Don't be disappointed in yourself. You have to give yourself time and meds only help parts of the situation. You still have habits that you've crafted and those were your coping mechanisms. You just have to find different ones that work for you.
Don't be disappointed. You are trying. That's something to cheer on and pat yourself on the back for.
Hnnnnnnnnnngh.
$300.
That's what it'll cost for the ADHD specialty clinic to get in, start being seen, etc etc. That's their initial new patient cost.
I can technically afford it. Or could if I weren't trying to save money to move in a month.
Guess it's time to call and reschedule the appointment for January. I'd really love to get this done ASAP, but damn. I guess I should just be happy my insurance covers any of it at all. (My doctor wants me to get a full allergy workup, for example, but my insurance said naaaaaaaw and that's over 2 grand hahahano)
One thing I have noticed, is that I don't forget things as often. But I still want to put things off that make me anxious. It's a challenge.
@Macha said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
One thing I have noticed, is that I don't forget things as often. But I still want to put things off that make me anxious. It's a challenge.
The latter is partially learning.
I've been on anxiety meds for a year and I have learned:
I am more confident, yes, but only once I make myself get up and do the thing. Once I'm in the middle of it, it's easier than it ever was.
Example: The other week when I had been upset about the feedback on the training materials and my team had stood up for me, I wanted to make it clear I was grateful and I knew I needed to do it in person...but without sounding like I was badmouthing the boss. A hard thing to do.
It took me a full day to work up the courage, pull our BUC aside, and do so. I kept over thinking it. But once I did the thing I was fine! I just had to push myself into it.
I still get social anxiety. And that's fine. Just because I'm on anxiety meds doesn't mean I'm any less of an introvert. Now I'm just learning to untangle 'what's my being out of social energy and what's anxiety?' They were tangled up together for so long, they often became one and the same.
I shake things off easier. Embarrassment. Upsetting situations. Stuff that could cripple me emotionally for days I can now much more easily step back from, examine, and move on. This might be the biggest benefit to the meds and why I absolutely need them in my life.
ETA: And now I realize you meant different meds and ha. I'm in the middle of a terrible iron crash and sort of punchy and all over the place until I leave work in half an hour and can get food.
But I'll leave the above intact because maybe it'll help someone.
ALL THE POINTS! Good watch, laughed a lot.
I had a couple weeks of feeling more productive and capable at work.
This week I have not.
I'm sure it can be attributed to moving this coming weekend, but ugh. I HAVE DEADLINES.
ADHD sucks. I'm on meds and they help me with getting out of bed/literally being so fatigued I can't keep my eyes still on something without falling asleep, but they do nothing else. My executive is still 100% dysfunction. Fuck you, brain.
@Kanye-Qwest said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
ADHD sucks. I'm on meds and they help me with getting out of bed/literally being so fatigued I can't keep my eyes still on something without falling asleep, but they do nothing else. My executive is still 100% dysfunction. Fuck you, brain.
Honestly, at this point in my life, I can't even imagine what meds would be like. I'm hoping post-move I can save up enough money to find out, but
I know working anti-depressants were like a breath of fresh air. Like being able to think and feel clearly.
I know anxiety meds were like having this sudden sense of confidence and stability.
But ADHD meds ??? my whole life is this framework designed to keep me from failing to be a person so much that I dunno what it'd be like to not need the tricks and steps and notes and lists and reminders and routines and
I hate existing within 'time'. Since I've started working again, this has become my biggest resentment and hurdle, living in a world in which I am subject to schedules that I have to stick to (shut up about Miami, I know I know(<3)).
I'm just about finished with this mornings 'not-quite-a-panic-attack' where I consider calling in with a fake illness, or injuring myself rather than go to my not hard at all just takes time out of my day job'
How do people do this regularly?! For the yawning infinite abyss that is the 'foreseeable future'
@Wretched I have an ongoing fantasy where I clone myself and we get to split the work time...
I still have those 36 hour days for just me and the handful of people I know who truly need them on backorder. 
@Wretched said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
I hate existing within 'time'. Since I've started working again, this has become my biggest resentment and hurdle, living in a world in which I am subject to schedules that I have to stick to (shut up about Miami, I know I know(<3)).
I'm just about finished with this mornings 'not-quite-a-panic-attack' where I consider calling in with a fake illness, or injuring myself rather than go to my not hard at all just takes time out of my day job'
How do people do this regularly?! For the yawning infinite abyss that is the 'foreseeable future'
This is another reason I love working for Whole Foods and is another thing on the pile of what's depressing me about leaving.
I have no set schedule. So long as I work my 40 hours in the week and I don't miss meetings, they don't care if I get here at, say, 10AM one day.
I usually aim to be here by 7:45, but if there's a day (like today) where it ends up being more like 8:15... no one even bats an eye.
@Wretched said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
How do people do this regularly?! For the yawning infinite abyss that is the 'foreseeable future'
I look at it this way:
Race-based humor aside, it's convenient when you have to drop your pets off at obedience school bright and early and get to spend your day arguing with people on the Internet (via e-mail).
My years of experience here (and elsewhere on WORA, IGU, Snark, etc.) paid off!
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
@Ganymede said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
My years of experience here (and elsewhere on WORA, IGU, Snark, etc.) paid off!
I had a job like this for a few years. I don't miss it. Not even a little.
@Wretched said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
I have routines.
I survive on routines.
Except the instant one little thing breaks the routine, it throws off that day... at bare minimum.
I've been fucked up all week because I couldn't do my laundry on Sunday because the card readers on the machines were offline.
HAVE YOU TRIED MAKING LISTS?
yes i have made so many lists
so many lists that i instantly lost or forgot, they are scattered around the four corners of the earth like a paper trail that leads only to my USELESSNESS and FRUSTRATION
@Kanye-Qwest said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
HAVE YOU TRIED MAKING LISTS?
yes i have made so many lists
so many lists that i instantly lost or forgot, they are scattered around the four corners of the earth like a paper trail that leads only to my USELESSNESS and FRUSTRATION
do you also have notebooks just for lists
I do
so many
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
@Auspice i have a box full of notebooks. i have 3 spiral notebooks on/in my work desk RIGHT NOW
