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Worst of McMansions

I'm not wholely unconvinced that this isn't a troll topic intended to manufacture outrage. In any case, this is a terribad idea.

As a current LARPer and MUer, I'm not super prone to bleed these days. I'm not sure why that is because I was certainly way more vulnerable to it when I was younger and experienced a certain amount of it. I was fortunate that it never had destructive consequences and that the people I larped and mu*ed around were constructive, healthy enough to participate in making sure there were boundaries to prevent that.

When I was in mid-20s, I was in a game where my PC was in an intense romantic relationship with another PC. The game was online but myself and the other player knew each other from local larp circles, so we were friends offline before this pairing in-game happened. He happened to be married at the time. I was not. Things sloshed over for both of us in terms of bleed. We were able to hit the breaks, acknowledge there were feelings that while 'real' they probably didn't actually mean that we wanted to hit self-destruct on our social circle and his marriage just because we felt that way, this was an infatuation, and we just let the thing run its course.

I was lucky because if we hadn't taken a step back, we probably would have enthusiastically let bleed dictate behavior, a huge explosion would have happened, and at the end of all that, it would be the last few minutes of The Graduate but in real life, so the slow seep of regret and divorce attorneys.

This is all to say that I think the first step is acknowledging that it happens and that none of us are robots and that brains and hearts are easily mutable and changeable things when it comes to manufacturing emotions and then leaving them unattended. And I think having serious conversations with the people around you that you trust about how to pull the fire alarm if something happens, before it happens.

And there are other kinds of bleed for sure. Nordic format larps and some MU* are really good at the suffer puppet game where intensely shitty stuff happens in a game and then you're stuck in your feelings about it. The larps at least have a de-role and debrief process that gives you tools to separate yourself from the events at the very end of the event (often with mental health professionals involved)-

A de-role exercise I really like is taking a piece of your PCs costume and then literally putting it in a box and basically giving your PC a eulogy. It really helps, I think, with reframing context: this PC was 'alive' for a weekend and now, it's not. There was then and this is now.

I think some of these exercises can be translated into MU* spaces.

I really, really don't want to get into a whole situation where we're doing the whole toxic positivity thing that we see so many gamers do to each other, where we police all criticism unless its is worded in the most gentle glowing tones about games and their runners or people can get the hell out and die lonely and alone at the edge of the universe.

This board exists to call out bad behavior of which there is plenty, possibly too much in this hobby because all of the shit that goes on thrives in darkness and disconnection. So, it's shitposting. It's shitposting for an ultimately good cause even if it has to set shit on fire to clear the weeds out. With this comes people who are bad actors or are more often, horribly nearsighted about their own behavior and don't see how they've contributed poorly to situations. I can point out one specific incident that happened recently and actually concerned my character on a game. The decision to not clapback was based on the fact that the person doing the shitposting has their own history of bad behavior and ultimately, it didn't matter what I said back. People would decide that they were being horribly persecuted or like, perhaps maybe... they're just not lying but in fact more than a little self-deluded about cause and effect.

I think we need to give ourself more credit to smell bullshit when its bullshit, even if we don't clapback.

I made it past 1L in law school and fucking quit. I crushed my 1L fall exams (the hardest set of exams in law school or so they claim but I think its mostly because you're properly traumatized after that) and then realized that I hated everything about the idea of being a lawyer and quit.

I have considered going back because I could use this skill set for something else. I can't fucking make a decision about this.

I am that person who has to research a major purchase or life change to death. It's not indecision - I want to know the things so I can make the best decision.

I think burial is an absurd waste of space and insist on being cremated. Ideally, I'd like my ashes spread in space.

I've been to 27 countries and have 2 more on the list in 2019.

My uncle (who survived Stalag 17 and jumped out of a burning plane falling out of the sky to save his own life in WW2) is probably actually my grandfather. I won't be able to pry into this until after my father is dead out of respect to him.

I have no tattoos out of respect to my mother, who is violently offended by them. I will pursue one after she passes away.

I think half the battle is getting people to recognize that it is time to go. Alot of people hang on too long out of some mix of stubborn refusal to tap out, because they think they're having fun, or because they're staying for their friends (who are often also just staying for them right back).

And for a lot of us, it takes time to hone our noses and sniffing out a situation before its gone over the edge. I'm not sure I've mastered it but I have gotten a lot better. So my reasons in no particular order.

1. Bad/incompetent staff.
2. Unprofessional staff. This isn't the same as bad/incompetent but it can be. And staff isn't really a 'job' but you are required as staff to sort of sign on to the idea that you'll hold certain things in confidence and not share it with other players, use channels for inappropriate subject matter, etc. You might run a great plot but if you're kind of a dumpster fire of a person ... no thanks.
3. Close RP Collaborations Soured By Bad Behavior. I've left games and group concepts over a player's casual relationship with being honest, crappy and selfish behavior on an out of game level, and people hitting the self-destruct button and doing something mean or bizarrely hurtful with intention before they'll say 'I would like to do something else'.
4. Games That Have No Direction
5. Games That Are Moving At Warp Speed. I tried to play Arx for a small bit of time. I literally don't remember who played. I just had no hope of keeping up with the players who had employment or life situations that allowed them to be online all day. And this isn't salty shade - I just knew that I couldn't keep up, couldn't come to events at the pace that plot was moving at the time, and I'd be constantly playing catch up. It was a bad match in terms of the game pace and my availability so I ducked out.

I am jet lagged af. My body thinks I should still be on another continent. I keep reminding myself its Saturday here now where I am.

In past times, I would have bought myself a pity pizza from feeling tired and cranky and shitty and slightly disconnected from reality from the three other things and then been kind of shitty to myself about it afterwards.

I made the decision to cut sugar about 6 months ago. I know, I know I've become one of those people who is one or two lifestyle choices away from irritating the fuck out of everyone I know about crossfit. But honestly, I feel better. I sleep better. I lost weight though I wasn't really trying.

Instead of ordering a pizza and getting into a wretched body image argument about it after the fact, I made sugar free french style custard (I got a ice cream machine for the holidays) and now I'm sitting on my couch, eating chocolate chocolate chip sugar free ice cream and not having a body image freak out.

@meg Thanks I appreciate you saying so. I know its a weird and irrational feeling to have but those are the nature of feelings. I think its rooted in feeling like there's not much out there in Mu* land lately that feels like a vibrant game and is also a theme or system I enjoy playing. I think if there were more games operating lately, it wouldn't feel so 'privileged by conditions that allow you to be online at certain times' vs. 'you can't have nice things for arbitrary reasons'.

I guess I'll just watch and wait and hope that of the initial surge, the population levels out and they start accepting applications.

@Arkandel said in Game of Thrones:

@Lotherio said in Game of Thrones:

Double ... For what its worth, I'm feeling over the abundance of comic genre and zombie genre and supernatural genre stuff on TV, if this heralds in a few more fantasy series in the end. Then I'm grateful they got in the dragon stuff and some of the magic and the general populace has taken to it in droves, could get a few more things out there I'd like to see in TV series format.

What worries me is this kind of stuff costs a lot of money and sooner or later there will be a bust. Probably sooner.

If you produce the next Vampire Diaries drama and it doesn't go well it's not a big deal because the fake fangs and colored contacts prosthetics aren't a big deal. Sink million dollars per episode into a Wheel of Time adaptation that doesn't work and suddenly the producers' narrative will shift wildly into 'oh, the public is tired of fantasy, let's go back to cop show procedurals'.

This is more or less what happened with Chronicles of Shannara on MTV. It wasn't all that good, MTV didn't know what to do with it, and then cancelled it after dumping a bunch of money into a show on a network that's audience wants to watch 'reality' shows featuring reasonably attractive people making terrible romantic decisions.

I think there's worth in questioning if the game environment you're in is really actually good for your mental health or if you're just treading on a wheel thinking that a change will come. Sometimes change does come along but often, due to sunk cost principal, FOMO, and the general idea that everyone else seems to be without struggle... we keep scratching away at something that isn't meant to be.

Sometimes a game environment is clearly a toxic dump on fire which is easier in a way because it's a much easier sign to get out. Sometimes it's just not a match and it's no one's fault.

It may be the case that this is your body/brain's way of saying that it needs a break from this hobby. Not forever. Not even overly long. But just for a bit until things don't feel so clouded over by an inner narrative that isn't making it fun.

I guess I'm just a believer in not forcing things when the answer might be to dust off a different hobby for a while and take the pressure off this one.

@Macha This is not weird at all, at least not to me and I don't believe in woogie or woogie adjacent stuff. The day my dad died, I woke up with a horrible stomach ache around 4 a.m. and not long after I got the phone call. It wasn't until a few hours later when I found when my dad passed I realized that the pains that woke me up were in the same window of time when he died. Some things just can't be explained and sometimes, maybe it's better without an explanation.

May her memory be a blessing.

@Cupcake

I'm from the Midwest so allow me to be your passive aggressive translator. Trust me, being from the Midwest by the time you invariably run screaming away from your flyover state after high school, you have a goddamn fucking PhD in passive aggressive control freak ninja small talk and you can spot another one at 90 paces.

This lady? She just didn't want your dog in there.
Why? Because she is the unspoken arbiter of all things common sense and righteous aka 'the way she likes it', see also 'the way its supposed to be according to her'
How? There are multiple approaches. This a common one: the created false threat aka concern trolling. 'I am allergic to dogs and this is supposed to be a safe space for me and aren't you concerned that you might be making other people feel unsafe and what if there are children and and what if your dog bites them and and and...' Yeaaaaah. Another is the syrup sweet backhanded verbal stab, i.e. 'what a cutie! he looks so happy! I bet he's just counting the minutes until he can get out of here and go on his walk!'

If this lady were as allergic to dogs as she claims to be, then she could either a) approach the the manager and explain the situation and try to work something out if she didn't feel like she could near you without inhaling dog danger or b) come back later. B sucks a little more but again, if you're that allergic to anything, you're not going to do the backstroke in what makes you violently ill just to prove some stupid point.

So yeah, she's just a entitled ninny who has a thing about dogs being places.

@Lotherio

I prefer very clear policies, even at the risk of going overboard on the overly specific because it sets clear, non-subjective expectations. Example:

'Don't be a dick on +channels' v. 'Disruptive behavior and hate or harassing speech/subjects will not be welcome on channels.'

I also prefer clear policies on how you intend to discipline players who violate things. Example:

'First Offense: Written Warning
Second Offense: 7 day temporary ban
Third Offense: You will be excused from playing here permanently'

@tek

Would this happen to be Dark Spires?

This is the only game where I've seen this policy but there may be other places. The reason that I was told when I wondered about it is the game owner is personally affected by this issue to some extent (I don't know/didn't ask for specifics) and often finds that people who play mental illness tend to play it as unhinged crazy or socially maladjusted, that it borders on offensive stereotype or is just entirely unpleasant to have to RP with.

But it makes sense that other games would ban these concepts, as well.

For Me, This Is Where I Stand:

• Source Code: If it's on a public git or is marked expressly open source, it's fair game but its also good manners to credit the dev. As many of the tools that exist in games now are improvements off the source to either work in the game code structure or just work for how you want it, it's always nice to show off your work but credit the originating dev as well. That said if its not open source, don't use it without permission.

• Wiki Code: If its something very signature, ask and credit. If its basic code that you can find on any number of public resources, then it's fair game. I don't think there's particularly anything wrong with taking basic code that's open source and changing it your needs, especially if the signature holder doesn't want to share but I would avoid putting yourself in a situation where it appears you just c/p'ed the code.

• Plots & Rules: A lot of plots or rules are version of retread from another game or idea. There are fresh takes on ideas but there are not that many new ideas under the sun at some point when it comes to story and most rule sets on games are not re-inventing the wheel. That said, it's not cool to copy and run plot verbatim without permission.

• Flagrant Plagiarism In General: Open source doesn't really fit into this dynamic because the whole point of open source is that you put the code out there for general public use. You basically give up control as to what happens next but the social contract with it is the person taking isn't a total garbage fire with it. Wholesale stealing of entire wikis, characters, closed source code and flatfiles - don't be that guy..

I've been thinking about this alot and my answer still generally sorta circles back to the same thing:

Will engaging in this RP give me something I didn't already know?

Will engaging in this RP make me feel fundamentally worse about myself/the world?

These answers to these questions are entirely personal. I do know what my hard pass limits are in terms of things that won't be edifying and will just make me feel like shit: toxic relationships on an infinite loop, cheating in romantic personal RP (being the cheater or the cheated on) where there is no advance OOC agreement that this could happen and everyone's cool, rape/sexual assault plots, and casual bigotry and racism that won't change or will get worse.

And you participate or not as you are so inclined.

In a larger perspective, other games in other formats also run into this. I was involved in a discussion with someone who is developing a game based in US History in New England after the American Revolution. He's wrestling a lot with whether or not to include slavery as a thing.

He can either make it so that slavery was not a thing for various revisionist reasons and the people who make up that game population would exist as any other white, land owning dude at the time.

Or

He can include slavery and portray it accurately, including having it be a playable template where your PC is probably never going to be released into their autonomy and (eta) probably treated fucking horribly.

To do the first is to gloss over that it happened and make it more palatable for the people who wouldn't play because they don't want to play in a game that even has that going for it. But in doing so, makes a very important black eye in the history of the US non-extant and makes a whole other social, economic, and psychological aspects of theme that much harder to explain or have happen.

To do the second will certainly send people fleeing in the other direction of participation because there are people who will not for whatever personal reasons want to touch that theme with a 10 foot pole.

Or

The will touch it with a 10 foot pole and try and 'fix it' by immediately freeing the slaves and avoiding any RP about the thing we did but won't talk about because its too horrible to contemplate. We fixed it and we've moved on. Quickly.

There's kind of a no-win thing here. And I'm not sure there are any good compromises. I think it comes down to you either accept your theme has grimdark edgelordy themes and you don't make any effort to put lipstick on it or you don't include them or re-imagine a universe that this didn't happen in. It's kind of an all or nothing proposition.

As a PC, for example, I can avoid a rape story line in game by being firm that I don't want to RP about this, don't drag me into this, and take it elsewhere. It's a single act of awful brutality but it won't actually necessarily (hopefully) sink the game. Wholesale perverse religious or cultural values aren't in the same bag though. A PC can't escape these things as the world is soaked in it. So its either in or out. Unfortunately.

@Lithium I quit when they made the decision to let a player back on the game who had been kicked off for sexually harassing female players because he claimed he had medical issue that caused him to do that. And if that's actually true, I was still pretty grossed out by the staff decision to prioritize someone who might or might not have a medical issue that causes them to be sexually inappropriate towards female players as more important than protecting female players from being harassed.

Yeah, I mean, warning labels are helpful. Definitely. If you put on your +finger or +wiki, that your character is the wooooorst then I will decide appropriately if I want to take that in, in character.

I think essentially what this distills down to for me is giving most people a fairish shot ICly and as @Miss-Demeanor has already noted getting a one note feral trick pony back every time.

My PC: Hello, how are you? What's your name? I'm Bob. Lol, we're in a forest. This is weird, right?
Their PC: SNARL SNARL FROTH FROTH ARRRRRAWRAWRAWRAW CUTTING INSULT SMIRKY SMIRK
My PC: Cool. Catcha... later?

A few days pass.

My PC: Hello there again. Uh, are you interested in looking for wood for a fire with me?
Their PC: CUTTING INSULT SMIRKY SMIRK VEILED THREAT SNARL SNARL FROTH FROTH
My PC: Yeah.... uh. Peace.

Like, wtf, man?

I think I'd rather not have a PB at all vs. staff picking one for me or not otherwise having some ability to change it later.

For me, PBs are kind of malleable anyway. I try to pick out either random photos of non-famous people or people if they have some amount of fameballery its not necessarily high profile in North America. I take them as suggestions and not really gospel so highly famous PBs in any scenario kinda clashes with how my imagination is processing things.