Aug 3, 2016, 12:52 AM

My partner just got back from a day-long ride and left his motorcycle in front of the house with the key in--a bad idea, but he had just ridden 700 miles and wanted to come in and use his own bathroom right away. A few minutes later, I heard the bike revving, looked out, and saw some lowlife scumbag sitting on it after having started it and revving the engine. (It's a BMW sport bike.)

I'm glad my pants didn't fall down when I ran outside, grabbed the clown's shirt, and started yelling for him to get the fuck off the bike, and I"m also glad that I barely maintained enough sense to take my hands off him once he did. I'm sure I didn't endear myself to our new neighbors (I just bought this house in a charming 1920s cul-de-sac) by screaming at the guy as he backed away down the street, especially when about every third word I yelled was "motherfucker."