The Work Thread
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I started a new area at my current job. My parents think that I'm still in the "afraid of doing poorly" phase type of stress (ETA: that it will pass in time). It's a pretty autonomous job that I switched to, with minimal clientele interaction, but I still feel like I'm not pulling weight.
It's only been two days since I started doing my current job. Completely terrified, still, despite it being one of the few things I could see myself doing there. I did not think I would be this skittish about it. Even one of my coworkers says I'm doing fine but right now I am feeling completely overwhelmed.
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Favorite thing at work: VS Code.
Worst thing at work: VS CodeLove the script editing, but hate using it for SCM
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I know quarantine is getting to me when work asked me to come into the covid isolation unit for a few hours to help last night and I was like sure, it is something to do!
I was like omg....I need life to go back to normal, when going to my job is getting out and doing something.
Also I might post on game, working 4 back to back long shifts, might not be around so much the next few days.
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I'm so tired of fighting a system that isn't helping our highest needs kids.
It's not just my school - I've yet to be in a public education building where there were adequate supports for the babies who aren't classified in all areas as 'normal'. I'm convinced this kind of school simply don't exist.
Instead I'm putting in the time to do research. I'm putting in the effort to innovate. Then when I ask for support... I don't get what I actually need.
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So my co-worker's been slacking on his duties pretty much since the day the company got their shit straight and got me back on the job.
Today, after months of not dividing the caseload in half, one for each of us, he does it before I even see the caseload email. But.. he didn't divide it in a normal way. He divided it pretty well in half, all right... but 8 of his 15 cases, were actually one case. (They're listed by name, not by simply case number). I called my boss, and we discussed the weird way it was split up.
I'm working in our county, as well as taking on cases for three other counties, besides. He's only doing cases for our county. I don't feel like I really have enough work, and I'm at home where I can screw around between calls. WTF is he doing all day, in the office? -Boss doesn't know. Boss says I am doing more than my fair share, but honestly, I just have enough to barely feel productive.
So yeah, little pissed at co-worker.
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@Macha said in The Work Thread:
Boss says I am doing more than my fair share, but honestly, I just have enough to barely feel productive.
This is literally me every day. I feel like I have done nothing and played on Amazon all day and my attorneys are like "omg you are amazing."
Like... what do they even teach you in law schools?
Racism isn't Tinkerbell. It doesn't need you to believe in it for it to exist.
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@Derp I think in part it is because not as many of my cases answer the phone as did when I was in the office. That's because a lot of people don't want to answer a blocked number, and I have to call out from my cell phone, so it's blocked. The office calls show the office name, etc.
So I'm not actually getting as many enrollments as I did in the office, so I think that is why I feel like I'm not doing much. But that is a pretty widespread issue for wfh people on my team.
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@Derp said in The Work Thread:
Like... what do they even teach you in law schools?
Based on how often people fail to abide by Fed. R. Civ. P. 6(b)(2), not a whole fuck of a lot.
Kids these days are weak, and I'm defaulting the fuck out of people left and right.
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I've always defined myself and my success by my job. Before I got a job it was school. I've always put my entire soul into what I did - even when I was a teenager coaching movie theaters.
But this year? I'm failing. I'm failing hard core. I'm stuck in a cycle of self-loathing that is fed and reinforced when I do something I know isn't best practice simply because of COVID. Then when I ignore the rules and do what I know is best I have the guilt of knowing I broke the rules.
I'm tearing myself up from the inside. I literally have nothing left to give but I still have 24 kids who need me to show up and be myself.
I've never hated myself more.
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I mean, the safety of you and those around you has to be priority. Best Practice is based upon the scenario you actually have, not necessarily the ideal scenario. Managing Covid risks is best practice so long as it remains a realistic threat, even if it is suboptimal for other standards, because the other standards hold a lower position in the totem pole of priorities.
Racism isn't Tinkerbell. It doesn't need you to believe in it for it to exist.
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It literally isn't safe. There is no precaution i could take with seven year olds to make it safe. I have 25 kids in the smallest classroom in my building.
It is security theater and nothing more.
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@silverfox I can get traction on my brainweasels by pointing out that it's an emergency. Emergencies suspend the normal rules, and you do what you have to to get the job done. It may not feel like one when you're sitting at a desk, months into it - but it is still an emergency, and emergency rules apply. You do what you have to in order to get the job done as best you can.
Good luck.
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@silverfox said in The Work Thread:
I've never hated myself more.
Let's see if I can give you inspiration from my current obsession.
You can't give up.
You have never given up on anything in your life.
So, don't you dare start now.
You're worth more than what you've done.
You're worth more than what you can give to other people.
We'll get through this together.
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@silverfox said in The Work Thread:
It literally isn't safe. There is no precaution i could take with seven year olds to make it safe. I have 25 kids in the smallest classroom in my building.
It is security theater and nothing more.
I mean, here is wisdom from my mother:
Mom: "I have twenty five four year olds in my class. Any day I can keep them from licking each other? That is a good day."
Racism isn't Tinkerbell. It doesn't need you to believe in it for it to exist.
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Ended up crying during my weekly 1:1 with my boss today, telling her about the spike of stressors over the past week, including me being surprise responsible for running several event livestreams and a senior event lead being a total shitshow with getting materials to us in a timely or clear fashion and then finally sending a super aggressive email last night when a design proof of something wasn't to her liking.
Fortunately my boss has taken it really seriously, is prepared to lay down all sorts of protective barriers around me if need be. But GOD, what is this week.
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@Roz I broke down today too.
All the hug gifs are weird and I'm not a hugger anyway so just imagine an upnod of solidarity or something like that.
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I wish my boss would take my complaints seriously. There is one guy on the networking team that is hands down the fucking worst. He is severely under qualified for the job and to make up for it will talk circles around a simple question (making it clear he just doesn't have the answer/has no idea what he's talking about but he will never admit it), will push off things he doesn't know how to do for OVER A YEAR and then when we go with another solution say that was what he was aiming for the whole time, and when presented with how he screwed something up and a request to fix it, will try to get us to move entire platforms because he doesn't actually know how to fix something. Conveniently his idea of moving platforms would be someone else's problem to deal with (usually mine).
I have complained about him multiple times. And in all instances I am basically told that well, changing platforms might not be a bad idea. Or that the end solution we found after a year of him stonewalling us was a better solution than the first one we had anyway.
HE IS NOT DOING HIS JOB! That everyone else has to scramble and make things happen and come up with alternate solutions IS NOT A GOOD THING!
But I'm just being a bitch and not a team player I guess. Also doing most of his job for him and not getting paid for it.
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I broke down on my boss Tuesday and she sent me home for the rest of the week. Now staring at fmla paperwork trying to decide if the extra time off will be worth the stress of missing a paycheck. It all depends on the outpatient treatment I may or may not be able to access. If I can't then I might as well go back. It can't be worse than sitting at home feeling like I'm completely beyond any ability to help.
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@silverfox I'm so sorry. Hit me up on Discord if you just need someone to hold a pillow while you scream into it, ok?
