Realizing you spent years on something and it only took a few bad actors to fuck it all up really blows.
I honestly don't know why people are so comfortable lying, but I see it echoed in every facet of society lately, so I can't even get away from what they did.
I really don't bother getting out of bed most days any more.
@surreality said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
I honestly don't know why people are so comfortable lying.
Are you American/dealing with Americans?
@GreenFlashlight Yep. That's a big part of why it's been depressing.
It is very hard to get away from dealing with and healing from a certain kind of abuse when it is endemic in every aspect of society at the moment. Everything becomes a reminder, and feels more hopeless with every passing day.
I've started doing some -- in the grand scheme of things, very minor -- work combatting conspiracy theories and the damage being done to people because of them in recent months. (Anything from swarm harassment campaigns to death threats to... worse.) Seeing my parents start to get sucked in showed me how pervasive it is, and that it's a non-trivial and important thing that not enough people are trying to help combat.
I thought I got both of them out of it. Apparently, only my Dad. My mother is bought in, even if she doesn't realize the info she's parroting is coming from those sources, and she's to the point at which it's completely impenetrable. I can't help her, and it's killing me. I'm losing my mother because of a bunch of crazy grifters' lies and propaganda. (Our relationship isn't perfect, but I love my mom, and she's in her late 70s; it's not like there's much time left here with her, and losing lots of it to this is killing me.)
It is also not exactly easy to do. A number of these people are violent, very scary, and simply love doxxing and making serious threats. I'm a known chickenshit about this stuff (see posts about stalker person from whenever).
But, like... somebody's gotta? And not enough people are. And while, rationally, I know it's stupid and untrue, I've internalized enough of the 'I am a worthless pile of shit that I deserve nothing but abuse and people crowing about how it's delightful when I'm abused or is some expression of great justice when someone lies about me or deliberately harasses or hurts me or whatever' message to know there's no real loss if something happens to me vs. it happening to someone else.
Okay, the super short to the point of being misleading because the water just started boiling and I need to watch the oven version is, we're so comfortable with lying because we want to be seen as the heroes we pretend we are without putting in the work to be great, so our culture has developed around a grade school "I won't call you on your lies because then you won't call me on mine" mentality. Once you start down that path, you justify lying about everything because hey, it works for the big stuff like national identity, why wouldn't it work for little stuff too?
@GreenFlashlight Tend the to the water! No worries.
I see what you're getting at, and agree that's a part of it.
There are other aspects to it that come from intentional cruelty, a need for superiority, justifications for abusive behavior, fear-mongering, and 'othering'/dehumanizing that are sometimes quite shockingly blatant.
coming out of a cult like group and/or trying to be there for when a loved one comes out is a very hard situation.
I know with my family members still in as well as seeing some friends being sucked into a conspiracy cult I have to be very careful about compartmentalizing and planning for what i will and will not respond to and how because otherwise it is easy to become distraught and also it can trigger trauma from my time in an abusive religious organization.
Right now i think it is most important to try to prioritize your own mental health and put distance where necessary. It can leave to feelings of guilt, but i also am trying to take the long view that if any of those folks I live says "I'm scared and I don't want to be part of this anymore" I can be ready to immediately take action to help them. For me there is an extra layer of fear because several of my family members have been posting things over the last six months to a year that lead me to believe they could become a real threat to their minor children or the community (up to and including ststements threatening or glorifying familicide to save their children or hunting down people for revenge if their candidate loses the election) and knowing that in the latter case they are in possession of the tools to do that as well as the skills.
Sometimes it is necessary to turn it off for awhile. Yes, there are many people who criticize and look down on that as a dereliction of civic duty, and mock needing to do that and more power to them,but when you have done all you can for the moment, it is also okay to stop arguing or trying to reach out proactively to someone who is deep in their personal beliefs and stop stressing both them and you out.
These days I just reach out with an occasional I love you, i miss you, if you ever feel like you need a break let me know and I will do whatever I can to make that happen for you.
It doesn't feel like enough. Sometimes it has to be. I'm so sorry for everyone having to deal with this right now. It sucks.
@mietze Literally, ALL of that. All of it. It's spreading rapidly, and very dangerously. I've also seen many mentions of murder-suicide plans, along with general calls to rally up militia and start killing.
The latter is terrifyingly gleeful. People have dehumanized 'the other' to the extent that it's beyond dangerous.
And it is truly heartbreaking. Many of these groups are drawing people in based on their best instincts -- to protect the vulnerable -- but that impulse is being brutally perverted into something else with an entirely different and horrifying agenda.
Even some of the best instincts are being pursued in ways that are dangerous and counterproductive, and that genuinely breaks my heart.
I keep at it because, well, like I said: the 'I'm worthless garbage to the world no matter what the reality of who I actually am is' is so ingrained now that even if I'm scared, it's pretty hard to care very much about anything happening to me any more. (If it does, well, at least I stop hurting and being frustrated all the time.)
I'm pretty much here:
Oh fucking well.
You've probably already heard this a thousand times, but if you're at this stage you really need to see counseling, and soon. Suicidal ideation comes in many forms.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
@Ganymede Yeah, doing that. It isn't helping very much, but I am doing that. I'm doing what I can to not give in.
ETA: I also promised the bestie I wouldn't, so there's that.
@Wretched said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@RightMeow I have been through these feels, and am with you spiritually, be strong... did it at least taste good?
Sadly, yes -- so I probably won't learn my lesson.
@RightMeow said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@Wretched said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@RightMeow I have been through these feels, and am with you spiritually, be strong... did it at least taste good?
Sadly, yes -- so I probably won't learn my lesson.
Of course, for the sake of science, you have to repeat the experiment. Several more times.
He/Him
Same feels: old flames who keep popping into my life, so we can both experience the joy of rediscovering why they were old flames.
Gdi I just want to meet someone new 
^_______^
(@_____@)
---|---
/\
He/Him
@Wizz said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
Same feels: old flames who keep popping into my life, so we can both experience the joy of rediscovering why they were old flames.
Gdi I just want to meet someone new
All of this. Although, I moved states to avoid it. I'm still like well I mean maybe.... then I'm like FOOL, just say no.
Block is your friend?
@Wizz said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
Same feels: old flames who keep popping into my life, so we can both experience the joy of rediscovering why they were old flames.
Gdi I just want to meet someone new
...a/s/l? You hot? You sound hot. 
(The joke of course being that sometimes meeting new people can be kind of soul-crushing too.)
why is EVERYTHING so hard right now? literally everything. getting a cup of tea is a mountain I'm not sure I have the energy to climb. stupid.
eta: what's NOT hard? complaining about it, lol.
@Sunny today i got mad that i live in an endless cycle of having to do laundry in order to keep wearing clothes
fucking laundry. we stop smelling ourselves after a certain point anyway, right? it's not like we have to worry about going out in PUBLIC. why do clothes still need to be clean? can anyone tell me that?
The AQI in my area is low 300s. It was above 400 yesterday. I've had a smoke related headache for 2 days now, my throat is swollen like I have mono, and my air purifier goes with me from room to room like it's chained to me.
(I'm so grateful that I have one, though).
No idea when it'll clear up. Yay.
@Tinuviel said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@Wizz Just do the @Ganymede method.
Fuck 'em, then fuck 'em off.
You make sound so cruel and evil about it.
If they did not want to fuck they could have chosen not to.
It's not my fault desperate times call for desperate choices.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
@RightMeow said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@Wretched said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@RightMeow I have been through these feels, and am with you spiritually, be strong... did it at least taste good?
Sadly, yes -- so I probably won't learn my lesson.
Of course, for the sake of science, you have to repeat the experiment. Several more times.
