Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff

[Macha]

@silverfox You and your husband are amazing for this. I know it's just the prelim paperwork, but there are so many kids who need decent people to just.. show them some civility, and some kindness.

I have friends who do it, and it's been chaos at times, but they say it's rewarding.

[Ganymede]

@silverfox

Sorry about that.

More relevant message: if y'all need something to help the fostering of humans or kittens, please let us know. Also, kitten pictures are always welcome. (Human pictures, not so much because of doxxing potential.)

[silverfox]

@ganymede

ALL the kitten pics! I can do that.

My favorite foster TikToker never has kids in her videos, and I have always respected her EXTRA because of that.

EDIT:

ALSO, my husband just got a new job after a 3 month hiring process. It's for a local county sheriff's office, so he had to go through the same background screenings they gave the officers, multiple psyche evaluations, lie detector, drug test, etc. It was a lot!

But now he has a start date and we're really excited for this opportunity for him to make a Colorado wage.

[Misadventure]

Anyone knowledgeable about military peeps and seeking mental healthcare about? Or have an idea where to look online?

[Macha]

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SICK PETS!!

I had to call the vet about something sort of concerning with Logan today. Since he got put on the new med a month ago, he's gained some weight (He lost some there before the emergency vet), and he's showing enthusiasm for his munchy treats again, and he's eating decently.

But the vet told me the concerning little 'dripping' he's doing, means whatever is wrong (That I could not afford the 1200 dollar ultrasound to investigate), is getting worse. And that I need to prepare myself for the fact that he may not remain 'happy' for long. So tomorrow I have to pull myself together enough to call the vet long enough to get estimates for when that time comes, and cremation. My chest hurts. All I want to do is cry, but if I do that, he will try to make it better, and that will only make it worse.

[Macha]

I had to set up a date for Logan to be put to sleep. I am not okay. I do not know where I will get the 300+, but at least it is less than the 800 that was in my head for some reason.

[reimesu]

@Macha I'm sorry for your loss, this is hard.

[Derp]

Poor guy.

[Macha]

It's in just over 2 weeks. So I had to make the most depressing gofundme ever. Meantime, he is getting spoiled, all the junk food treats he loves, chicken nuggets, and cheeseburgers.

[Macha]

I had to have his appointment moved up. He's stopped eating, and he's been vomiting up when he does eat. So tomorrow is now the day, and I am not ready for this. I feel like the worst Mom ever. I feel like I've failed.

[Ganymede]

@Macha said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:

I had to have his appointment moved up. He's stopped eating, and he's been vomiting up when he does eat. So tomorrow is now the day, and I am not ready for this. I feel like the worst Mom ever. I feel like I've failed.

The goal of every parent, I think, is to ensure that their children have been loved and cared for to the best of that parent's ability, not to be perfect or provide perfection.

If you have done this, then you have succeeded.

[reimesu]

@Macha You're doing what's best for him, not you. That's kindness, not failure.

[Derp]

@Macha

hugs

I do not envy you that decision. Your boy knows he was loved, and you’re keeping him from suffering. This is the kindest thing you can do for him.

[Macha]

And of course tonight, he acted like he was fine when some friends came over to say their goodbyes. Other than the trouble eliminating thing, which was still very obvious. And he has seemed to keep some food down today. (I also upped his meds to try and keep him as comfortable as I can, so..)

[Macha]

It's done. My best boy is gone. I was not especially pleased with the vet.

I tried to get drunk after, but despite quite a few shots, not even a buzz.

Roommate has not said a single word to me since I got home last night. Like, not even hello, or hey. I'm finding it weird and awkward and sort of hurtful.

I am crying at random, and angry in turns. Fun fun.

[Derp]

@Macha

He's not suffering anymore. That's the part to keep in mind. This was the best thing that you could have done for him, and you made the right decision.

[Macha]

@Derp That's what I keep telling myself. But I still keep thinking "Shit, I need to take Logan out." Or think I see him from the corner of my eye. I know this is all completely normal, when the mainstay of 9+ years is suddenly gone, but.. ouch.

[Macha]

Today I started the process of throwing away the things that I can not donate to a shelter. Half chewed bones, the bed he trampled, etc etc. It's not all gone, and I know some things will make me want to hold on to them, at least a little bit longer.

But on the plus side, I did manage to pet a pittie today, who had some resemblance to Logan. The owner looked surprised when I walked up and asked (Let's just say the part of town I was in, is not overly friendly). I had treats in my car and gave the good boy a couple. I explained to his owner why I dared walk up and ask. I did not cry. I call it a win.

[Raemira]

@Macha said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:

@Derp That's what I keep telling myself. But I still keep thinking "Shit, I need to take Logan out." Or think I see him from the corner of my eye. I know this is all completely normal, when the mainstay of 9+ years is suddenly gone, but.. ouch.

I lost my boy on October 30, 2020. I didn't plan on getting a new dog right away after he died. I also did not anticipate all of the routines that I would miss that were a part of my life for the 9 years and some change I had him. After a couple of weeks, I couldn't take not having those routines and so in my grief I over compensated and got 2 dogs instead of 1 almost immediately.

Your grief is real. Just be kind to yourself and allow yourself to process it and figure out what your new normal is without him in your life.

[Macha]

@Raemira I would have had a second dog with logan, if I could have. He loved having a buddy around.

Honestly? I've had a half dozen dogs in my life, and temporary custody of more. Logan was something super, super special. There was something in that bond I've never had with another dog. Like, roommates reported him suddenly going to the doors/windows and barking when I was gone at work - and the time of day would be when i'd had a sugar crash. Weird shit like that, that could be coincidence once or twice, but not like.. a dozen times over the years.

I plan on exposing myself on purpose to dogs. I know how grateful Logan was to find 'home' with me. If there's some sort of connection with a dog like there was with him (obviously it will never be the same), I'd consider it.