I mentioned a little bit ago I was in Hospice with my brother. He had cancer and I was the only one who could visit him as they limited visitors to siblings, children, and parents because of Covid. Just two sisters and myself were allowed as our parents are deceased and he had no children. One sister couldn't go because of lung surgery. One because she was an ER nurse and got covid; she has been on Workman's comp for two months due to the long-term damage.
I spent the last three days of his life there with him. Watching someone choke to death consciously is hard especially when it is slow over a couple of weeks and they are looking to you and begging for help each time. It was not until the last few hours that he slipped from consciousness. He went a week without food and it took five days of no real material drinking. He was a skeleton at the end.
I started getting right with myself. I hadn't been able to eat for weeks through the ordeal. Nerves, stress, anxiety, and depression. I threw up everything I tried to eat for the most part. But I got a week of time off from work and used it all week to get to a point where I could just breathe and feel alive again.
I got Covid symptoms late last week. Confirmed this week.
I can barely breathe without a stabbing pain in my chest. I've been in once for low OSAT and steroids and treatments got me back up. The doctor tells me to stay active to avoid pneumonia as I'm on the verge of hospitalization and today I tried to vacuum two rooms. I was drenched in sweat and couldn't finish and I am a pretty active for an unhealthy guy.
I am very active in Civil Rights in my community. It has been rough here. I have been protesting for BLM every weekend. In my community we were accosted by 1% bike gangs and the Aryan Brotherhood. One Trump supporter choked and assaulted the campaign manager for the local democrat running against Gohmert (of recent Covid fame). The bikers have threatened my life, stared us down armed while intimidating and making us feel utterly vulnerable and unsafe.
The next rally we had (black women's march) we armed about 15 (mostly black armed) of us. I made the news.. again. Biker's drove around our march throwing nazi salutes but kept away once we were armed. It was the most peaceful protest we have had here.
I've been asked to meet with the local sheriff (when I'm through this) and community leaders to resolve tensions and had to delay things. I'm also supposed to speak not too long from now on removing a Confederate Monument from our local courthouse. I truly truly want to do these things but only after I'm in the clear healthwise. And I have anxiety I may never be the same again.
Not a plea for help. Just typing it out helps. It's not my role in my family to be weak or in need. Or at least, I have a hard time doing such -- I'm always the person that is strong or seen as the leader I guess.
Cancer sucks. Covid sucks. Black Lives Matter.