Posts made by boneghazi

My six year old has learned how to dab.

I keep hearing the "women's pants don't have pockets" argument and I have to ask myself - where the heck yall shopping? Is this an American thing I missed? Do I just not buy the right type of pants?

The only pants of mine that don't have pockets are my leggings.

Also RE: waist and inseam - definitely superior. I have the opposite problem. Everything I wear is a high water.

@Alamias I feel for you. Sames here (puppy training). I think they have the "idea" of it but needs more enforcement to be concreted. So tiring.

I'm glad you've made progress with the problem child and new pupperino though. That's some great progress!

@Arkandel No, sadly I'm no monster. Have you seen a basset hound's sleepy face? It is weaponized cuteness!

New puppers sleep belly up and horizontally across the bed to make my sleep as impossible as possible!

@Testament You do this once a month?

Props, I probably couldn't be arsed to do this once a lifetime!

Or maybe she's derpy/ADHD as fuck and forgot she had signed up and then tried to join the site later and realized, "Hey, I already have an account.. oh yeah!" and then thought to herself "Fucking sweet, I already have messages!" and didn't bother to check the dates.

That'd be me.

Nooooo child why did you let them outside agaiiiiin!?

I don't know which one of the three to put in the time out corner for this!!

I am so angry. At myself. For being so stupid.

It got cooler here, only 95 and started to rain. Hallelujah!

I left the door open to get some air. Didn't think much about it! But the puppies got out. It's okay, they are potty trained now, so we usually leave the door or the doggie door open for them.

I didn't think they would go and search for the first mud puddle to form and go waller in it like a pig.

Oh, but they did.

My clean, happy ass was just sitting here when suddenly... mud feeties everywhere. I'm covered in mud. My formerly clean kid is covered in mud. My whole house is decimated like a tornado just ripped right through it.

I had to follow emergency bath protocols with no one to help me (they are some big damn dogs) and now I am dripping sweat and covered in mud and I smell like wet hounds.

IDK if anyone knows the smell of a basset hound, let alone a wet one. It's not the finest of scents.

I have to go to the store now smelling like this before they close. >:| I just can't win today. I can't believe I left the door open.

Stop laughing.

Just stay safe. Not just physically but mentally/emotionally. You got us to blow steam off at of course.

@surreality Sounds like you really need someone at least semi professional to help you through this. I hope you find just the right person on the other end of the line to help you.

I did some googling and all I could find is the Stop Bullying Now Hotline for the USA at 1-800-273-8255. They say they do cover cyberbullying so...

I met my husband online, but in the year 2000.
It was a random ICQ chat connection - with his brother originally who's slightly younger than me - and we chatted for almost 3 years before we met in real life.

This heat can go get fucked.

I'm moving to Antarctica.

My body is ready.

Wake me up when it's cold.

Load shedding.

My country has a problem with the power grid. Mostly, the biggest problem is that systems haven't been maintained in about 20 years. The strain on the existing power stations is extreme and for the past couple of years we have had to deal with rolling blackouts to take the strain off of the grid.

But have they been doing anything about it? Well they started building a new power station a decade ago. Haven't finished it yet because all the money (a full BILLION US Dollars and COUNTING) keeps getting relocated to friends of politicians. Because we are a socialist country and assets like electricity are owned by the government. (TL;DR: Corruption EVERYWHERE). So, No. No new power plants.

It's not even a solar plant. Or a wind generator - two things we have in ABUNDANCE. It's coal. They have done that because it creates jobs, but shit coal is dirty. It kills the miners. It kills the environment. Just... What the actual fuck.

January rolled around this year though and they have hired a new CEO to take control of the country and he done tol' South Africa this week to sit down, shut up, deal with the blackouts while he gets this maintenance DONE. Last week he said it'd be over Monday (tomorrow) and today (Sunday) they said it might be on til Thursday.

Which is fine and dandy. We actually have pretty spot on schedules to warn us and help us plan around these blackouts.

My biggest GRIPE is that this is THE HOTTEST month for South Africa to come around. Literally the sun is closest right now in its orbit and I can't walk outside (or even keep conscious) between the hours of 11am and 4pm because my eyebrows spontaneously fucking combust.

Oh, and this means that sometimes (most of the time) I do not even have a damn fan during peak HOT in the day.

And yes I would totally invest in a generator if I had that kind of money.

The heat makes me want to cry.

Here's another one.

Now, I love Durban. I went there on my honeymoon. If anyone out there has ever visited (or has plans to visit) South Africa, it's by far my #1 recommended tourist destination. The clubs there are amazing. The Indian Ocean is warm. The surfing is spectacular. The weather is perfect, hardly ever falling below 18° C /64° F. They have the 5th biggest aquarium in the world with a pool where the only thing separating you from their shark tank is a big ole piece of glass. The people there are fucking awesome. There are game reserves. They have mountains. They have cheaper prices on practically everything compared to Jo'burg or Cape Town. But what I remember the best is that the food is just... yes. We went out to eat every night - sea food on a boat in the harbor, Korean food (hard to find in SA), sushi, and Indian food.

Oh yes, the Indian food.

Durban is known for it's Indian population and its amazing Indian food. For a great reason. It's the most amazing stuff ever.

Now, being born and raised in North Carolina and Virginia USA, this was such a different experience. You can't get proper curry where I'm from - not that I had ever even had the bad curry. But, for noobs to curry like myself, I really recommend the samoosa. It's a little triangle piece of crispy pastry stuffed with savory filling. My favorite being the beef mince curry or mutton curry (there aren't a ton of vegetarian Hindu Indians here, they are mostly Muslim). They're cheap too, at about R5-10 each, they are less than a dollar.

I might have had upwards of about 40 of them during the last few days of my visit there.

Anyway, it was a long drive home. About 8 to 10 hours, depending on traffic.

I didn't even see it coming. I mean, in retrospect, maybe I should have.

Hour three of our drive, I sneezed.

"Oh shit, I shat."

Not only that, it had the distinct qualities of a samoosa. Oily and burny and with a distinct curry smell - expelled from my anus at the speed of sound. I think I might have discovered the real brown note, if you know what I mean.

Cue about 4 or 5 hours of my husband giggling, with our car windows down and him hanging out of the window as he drove.

We couldn't stop. We were out in the middle of the fucking African bush. Ain't no gas stations in the middle of the African bush. You know what's in the middle of the African bush? Hijackers, murderers, and fucking lions. And I surely didn't want to fucking die with shit in my pants.

And I didn't want my husband to die because I had shat my pants.

I couldn't reach my bag to do anything about it, either. I managed to get a towel to sit on to spare our car seat, but... it was the most disgusting ~4 hours of my LIFE and it was even more awks when we got home and had to greet family. He had to distract them while cackling like a hyena as I slipped in and made a direct path to the bathroom.

And that is definitely the reason why we are still together. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health.

@TheOnceler I just died. Loudly, and squawking and clapping like a seal.

@surreality I love how this has a happy ending (you made it home safe physically... if not completely scarred for life mentally/emotionally) because I was literally bracing myself for sharks or war. I was thinking it might end with "... and that's how I got this here scar...."

I'm so glad other people started sharing because I was nervously awaiting the next reply like, "Well I hope SOMEONE replies with a story, otherwise this thread is going to definitely be me just oversharing to the whole of MSB. Repeatedly."

These were great, and put a smile on my face. Thank you!

@surreality Thank you! I'm glad I made someone laugh!<3

We are here because obviously we all love to tell stories. So lets do just that. Tell me something embarrassing that happened to you! I know this is closely related to the RL peeves/things I like threads - but these can be of a more comical nature! And because I like to make people laugh, I will get us started. Warning: cringe, gross.

PINK TORNADO: A TRUE STORY

My husband, a good friend of mine, and I went out to eat at Wimpy one day. That's a British burger chain that we have here in South Africa. Think McDonalds, but with a little bit more class.

I had a bacon and avo burger, coke, chips/fries, and a huge bubble gum pink strawberry shake. I have never had a strawberry shake before but either I was feeling cheeky or they didn't have chocolate.

That's important, remember that.

We didn't really know what to do next, but we decided after some maximum pleading by my friend to go down to the beach front where they have a carnival type thing set up. You know the drill. Rides, corn dogs, funnel cakes, games, prizes.

We got our tickets (only a few, enough for like an hour of rides and bullshit max) and we start out with the craziest ride they have. It was fine. Then we went on three more.

They were fine except I was feeling really full still and nothing was sitting right.

Me: "My dudes, I'm not feeling well. I think I'm going to sit the next ride out. I just need to uh stretch my legs or something."

Friend: "For fucks sake, <nycto> we have like four more tickets lets go on one more ride. That's enough for two of us to go on the swings. Just one last one and then we'll go home ok?"

M: "I don't know can't <husbando> go instead?"

Husband: "No I don't want to go I'll stand here." Thanks, husbando.

F: "STOP BEING SO BORING <NYCTO> LIVE A LITTLE YOU'RE SUCH A P****."

Fine.

I'll go. Where are we going? Please, the ride with the shortest line okay? The swings. Absolutely no line. Lets go, <friendo>. Husband goes to stand over /there/ out of the way.

So you know the swings, the giant carousel looking mother fucker with a bunch of swings instead of happy go lucky horses and shit? That one.

So being the only ones in line we are sat across from each other. She's far away, and the pole of the center blocks our view of each other. The guy waits for a few more people of course, but it was sparsely populated and off we go.

It was gentle. The breeze felt great, cooling off the ever increasing sheen of sweat accumulating on my brow. My stomach was still not feeling great though.

Really not great.

Really, really.

Really.

Not super.

Why isn't this fucking ride ending? I have been on this fucking thing for five fucking minutes. Six... I know there is no line but shit this is.. getting less and less fun. Does this guy think he's doing us a favor by making the ride go on and on? Pleaseletitend, pleaseletitend, please please...

"HEY." I try to call out to the operator. "HEY WILL YOU PLEASE STOP."

"STOP THE RIDE PLEASE. HEY."

"The RIDE. STOP."

"HEY."

"HEY."

"PLEASE STO--ablregrablhebluuuuu."

Time slows down. I try to put my head down and hope for the best, but I have to shut my eyes to keep my bubblegum pink vomit from splashing back up into my eyes and I don't have full range of motion of my arms. So I am helpless. So I'm trying to flap my arms for attention.

Like some sort of fucked up flamingo.

I hear a choir of "Ewwww," which thanks to the doppler effect got louder and softer and louder again as I went around and around. When I could finally open my eyes I catch a glimpse of my husband matrix dodging pink puke bullets in the sidelines and the operator desperately trying to get the ride stopped as quickly as possible.

I think I might have blacked out. The next thing I remember is my husband wrapping his arm around my shoulder and lending me his jacket, guiding me away from the swings and past a group of no less than 20 spectators that are covered in bubblegum pink splash.

Their infant is crying. The kid that I hit behind me is crying.

My friend that forced me to go on the stinkin' ride is just fucking /gone/.

While crossing the fair and skate park beside it I clear a radius like a leper. No one stands in our way. No one asks questions. A hush falls over the crowds and all there is, is this dance music that keeps thrumming in my throbbing head. It's somehow haunting, somehow... creepy. If you've ever been in an abandoned amusement park, you know the feeling I'm speaking of.

Since we were at the beach there were showers. I tried my best but ended up abandoning my clothing in the parking lot and riding home in my bra and panties. The stench was unbearable.

At the car we catch up with my friend. Who doesn't talk to me all the way home.

She never invited me to the fair again.

And my husband? He said it looked like a pink tornado.

We don't talk about that day much anymore.

@Auspice you know how people say you have a doppleganger somewhere in the world?
I dunno what ya look like but I think you are my medical doppleganger.
My hair did the same thing. I mean its falling out how due to hormones (getting better now i think but we will see in 3 or 4 months) but... it was a very weird experience. Especially at the back of my neck i have spiral curls. Like where the fuck did yall come from?