Best posts made by Auspice

So, story time.

This is one I've kept 'under the hat' for a long time because it... it's a hard one? But watching that relationships video reminded me of it. Especially the part about partners getting upset when your attention 'drifts.' My ex-husband was constantly -- constantly -- convinced I was cheating or preparing to leave or- or- or- because I was focused on other things. I might be working on writing or knitting or just playing a game and he wanted me focused on him because yesterday I was focused on him and why am I not focused on him today do I hate him now???? and it was so stressful to try to convince someone yes I do love you how do I convince you of this other than forcing myself to sit here and watch you play a video game while doing nothing else as my brain claws at itself-

I mean eventually I did hate him for that and a multitude of other reasons.

But it reminded me of... part of why I was convinced I didn't have ADHD for so long actually goes back to when he and I were dating. In my early 20s there was not only a lot of drinking and weed, but also casual drug use. And one very very early example was at a party with him and some other people, someone had... ritalin. And was like ha ha let's take it for fun.

I got super into a conversation. Like, hyperactively insanely into talking about... I don't remember what the topic was. But I was SO into it. Whereas he and the other person were just chill and whatever but the topic they got me onto, I was SO INTO I was talking a mile a minute and it was all I cared about.

And later that night he was like 'Well, we know YOU don't have ADD. You got way too hyper.' And that thread continued our entire marriage. Any time I ever felt like I had ADHD, or got stressed out, or someone said they felt like I did- he'd be there (because he was so good at detaching me from everyone around me, at gaslighting, at controlling my life) insisting no, no you don't, remember that time that-

But now that I've done more research, learned more, I've found that my reaction to a random ritalin (esp. one I don't know the dose of) is actually more indicative that I do have ADHD than don't by a long shot. Getting hyper-focused into a topic I'm passionate about?

I really, really need a job again. And insurance again. And the spare money to afford the testing my state requires for adult diagnosis before you can get treatment.

I mean, when you're high with your friends? Stupid shit is pretty fuckin' hilarious. That's about standard.

However, one thing being high does is make you more susceptible to the general mood of your surroundings. People who have had a 'bad trip' (mostly happens with acid, but can happen with most drugs) did because they were in a bad environment. People arguing, they didn't feel safe, etc etc.

So someone, for example, RPing being high and jokey and giggly and having a good time during combat and stress? Either their character is a fuckin' idiot or they don't know what they're doing.

It's why the best highs are when you're with friends having a good time. Because you just feed off of each other.

audio processing delay is a real struggle

@Wretched

That last one, oof.

I have both, a) worried something was wrong with me because I didn't seem to 'feel' as others did when someone died, b) been accused of just seeking attention when it'd finally hit me days or weeks later.

But seriously yes on all.

I put sticky notes at eye level sometimes to remind me of shit. Do this. This thing is in this place. Don't forget the.

And I always thought it just made me an anxious needy bitch that I felt like people didn't care about me when I hadn't heard from them not that hey there are things out of whack in my brain that do this to me.

(Also that other people feel the same about this stuff makes me feel less like a crazy person??)

@Wretched said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

Is this that thing where I end up staring off into the distance and I know I am but I like literally cannot move my head and it's like welp guess this is what I'm doing for the next ## minutes

Let's Game It Out has become my new favorite channel. This guy just does absolutely ridiculous, game-breaking stuff (especially in simulators). His deadpan delivery is hilarious and he has a... special relationship with conveyor belts.

@Wretched said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

and can trigger the reward cycle over and over and over?


People make fun of those who wear their mask while driving.

But if I don't, I'm liable to forget it in the rush of 'do I have everything I need when I get out of the car and go in this place?' then suddenly I'm approaching the store and sure I have my phone wallet keys reusable bags but oh right mask.

Wearing it all the time prevents running back to my car constantly.

ugh me ten million times over.

You know what hurts me worst out of all of those? Worse than the 'shut the fuck up stop interrupting' or 'shut the fuck up no one cares' or taking something personally even when you didn't mean to?

When you're constructing a thought and think of saying it two ways so it comes out this blended mess of a sentence. Or you even just word-swap for a word that sounds like but isn't the right word and suddenly everyone is pointing (sometimes literally) and laughing at you.

All the others I'm used to. I know people would prefer I just sit in silence in social situations and never speak. I know my presence is barely tolerated at best. But the being blatantly mocked for stumbling through words really hurts.

@Wretched said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

@faraday said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

as well as a general aversion to anything tight-fitting or itchy.

I actually prefer tighter-fitting stuff because when there's a lot of loose fabric, I feel like it's in my way. I'm probably too fat for this and people probably hate that I wear more snug things (not like, lycra or spandex, but I don't wear the two-sizes-too-big that fat ladies are supposed to)... it just avoids me ending up in the insanely agitated state.

But god yes, the itchy fabrics of uniforms. I wear mostly what's called 'athleisure' because tank tops and yoga pants are comfy af.

@Sparks I know it's not a thing for most people because of all the utter shit I get whenever I try to explain why 'just wear layers' isn't a good answer for me when I'm cold. Yes, if you want me insanely irritated and flailing about in agitation, SURE. But people act like I'm just being fussy, just making a problem, etc etc etc etc.

it really is terrible how studios keep doing things that make money so they can keep making more movies i mean god they should just go full french art house ugh