Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.
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The fact that I am entirely unable to compartmentalise is irritating me at the moment.
At work I'm leading on a project that for various reasons is massively behind. This is putting huge stress on me because it's my project and I'm doing all I can to bring it in under the wire, which likely will result in working a swathe of the Christmas holiday.
All of this is fine so far. Except where it's negatively affecting every other aspect of my life, to the point where I don't want to do anything other than curl up in a ball and pretend the world doesn't exist.
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I think the goal is to just respect the wishes of those around you.
It makes things (people, events, rugs) harder to label, but people cannot be 100% qualified, so stop trying.
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I suspect the issue is with a dominant culture using a term in a negative way.
I've never been called an Occidental by any of the Japanese, Chinese, Thai, Korean, Vietnamese, Singaporeans etc I know.
I'm pretty sure they have words in their respective languages to say you are just a foreigner, or from European stock or what have you.
Go someplace and live where their values and attitudes are the normal power structure, and you still have all your livelihood bound up in making it there, and then you may find the equivalent term, and the equivalent experience.
I have a waggish sense of humor.
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@misadventure I believe the Cantonese is 'gwailou', though I'm not entirely sure if it's specifically derogatory or just another word for 'white people' that gets used in a negative manner.
He/Him
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That’s close enough. It roughly translates into “ghost person.” It can be used pejoratively, like “gringo” or “pendejo.”
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We got notice at my apartment complex that they would be doing work on the railing in the staircase far from me, would take about a week. Cool, I guess, though I've had to deal with a lot of construction noise this year from the last place I lived, including roofers and so on so I'm pretty sick of it already.
A month later they finally finish.
Then today they start on the other staircase without any warning. The one literally against my wall.
Fuck. Everything.
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I am so so annoyed with my brain right now. I hate that logically I can point to a situation and say, 'this is the truth' and yet there is this stupid, evil voice in my head that whispers that so and so hates me. That I'm pissing everyone off, that people are annoyed and irritated by me. That everything is bad and wrong, and despite being able to SEE the logic right there in front of me, knowing that it isn't true, I FEEL like it is, and that stupid emotion is so overwhelming I sit at my desk at work and start crying because of NOTHING. And then I feel like an idiot for letting my emotions overwhelm me and my logic. Because that's what I need to sit in -- guilt and shame on top of the fear and anxiety. Why do emotions have to be so much stronger than logic?
And then as I'm crying over nothing other than feeling like an idiot, of course the nicest of my cowokers comes into to my office to ask me a routine question and I'm sitting there with tears on my face like an idiot.
I would like a new brain, please. This one is busted and I don't like it anymore.
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Have you talked to a doctor about anxiety medication?
I ask this 100% honestly because that description there? Is my life, all of the time. Constantly. Non-stop. Like, from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. Every moment of every day is basically what you described....... until I finally got a doctor to agree to put me on anxiety meds. And when I am on them (sometimes I cannot afford them
![😕](http://musoapbox.net/assets/plugins/nodebb-plugin-emoji/emoji/android/1f615.png?v=4vfms5ns7sl ":\")
), it is like this weight and fog lifts and I can think clearly and I feel confident and everything just becomes... easier. So, so much of that shit goes away.It's not like I tell myself 'That's not true' and my brain listens... those thoughts just aren't there in the first place anymore.
Honestly, it sounds like the exact description of the generalized anxiety I feel when I'm not on those meds and things get really bad. I would seriously sit down with your doctor and discuss it and see if there's a treatment plan you can try because once I got on one, it was like breaking out of a box.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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@auspice Oh yeah. I'm on meds. But it still gets overwhelming. I'm in a GAD class/group therapy thing too. I'm just bracing for something that is setting me off really hard and it's just bleeding everywhere. The meds I'm on work sometimes, but they also give me jaw/muscle clenching and insomnia. So. Yeah.
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@aerianyx said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@auspice Oh yeah. I'm on meds. But it still gets overwhelming. I'm in a GAD class/group therapy thing too. I'm just bracing for something that is setting me off really hard and it's just bleeding everywhere. The meds I'm on work sometimes, but they also give me jaw/muscle clenching and insomnia. So. Yeah.
It may be time for a med adjustment! I'm on Buspirone personally.
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My partner was on buspirone, but eventually went back to trazadone after her program ended. My pal uses trazadone constantly.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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@ganymede @Auspice I'm on Welbutrin at the moment, but it's giving me insomnia. One of my docs said if the insomnia persists and becomes untenable that he'd add trazadone to the mix. I was on that before, and stopped taking it because it made me very sluggish/sleepy. I really dislike medication in general, I've had to get over it because this shit is just not livable without it at this point. It would be really nice to find the balance where I'm functional and better able to deal. Cuz where I am at right now.. just doesn't feel ok.
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@aerianyx said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@ganymede @Auspice I'm on Welbutrin at the moment, but it's giving me insomnia. One of my docs said if the insomnia persists and becomes untenable that he'd add trazadone to the mix. I was on that before, and stopped taking it because it made me very sluggish/sleepy. I really dislike medication in general, I've had to get over it because this shit is just not livable without it at this point. It would be really nice to find the balance where I'm functional and better able to deal. Cuz where I am at right now.. just doesn't feel ok.
Oh, that might be it.
Wellbutrin is good for depression. It's what I use for depression.That's why I had to keep fighting my doctors. They kept insisting: 'give the wellbutrin time to see if it helps your anxiety.' It never did. Period. It was great for my depression! Really great. I've had to adjust the dosage a couple times as my body adapts to it and that's normal. But it never. once. helped with the anxiety. Maybe it does for a select few? But it never did with the sort of brain weasels you're describing.
When my doctor finally agreed to add something else, oh man. It was amazing.
As for trazodone... I can't take the stuff, personally. We tried it to help my insomnia once... it never helped me sleep, but I'd spend the whole following day feeling like I was drugged. ;.; If it helps, great! But I'd make sure if you get put on it, to make your first day or two over a weekend so you can try it out.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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@auspice said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
They kept insisting: 'give the wellbutrin time to see if it helps your anxiety.'
Anxiety and depression are so closely linked that they may have had a more medical reason for the strong suggestion. I prefer doctors tell me why they want to do something, but hey, I've had both good and bad doctors.
(The worst one told me I was faking it when I said I was throwing up stomach acid, after about ten seconds of talking to me. Being too nice, I accepted it as a professional medical opinion and went home and threw up stomach acid and got about 3 hours of sleep for three days. My normal doctor gave me a single pill and my body started acting normal. You may ask why I didn't go to an emergency room. Anxiety is a bitch.)
“If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.”
― Carl Sagan, Cosmos -
@thenomain said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
Anxiety and depression are so closely linked that they may have had a more medical reason for the strong suggestion. I prefer doctors tell me why they want to do something, but hey, I've had both good and bad doctors.
Well, in this case it was after a a couple years of being told 'just give it some more time' by multiple doctors it was: 'I think I've given it long enough.' Usually a couple months is plenty enough to know if a med is gonna help with something or not.
I've had a lot of poor luck with anti-depressants and 'maybe you'll get this fringe benefit!' and being insisted upon that I 'just hadn't given it long enough' until a doctor finally came along and went 'oh no, if you were going to have that happen, it would've been ages ago.'
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@auspice Yeah, that was my experience with trazadone too. Okay, well, I'll talk to my doc about trying something else. Because I'm just... yeah. Brain weasels.
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@aerianyx said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@auspice Yeah, that was my experience with trazadone too. Okay, well, I'll talk to my doc about trying something else. Because I'm just... yeah. Brain weasels.
It can't hurt and your doctor should be aware that you're suffering. Suffering is bad.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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@auspice It always feels so melodramatic to think of or call something I am dealing with 'suffering'. Like, real suffering is a tragedy. I've got a serious case of the weepies-slash-can't-sleepies. But I will definitely call him. Because the not being able to sleep is really not making the anxiety any better.
I super appreciate the advice and the sharing. It really helped me get over the worst part of the day.
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@aerianyx said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@auspice It always feels so melodramatic to think of or call something I am dealing with 'suffering'. Like, real suffering is a tragedy. I've got a serious case of the weepies-slash-can't-sleepies. But I will definitely call him. Because the not being able to sleep is really not making the anxiety any better.
I super appreciate the advice and the sharing. It really helped me get over the worst part of the day.
Never ever rank yourself against some nebulous other 'person.'
What you are dealing with is hard for you.Just because someone else may be suffering doesn't lessen your suffering. That's why they (they being your doctor) are there. Someone else always has it worse just like someone else always has it better just like someone else is always making more money just like... you get the point! It's a frame of mind that is a total trap to get into.
Where you're at isn't a place you should stay in just because 'well, other people have it worse.' You're struggling really bad. Your anxiety is making your days hard to get through. That's no good! Your doctor needs to know so they can help you because they're part of your care team.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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Emotional and mental pain affects the body like physical pain.
The hardest part is putting yourself out there, but you're not going to hurt anyone by talking to your doctor. And the doctor gets paid for it. Win-win.
