The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)
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My anxiety is out of control lately (to the point I'm shaking like I'm sugar crashing, which isn't helpful), and the ADD is out of control. Good thing I see the doc on Monday.
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So sorry. I know how the anxiety feels. Just remember that you've gotten out of the woods before, and you're gonna get out of them again. I know benzodiazepines have a bad rap, but they were (possibly quite literally) a lifesaver for me. Don't be afraid to ask for the strong stuff if you need it.
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@Rinel The doc insisted I try the anxiety meds first. I'm done with that shit. I'm tired of doctors treating me differently because I'm a woman.
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@Macha
Fuck that. Are there any good psychiatrists in your area? My psychiatrists basically said "holy shit you need strong meds; take these."ETA: at the time I was presenting male, though, so...
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@Rinel I see one currently, but she doesn't do the meds. I go to her associate across the hall. Don't worry, tomorrow the booted foot goes down.
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Well, I put my foot down. I now am taking Wellbutrin, starting tomorrow morning.
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I hope it works out, I truly do.
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@Macha said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
Well, I put my foot down. I now am taking Wellbutrin, starting tomorrow morning.
Let people around you know.
I know it's a hard thing to say/do that you are, but Wellbutrin can come with a rollercoaster.My three weeks of adapting to it were hard. Super hard. Some days would be amazing. Some days were absolute hell.
If this is how it is for you (I know this is common because other friends of mine who are on it went through the same), on the days of hell, do not think that means it isn't working. Do not give up. Just lie down, put on some happy TV, cuddle up with your pillow or pet, and let yourself cry. Call a close friend and have them tell you good things. It'll be hard. You'll survive. And you'll come through better for it.I am so so happy for my wellbutrin. I couldn't (literally) live without it at this point.
But those three weeks were a fucking gauntlet. -
@Auspice Well, my boss knows, and my roommates know, so that's most of the people who I'd be swinging moods at. I'm a little nervous, but hopeful, all at once.
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So it's been a week. I can say that my thoughts have slowed down a ton. It's sort of weird, after all these years, to not have a dozen things all going in their own direction. Now it's like two or three, and way more manageable. I've noticed when I get a song stuck in my head though, it is STUCK.
As for the mood thing.. it's all pretty much DOWN this week. After my job decided that "with your sugar crashes and the phone call you make, we don't feel we can rely on you", then my aunt is in the hospital with serious bad, and then a friend since high school passed away over the weekend.. there's low, lower, and dear fucking god stop shoving me into the bedrock.
I'm not sure if this is the welbutrin or not, but I've fallen asleep without my sleep meds several times. Which is WEIRD.
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So I see a doctor on the 25th.
For allergies.
I plan to bring up the ADHD.
Maybe.
We'll see.In the meantime... Microsoft's todo (http://to-do.microsoft.com) has been helping. There's also a mobile app. I like it more than other apps because it's not overly complicated, but it nests the categories to levels that work well enough for me and the reminders are appropriate enough. I have categories for work, for myself, for groceries, and for MUs. I can put stuff on 'My Day' as needed (in addition to giving things due dates). I can give each task 'Steps' (which is nice for breaking down bigger tasks). I can add notes to things. I can even attach notes to stuff. Heck, I can set a due date and then repeat it (for stuff like bills).
The only issue is that I can't.... remind myself to check it? But I can set an alarm on my phone to do that, I suppose.
So it's not perfect, but it helps. So long as I remember to add something to the list and I remember to check the list, I'm on the right path. So it's a tool. It's not the perfect tool, but when you have ADHD I guess nothing is perfect.
Also, I recently bought one of these and keep it at work. It helps.
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I'm on my 4th day with actual meds. It took this long from the start of the thread to get to where I was aiming, and now I'm just sort of learning how it impacts me.
First big observation is, without the meds, I've been drinking coffee for months now like it was all that sustained me. It didn't give me energy, it didn't get my blood pumping, it just keep me from being unfocused.
The meds moved my baseline. What I used to need copious quantities of coffee to do, I get within 30 minutes of taking my pill in the morning.
That was expected, right? That is what the meds are SUPPOSED to do. Hell, my baseline is even a bit crisper. I feel ever so slightly more aware.
Then I had coffee while on the meds, because habits. Holy shit. I have NEVER gotten a coffee buzz in my life, but I now understand how coffee works for ordinary people. I wasn't jittering and seeing through time, I wasn't being one of those ten cups a day people, I just had one large dark roast. But man, it was like the difference between a regular processor and suddenly discovering there is an overclock setting. I processed things faster, I was more alert, I was able to keep my train of thought even when it wound into knots and remember where I started. I wasn't suddenly immune to making mistakes, I still had the minor blunders most people have of saying the wrong word or remembering a detail inaccurately, but my recovery was quicker.
The first day I combined the two I was a chatterbox. Wife said I never talk that much, it blew her away, and I wasn't just talking to talk either. I was addressing things that needed to be addressed and it was all relevant, just more than she anticipated. That only happened the first day, I'm no longer all chattering, but wow.
The second thing I've noticed is I notice more. Here is an example: I'm always vaguely aware of the process of unlocking my car and getting inside. Now, I'm aware of myself inserting the key into the slot and the general level of resistance. How hard I turned the key when I unlocked it. The mental choice to keep the keys in my hand because I need them once I sit down inside the car. It wasn't something where I was suddenly honed in on this key-ignition process like the rest of the world was drowned out, I just noticed myself doing it... More. There have been MANY times I've space-cadet through that process and put my keys into a pocket as I was getting into my car, only to have to dig them back out two seconds later. I don't think that will happen anymore.
That doesn't extend to things I already paid attention to myself doing. It is just the rote things being less rote. Regular tasks that require attention and focus, where I applied attention and focus pre-meds are working out to be... Pretty much exactly the same. With the caveat that the whole stacking coffee on top of meds does make it easier to get done a little faster.
I havn't yet noticed any difference in how much I retain for information. Memorization was always my bane in school. I'm less than one week in, but that is one of those things people report getting better. Maybe I'll notice more of a difference after a month or two has passed. Similarly my mind still goes all over. I hear some people say the medication takes a multitrack mind and puts all the stuff on one track. I really don't feel that way, but I do feel like switching tracks is more of a choice. Less like I can't help my distractions, more like I acknowledge them and decide whether to pursue them.
I realize this falls under bringing a thread back from the dead, but this is something I wanted to share from the beginning. I was frankly scared of if the meds would make me a different person, cause me some sort of zombie mode, but so far it is a positive experience. Not a magical cure-all, but positive. I'm glad I went through this bit of soul searching and pursued it.
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@Selerik That is all awesome to hear!
Prozac has been doing similar good for me in other areas. I've started CARING about how I love and how i dress again. I have moved so much furniture and taken out soooo much trash this week. I am still unfocused AF tho, but Kaiser wont gimme ADHD meds till I have been off cannabis for a month, but I'm getting there.
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@Wretched I've heard it is good practice to wait at least a month before stacking on a new med, but I had no idea about the cannabis thing. That is interesting, I'll have to keep it in mind if I'm ever in a state where I have the option.
I'm also super happy for you. Sounds like you're doing fantastic things for yourself!
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I see a doctor on the 25th. I plan to ask about two things: allergies (ugh mine are so bad and OTC allergy meds are expensive) and ADHD meds.
I've never been so unfocused as I am these days. All my coping mechanisms have failed. Honestly, I didn't even realize until a handful of years ago that I had coping mechanisms. They were just.... built up over the course of my life and I guess once I had a working depression medication, the ADHD came to the forefront or.... maybe it has just gotten worse?
But I finally have a job I love and I know I have a chance to turn it from a contract into an employment offer and I'm terrified I won't make that happen because of my fucking ADHD. I go through some days where I get maybe a single hour of productivity out of myself and I hate it. I try all the tips and tricks and shit and none of it works. Hell, Friday was one of the most productive days I've had in weeks and I barely remember most of it because I was so doped up on cold medications. I half expect to go in tomorrow and find that the work I did do was garbage.
I just know I can't leave this visit on the 25th with yet another 'just sleep more' (I sleep fine) or 'just give your depression meds more time' (it's been over 3 years).
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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@Auspice As someone who has both allergies and ADHD and a few bonus things going on, would you like some advice on how to manage the doctor? I wish I didn't have experience, but...
I have experience.
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@Selerik said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
@Auspice As someone who has both allergies and ADHD and a few bonus things going on, would you like some advice on how to manage the doctor? I wish I didn't have experience, but...
I have experience.
I honestly just wish I had someone who could go with me to advocate. I've got some things I've put off for years (looking at my hand here....) because what gets in the way is my anxiety. I'm on anxiety meds and they do help but I've found in the past that if I go into the doctor with a list of issues, once I get past one or two they tune me out and stop giving a fuck.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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It can be hard. I would make a list - either print it out, or on your phone, and give it to the dr. and tell them firmly "I need to address these things, because I've put them off". I've done it, it's helped.
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@Auspice I am also bad at self advocating, I always feel like a kid in the principals office when i go to the doctor.
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@Wretched said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
@Auspice I am also bad at self advocating, I always feel like a kid in the principals office when i go to the doctor.
RIGHT?!
