I'm finding all of this super fascinating. Except the last few posts.
@Ghost gdi, you posted something serious while I was typing.
ALRIGHT, back on target:
I ten billion percent agree with @insomniac7809 and @Roz said. If you're going to cheat ICly and you LEGIT are keeping things 100% IC, then you have to leave some tells. Pose some bite marks (seriously, do people DO THAT IRL? Don't answer, I don't actually want to know.), or random undies, or whatever. There has to be an IC way to respond to that kind of information or some way to find it out. Even if you don't pose those things to THEM directly, do it to their friends who will go or WHATEVER. But give a way for the story to go forward.
MOVING ON:
If your PC is going to cheat IC on another character do you feel obligated to let your partner's player know?
If you guys are already talking OOCly, then fuck yes. I always thought it was a super jerk move when someone was 'omg so happy chatty' and then their character was cheating but they never said anything. That's Grossss.
Do you think you are responsible for a character whose roleplay is related to yours if your paths are to separate? In other words do you feel guilty someone else's PC might become quote/unquote unplayable because of your IC choices?
Very closely related to the above, what if the choice that takes a PC mostly off the table is OOC? For instance if you stop being active on my PC's spouse to play an alt with Theno's PC. Do I have the moral high ground to get pissed off?
Gonna lump these together because they are super close. Number 1- no. I do not make your character unplayable. YOU make your character unplayable by refusing to branch out and find new avenues of RP outside of our relationship. Can it be a major hurtle? Absolutely. The first time my shy bi-ass greenrider lost his first major love because he found a girl while they were taking a break I cried all across New Mexico. However, I never ever EVER told the player how I felt. Instead I found new things to do with K'vv and he is still a huge part of my heart. He became so important to me BECAUSE of his growth. Ending a relationship isn't the end of the character unless the player doesn't do something to keep it going.
If I'm getting ghosted I do have a right to be angry. If they're still holding onto a character that mine is tied up with and they refuse to give me some closure, I'm going to be bitter. They need to (wo)man up, tell me it's over (ICly/OOCly, I don't care) so I can move the fuck on. We don't even have to break up on camera, that's fine. Whatever. But don't put me in a closet and expect me to stay there forever.
When it comes to TS what's the correct way to suggest it? Do you let the RP become more explicit until the big words come out or you get told no? Do you page the other player first and explicitly ask if they want to do it? Something else?
I generally let the RP lead to it, but when I realize it's gonna get hot I've grown a spine in the last year or so to go firmly, "No, I don't want this." Then HANDWAVE HANDWAVE HANDWAVE and it's fine. I will say that I've had A LOT fewer RP requests for one-on-one scenes since I put my "FTB Only" disclaimer on my female PC's +fingers. I've also found an uptick in the number of male players who DON'T read my finger who after I go "FTB plz" go 'okay!' and then never RP with me again.
Assuming OOC consent between adult players is there anything in an IC relationship, including TS, that you consider unethical? No, I'm not going to give examples since I'm keeping this classy! But you can.
I am fairly conservative IRL, so there is a LOT that I would find super objectionable. But as long as I can live in my corner and pretend that stuff isn't happening, I don't care. Just don't tell me. Please. God. Don't. Tell. Me.
Others
Okay. So. Here's a situation I found myself in. A character who was a friend of mine was sleeping/dating another character. NOT with my character. We'd still RP (friend and I) fairly often. I got PAGES upon PAGES of messages from their partner "weather checking" "So, you guys are just friends right?" "I'm worried he's cheating on her" "You aren't sleeping with him, right?" -- On, and on, and on. It drove me INSANE since my character was straight up gay and had ZERO interest in this character-friend that way. I, of course, told my friend what was happening (oh, and I reported it, but that staff was junk so). When does it fall on my friend to tell her IC partner, "You have to stop, and if this doesn't, <insert consequence here>.?