Best posts made by Aria

This is one I refuse to be sad about. Refuse.

And it's not because I don't love Betty White. I do. I grew up watching Golden Girls when it was new and reruns of The Mary Tyler Moore Show on Nick at Nite when I was visiting my grandparents, because they were the only ones in the family who had cable until about 1998. She's always been hilarious and frankly, I think she got funnier and funnier the older she got.

I refuse to be sad because Betty White lived to be almost 100 years old, had a glorious career that she thoroughly enjoyed and which spanned decades in an industry that was notoriously hard to crack, had several deeply profound friendships, found meaning in philanthropic causes she held dear, and was told regularly and consistently how entirely beloved she was by many, many, many people.

That is not something to be sad about. That is a life extraordinarily well-lived.

So, I'm going to be frank here. This thread? This thread right here? Is a cause of my RL Anger right now. And it's not because of the fact that this subject makes me uncomfortable. As a woman, as a feminist, and as someone who has been assaulted more than once -- and really, it's telling that I divide my most serious experiences into 'assault' and write off things that are very much assault, like the number of times I have been unwillingly groped at a concert as 'not even worth discussing' -- this arguments and these points that everyone is making are a simple fact of my daily life.

Yeah. Yeah, read that again. My daily life, because there are literally aspects of my everyday routine that pretty much revolve around the idea of "Don't wanna get raped today! Today's not gonna be that day (again)."

This thread makes me angry because I have had to have this argument over, and over, and over, and fucking over. It is frustrating. It is exhausting. And it is like beating your head into a brick wall and wondering why your head is bleeding and the bricks are perfectly fucking fine.

And thanks to so much of our national -- nay, global -- discourse at the moment (don't worry, Ark, I'm not going to get specific enough for it delve into full blown politics) means that I have see this shit come up everywhere, from almost everyone, and I would like to have at least one teeny, tiny sliver of my life, even just one of my hobbies, where I don't have to listen to a heated debated about some useless cockstain that can't won't keep his goddamn hands and his dick to himself.

I am so over this argument.

And yet I don't get to be. Because again, this is my daily life.

So here's where it's at, kids.

As far as I am concerned, a woman should be able to dance the conga naked down Broadway and not have anyone lay a finger on her without her consent. But in no way, shape, or form do I believe that a woman can dance the conga naked down Broadway without anyone laying a finger on her, because we live in a world that -- if we stop dressing it up in bullshit niceties meant to make this conversation easier on the people who already get to dodge every consequence of their actions -- get to treat women as things rather than people, as commodities to consumed and nothing more. I'm not that naive, and I never possibly can be again.

But you know who I'm not going to blame? Even if she does it anyway? Her. I'm not going to blame her. Not once. Not ever. Or him, if it just so happens to be a naked conga-dancing him. I'm going to blame the rapist, because he (or yes, she! legitimate point, but also get fucked #notallmen and "it can happen to men" to because yes, it can, and yes, it does, but you're not trying to help them so much as trying to derail the argument and be willingly obtuse) is the bad actor. They are the one at fault. Hands down. No questions asked. Period. The fucking end.

I was raped once in college. I was drunk. I had flirted with him. I had made a poor selection of friends. Could I have prevented if I'd been sober? Probably. Would he have done if I hadn't "encouraged" him? I don't know. Should I have been a better judge of character? Hell yes, especially in regards to my two male roommates who watched him follow me up to my room several minutes after I stumbled upstairs, but "didn't want to interfere" even though they thought it was a little odd.

I was also assaulted once in high school. When I was stone cold sober. Wearing a baggie hoodie and jeans. Watching a movie with a 'friend' while his parents and younger siblings were home. By someone I trusted, because everyone I knew -- even my dad -- insisted Matt was "such a great guy" and I should really just be nicer too him given how big his crush on me was. About the only thing I could've done to prevent it there? I'd guess "not be female outside the very close supervision of several adult members of my family", but hey. Even after I told my dad what happened, he said that guys are just like that and I should've been firmer in my refusals, so who fucking knows?

Yeah. Yeah, I think women should take as many precautions as they can -- because they have to. Because this world is so messed up, and this bullshit is tolerated and excused by so many people at so many levels, they don't have any other choice.

But if you're one of the people who think the 'problem' is that they aren't careful enough instead of the fact that they get away with it almost every time, in no small part because you feel the need to expound upon all the ways they should've tried harder not to be raped as the preferred solution over teaching society it's not okay to be a rapist?

Then I have two words for you:

FUCK. YOU.

And if this post just so happens to make you feel attacked? Yeah. I'm probably talking to you. Maybe you should spend some time thinking about that.

....I'm going to be honest here. I was one of the staffers on BSO who had to deal with the OP. In fact, I was the first person who reported his behavior to other staff and was promptly told by Dropkick that he was "just being friendly" and I shouldn't be taking it that way.

He continued crossing many lines -- in character, out of character, and if I'd allowed him to contact me off game, which he'd asked about? Likely IRL. He harassed me. He harassed my friends. He harassed my players.

FIVE complaining parties later, including BOTH female staffers, and he was finally banned. Y'know, after he'd driven several people from the game. We spent months trying to clean up the mess he made, IC and OOC.

This thread is manipulative and disingenuous. It is an attempt to continue inflicting himself on women who have made it abundantly clear in the past that they want nothing to do with him. The fact that it exists has pretty much had me angry enough that I'm surprised blood hasn't come shooting out my nose yet today.

I can go on -- at length, and in some cases with logs I dug up on request a few months back after some people suspected he was back on BSO despite his banning -- about some of the behavior this man displayed on one game. Just one. But here really isn't the place for me to do so because frankly, this? This right here? Is the nicest thing I have to say.

And that's after a full day of trying to temper my post, keeping in mind that it's in the 'Constructive' forum. If any of this player's behaviors are going to be addressed, I'd strongly advise adding a thread to the Hog Pit for it because honestly? I don't think that very many of the people who have dealt with him will be able to express the full extent of their experiences elsewhere.

(Edited for grammar.)

Here. I fixed it.

So, my favorite aunt passed away fairly horribly last week. (No, this is not the thing I love, clearly. That was the thing I spent several days ugly-snot crying about and if you've wondered why I haven't responded to anything on game/Discord you sent, that was why.)

What I love is her youngest kid, the youngest of my cousins, and her only daughter. She's 20 years old and far, far too young to be navigating all those important things that women have to figure out in their 20s without a mom to guide her. I told her point blank that as absolutely wonderful as her dad and her older brothers are, they're a dad and an older brother. There's some conversations where they will mean well but not understand, and for every one of those, I want her to call me.

I was afraid she wouldn't.

She just texted me to ask for help finding dresses for her November cello recital because she only really shops at one store and doesn't really know where to go to get a formal gown, especially in her size range. I'm seriously getting weepy talking to her about the secret stores that have good plus-sized clothes, how to get the best discount, and which stores actually have dresses with pockets.

My mom wasn't -- isn't -- a particularly good mother. My aunt tried to do a lot of these things for me when I was 20, to make up for all those gaps my mom left with me. Now I get to do the same thing for my cousin.

After five days of being loose roaming around and me slowly devolving closer and closer to Howard Hughes level crazy as I kept weird hours to be out searching for him at the times of night cats tend to roam and avoided eating because my stomach was in knots.....

OUR CAT CAME HOME. Like, an hour before a snowstorm started.

He managed to lose 10% of his body weight in that time and is absolutely filthy, but he is home and the vet said he was fine. I have ugly-cried with relief, like, three times today.

Obligatory Cat Covered in Gross Pic:

@admiral said in RL Anger:

@Aria I hate to be 'that guy', but men are sexually harassed and assaulted as well. It might not be as prevalent as with women but all abusers should be called to account. Not just those happen to abuse women.

I agree. But here's the thing:

It's the same toxic system that enforces silence on the part of abused, harassed, and assaulted boys/men -- usually for different reasons, but silence all the same. If it was at the hands of a woman? Well, it's not a problem, because men always want it! Twelve year old and his teacher? Haha, lucky him, amirite guys?!?!? If it was at the hands of a man? Suuuuuuper gay. Masculinity in question! Must've been giving off vibes. Should've been able to stop it. A real man never would've took that.

If you're a dude, this toxic system should seriously upset you. And I don't even just mean for genuinely sympathetic, altruistic, 'human suffering is bad' reasons. I mean for entirely personal, selfish reasons. Not the least of which is "demanding you be an emotionless robot, who not only controls his feelings but pretty much doesn't even have them" on one end of the spectrum to "assuming you are so hormonal and uncontrollable that your default state is 'rapist' and every woman you meet will be threatened by you unless she follows some arcane and esoteric set of rules that may keep your dick at bay" on the other.

How male abuse victims are treated is just one manifestation of that.

MY WEDDING DRESS HAS POCKETS.

Today, I received the following in the mail:

• A Christmas card from the head of my House on Arx
• A box of homemade cookies from a friend I played mage with back in 2004

The MU community is full of kind and generous people and I am full of happy feels. Fuck the cynical haters.

@Arkandel

@RDC I have literally never heard the word "transtrender" before, but it sounds like the sort of thing a total asshole would say. So I'm going to go ahead and declare that anyone who decides to give you a hard time based on their determination that you are one is a total asshole and you should ignore them.

Double post because I'm so excited, I seriously don't care.

TL; DR - Our new coffee maker came and I am so fucking here for this.

Full story - So, about nine months or so ago, our usual coffeemaker died. This was a tragedy in the truest sense of the word not only because 'no caffeine', but because that thing was literally perfect for my household. We have two adults and that thing, despite being the same size as a regular coffee pot, only made two cups. The rest of the space in the carafe was used by the built-in frother. It did not require those stupid little plastic cups that are so horribly, horribly wasteful. We could use any coffee we wanted! It could also use tea, either loose or in bags! Basically, unless it was a drink that required espresso, we had a little mini-Starbucks in our house. It was great, and I somehow managed to get that thing on sale for, like, $60.

When I went to the Target website to buy another one, it wasn't to be found. Nor was it available on Mr. Coffee's direct website. Much to my horror, they stopped making it and I have no fucking idea why. Seriously, the thing has over 2K reviews on Amazon and is still sitting at 4.5 stars. Apparently, the only way to get a new one is to drop at least $350 on eBay. On the Amazon marketplace, used ones sell for almost $200. WTH, Mr. Coffee?

Fortunately for us, we had another coffeemaker in the house. A $400 coffeemaker no less, which is more than my car payments were. A friend of ours works for Nescafe and what we didn't realize when he asked us for our mailing address was that he gets a certain number of free machines per year he can give to family and friends, and all his family in the US already had one. It came with little coffee pods that I generally object to, but whatever. All of this was free to us, so we open it up and figure it will be fine and we can check out long-term options later that don't involve giving money to Nestle, who is pretty much the poster child for Corporate Evil. They make tons of different coffees and reusable K-cups for Keurig, so they probably make ones for this thing, too, right?

Wrong. Nope. Not even close. I see pods made for this brand at Target, thinking we'll at least be able to choose a cheaper option that is officially Not Nestle. Yay! But... no. No yay. These are for the old model of the machine, and we have the new one. Literally the only way to get pods for this thing is buying them from Nestle's site, at a Nescafe, or on Amazon, where they're all about $2 a cup and would be like.... $180 on coffee per month in our family. (No wonder they give away the fucking machines for free.)

The reusable ones I ordered all the way from Hong Kong finally come after a month. And they... work about 50% of the time, ending in frustration every time @insomniac7809 and I try use them. Environmentally friendly option is not an option, but I am not giving that kind of money to Nestle, let alone giving it to them every goddamn month. But I also feel stupid and wasteful replacing a practically brand new $400 coffeemaker, and after a surprise vet visit that ran into the thousands, certainly can't afford to, either. So we struggle through, hating this thing every. single. morning.

Until....

Our wedding reception this Saturday. We didn't register anywhere. We've lived together for 10+ years. We don't need stuff. We have too much stuff. We asked people not to give us stuff....

But his family is Italian, so they show up with checks, instead. Checks I use to refill our depleted post-vet bill savings account. And Amazon gift cards. So many Amazon gift cards. Gift cards I cannot reasonably stash away in our savings account, and so I can use them guilt-free.

The one thing we have purchased with all of our wedding reception "gifts" is a brand new coffeemaker. A stupidly expensive one that I didn't have to pay for. And I am so goddamn happy.

@aria said in The Work Thread:

So I just applied for an internal positing at my company.

Into the exact role and department that I've been eyeing up for four years. Under a leader I really like, and whose boss I really like. I've applied for it twice before and the interviewer who'd been pretty clearly using me as a filler candidate for predetermined hires has since left the position, and I've since developed a stronger skillset, job background, and started an MBA.

Guys.

Guys.

....Can someone please bring me a Xanax and a paper bag or something?

THEY'RE INTERVIEWING ME NEXT THURSDAY HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.

What I did today.

Please excuse me, I am dead now. From too much giggling.

Every time I look at this, I can only imagine that Thesarin and Eirene are in some sort of kitty contest over which one of them can be the saltiest old battleaxe, while Mia and Mihaly just look on like "SIGH. What are you two doing?" and Ezra tries desperately to just pretend this isn't even happening.

My dog is almost 11 years old. For his breed, the average lifespan is about 10-12.

And thought the vet said he was in remarkably good health for a dog his age and his size just two weeks ago, his back legs gave out on our stairs today. He went sliding backwards - fortunately just three steps - and hit the landing before I could stop it.

He's not hurt, I don't think, except for being even more sore. He's going to vet tomorrow tomorrow to refill his pain pills, now that we're pretty sure the ones that he had previously been on were the source of the coughing that brought him in for a checkup that last time. Will be having X-rays to confirm both.

But fuck I hate this. And yes, this is also a RL sad. This is a big RL sad. But my crying is angry crying because he is a good boy, and he doesn't deserve this, and I can't fix it for him, and also because he doesn't understand why I'm crying and I can't explain to him that he hasn't done anything wrong.

Fuck time.

Fuck everything.

One of my players messaged me privately today to thank me for being a good org leader and setting them up with a bunch of stuff and now I am all mushy and full of feels.

@Sparks said in RL things I love:

@mietze said in RL things I love:

And we didnt put a dent in the problem I know, but it was nice to see those people breathe just a little easier.

I do a thing which the homeless folks downtown around my office call 'playing sandwich fairy'. When I leave the office for lunch, if I'm going to go grab a sandwich, I'll make a quick circuit around the area, and any of the homeless folks I see, I ask if there's a sandwich I can get them at Subway. If they say yes, I get their order, then I walk over to Subway, get my sandwich and all the others, and then I retrace my steps, handing out the sandwiches before returning to the office to eat my own.

One of my co-workers asked me why the heck I do it, because "You realize you're not actually fixing the problem by getting sandwiches for five or six people, right? No matter what any one person does, it won't make a dent." To which my reply was, "Yeah, but it makes a difference to those five or six people. And if everyone did little acts of kindness like that, then in aggregate, it would make a huge difference."

It's like the quote from The Adventure Zone: "Do good recklessly."

@mietze said in RL things I love:

And I can't believe I have an employer that gave me the day off to help and paid me my usual wage too.

It's so nice when a company is supportive like that.

There's a shelter for homeless youth about 10 minutes walk from my office. My company has, for years now, staffed the shelter during lunches; a bunch of folks will walk over and spend an hour helping make lunch, and then another batch will show up and spend an hour serving food (while the first group heads back to the office). It's not just allowed but encouraged to pitch in.

One of the homeless women I did this for ended up being my friend on Facebook.
After a bit more talking, I got her a seasonal gig at the haunted house that @insomniac7809 and I used to work at.
It made her enough money for her to fix the van she was living out of and make it back home to her chosen-family in Texas.
Two months ago, she got a job at a tattoo parlor.
Last week, she married her girlfriend.

Fuck those people who think that one person can't make a difference. Rae has a totally different life 10 months later. All I did was give her $30 and make two phone calls.

I just got into the top-ranked of the four MBA programs that I applied to -- making the interview I have at another one on Monday waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay less stressful and dropping the fact that a third refused to grant me a GMAT waiver into a "Cool, you guys can withdraw my application" category of giving zero fucks.

@wretched

Any amount of garlic listed in a recipe is objectively wrong and needs to be doubled, unless that recipe was provided directly to you by someone's nonna and involved more hand gestures than measurements.