RL Anger

[Arkandel]

@Ganymede said:

If I recall correctly, you hurt your lower back not too long ago. And then I read that you went and tried to hit some deadlifts again. That injury was, what, maybe a few weeks ago? Three or four? I could be wrong, and, if so, then my comment doesn't make sense.

Hm, I seriously hurt my back the first time around... 2005. Something like that - nothing actually happened, I still don't know 'what' happened. I think it was just a weak core, extra fat and a desk-jockey job that herniated my discs over time. The last time (before now) my back was hurt was in 2014, doing romanian deadlifts. I was out for a couple of days, then was okay again but took a very long break from them anyway.

I started working out in my early 20s, and have been keeping in okay shape since then. I'm not perfect; I'm not rigorous; I could be more zealous. And what I've learned is that lower back injuries are tricky beasts because it is difficult to pinpoint if a strain is myalgia or tendinitis. If it's the former, you'll be back in a reasonably short period of time; if the latter, not so.

Yeah, all joints are. A friend of mine at work plays soccer constantly - he basically has no knees left to speak of after multiple ACL surgeries but he keeps at it because he's crazy.

Me? In 2005 when I hurt my back doing nothing I'd spend almost a month limping around, being unable to get out of bed, taking heavy anti-inflamatories and doing physical therapy. Now, this one? I fully expect to be able to do a 2-hour basketball run on Sunday (which is still stupid, I should rest more, but if I can I will so why linger on that? ). My point is, exercise worked; it's not just for looks, it's not just that I like seeing some muscle tone there... it changed my life for the better. It's the difference between "I do nothing and I'm in big, constant pain" and "I lifted 150 pounds off the floor and I'm in discomfort for half a week".

Given how delicate that area is? Best not to take chances, I figure. I had a minor tear of a pectoral near the clavicular area, and it didn't heal for 4 months. Recently, I fell down the stairs and got tendinitis around my obliques; another 3 months out of commission, basically. I'm basically your age, so I have an idea on how long things may take to heal.

That's the only big fear here. A torn ACL, a shoulder cuff injury, an actual structural disc problem at the back and ... well, it's over for a long, long time. Form has to be perfect, if you allow yourself to run on ego it's not gonna have a happy ending.

I tried pilates before but you know what? You might not get it, I'm not sure... I was the only man in a class full of chicks - pilates is amazing but the chromosome composition is very biased. At first they seemed a bit ... taken aback, maybe. Before long those chicks took me under their wing and it was great, but at first - and this could be my own paranoia speaking - maybe the only guys who join things like that do it to hit on hot chicks, so it's treated with a degree of caution. Maybe. But it's a thing for me, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

That said, I'll say it again: try interval sets.

How long does it take you to blast out 10 chest presses? I'll bet it takes 20 seconds. Lengthen that to 30 seconds; how many can you do at 80% of your lifting capacity? Keep challenging yourself to do more in 30 seconds, until it is almost physically impossible to do so. Then move up 5 pounds, and start all over. I'll wager that if you do 30 seconds of chest presses, then 30 seconds of rest five times, you'll feel a better burn over 5 minutes than doing a boring 10 x 5 set.

I've done HIIT in the past. What I don't like about it in combination with freeweights is that it's easy to sacrifice form. It's the same issue I have with stuff like crossfit; when I go in thinking 'this is 5x5, I just need to move this damn thing up and down five times and the set is over' I can focus on doing it exactly right. The other issue is lack of resources; there are a lot more posts, blogs and documentation about how to perform the perfect bench press than to do interval training.

I find this has worked wonders for me. I can go as fast or as slow as I want on the reps, but the faster I go, the harder I burn. In 35 minutes (6 sets with 1 minute break in between) of interval sets, I can get a better workout than I did doing 15 x 3's or 10 x 5's. The added bonus is how the exercise becomes aerobic: your cardio mixes in with the lifting.

Oh I have no doubt at all it's worked for you. We're not insects! There's more than one way for us to be fit and healthy. For me the main thing - other than not dropping a few hundred pounds of iron on my face - is to make sure I'm enjoying what I do enough that I keep at it. For example if I did 35 minutes now and 35 minutes next week I wouldn't know if I'm progressing; am I? Did I do better? Am I advancing?

With free weights (and that's one of the reasons I love it) there's no guesswork. Did you lift more today than you did last time? Gratz! Now back to work because it's gonna be five pounds heavier next time, sucker.

It's a different mentality. You're not going for weight; you're going for speed. And I'll bet you you'll burn more fat, and have a better basketball game in 3 months.

By the way, I love you, man. Honest. But I think you could work out smarter.

I you too! It's awesome to share insights on that sort of thing with people who're into different stuff. And no one has ever accused me of being smart, as you should know by now.

[Ganymede]

@Arkandel said:

It's the same issue I have with stuff like crossfit; when I go in thinking 'this is 5x5, I just need to move this damn thing up and down five times and the set is over' I can focus on doing it exactly right.

I was presuming that you had perfect form. Form is always a problem when you go faster. So, focus on form. Go for X number of perfect reps in a period of time.

The other issue is lack of resources; there are a lot more posts, blogs and documentation about how to perform the perfect bench press than to do interval training.

There should be more documentation on form because interval training is a method, not a form. There are countless ways to set up your intervals, but there's fewer "perfect" ways to do a press.

For example if I did 35 minutes now and 35 minutes next week I wouldn't know if I'm progressing; am I? Did I do better? Am I advancing?

Metrics are simple: you count the number you do in a period. If you can do 15 presses of 100 lbs. in a chest press in thirty seconds five times, that's 75 presses. Increase the amount to 16 presses, and that's 80 presses. Even if you increase the number of presses by 1, you have still lifted more than the last session.

I you too! It's awesome to share insights on that sort of thing with people who're into different stuff. And no one has ever accused me of being smart, as you should know by now.

I'm sharing what I'm sharing because I've done what you do, and it led to injury. Minor injuries, mind, but injuries nonetheless. I think you'll find that what I'm proposing, over time, will result in fewer injuries, increased strength, and increased flexibility.

And, yes, I've also read a lot of literature, so this ain't just anecdotal.

Tell you what: try it for a month some time, and see what you think. Maybe when you plateau, or think you have.

[Misadventure]

This post is deleted!

[Arkandel]

@Misadventure said:

*It's 2002. I am running demos of Forbidden Kingdom at Gen Con. Two women come up and want to play together, but I only have one seat left at my table. There's plenty of room. I refuse to seat them both. They leave the game room.

I really liked the post, thanks for sharing it. I'm not sure what the problem with that one incident was, though; it's not clear that gender had something to do with the limitation. Is the implication they wouldn't have felt safe otherwise? If it had been two guys wanting to play but only one seat would it have been a different story?

[Kanye Qwest]

@Arkandel

They wanted to play together, and since they couldn't they both left. Yeah, I think the implication is that they wouldn't have felt comfortable otherwise - which might be an erroneous assumption. Might not be. The point is, he didn't ask and didn't think about it, and sees that as a failing.

Great post, @Misadventure. Thank you for sharing.

[Lithium]

@Arkandel There's a number of reasons why it could be bad.

1. He realized he was just not being accepting of people who wanted to play together, and he possibly impacted their fun for little or no reason.
2. He realized that in a strange environment we often are hyper aware of situations where we can be singled out and split off from our support and we don't do that because it can go very bad, very quickly. That's why they both left.
3. They left the whole /room/. They stopped trying to play /any/ game at Gen Con, for at least a while because he refused to let them play together in the demo he was running.

I think it was probably the third that he noticed more than the other two because the first doesn't seem related to the story, and the second... men just don't seem to notice.

We see it in pop culture all the time, men asking 'Why do girls have to run in packs?' I'll tell you why, because it's /safer/.

Most of the time we can't count on the people around us, they choose what they see, they choose what they respond to, they choose to justify or marginalize what they're seeing. They say things like: Maybe she likes/wanted that sort of attention or she wouldn't be dressed that way. Maybe that's how their relationship is. Maybe she's having a good time. She wouldn't be here if she didn't know this was going to happen.

We try and look good, feel good about ourselves, and we get 'Slut Shamed' or told /we/ are the problem. /We/ are why we're being raped and worse, as if it's somehow our fault.

The worst part of it is most guys don't do anything.

We're in a catch 22 situation, if we confront the people who are the problem, then somehow we're the problem for not understanding it's a compliment, or we're just being 'catty' or a 'bitch' or 'not accepting of a compliment. For guys they are Social Justice Warriors or Pussy Whipped. If we do nothing, if we try and ignore it and move on (Which is undoubtedly safer) putting distance between them and us then we are in essence /enabling/ it because we are allowing it to happen unchallenged.

As to whether it happens on games, for me, most of what I've seen is if a woman tries to play a /strong/ female character then they are often thought of as a guy playing a girl, and will be treated accordingly. If a woman tries to play a female character who uses her sex as a weapon, she's considered to be a guy playing a girl. Actually, it just happens a lot, that whole adage of: 'There is no girls on the internet' is still going strong.

As for forums and blogs and social media... yeah you don't need me to tell you how bad people can be.

[Vorpal]

Rule of the day: Never be rude to the person on whom you depend to reach other people in the company.

Me: (Name of the company), this is Vorpal, how can I help you?
Them: says name of our CEO in a rough, ‘why am I speaking to you Peon’ tone, and nothing else. It's also muffled, so I repeat myself just in case the call has gotten cut off:
Me: ...I'm sorry?
Them: Repeats the name of the CEO, like it is some sort of magical word. And nothing else
Me: .... whom shall I say is calling?
Them: She says name and an acronym. And nothing else
Me: Alright. Please hold.
sends them to his voicemail instead

This has happened twice today. When you learn how to say "Please" and "Hello, could I talk to..." like a human being, you'll get to talk to the CEO directly. Until then, suck voicemail. B)

[Roz]

@Vorpal I will never understand how people go, "Hm, I'm calling the director of this department and someone else in her department picks up. I will just ask for the director." I'm like, "Yes, I know you would like the director. You called her line. But you have to inform me who you are and why you want to speak with her. Have you never heard of a director not picking up their own line? Because they are busy and lots of people want to talk to them?"

[Tyche]

@Roz said:

@Tyche I am very, very curious to know exactly what parts you think are bullshit.

It's even harder to determine exactly what parts are true.

"Since July of 2015 fans of the game Malifaux have been attempting to overwhelm me with death and rape threats for no other reason than I am a woman who has opinions on the game. Wyrd Miniatures is silent on this matter and hangs up whenever anyone attempts to discuss the harassment. Given that a large number of threats identify the senders by name as Wyrd staff members, I do not find this surprising."

Here's the response of the owner of the company that was posted on reddit.

This is probably the main thread from the Malifaux forums which prompted the above (She is the poster known as Ferossa):
http://themostexcellentandawesomeforumever-wyrd.com/topic/109328-all-the-things-you-want-to-soapbox-andor-have-debate-about-in-malifaux

On it she claimed that...
"Within my local area, I know about 200 women who have left the gaming community due to the harassment and sexism."

Apparently this was primarily because of a single person who made private rapey threats.
It's the sheer exaggeration that rubs me the wrong way.

There are more posts by Ferossa on other threads making comments on different miniature lines which bemoan the ratio of male to female miniatures, the dress and attractiveness of said female miniatures, etc. A constant refrain by her reminiscent of those here by a certain poster bemoaning the lack of persons of color on mushes. One line she complained about was designed by a woman. I am casually acquainted with some of the company's line of miniatures and frankly compared to other companies they are more tasteful and do have more females.

"It is 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and hands are on my ass and breasts and all over my body. Groping, fondling, feeling whatever they please."

Actually one comment by a respondent on the Malifaux forum sort of summed it up for me.
"With all the things in your list that have happened to you it sounds like you play in a male prison."

And finally these two...
"The prominence of white male terrorism in the geek community is obvious to everyone except straight white men."

"White male terrorism is the white underbelly of the gaming community, meant to terrify and disrupt the lives of those who threaten the status quo by race, gender, or sexuality."

Isn't it sad that people get harassed online for their honest heart felt opinions? /sarc

I'm pretty sure I've attended just as many conventions and events as she has and I've probably played in more than a hundred RPG events. Every year there have been more and more women at these events. Personally, I've never witnessed sexual harassment in the gaming community. That's not a denial that it does happen, just my own observation. I'm sure it does. I have personally seen it in the office, in night clubs and on the street, and not just from "straight white males".

What I have witnessed frequently at various cons is every male head turning to admire scantily attired and attractive costumed females.
I'm guilty too. And if this is a sexual harassment crime, then 95% of men are going to wind up in prison.

@ShelBeast said:

There are parts that, admittedly, seem completely the result of over-exaggeration and/or pure fabrication...
...
But, even if the article is poorly written and exaggerated or even fabricated, in part or in entirety, there is a lot of truth to it, too.
...
What are your thoughts? Is my experience an altogether uniquely better one, or does it seem fairly standard?

Well I don't really enjoy the line of thought that even if it's not true, it's still true.
Yes women get raped and sexually harassed, however that doesn't make a particular woman who exaggerates and/or lies into some sort of noble hero.
Frankly it undermines and hurts the very "cause" she's advocating.

@Kanye-Qwest said:

It's interesting that people immediately jump to call "bullshit". And by interesting, I mean completely typical.

Someone posted a link to a list of typical responses. Couldn't find it but...
I don't find the argument that if you don't accept the position of the poster then you are part of the problem.
Just maybe the typical response is rationally skeptical.

@Arkandel said:

So this is a thing: Men give men a hard time. It's not to say girls can't be mean - to each other or otherwise - but the level of crudeness in an all-male conversation, which may but isn't necessarily about sexist stuff might surprise. For me to notice a guy is actually being a dick to someone he'd need to take it above that level, right? Because it's what puzzles me, since in my experience (I know, it's only my experience but what else do I have?) men are more restrained in the presence of chicks, not less so. That is, it takes most of my geekfriends far longer to think it's okay to say, swear around girls let alone joke around at anywhere near the same extent - and it's always more civil.

In my experience that is true. It is even more true in games played at conventions where people are even more restrained when playing with complete strangers, including men.

[Lithium]

@Tyche Not going to quote all that but:

You're part of the problem.

You're 'reaction' to it is exactly part of the problem. You immediately think bullshit, and like so many others, somehow try to apply what are story elements that occurred most likely to different people, as applying all to one person.

In a way it /does/ happen to one person. Everytime my friends face something like this, it's happening to me, because similar stuff /has/ happened to me. It's happened in front of me. I've seen it. I've lived it.

Not /all/ of that, but enough of it that I know it to not all be bullshit.

Nobody is saying that the person is being attacked by a gaming company, but /that/ does /not/ justify the idea that it is /all/ bullshit.

That none of it has value.

That none of it happens.

That stuff like that doesn't happen /because you've never seen it/.

I (and others) have said that it's not written very well, nor have we said it's an issue /just/ part of the 'gaming' culture (Though it does pervade it at some level), it affects all cultures, all people, in a variety of different ways (except possibly Aboriginal people who still follow traditional ways without influence of the modern world, of which, I think there is /one/ tribe that we know about, on an island off of Africa that hasn't been influenced by modern culture because they /kill/ everyone who lands or comes close to their island).

Certainly, some cultures are worse than others when it comes to the treatment of women, but it does exist.

Or I guess every woman who has ever been harassed or assaulted must all be liars and full of bullshit according to you.

[Kanye Qwest]

Talking about women's issues:

Women: This is an issue.

Men: Are you sure you aren't overreacting or exaggerating?

Women: Pretty sure. I think about it a lot, you know, since it's been the context of my entire life.

Men: But it isn't even a problem. If this was happening to women around me, they'd say something so I'd notice.

Women: We are literally telling you. Right now.

Men: But I have never seen this happen. In my experience, things are fine for women.

Your experience has NO BEARING on women's experiences. I don't know what it is about this concept that is so hard to grasp.

[silentsophia]

Tyche? Still posting terrible opinions? I guess some things never change.

[Misadventure]

I see a person, saying they've been dealt with in a hostile manner, asking for evidence that doesn't exist save as witness statements.

Unless I am going with everyone who ever says bad things happened to them are liars, I see no particular reason to doubt either of the posters. Note the guy didn't say none of this ever happened, just that he has been given nothing to prove it.

More importantly, I wanted people here to speak on the topic, however they wish to, as long as it is honest.

[Lithium]

@Misadventure I agree. Even as he tries to deflect, he still belittles the issue at hand by the ever present call for evidence.

Now I am not saying that the company is doing the things she's saying they're doing.

Honestly that would surprise me because it'd be REALLY EASY to offer e-mails as proof of such a thing.

My problem is with the way people like @Tyche are responding in general, that because one person feels victimized it is somehow /weakening/ the case for /everyone else who has suffered these abuses/.

It doesn't /hurt/ anything. There is no 'evidence' that she is lying, there is no evidence that she isn't other than the /lack of evidence/.

@tyche said: I don't find the argument that if you don't accept the position of the poster then you are part of the problem.
Just maybe the typical response is rationally skeptical.

How are you not part of the problem? Nobody is saying that you need to attack this company, it's a call to bring to light the injustices that are being perpetrated every single day.

The fact that you think it is 'rational' to be skeptical when literally /hundreds/ (if not /thousands/) of women across the internet/world have said the /same thing/ points to how much a part of the problem you are.

On a side note: Why is SJW (Social Justice Warrior) even a derogatory thing? How did fighting for equal rights ever become a fucking /negative/?

[silentsophia]

@Lithium I suspect a lot of it comes from people seeing tumblrs (and a LOT of them seem to be troll tumblrs) with absurd views and assuming all social justice movements are just like that.

[Roz]

@Lithium said:

On a side note: Why is SJW (Social Justice Warrior) even a derogatory thing? How did fighting for equal rights ever become a fucking /negative/?

When you're on top and don't actually want to share it.

[Roz]

Randall Bills from Catalyst Game Labs purposefully does not reference the exact article he's responding to, but it's clearly the one we've been discussing. Nice response.

[Misadventure]

That was next on my list!

[Lithium]

I wish there were more people willing to stand up for what's right like that. The world would be a better place.

[Coin]

You know what's really sad?

Most people won't pay actual, real attention until it is a white dude behind a keyboard typing: I AM A WHITE, MALE GAMER AND I ALSO AGREE WITH ALL THESE THINGS THESE WOMEN ARE SAYING.

And then everyone will be like, "Oh, man, maybe it's true."

And the few of us who've been like, "No shit it's true!" for years will go: ARRRRRRRRRRGH.

I mean, I support Randall Bills's message--I am just so sick of it having to be white dudes posting support to get a message across. Same way I'm sick of it having to be white politicians who talk about racial issues before the world fucking acknowledges them.