RL friends
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A while ago @Arkandel made a thread over here about Online Friends.
That discourse aside, I'm curious if people within the MU* community have noticed patterns where the people they enjoy socialising with IRL are concerned.
For my part, I generally choose not to associate with people who undervalue fiction. It's not really a conscious choice to discriminate, I just think everyone has personal verbal cues they hear that clue them into the fact someone's going to bore them, and mine is 'I don't like fiction.'
Everyone I've ever dated IRL has identified as a writer in some way, be it a paid/professional/published one, an aspiring one working away on their novel or someone studying for a writing degree. I connect better with people who engage with storytelling concepts even just on a day-to-day level of quipping about someone's tragic backstory or calling someone a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. I have more fun watching movies with people who'll dissect the themes and structure with me after.
So basically, how much evidence is there of your hobby in how you connect with the real world?
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@kestrel said in RL friends:
That discourse aside, I'm curious if people within the MU* community have noticed patterns where the people they enjoy socialising with IRL are concerned.
I'd say it'd depend on which time period in my life we're talking about.
Early on when I was young my RL friends were whoever I was associated with based on geography and occupation.School mates, folks at the university, from basketball runs. And yes, those who fit the criteria above and enjoyed similar things took priority; I met my roommate, with whom I still talk and hang out regularly, at a Star Trek group.
But later on as I entered my mid-thirties and people were no longer dating or breaking up but getting married and had kids it became very apparent I could no longer be picky. Friends vanished; they had more important things to do than hang out, and they didn't just magically appear. I'd get close to coworkers while we were at work but not hanging out depended on when they had time; coordinating groups larger than 2-3 at a time got harder and harder, too.
But my hobbies have always been integral to actual close friendships. It may be that I was never really into just generically hanging out. My partner can go out with a friend and drink beers, chat, etc for 5+ hours in a row - I'd never choose to do that. But participate in an activity for that long? Gimme. A long D&D session sounds amazing. Dinner+movie, yes please. Going outdoors to hike is great. I did play WoW with people I knew iRL, too.
On the other hand MU*ing had always been separate for me. None of my friends really played the way I did; a couple played MUDs back in the day but didn't roleplay, and stopped when MMORPGs became popular. It just felt... weird, too, or at least I felt self conscious to rant about random game-related drama when I was with them, which also widened a disconnect. I was investing time in a part of my life that wasn't being actively shared - if that makes sense.
So to answer the original question - I connect with the real world through activities and hobbies. It's just that MUs, specifically, never became a conduit to doing so.
- He who takes offense when not intended is a fool. He who takes offense when intended is a greater fool.
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@kestrel said in RL friends:
So basically, how much evidence is there of your hobby in how you connect with the real world?
You know, and I've said this before, I really enjoy political games. I love the various Vampire iterations. I love L5R. And I love the politics in Arx.
Someone said to me once that, as a player, I'm good at figuring at figuring out how everyone can benefit from a deal. That I'm clever like that.
It plays into how I practice. I settle many of my cases. I have brought enemies together as allies to make money in real estate deals.
What I do in RL and why I am good at it has everything to do with this hobby. I am a fast writer; I think well on my feet (because this hobby is essentially an improv exercise); and I communicate well via e-mail and in letters.
I tell law students constantly: the practice of law is applied Dungeons & Dragons. And those who know? Now they know.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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@ganymede said in RL friends:
I tell law students constantly: the practice of law is applied Dungeons & Dragons. And those who know? Now they know.
Fucking rules lawyers.
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@ganymede dumb question, but do you consciously look for or track who is likely to be able to compromise and who isn't and target them for making wider deals? Like how swing states and swing politicians and swing judges are focussed on to make things happen?
I have a waggish sense of humor.
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@arkandel said in RL friends:
On the other hand MU*ing had always been separate for me. None of my friends really played the way I did; a couple played MUDs back in the day but didn't roleplay, and stopped when MMORPGs became popular. It just felt... weird, too, or at least I felt self conscious to rant about random game-related drama when I was with them, which also widened a disconnect. I was investing time in a part of my life that wasn't being actively shared - if that makes sense.
This resonates a lot.
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My two oldest and best IRL friends I met via Mu*s. I now have another friend via one of those friends, and he is our DM for our now 5-year old Pathfinder campaign. Haven't met him that many times, but consider him one of my best buddies.
We don't meet much - we live too far apart. Nor am I the best at keeping in touch, I'm a bit of a hermit. But we try to meet a couple of times a year (except now due to the virus, we haven't for nearly 2 years). I also lived in the same town as one of them for 4 years, he even basically got me the job I had there.
None of them still Mu* however - but I can talk about it a bit now and then, since they used to do it.
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@ganymede I consistently feel like my trial practice is more informed by RP than it is by any professional training I've ever had. Cross-examination, for example, is just being hyper alert to the details in someone else's pose.
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It’s not about getting or making deals and picking the right people; it is about showing people how to mutually benefit from a deal, and pushing them to a compromise.
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Yup. Also, I bang out briefs like no one else. I read quick; I write quick.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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@ganymede said in RL friends:
briefs
The second-most inappropriately named thing in all of law.
</tangent>
Racism isn't Tinkerbell. It doesn't need you to believe in it for it to exist.
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Would you rather I talk about motions?
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@ganymede said in RL friends:
I tell law students constantly: the practice of law is applied Dungeons & Dragons.
And the practice of tax law is applied Magic: the Gathering.
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I have a very eclectic group of RL friends. I am a social person with a lot of different interests though. My long term friendships tend to be largely chemistry based. There are a couple of people I am still close to that I met at a group for expectant moms when I was pregnant with my first born. A couple of people from my older kids' elementary PTA days. A couple of friends from the 2 different church type orgs I've been a member of in the past 20 years. 1 person I'm close with whose kid went to preschool with my youngest. A handful of friends from my political life, almost evenly divided amongst activists and party people. A handful of friends from mushing. 1 friend from my volunteering with horse rescue org. 2 older ladies (in their 80s) that i got to know from the Y (but haven't met up with since the pandemic) And 2 from my days as a survivalist/homesteading hobbyist.
The vast majority of these folks probably would get on well at a BBQ i hosted despite being very diverse in backgrounds, beliefs, and appearances.
I have a lot of long distance friends but a local friend network also that I feel fortunate about.
Until the pandemic I think that it helps that I'm someone who likes to invite people to go do things or come over (and won't be offended if its only accepted once in awhile) and I don't think I'm a terribly needy RL friend either most of the time. If I enjoy a person's company then I'm happy to be around them on their schedule.
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I don't keep many friends. The ones I do have known me as the one that does "those writing games" and they don't care while they play mmorpgs or POGS or whatever. The dear friend who I've known the longest is someone online who I've never met in person - known since high school and college and unmoderated online World of Darkness games (somuchangst.) ICQ (I think) to Discord. Firnost to FF14 (maybe.) They know me well and I wouldn't trade that connection for anything.
