@Macha Everyone deals with grief differently. You should, too. It's valid, and natural. It's even part of the healing process - you just lost someone who mattered to you.
When Daphne died - she was my dog. I have dogs now, and I do love them, but I doubt I'll ever bond with another dog the same way I did with her. And that, too, is okay.
It's not either a betrayal of the puppy who's now gone nor a disservice to ones you may get in the future if your relationship to them is different. You shouldn't feel either rushed nor hesitant about having other pets though until you're ready both emotionally and in terms of what your life circumstances are like.
I hate that grief can not be linear. Hit me hard, crush me to dust, and just let me get better. Fuck this 'I'm doing okay' and then some little thing pops up, and I'm trying not to cry in a gods damned fast food drive thru. (I realized I didn't need to get the chicken nuggets. He's not here to eat them).
I have found good homes for the things he had that I did not take to the vet: An untouched antler, some dental chews, treats, etc. The maintenance guy that adored him (and vice versa) has a pittie, so he got the antler, and she eats the same brand of dry food I had left, so he took that off my hands. Another guy down the street who has a doggo that I've befriended over the summer got some of the dentals. Another one got a whole bag of Logan's favorite faux bacon.
So, a friend of a friend of a friend sort of situation - they have to move in short order. His dad had a stroke, and he and his stepmom need their help. Buuuuuut stepmom is allergic to dogs. They have a young Pit mix (almost 2 1/2), and have to rehome him. So of course, my friend heard about this, and came to tell me. I want to help, if he likes me, and yet..
Part of me wants another dog, my depression when I do not have an animal to care for can get quite bad. Part of me never wants another dog. I know Logan wouldn't feel betrayed, it's not that. that dog had enough love in him I could have had several. It's me. And, admittedly, 2 people saying "I'm not trying to judge, but it feels a little soon."
@Macha I'm not that wise about such things. You should wait until you're ready.
Sometimes life will show you are more ready than you thought.
@Macha said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
And, admittedly, 2 people saying "I'm not trying to judge, but it feels a little soon."
They're literally judging. Everyone's different. You do what's right for you.
Tangentially, this twitter thread describing grief as a ball in a box is the best explanation of grief I've ever seen.
@Macha It's your grief, not theirs. That doesn't mean they don't have your best interests in mind; in fact they quite likely do.
But no one is in your head but you.
Sometimes it's easier to have another dog around. I personally found it a comfort to cuddle the puppy we had adopted a year before Daphne left, after she was gone. Other people simply never get a dog again, but instead volunteer at shelters to walk and play with doggos instead - an invaluable service in itself - without committing their hearts again.
There's no 'right' or 'wrong'. Do what feels appropriate. No one else's opinion matters nearly as much as yours.
Logan would not want you to be sad. He would want you to be happy and remember him fondly, and to use what you taught each other to live better lives. If helping a baby that needs a new home does that, I think he would be happy for you. Show the baby as much love as he knew.
Speaking as an atheist, it seems to me like the universe put this dog who needs a new home in your way. Pure chance? Of course it is. Unless you're not an atheist in which case you decide.
"Too soon"? I can understand that for someone who is replacing another human in their life, because maybe the new relationship will have potential for abuse that you don't see right away because you're too blinded by grief and the rebound factor.
But with a dog? A dog is not going to abuse you. What is with those people and their weird trains of thought? I would question their judgment with basically everything if they're incapable of seeing how their judgment is not only irrelevent and cruel, but also illogical.
If you need an animal to take care of, for the sake of your mental health, that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It only shows you are a kind and caring person. Whatever you decide, you shouldn't listen to those people with their weird judgments.
@Macha Screw those people. If you want to do it, do it. If you think you can love a sweetiepie who's going to love you back? Run with it. Grief doesn't run the same way for everyone, nor should it, people aren't cookie cutters of each other.
Well, a thing happened today. I need to rename him (The name he has, while from a cool game, the character does things I don't want to chance lol) 
I couldn't /not/ bring him home, it turns out. Sure, he came right up to me and sat on my foot and his head on my knee like "hiiiii." But I just got this.. vibe, that he was not getting everything he needed. They told me he tore his collar and asked me to bring a new one. (Okay.) But yeah. They didn't really tell me much about his food preferences (I asked), what treats he likes (So far, everything), what sort of toys he likes (He didn't seem that interested in Petsmart). You can see he's on the skinny side, too. Like, when he crouches to do business, you can see like all the vertebrae. And they didn't ask me much in the way of anything, before asking if I wanted to take him (He was free.)
He's a big clumsy doofus, it turns out (like someone else I used to know). He has already figured out the queen sized bed is comfy, and if he whines at the door, he will be taken out.
@Macha Mazel tov!
Yeah. I made the right call, at least for him. He trusts me enough as of this morning to show me his belly. He had a huge scratch under his arm that clearly had never been cleaned, and I suspect he had fleas. But he was a total champ, and didn't fight me when I gave him a bath.
May I present to you, Remy. 
His dating profile: Young buck looking for a lady to love.
Likes: squeaky toys, balls (ones that squeak are great!), ropes for tug of war, bones to chew on, being outside laying in the grass, and treats.
Dislikes: Not being able to meet everyone I see, baths, eating from a raised dish, not being able to meet the kitten, baby gates, and being told to ride in the backseat of the car.
Lookitdat sweet boy!
Thankfully, no one who lives here has those kind of balls.
He's supposedly a pit/mastiff mix. But if you look at him? Yeah no, he's too small for that. He's got to be mixed with a breed that's more 'talkative', because lord does he like to vocalize. And I found out, they have another dog, that is going with them. It's not that someone is allergic, so much as they were told only one, so they're taking their older female with them. Whatevs. Remy is better off here with me.
He's got a lot of curiosity, and it's what, day 3, and he's already learned the hand signal I use for 'sit'. He's learning to sit and wait at the doors to the outside (something I consider important) but the inside doors, he doesn't seem to understand yes I want him to do that too lol. But hey, progress is not always linear.
He's got some food hang ups. He doesn't seem to feel comfortable eating from the raised dishes, he seems afraid to just stand there and eat. He will take a bite and walk away, etc. But if I hold it, or put it on the floor, he'll dig in a bit more. He does love the bones and chews, and chewed so hard he broke the hoof he was given. I also realized today I was missing things supposed to be in the 'mixed' bag they gave me, and there's a bit CUT down the side of the bag. So tomorrow, it's back to Petsmart with the damaged bag. Because there's a rib bone and another bone missing. There were supposed to be six things, and were only 4. Sigh.
I'd been looking for a suitably geeky name. Then a friend of mine I sent a picture of him to, sent me a picture of a gorgeous bottle of Remy Cointreau all lit up, and the cognac was like the color of his fur. And Remy LeBeau for the geek angle. Not the picture he sent me, but a very pretty shot, and the cognac really shows all the colors in his fur (the non white)
I cried last night. I have Logan's box of cremains on the dresser thing at the end of my bed, next to the tv. He was sniffing at it, and looked at me, and..boom. And I cried and he came and starting giving me kisses and pawing at me, and I told him all about Logan. Then he laid down next to me and put his legs over mine.
He shows such ability to be sweet and loving, and then he gets all rambunctious. But he makes me laugh and sigh in frustration, but.. yeah. Even if this is just a rebound for both of us, this is a better place for him, and I think this is helping me, too.
I personally found the concept of categorizing a perfectly good relationship as a “rebound” to be astoundingly superstitious.
I do not yearn for what I have had and lost, especially when its end, though bittersweet, was for the best. I choose to embrace what comes next, and see it without trying to measure its color against a memory.
I am sure this new boy will prove to be as memorable, but not in the same way. And that is a good thing.
@Ganymede He's got a lot of good points. But is it weird I feel it is unfair to him, to follow Logan? Logan was a rare dude, and while Remy is adorable, and a lot of his less favorable habits are lack of care and training.. I'm worried I will not give him his full due, because of his predecessor.
Is that insane? Like, does that put way out of the stratosphere of weird? I mean, so long as he is take care of, and given affection, is it unfair to him?
No, my brain doesn't stop. (The ADHD has been SUUUUUUPER out of control lately, and I am on the max dose of Adderall allowed. I think I need to call tmw to talk about trying something else.)
Also - his food issues are somewhat resolved. They were feeding him cheap ass dog food. Logan loved cheap dog food like Kibbles and Bits, but I eventually got him to like the healthier stuff. Remy? I bought several small bags of different foods to see what would get him to eat. ...Kibbles and Bits? He dove into the bowl, even in the raised holder.
He also has decided my roommate is part of his pack, because she went out to take out the trash and water her plants, and he was sitting at the sliding door, whining. This doggo.
I think you are feeling a lot of survivor’s guilt, and that’s okay.
I guess the way I look at it, I do not worry about how well I treat my partner, no matter how pleasant my last relationship was. Comparing them would do neither justice. It is enough that I liked them both.
Also, I like kitties.
Logan would not want you to be sad. He would want you to be happy and remember him fondly, and to use what you taught each other to live better lives. If helping a baby that needs a new home does that, I think he would be happy for you. Show the baby as much love as he knew.
