Best posts made by Caryatid

Time to admit that the hiatus is over.

I think it works best when the system accounts for social started beasts being allowed and able to affect the environment. Combat monsters might be able to punch through your face. Social monsters can make a phonecall and suddenly the local police are tweeting that you're being sought for petting underage puppies, suspect is armed and dangerous, if seen please call Crimestoppers for the thousand dollar reward. Social characters should be liked by and in the world, and have the influence to absolutely wreck someone's life from a distance in the same way a physical sort can wreck their life close up. But most games don't account for, support or encourage that sort of play either.

@Sparks I would also play the hell out of a Sunrunners setting, oh my god are you kidding me.

@tek I'm on Arx? It's not a rejection, I'm just already there.

My personal experience with one of the staffmembers of Ithir was being subjected to skeevy creeping, manipulation, and gaslighting so he could always have his way. Another of the staffers is someone whose personality and methods of interaction I do not get along with. I'm not putting myself through any of that again.

@paris Possibly because this is the thread about how to improve MSB and its atmosphere, and you're demonstrating why people feel the need to make that push?

@Arkandel

What @Roz said. I would wonder if they maybe knew there were issues with their all male team and how they might react to a female coming on board.

A woman coming into a tech setting will probably (as others have said) anticipate the environment being male-heavy. A better way to show instead of tell (thereby risking her reading into a well-intentioned question that still gives weird vibes) is to, before or after the interview, tour the interviewee through the workspace. Let them see, yep, there's a whole bunch of penii in here. Don't mention it. Don't bring it up.

Updated, not presently playing anywhere atm. It might be time for a hiatus to rebuild some tolerance to the usual MUSH nonsense.

As someone who struggles with this as well, my number one piece of advice (which goes hand in hand with what everyone else has said) is this:

Learning how to consistently do this after a lifetime of not is difficult. You’re not going to wake up tomorrow after this thread being capable of being Wonder Woman. It’s easy to read good advice, harder to apply it and hardest to internalize it as habit and reflex. Do NOT beat yourself up if you don’t always manage it, remind yourself “this is a process”, and know there will be ups and downs, failures and successes, as internal and external circumstances have their way with you.

You’re already doing good to recognize the issue. The rest will come with time and effort and a few bruises. Be easy with yourself.

@mietze I'm going to grab some of those meditation via phone thingies, that sounds very useful.

It's a tricky thing, that sense of need for reciprocation and also not wanting to put more on staff's plate (especially when it has been very clear just how busy they are). When you're very good at giving, it can be so so SO hard to put out a hand and request the same. Especially when give is the first instinct and it's easy to assume (we judge others according to ourselves) others are wired the same way.

I've had some success by consciously listing what I have been given by others, whether it's them reaching out to offer help or a hook, providing a shoulder to lean on when I've given into venting, or even just dropping me a nod or a compliment. Maybe those haven't always come from the direction I was looking in and hoping about, so it's too easy to forget, overlook or overshadow the good with the perceived bad. I am trying to be more conscious of the good and also more vocally appreciative of them that share it with me.

@moth

I haven't heard anything about you but I suspect I would not given the suspected sources. I do think you are very much more of a frontal assault style operator. I think you genuinely felt remorse over the last whisper campaign you engaged in against someone else.

Having engaged in it, I think you can probably also use that to dictate your response now. What worked then, for the aggrieved parties? What didn't?

I do believe that when you have seen someone do this multiple times, when they have involved you in doing this against others before, and when they are finally now targeting you (it's such a classic pattern, isn't it?)... that is a good time to sever. Hard. Possibly with a machete. Toxic patterns of behaviour exhibited by those who clearly have no interest in altering those patterns are going to continue to cause damage, full stop.

Telepaths. Oneironancers (dream walkers).

Mrow.

@Thenomain

Dude. You just said you admitted to being a dick. You recognized you were being a dick. You have owned up to your dickishness. And yet, in her own advertisement thread, @Kanye-Qwest is not allowed to call you out on being a dick, in direct response to the dickery that you have confessed to?

C'mon. That's not cool.

Also? Arx is a fine game designed by a fine team, one of whom happens to have a vagina instead of a penis. WTF does being a man have anything to do with the design of the game?

@Ganymede

I don't know what you mean.

@tat Voila.

@Ominous I personally would prefer an original theme mutant game. I don't want to just be an audience or play a minor satellite for FCs, or play someone else's concept in the long-run. The OC VS FC spats you see on comic- and movie-themed hero games get pretty nasty too. But anecdotally speaking as someone who has played on any number of mutant-themed games, I feel I'm in the minority. I think it comes down to whether whether a game creator aiming for original mutunts/superheroes can be happy with a smaller playerbase. Maybe 10-20 players at most.

I have lost a child and long-beloved pets. I grieved for them all in very, very similar ways. It is very alike. @badger, be easy with yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss but also glad she was so loved. All my hugs to you.

@Ganymede makes a good point. I've been that person who hasn't spoken up to staff because of past experiences with shitty reactions when trying to fix a perceived problem. I've also been that annoying person who goes stomping up to staff on behalf of others because they're too shy, or not brave enough, or have been burned one too many times and don't have the energy to make the attempt themselves.

I'd say 9 times out of 10 when something shitty happens on a game, it is discussed. Maybe not too or with staff but it's talked about. That means it's possible to learn about it somehow. Good staffers keep their doors open and their ears to the ground because they understand that there are a thousand reasons for players to not immediately speak up, and because they understand that while some will vote with their feet, others will keep their heads down and stay, and they want to make things better for those who do.