Best posts made by Kestrel

@Tinuviel

When you're going through a thing IRL and completely independently, by sheer coincidence and not even your own initiative, a thing happens on a MU* that just 100% resonates with that RL thing you're processing and actually really helps.

In this particular situation it's a thing I feel like I can't talk to anyone about IRL, but then someone else's character decided to talk to my character about that exact same thing, through the lens of their own experience and fictional IC circumstances.

I've heard people say you shouldn't use MU* for therapy, and at least consciously, I don't. But I think that storytelling has therapeutic capabilities that even the staunchest of separatists can't/shouldn't deny. I have favourite books and shows and movies I return to in times of need; RP offers similar, yet without control or predictability. That's surely why in part you shouldn't use it for therapy, (plus not expecting/demanding/asking anything of other players) but when the stars align and something just somehow hits, it hits. It's powerful and it's precious.

So a scene today has left me really emotional, but in a really positive, helpful way. I feel seen — and by someone else's fictional character, at that, whose player had no way of knowing that their story could strike this kind of chord with me.

This hobby is great, and storytelling is fucking magic. For all the gripes and peeves this forum in particular is so well known for — those lows wouldn't be felt if not for the capacity for such ecstatic highs.

I worked in field science; which, for the uninitiated, is the jocks' table of the science world / academia, compared to the nerd's corner that is lab science. It was white male-dominated and physically demanding, with a strong bro-culture of whey-chugging rugged-wildman-machismo, casual sexism/homophobia, etc. The toxicity ruined what was otherwise a dream job for me.

You can't expect to change something like that overnight, but you also don't need to overthink it. The simplest tips that would have made a world of difference for me are:

• Listen to women
  &
• Read a room

Women aren't an alien species. We really don't have any kind of unique set of wants you need to be particularly attentive to. We just wanna be treated like people (i.e., not on the basis of our sex/gender) and it's really that simple.

In theory, women should let you know if something makes them uncomfortable, but the problem is that calling something out often puts us at risk of being conflated with the issue we're drawing attention to; the blame is placed on us, for complaining about it, rather than on the source of the actual problem.

e.g., Kestrel is a loud-mouthed feminist who's constantly complaining about how we do things around here.

Rather than:

Our sexist work culture is making our valued employees feel unsafe and unwelcome, and impacting their productivity/satisfaction.

Women know this. Any woman who's ever held a job, especially in a male-dominated field, is likely to at some point have been the target of inappropriate sex/gender-based harassment, and learned the hard way that attempting to resolve the issue often puts them, rather than the person they're complaining about, at risk.

@Arkandel, even if you think that's not a concern that women should have under your employ, they aren't going to intuitively know that and if they're older than say, 18, are going to err on the side of caution when it comes to protecting themselves vs. just being willing to put up with a certain amount of shit.

This is why it falls on you, as someone who cares, to listen to women and read a room.

A woman who's uncomfortable at work isn't likely to outright say it. By the time she does, you can bet it's because she's already reached her upper tolerance limit for politely ignoring the issue.

So if at some point during a meeting she says, politely, even with a smile, playing it off as humour, any statement along these lines:

• 'Don't interrupt me.'
• 'Thank you for your input. As I was saying ...'
• 'Let me finish.'
• 'That's not appropriate.'
• 'Yes, I think I suggested that earlier.' (after someone tries to play off her idea as theirs)
• 'Is that all you think about?' (in RE: sex jokes etc.)

Or if you notice she's been trying to say something for a while and keeps getting cut off, or is looking uncomfortable, leaning away from someone who's "being hilarious", frowning at their jokes while everyone else in the room is laughing ...

Don't assume it's harmless. Don't assume it's all in good fun.

If you're arbitrating a discussion, it's your job to let people know when they're taking up too much space. If you notice someone's been trying to speak for a while, cut off the person who's interrupting them and express that you'd like the other person to have the floor. I'll do this even if I'm not arbitrating; point to a person and say, 'I think x had something they wanted to say.'

If you're in doubt, you can always ask your employee/colleague to catch up with you in private later, after a meeting, to touch base. 'I notice [potential issue], is everything OK? Would you let me know if [person/issue] was making you uncomfortable?'

And if someone comes to you with a complaint without invitation, even if they do so with a smile and assure you it's no big deal — take it seriously.

That's really all you need to do to create an inclusive work environment for all genders.

Kitty is a girl with the right allocations. She is fast, thorough, and sharp as a tack. She has a mind like a diamond — she knows what's best. You can tell from one look at her, with her eyes that burn like cigarettes, that she is the kind of girl who gets up early and stays up late. You bet she has uninterrupted prosperity and good dividends. As she's touring the facilities and picking up the slack, she's putting up her hair and playing with her jewellery, which is when they catch the righteous sun and you notice that her fingernails shine like justice. She has a short skirt and a long, long jacket, with shoes that cut, and she uses a machete to cut through red tape. Her voice is dark like tinted glass, with a smooth liquidation. Her car has a cupholder armrest — it's the kind of car that will get her there. She traded her MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron and her name is now Karen.

(the song)

I try not to be a codependent RP partner but:

That one person you can scene with any day, any time, and no matter what the game, situation or character is you always have chemistry.

Even years later with adult lives and busy schedules, reuniting on another game, even briefly, brings that energy and magic all back.

Like at this point I realise I'm not even here for the game in question so much as here for the person. Which may sound obsessive and weird but I told them and they were just like, 'same tbh'.

Make a thing on a game.

Walk away from that game.

Come back to the game literally years later and see that not only is the thing I made still there, but that people are actually doing stuff with it, enjoying it, customising it, and making it their own.

God. My heart.

Not having a great time unfortunately. I've been trying to join leftist action groups in my area to organise and I keep walking out within the week because they're so often plagued by antisemitic garbage.

It feels like the most acceptable form of racism on the Left and it frustrates me because it pits minority groups against one another and unpacking the propaganda/myths all over every single time is incredibly exhausting. Not everyone perpetuating it knows what they're doing but the toll on me as TokenJew to respond to and address it is the same regardless.

On the one hand, I kind of want to stick around and make things better? On the other, I value my mental health. The ubiquity of this problem really can't be overstated.

My favourite person: I wanna write with you.
Me: Same.
My favourite person: I'm playing in this place.
Me: But that place is a shithole.
My favourite person: OK, I will roll in where you're playing then.
-Literally a day later-
App submitted.

feelsgoodman

Andi on our morning walk today; she's now exactly 9 months old.

We met a father with 3 young daughters, all of whom looked to be under the age of 10. The youngest was at first terrified and hid behind her dad going, 'omg it's a wolf!' But I reassured her that Andi's a good girl and then a few minutes later they were bounding down the street asking for permission to pet her. Andi loves the attention, the kids loved getting to pet a dog, the dad loved seeing it, everyone came out a winner. The girl who was at first scared ended up being her biggest fan to the point where it was hard to eventually move along.

She honestly makes me feel great not just for the immediate interpersonal benefits of unconditional love, but because whenever I take her out I feel like I'm accompanied by this beacon of sunlight who spreads joy everywhere she goes, putting smiles on people's faces and brightening people's day. A teenage girl once stopped me to say, 'Can I pet your dog? Please I've had a really shitty day.' Just ... this dog is such a source of goodness. I love her so much. A perfect being.

@Three-Eyed-Crow said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

@TheBigD said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

"Okay, dude wants to play X, ban his ass because obviously he's a Y."

Where does this happen?

@TheBigD said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

"Okay, dude wants to play X, so let's hear their reasoning and what they want to get out of it."

Or this.

You know in practice what actually happens is that nobody gives a fuck who or what you play until you do something overtly racist/misogynistic/queerphobic with your character archetype, like giving your Jewish character a hunchback and a hooked nose and making them a diabolical banker with gold telekinesis powers, at which point someone rightfully calls you out and you can do one of two things:

1. 'oh my bad I did not think critically about how this would look, you are right to point out I am furthering antisemitic stereotypes and although that was not my intention, I will take steps to rectify this mistake and educate myself so I can do better in future.'
2. 'omg how dare you call me racist that's so insensitive not everyone who disagrees with you is racist why are SJW snowflakes so easily triggered these days, I need a safe space away from these mean callout culture PC brigade unfairly accusing me of racism for your information my half-grandma was Jewish and so is my best friend's dog's vet.'

In the free marketplace of ideas I could not possibly make a judgement call as to which is the better response, just you know, think about it a bit and do some soul-searching and hopefully you'll arrive at the left conclusion.

But I'm just saying, actually nobody has ever asked me why I sometimes play men & non-binary people even though I'm neither of those, or sometimes use Maggie Q and Zoë Kravitz as played-bys even though I'm not black or Vietnamese either. Someone once told me to change one word in my description as (unbeknownst to me) its usage is sometimes controversial so I just did that and then everything was fine. MU cancel brigade, where you at? I'm waiting.

On the Savage Skies he's Aksel & Parrish. He used pretty much the same character description as he did for Erland on Gray Harbour.

Here's the kind of manipulative BS he pulled with me:

<RP Requests> Sophia (@Kestrel) says, "Hi everyone. If anyone's in the mood for some RP I'm in a flexible mood today."
<RP Requests> Sophia (@Kestrel) nudges three prospective alts onto the table.
<RP Requests> Aksel if you give me a few to wake up..

<PM> (to Aksel) Rosa (Romeo) says, "Hey. I wasn't sure how to approach this the other day but truthfully I wasn't comfortable with the last scene I had with you and don't think we would mesh. Your character seems very macho/aggressive and sexually forward. I'm not really into that and would prefer to avoid in future."

<PM> (to Rosa) Aksel blinks slowly, "Um, Okay. I will go ahead and leave you alone and avoid any scenes that you have signed up for in that case. My apologies for Aksel trying to be playful back with Pippin and the like after the joke that had been made. Or will find another game so you are comfortable.

<RP Requests> Bilbo says, "Aragorn and I have a slow-moving open infirmary scene if anyone's interested. Bilbo just brought coffee for everyone who got banged up."
<RP Requests> Aksel says, "Never mind Sophia."
<RP Requests> Bilbo says, "All are welcome, Aksel. :)"
<RP Requests> Aksel says, "Apparently not."
<RP Requests> Sam says, "wha...? What did I miss?"
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "I must have missed something! Anyway, I'm going to change all y'all's bandages, so if you have owies, bring your ass."
<RP Requests> Frodo raps his knuckles on an edge and then holds hand out to Boromir. :3
<RP Requests> Aragorn says, "I think I missed something too? o_O Boromir, come stop me from escaping. >_>"
<RP Requests> Boromir straps
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "Frodo can come sit his spider on your head."
<RP Requests> Aragorn O_____O
<RP Requests> Aksel would come to rp but has been informed that his character is essentially just a muscle bound asshole who makes people feel uncomfortable and that my rp style is just shit. So...
<RP Requests> Merry says, "... whu?"
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "??"
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "Whoa whoa whoa."
<RP Requests> Merry says, "Wow."
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "Well, whoever told him that is probably the actual asshole, so."
<RP Requests> Bilbo says, "Well. That got awkward. Ahem."
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "Be less asshole folks, gawh. Awkward."
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "ANYWAY, anyone else is welcome."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "How about we don't assign the term 'asshole' to anyone without knowing who they are or what happened at all?"
<RP Requests> Sam says, "Whoever told him that, nice going, he logged. That was completely no bueno."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "I think that's the best way to handle it."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "Instead of starting to flame someone randomly based on some dramatic comments."
<RP Requests> Sam says, "it was still no bueno"
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "So it calling people assholes without even knowing who you're talking about."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "So."
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "Sorry, I just expect a little better from people in general."
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "My bad."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "You have no idea what happened though so you don't know what 'better' would entail."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "Let's not assume. That's all I'm saying."
<RP Requests> Sam says, "From what he told me, he got a page--didn't say from who--denigrating his character, his RP style, and generally being very unpleasant."
<RP Requests> Sophia (@Kestrel) says, "Umm. I didn't want this public but OK? I told that person I was uncomfortable with sexual innuendo in a scene I had with him and don't wish to RP with him. I felt I was pretty polite, but firm in saying it. I also did it privately, not publicly, and didn't really want drama over it. But for the curious, that's what happened, and if anyone wishes to avoid me because I'm comfortable setting personal boundaries, that's OK too."

<PM> (to Rosa) Parrish says, "Rosa, You based the entire view of a character and of me as a player off a single interaction and that alts response to a joke YOU and another player had made. That is how it read on my end with your choice of words."

<RP Requests> Merry won't avoid RPing with anyone.
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "Let's at the very LEAST take this off the RP Requests channel, please."
<RP Requests> Sam says, "won't avoid RP'ing with you. But hopefully this can be resolved between both sides involved. You're all really awesome people and I hate seeing things like this happen."

<Chat> Sam says, "Okay, so. drags it down to the chat channel"
<Chat> Merry just hides under an umbrella.
<Chat> Rosa (@Kestrel) says, "It is resolved on my end."
<Chat> Bilbo says, "All is well, and all is well, and all manner of thing shall be well. Let's all enjoy our Saturday. Who's doing fun stuff?"
<Chat> Frodo nosetaps, points at Bilbo.
<Chat> Parrish's debating on leaving the game if that counts as stuff.

I've edited every name in this log except for Parrish, Aksel, me and my alts. To clarify there are no characters called Bilbo/Frodo/Sam/Merry/Pippin/Aragorn/Boromir on this game. (Or if there are, they weren't in this log.)

I don't hold any of them accountable for taking his side because I know they were coming from a good place of protective instinct without being aware of the context for Aksel's protestations. But I'm sharing this because two of the people who drew my attention to this thread and made me realise this was the same person indicated he's highly manipulative, so here's at least one instance of him responding to polite, private rejection with public drama to try and paint himself as the victim and the person rejecting him as the aggressor.

I might have coronavirus.

I'm a health-junkie so feeling unwell or lethargic is pretty unusual for me unless I'm experiencing the joys of being a woman. Thursday though I was taken to hospital because the non-emergency health line I called to describe some symptoms to thought I was having a stroke.

After a lot of tests including an ECG and chest X-ray, they confirmed my heart is fine, even though my heart-rate was very elevated and my blood-pressure was crazy low. They confirmed I have a virus of some kind due to my white cell count in a blood test + other symptoms but the coronavirus swab was inconclusive. So they told me to self-isolate at home for 7 days regardless, which is fine, because all I want to do right now is lie down and have hot baths and drink lots of tea.

Anyway I get a message to open my door today and find ...

1. A dozen roses.
2. Paracetamol + medication
3. Coffee

These are not all from the same person but at least one of the senders (the one I'm not related to) is someone I think I wanna marry right now, but maybe that's just the fever talking.

@mietze said in A bit of trouble on Firefly:

Sadly stalking isn't a big deal to a lot of people. When I explained some stalking and harassment that happened to me and was scaring me at my business, I was told to "adult more" if I wanted to be a business owner and btw was I sure I wasnt just being too sensitive? Wouldnt want to besmirch that person's reputation if I'd just misinterpreted his actions. That really shocked and hurt me but it should not have really given what we have historically tolerated in behavior on games.

This is why I really have very little trust in our community's willingness to really deal with problems until a game runner proves otherwise, and I operate on the expectation that they will always err on the side of people who harass or have that history until it is too bad to ignore.

On nearly every game I've played, this has been the case. I have been labelled the psycho bitch making trouble for men. I've been forum/channel banned on HavenRPG for calling out the arseholes repeatedly stalking and harassing female players on that game. (Hi, Thrace/Issac/Dusk/MisterE/Prometheus & Azazello/Cullen, if you're reading this, fuck you both.)

On TSS, this is not the case, and my trust in @Seraphim73 & @GirlCalledBlu is a big part of why I play their game(s).

@Scissors said in A bit of trouble on Firefly:

It's morbidly fascinating to read about this sort of behavior. The fact that when this guy's loudly blaming people for not having "adult conversations" with him, there is a complete and utter lack of self-awareness of the irony. I mean, even a dog will recognize its own reflection after looking into a mirror enough times.

Can people really be this blind to their own faults? Sometimes I think it is by choice.

I don't think this person lacks self-awareness. I don't think he's blind to his own faults.

I think he knows exactly what he's doing and is being purposefully manipulative by accusing others of faults he knows they might care about, but that he personally doesn't. He's playing gotcha. Can't accuse people of being immature if you can't conduct yourself maturely, now can you? Don't lose face. Stay dignified. Be tolerant. Even as I behave in a manner that is undignified, intolerant and inconsiderate towards you. Gotta prove you're better than me! Otherwise we're the same, you and I; don't stoop to my level.

It's just another variation of the ol' 'so much for the tolerant left'.

Being the first person someone felt safe enough to come out to as bi today. And knowing that everyone else they came out to after was nothing but supportive. Ahhh witnessing baby gay's first steps! I'm so proud!

Getting back into the swing of things after a prolonged break.

Sometimes, I have this persistently unfounded notion that if I go too long without exercising my creative energy, I will have forgotten how to do it. That I can no longer write well, have forgotten everything I ever knew, or have passed my peak, or something equally silly like that. And these anxieties always get worse the more time passes, making the prospect of going back a bigger and bigger hurdle to surmount.

All it takes is one good scene with one good friend and it all comes back. And I remember that no, I haven't forgotten, and (smugly) I'm still a pretty damn good writer.

Those muscles haven't atrophied. They just needed a nice stretch.

@Tirit said in What Would it Take to Repair the Community?:

@Seraphim73 said in What Would it Take to Repair the Community?:

Remove them from your circles instead of just warning the people around you. Tell staffers, share information, cut them out of the community. When they come back under a new name, find them (perhaps find out about them on a board like this) and remove them again.

While I understand and concur with most of your responses, doesn't this sounds a little bit witch hunty?

Call me old-fashioned, but when I hear the term "witch hunt", I tend to think of the hostility women are frequently subjected to, in hobby spaces and in the real world, for refusing to adhere to a gendered social hierarchy. For calling out misogyny when they see it; for setting personal boundaries; for refusing men who feel entitled to their time, kindness, labour and therapy; for trying to warn others about powerful and popular abusers, and exposing them for the charlatans that they are.

You and @Ghost are living in a fictional world if you think that doing the above is ever easy, let alone rewarding, that it involves coasting by on "popularity currency" and doesn't carry serious risks and consequences for the accuser. A smear campaign that was launched against me, to discredit the thread I made about Cullen/Azazello/Surtr, has yet to be recanted by a then-advocate of his, even though she's since come out as a victim; it cost me a real-world friendship at the time. A staff member on the game I was playing used her position to consistently grief and troll me for exposing him. I can't imagine how much worse all of this would've felt had I been one of the many women he'd harmed more directly, or lured into an RL relationship. I can't imagine what it's like to be Amber Heard right now.

An inkling is perhaps why I myself never told anyone about the well-liked Chad in this hobby who abused me personally, not until he was long gone, and even then only to a select few. (Some of whom still managed to disappoint me, based on how they responded.) I would also point out that Azazello coasted by for literal years in this hobby before he was banned anywhere, his reputation very well known, by which point the harm he had already done was immeasurable — and that he was able to continue committing harm for his sick pleasure long after that, too. The backlash against his accusers, however, has always been instant.

A very mild example of the above happened on TSS, too; but because of these boards, and because of excellent staff policies on that game, it didn't go very far. This guy didn't like being privately told no, so he tried to publicly torch me. Thanks, @Seraphim73 and @GirlCalledBlu, for not putting up with that. Thanks for conferring with other witches to kick a witch-hunter off your game.

Even typing up this post, I feel the exact same way I've felt every time I've been in that position before. Does this make me look dramatic? A mean girl, a bully, just plain crazy? And worse, because until my name was brought up in connection with it very recently, I hadn't realised it's what I'm now mainly known for on these boards — will that lead others to question the validity of other claims I've made before? Because that would now carry consequences for more than just me, and it already has.

I'll give @Tirit the benefit of the doubt, actually, because I don't know them, and maybe I'm misattributing sentiment to their relatively few words on this topic.

@Ghost, though? I'm still waiting for receipts. Who have I bullied on these boards? Because I've found myself rereading old threads as a sort of post-mortem for MSB, and realised I was actually incorrect when I claimed I hadn't responded to most of the conflicts you've initiated with me over the years; in point of fact, I have never responded to any of them until the last few days, after you'd decided to label me a bully.

I can recall exactly two people I have ever antagonised on these boards: one is Azazello, and the second is Discordance, a staff member on Haven, for abusing her position to antagonise his detractors. I'm no longer terribly confused by why you see me and so many other "mean girls" as villains, however, because I think the safety of this newly witch-free space has allowed you to start making your agenda entirely clear.

It's curious that we're told "the clique" can't be named, and their crimes can't be listed, because so many people fear their terrible retribution, and therefore receipts can't be produced, either. It's to protect the victims, mostly from women witches.

It's curious that a dearth of receipts seems so much more suspect, and so much less understandable, when it relates to at least a dozen women (and I really think that's an understatement) who have things to say about a single man.

It's curious that @hobos can continue to publicly harass someone who's publicly told him to not contact her, and to cease giving life to malicious and unfounded rumours about her, but that publicly calling him out for doing that is apparently against the rules, and invites hostility from admin voices. Incidentally, the "receipts" he presented, which have since been spun into "omg someone falsely accused him of a literal crime, how damaging", were of a woman — not the one he was harassing — stating that based on his observable behaviour, she would personally distrust and feel uncomfortable with him. I wholeheartedly share this view. I would never trust my drink in the hands of anyone who defended a predator, who has multiple accusers, on the grounds of, 'But my friend from another game knows him and he's a really great guy, it's just the mean girls who hate him for no reason, because they're jealous!' Personally I wouldn't trust my drink in the hands of most men, because we live in a society, but definitely not with someone who shows repeated, continual disregard for others' right to their boundaries, while feigning remorse and vilifying them for it.

I personally have no association of any kind with @Roz, the main "mean girl" I've seen insinuated as a presumed leader of this clique, but I've frequently upvoted her posts on MSB, because I've generally found them eloquent, classy, and intolerant of misogyny or abusive behaviour without herself needing to resort to aggression in the process. From the sidelines, it strikes me that this is what it takes on these boards to now be labelled a "mean girl".

I refuse to take this thread seriously because it's a lie, an exercise in public gaslighting, and a witch-hunt.

I think the way "we" fix the hobby (tbh, not you, but people who are actually walking the walk) is to take the approach I saw outlined here by @Apos.

Lastly, I would just like to commiserate with @Sunny and @GreenFlashlight for prophesying the future of MSB with Simpsons-like clarity two years before we reached this state, even when we were at its peak. You both knew better than me.

@GreenFlashlight said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

Arousal darkened her skin to the warm rosy color of a well-smoked salmon patty. The sight of her made him ache with lust, as if to sprinkle her with salt and a twist of lime juice. He laid her on the sheets as gently as if he were laying her on a bed of rice. The lubricated marital aids lying beside her, waiting for their turns to be used, reminded him of spears of buttered asparagus. He looked down at her and lowered his mouth to her lips as he would to bite into a cheesy garlic biscuit. He missed the Red Lobster in town that had closed earlier this year.

When you start RPing with Person A

And then Person B, who you know is OOCly friends with Person A, starts seeking you out for RP some time after that.

I assume they're gossiping about me and obviously saying good things to each other.

Feels good man.