up feeling sick and unable to get back to sleep, and I've lost 4lb in the last 2-3 days.
So so glad I am seeing my therapist on Monday because I think the next stop is the doctor.
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@Ifrit Oh, man, I feel this.
I had that 'productive stress' for a few weeks and then it became 'anxious stress' and now I feel like I'm letting everyone down at work. I should talk to my boss, but I'm terrified to do so.
ETA: I like productive stress! I do well with productive stress (see: getting salutatorian in school), but it can tip over into 'shut down and do nothing at all' if it gets to be too much. So I totally absolutely understand and sympathize.
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I'm having an acne breakout.
So stupid.
Someone should warn teenagers that they're still gonna deal with these the rest of their lives. No one told me.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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He/Him
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@Tinuviel said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
it took me a hot second to get that joke.
Sometimes I truly do hate you. -
Broke down and finally self-advocated firmly and asked for rescue anxiety meds. It is a hard ask, much like asking for narcotics this day and age. But I got to the point where I really, really needed the help.
Doctor gave them to me, no fuss. Agreed they were a reasonable ask and was OK with what I laid out for it.
Whew.
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Really starting to feel like I need better friends.
A lot of people in my life treat me like shit, probably because over the years, I have allowed them to. As I grow and come into my own, though, I'm becoming less and less okay with this.
Problem is, what do I do? I've already cultivated an extensive and incorrigible circle around me. Do I just cut all ties, put my foot down, walk away and start fresh? I mean, then I would have no social life at all, at least for a while, until I've figured things out. I feel like isolating myself would be worse for my mental health than having a good number of steady but shitty friends.
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@Kestrel Cut them loose. It's hard and it sucks at first but it's so worth it.
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@Kestrel If you value the friends, put your foot down, be firm, and if they cant adjust, then take steps to extricate yourself. Sometimes we have in jokes that we dont realize aren't actually jokes. I say this as an occasionally oblivious person who sometimes needs to be told when his jokes aren't funny.
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I was there once. I started a new life by going out and doing new things. It can be kind of scary, but the freedom to pick and choose who I spend time with becomes liberating in time.
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So in my local 'geek' group's discord, we have a venting channel. It's honestly a healthy, good channel (tbh the Discord for the whole group is and I love them). And the other day I just had to.... vent about this round of depression I'm in. Today, one of the ladies reached out to me to let me know about the service she uses for therapy, in case it'd help me out.
Which, it does! I've struggled to find anything locally because, ugh, so many therapists in Austin have turned to that 'pay up front, bill your insurance yourself' method and yo, $200-300 out of pocket to then fight my insurance for reimbursement is just not viable for me. And when you have anxiety and depression: is just a huge burden to ask!
But the service she suggested is called https://openpathcollective.org and I mention it here not just to share my shit but to also share: it's available nationwide. You search your area and you also search what you need. What do you need treatment for? What type of treatment (group therapy? individual? couples? for a child? adult?)? etc etc etc. And they provide low-cost counseling and some of their counselors will even do virtual (video) visits so you don't have to leave your house.
I put in everything I need (so instead of just having to be like 'okay I guess I'll look for...... depression even tho I need help with a handful of things') and I was able to narrow down to find someone who fit everything I'd like to focus on and is accepting patients and she looks like she'd be perfect.
So, yay for me but: the resource is there in case you or anyone you know might need it.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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One of the biggest issues I have been facing is a complete inability to find local care that isn't emergency/short term temporary. Nobody around here is accepting patients save for a few, and they are either terrible, or don't accept my insurance and are stupid expensive. It's a serious issue here in general, and I have had doctor help in trying to find someone. It has been hell.
I poked around at that website, and long story short I have a physical appointment with someone next week and she is local and specializes in my trauma type. And I like her face.
So. Thanks.
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@Sunny I am so glad to hear it!
I found someone that looks perfect who does virtual visits through that site which is what I need. It means that I can schedule on my time and even if it means tucking away in a corner at work with my phone, I can still make time.
I'm really really glad it helped. I was just like holy shit this exists and it is affordable and how have I never known about it before????
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I got to see my therapist today after not being able to for way too long. Getting to be honest with someone without fear of judgment about how hard the last month has been, and especially the last week, just talking about it and admitting out loud I've had suicidal ideation.. I feel like at least my nose is above water and I can get a little air.
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Fucking yay. Hooray for actually getting help. Hooray for breathing. Y'all rock.
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@Macha I completely empathize. I had a really intense session with my therapist last week and it basically tore me up, but the end result has been an ease of pressure I didn't know was there until it was gone. And it's not "fixed" or anything, it's just...a little easier. Lightness is great, isn't it?
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@Cupcake My therapist worries because I cling to the same humor/deflection even when I'm talking about the dark things. That I deliver it all logically.
Then, at the end of the session today, she remarked that it might be a good thing, right now. I might need it to cling to. So something feels normal. I'm just such a mess, right now.
