Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.

[Misadventure]

@Auspice Get friends and co-workers who can be the kind of reliable and friendly you want, Model that in front of your family. Clearly they aren't learning from you. And they may never do so. Meanwhile you'd have cool friends and co-workers and less stress.

[Ganymede]

@Auspice

I understand the desire.

There was a time when I didn't have such a familial connection. It took some time to build it up again. Around 20 years ago, to say that I was the estranged black sheep of the family would be an understatement.

It took 10 years for my brother to convince me to spend one-on-one time with him again. My partner encouraged it; she always had a tight family that relied on one another. I don't regret doing that, but in those 10 years of relative silence, my brother only wanted to chat, and never demanded anything from me.

When my kids were born, my parents wandered back in. Before, I would see them once a year when they swung into town; now that they are swinging back out, I know that I will miss them. But, again, they never asked anything of me. They knew better than that.

I am concerned for that hope, desperation, and envy. Those are three things that I don't really know any longer: not because my family and I are close now, but because my vindictiveness made it difficult to conceive of any of those emotions as it may relate to my family.

Just be careful.

[TNP]

@Auspice said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

I want these things. So I keep reaching out and I hope someday they'll be able to do so in return. Maybe.

You've reached out but have you ever actually said as much to your mother? Explicitly? From the sound of it, he's a lost cause but she might be persuadable.

[Auspice]

@Misadventure said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

@Auspice Get friends and co-workers who can be the kind of reliable and friendly you want, Model that in front of your family. Clearly they aren't learning from you. And they may never do so. Meanwhile you'd have cool friends and co-workers and less stress.

I am... not so good at these things. For a variety of reasons. Growing up in the environment I did, I didn't have any good models or instructions on how to find the right kind of people. I'm retraining myself.

I was raised in a service environment. A dual-hitting mix of the evangelical of 'you must place yourself in service to others to please God' and 'you are a woman so you must serve others' and I've ended up in that entitled state where I feel desperately so much of the time that I have to constantly give and give and give everything I have to be remotely deserving of any affection or attention. So I often give too much. And often to the wrong people.

I've been doing a good job at learning to detatch myself from all of this and remake myself. I've been adopting this new philosophy that rather than 'treat others as you wish to be treated' (because I'm sorry: people are assholes and few seem to give two shits about anyone else), I am treating myself as I wish to be treated.

But I don't really have any idea how to make friends outside anymore. I've been trying but... local groups I want to meet up with are very much in favor of people who work on a Mon-Fri 9-5 schedule, which I am not. I can't go out to a bar at 6pm on a Wednesday (the brief time I was on 1st shift, I was too poor to do so and now I'll be getting off work at 11pm). There is a knitting group I meet up with sometimes, but they only meet once a month. Same with a board gaming group. So, maybe twice a month (it all depends on funds / where my social anxiety is at) I'm able to go out and see people. But... I've never been able to breech that sort-of-wall past 'I go to these gatherings and see people' into any sort of actual friendships. I don't seem to remember how but I know it's also a two-way street. I don't know if they're interested either.

(But then the group is VERY Facebook oriented. Very. And I don't use Facebook. So I may be missing out because of that.)

@TNP said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

You've reached out but have you ever actually said as much to your mother? Explicitly? From the sound of it, he's a lost cause but she might be persuadable.

I have not. Partially because my mother is almost never not around my father. The only way I can talk to her 'privately' is via text. My father is... controlling. When I was a teenager, she and I could not go to the grocery store without him calling her just a half hour later 'Where are you?' 'When will you be home?' 'Why is it taking so long?'

The times he DOES have to go out of town for work now (he works from home), he has her go with him.

...again, I do know I should give up, but it's hard. I think once I do find an actual group of friends locally, it'll be easier. I'm just finally through my 'finding myself' stage and getting my shit together in my head and now I wanna be 'external' and do things and be around people and... I'm floundering because I've forgotten how. Years of an abusive, controlling husband who dictated our social life and then having to spend so much time processing my own shit... it's like a muscle that I forgot how to use.

[Pandora]

Peeve: When people externalize their own peeves, disgruntlements, and irks by determining that the other person is indisputably a pox on society.

Pro-tip: If the other person isn't breaking or even straddling the line of a rule or law in your peeve - you're being crotchety and that's not the other person's problem.

And if they are, that's a complaint, not a peeve.

[Ganymede]

@Pandora

To be fair, it may be reasonably argued that lawyers are, in fact, poxes on society.

[Pandora]

@Ganymede said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

@Pandora

To be fair, it may be reasonably argued that lawyers are, in fact, poxes on society.

They pay my bills, good enough for me.

[Auspice]

@Ganymede said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

@Pandora

To be fair, it may be reasonably argued that lawyers are, in fact, poxes on society.

But you're our pox.

[Ganymede]

I bought a new car this weekend.

A hail storm just ripped through.

Shit.

[Auspice]

@Ganymede said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

I bought a new car this weekend.

A hail storm just ripped through.

Shit.

But what kind of car?!

[Ganymede]

Lexus RX 350.

That aside, I should be grateful. There's no damage to the vehicle.

But there is debris in the neighborhood that doesn't belong. We've got aluminum siding all over, but none of the houses around here have aluminum siding. Found out that there was substantial storm and tornado damage just half a mile south of here.

Dodged a real fucking bullet.

[Auspice]

I am more adapted to mornings than I thought.

Slept in today, but still fucking exhausted as I got in the door at 11:30p. My goal is to be up and go for a hike tomorrow morning before work: we will see.

Also: fuck you dude who was sitting at the entrance gate when I got home. Complex has two exit gates and an entrance gate. They are intended to be one way. He was sitting there, vehicle dead center, just waiting for me to put in the code. Which I did and then swiftly moved my vehicle over to be well in his way.

Where I then sat. Until he moved. I don't care that he likely thought I'd sit and politely wait by the code box until he left. I don't care that he likely thought I'd move out of the way so he could depart. It is the fucking entrance gate. He's not supposed to use it as an exit. I stared his ass down until he backed up and out of the way so I could enter.

[Ganymede]

My city is in a state of emergency.

There’s fallen trees and sheet metal everywhere.

I live in a suburb, and the strip malls look like disaster zones.

My Aldi!

[Auspice]

Fuuuuuuck.

Got an email about an advanced screening for Godzilla tonight.

But my new schedule means I can't go.

I'mma flip all the tables. Every single one.

[surreality]

It is Tuesday, motherfuckers. You missed this month's fireworks day. Just accept it, move on, and blow more shit up in a month or so on the 4th.

[Auspice]

Pure complaining post:

thumb slipped out of socket and doesn't wanna properly go back in.

fucking huuuuurts.

[Ghost]

@Auspice I was going to post a reply and a gif to "Macsplain" you.

I chose not to. I want points for choosing the mature, non-douchey humor option.

[surreality]

Weird post is weird, deal with it.

#1: Thank you, MSB, for providing hilarious distractions from the shit-show I'm dealing with otherwise, as described below. OrgyMUX, I'm lookin' at you.

#2: Thank you, HorrorMU, for putting up with my flaky 'I don't know if I can deal with this or not'-ism for the past few weeks forever.

#3: Thank you, friend I will not name lest you get dragged into drama, for being a voice of chill yesterday here.

#4: Thank you, Ark and Gany, for taking the bullshit from the person who won't leave me alone seriously.

All of you are awesome. When people talk about people in this hobby being a positive support network, look at yourselves, even if you're not specifically named above (and there are many awesome people here NOT specifically named above), and give yourselves a genuinely well-earned pat on the back. You have been helpful this week, knowingly or not, and that's awesome of you. Sometimes the best folks never realize they've done good, because it's subtle, and nobody says anything. So I'm saying something. No bullshit, thank you.

...now the angst:

We keep fussing over when to actually schedule this surgery because it's genuinely terrifying. Dental anything is my #1 phobia. People think this is a joke, just no big deal. At its previous worst, at the clinic that did more harm than good, they were so awful they'd have to gas me. That meant hooking up all the blood pressure/heart rate/etc. monitors. Well, the clinic staff sure believed me after the first time, when, as the dentist brought the needle near my face, my heart rate and blood pressure spiked from 'normal' to 'holy shit this patient is about to have a heart attack' on the machine and actually sent out an alarm they had to cancel for an ER team. (Silly machines, right?)

This coming week, we have to schedule this. Wisdom teeth? I opted for twilight sleep. Would have been fine with that -- zone right the fuck out to the easy listening station playing crap music and float among the clouds of Phil Collins and soul-numbing jazz sax and 80s pop with none fucks given. This guy? Nope, "we don't do anything like that". Not even gas. "We can give you a xanax before the procedure if you feel you need it." Yeah, thanks, boss, I take that already, usually daily, so that's not gonna do jack nor shit.

Fffffffffffffuck. We can't wait much longer on this and need to schedule for some time in the next week or two.

The financial mess is what it is. The tl;dr: we are so completely and totally fucked it isn't funny.

Me, being typical me, and trusting all the wrong people in spite of endless red flags flying in my face for years... yeah. Some 'friend'. Mocking all of this just to be vile. Fuck that person. I was better off without them before this, as they had zero respect for boundaries, the most twisted take on all manner of things, the morals/loyalty/ethics of a cat in heat any time there was something with a cock present, and they would have needed way more than two faces to spew the shit they spewed on the regular while pretending to be the loviest person ever. I should have been rid of them before I ever allowed them to go as far as they did. THAT is totally on me.

Annnnnnnnnnnnd I go into all of this knowing I may end up getting to call the local police, the police in a neighboring state, and the motherfucking FBI if the persistent problem person decides to resurface. I say 'if', but I know the reality is 'when'. (Thankfully, we have sorted out our home defense option; I am not going to disclose it here, publicly or privately. Many thanks to those who offered suggestions and assistance; y'all are awesome.)

Meanwhile, in my head, I'm like... "Motherfucker, if I have to call the fucking cops when my mouth looks like this (DO NOT CLICK IF YOU DO NOT WANT NIGHTMARES Y'ALL, NOT KIDDING) and I have to blargle through a fucking police report three goddamned times over, I hope they lock your ass up for-fucking-ever."

...and I'm not just being a pessimist or whiny fatalist when I say: we all know that shit is totally going to happen because of course it fucking is.

[Auspice]

It's not OrgyMUX. It's King of Sex Mountain.

Cuz it's good to be king, baby.

[Auspice]

My new insurance kicks in tomorrow. I have no money. And I am in a land of 'maybe it's a stomach bug maybe it's my appendix demanding freedom from the constraints of my body'

This is fun.