Posts made by mietze

I'm too old for a jetpack. I would not mind a flying recliner chair though. I have had dreams about that before.

Now that I have had my crying jag about it, I had a pretty bummer day at work today which was ok but what really turned the day into a shitty day was my van dying on the way home.

Tow costs unexpected car costs, I was already out a week of work due to workplace injury a couple of weeks ago. We have 3 tuition bills to pay. Im stressed. But what I cried about is potentially telling one of my kids I can't come visit him at school (I had to miss his university family weekend because of my stupid workplace injury!!! We had rescheduled for this sunday) Until the van is fixed.

I miss my kids and I fucking hate worrying about $$$ and my leg i hurt at work is very painful bc of workday plus extra time on my feet trying to figure out the damn car.

Colin Powell, of covid-19 complications.

While I do put a tip on the app, I also give the driver $10 in cash on top of it (more if its a large order). I shopped/delivered for instacart in the early days and after their tip theft and hiding tips so they could use that factored in to their offer of pay per job (when the customer has 3 days to zero out the tip!) I just do not trust gig companies to pay their delivery drivers or shoppers and prefer that they get the $$ directly from me so I know the company isn't stealing.

That being said though I usually just do store pickup for groceries now. Instacart executives are scum of the earth so I avoid grocery delivery if at all possible.

a coworker refusing to stop putting their hands on another person after that person has told them that the contact is unwelcome and violating seems like a short walk to HR to me. Usually bigger companies don't play with that shit.

Maybe "we" should focus on changing that, rather than focusing on how "we" need to change the fat people. We need to change attitudes and behaviors of almost everyone including insurance company executives and the many people who make a shitload of money in the diet/weight loss industry too.

Just a thought.

But every time someone points out issues with focusing primarily on the weakness of the fat person, or looking at how more health can be attained even in the absence of one measure people freak out. OMFG you're giving up!!! When the reality us that weight loss does not guarantee health and in fact there are some major health risks associated with it as well. Especially if the person goes into the off/on/off/on method. It is probably actually better for someone to stay modestly chunky, get more active and less sedentary, and never lose a pound rather than getting on a cycle of severe calorie deficit eating and weight cycling.

I know it is hard for people to accept that things are more complicated, and a lot of what we "know" is wrong in regards to the realities of weight loss and also impacts to health. I wish more people looked at things other than the fat people with a critical eye.

That isn't giving up, it is looking towards being able to better support people.

People often point towards actions towards the tobacco industry as something to be modeled after, but the issue with that is that when they talk about doing that for obesity they only want to focus on the generic food industry rather than the multiple billion dollar "diet" industry, and that would absolutely need to be part of a crackdown. So its complicated.

Maybe we need to hold ourselves accountable for giving up when we admonish the people who are struggling first and foremost.

Smoking cessation programs often are at least partially covered by insurance. Rarely are weight loss programs. Not even nutritional counseling.

Most likely people who smoke are treated like shit by their doctors I would imagine, but they probably aren't given a pamphlet at every visit trying to drum up business for the associated hospital's program (not covered by insurance usually) where the doctor surgically removes the person who is struggling to quit smoking's hands so that its more difficult for them to keep smoking.

Fat people and smokers though are probably regularly denied competent medical care on a regular basis at every level because the physicians and staff much of the time in their 5 minutes per patient doesn't have time for background information and it's more satisfying to treat the person like they do not know they are fat/a smokers.

I lost over 100 pounds once and kept all of it off for almost 5 years until I got unexpectedly knocked up and them my life situation changed in unexpected ways (some related to that, most not). What worked for me for that long term was no longer sustainable once I could no longer afford to pay out of pocket for very specific therapy and eating disorder treatment. And an injury took me out of continuing to participate in triathlon events and training (still the most fun I've had, loved training). As is very common for huge weight loss, I also developed a secondary eating disorder as a result that also had a major impact on my muscle and bone health.

I can assure you that almost every doctor including those that I went to specifically in the hopes that they could advise me on best practices in my new reality was unwilling to let me get a word in edgewise because what they wanted to do was talk about the bariatric surgery program at the affiliated hospital. I do not qualify for bariatric surgery, even if i could afford it. Due to medical reasons that are right in my chart and I certainly will never qualify for an insurance company's standards even if that wasn't the case because I'm not fat enough!

Now not every fat person has an eating disorder but there are more than most people think. In addition while there tends to be some understanding and acknowledgement of trauma as a background in addictions, very rarely does anyone acknowledge that in weight loss or in the process of long term maintenance.

Many people who have lost significant weight always picture themselves as fat. Body dyphoria is a real thing for many people and it is a huge mind fuck at times. Many long termers I personally know (whether or not they still have maintained) developed related eating disorders as a result. I'm sure there are people who drop 20 lbs and feel great and have no issues (or more). But some people react like a drunk that's gotten sober but moves on to other addictions to cope.

When I first stared regaining I was suicidal. Pretty sure only not wanting to do that to my kids is the only reason I'm alive. To a certain degree I had to decide what mental health and emotion expenditures and finances I had to pick.

I would argue that the time needed the most support from physicians and friends is maintenance. Yet that is when everyone assumes its over because "you look great" (even though many people don't think they look great) and "you're done!"

Stopping any behavior especially when there are issues of changed physiology and also potential mental health or behavior modification issues, along with rather large inequities in quality health care access, ect...it is complicated. Dealing the intricacies and entanglements of an eating disorder has been so damned hard in my own life that I really cannot imagine what it is like to have to deal with similar issues on top of a substance addiction.

So I don't know. Maybe we could not treat people like they're stupid or just need merely the power of positive thinking.

Sometimes people need help communicating.

I do not think that someone slamming a door in someone's face is necessarily more "right" than someone else trying to honor a friend's unexpected ask even while uncomfortable. It might be a culture thing (hospitality) or a number of other things that influence either reaction to someone showing up at their residence unexpectedly.

You and your friend could have called and asked if it was all right to come over also, so both of you could also be seen as having imposed yourself on other people.

Different people have different socialization as well as neurology (plus interaction between those things).

I think this is an important thing to consider when you're mediating uncomfortable communication especially on a text based real time environment.

Personally I do find it helpful to have some cultural expectations put into place even if you think its stupid to name them. I dislike having staff help to work through a breakdown in communication be seen as "getting someone into trouble" but I accept that many people will automatically assume the worst and may lash out at everyone or meltdown as a result.

Communication can be difficult even when everyone else's styles match.

Putting the finishing touches today on converting the downstairs living room into a space that is usable amd safe for my youngest, after it being the domain of the Bigs and neighborhood teen hangout den. It can still be used for that when they are home and will be largely the domain of the bigs on breaks but right now my little guy is having a lot of fun with a new space to hang out and also a better place to start having his friends over to hang out.

Most fun was being on a discord call with all my bigs as they walked me through setting up some of their old game systems as well as chatting about how things are going at school.

Yes, communication is important. Where it gets tricky is when someone was unclear and blunt in saying stop and/or the person who was told to stop refuses to see/hear it. Because I have seen plenty of both.

There are many times if not most times that someone who exhibits unwelcome or problematic behavior will argue that they never understood that they should stop (even when there's documented evidence to the contrary, such as job responses, staff seeing things with their own eyes, ect). Or people who say well, ye I know we discussed last week that I was to no longer contact X player oocly because my comments about wanting their pc to be in a specific relationship with mine was unwelcome, but you didn't say i couldn't direct comments about their pc or themselves on this channel or in metaposes at ic events, how was i to generalize? And while in most cases that's going to be a manipulator trying to manipulate there are people who in fact genuinely do have difficulty extrapolating information.

I know a few people who really have a hard time hearing/acknowledging/abiding by a "no/stop" bevause they get extremely defensive and start spilling into other behaviors. This is very natural i think. But it is important to be blunt and clear (even if it is uncomfortable) and to imo immediate appeal for help if argument ensues.

I do think the issue of allowing people one instance of talking to from staff is largely so that the staff can be sure for themselves the message has been delivered. It is extremely rare that I have had to deliver that as staff where the person did not knee jerk respond they were never told, but the vast majority of those folks where not neurodiverse. Those folks tended to acknowledge that someone did tell them to stop but they thought it was more specific than it was.

I think if you want to have a welcoming game as staff you do have to be willing to facilitate communication and getting on the same page. That is often stressful to the players and so they can react to that intervention badly. How much flailing or flipping out behavior is going to be highly individual to the individual staffer.

Generally I have little tolerance for explosiveness.

@groth not according to the thread.

Managing games where you are going to have to deal with a variety of behaviors (some intentional and some not) and how and when you draw the line is pretty important given how we do have more than a few people in the hobby who are neurodiverse.

If you do not wish to comment on that particular angle or it doesn't interest you then that's cool, but you are also not really the arbiter of what is on topic for a broad thread or not. Unless your thoughts would have taken you off topic, which of of course is totally up to you to decide.

Game management that is sensitive to people who struggle with certain cues or behavior that can create issues when it comes to respecting boundaries is something that many if not most of us who run games have had to deal with, especially when we have empathy for the person exhibiting those behaviors. Or in trying to communicate that in a way that is concise and does not rely on unwritten assumptions.
Whether we too share those impulses or difficulty, whether we have people we know who do, or whether its just so foreign to our existence that we cannot even begin to relate.

I prefer trying to find a consensual outlet for people who like and enjoy arguing fine details ect where they can have fun with others who like doing that without stressing out people who do not over telling people they can never engage in that sort of discussion. I find having a safe outlet leads to less explosive behavior or anxiety in people who are not claiming to struggle while actually using that to push past others' limits, but genuinely enjoy that sort of thing and cannot gauge when they may be making others uncomfortable.

And honestly, I no longer feel obligated to think first about the comfort and protection of someone who is making me feel uncomfortable. It really does not matter what diagnoses someone might have. If they cannot stop when someone says stop then it is probably better for all concerned if they are removed from a game until they can.

There are many people who are not neurotypical who have learned that no/stop means no/stop as well as far more people who are that rely on being able to push past that.

Just because someone does not mean to be harmful or is ignorant of the harm they are causing does not mean that there is no harm happening.

Especially when it comes to harassment or obsessive behavior.

The ability to have conversation that is clear and is paying attention to what the other person is saying, as well as theability to ask clarifying questions is often very much a learned skill.

It is something that has to be worked at and its never perfected. It isn't easy. Some people have more difficulty in learning than others.

I have an adult child who worked his ass
off to improve his skills in this regard because of the field he wishes to go into. He is also on the spectrum.

It is often helpful to learn to stop devaluing or dismissing as "easy" skills that others may be better at than you right now. But even learning how to speak to people in a clear way that has a good chance of them being able to receive what you're trying to convey is a difficult skill to master regardless.

@too-old-for-this I don't know that they don't understand equality. I think they understand it very well. It's just that they quite literally don't want it.

Honestly, as hard as this may be to believe, when it comes to the american religious right, especially in the culty group I was part of, it's less about the target and more about maintaining control of your group.

Pray the gay away/satanic panic/purity culture ect. is mostly about maintaining order and control from within. The damage that does is catastrophic to just about everyone it touches. Including the people that benefit the most, since it turns them into...well, what we see now after 30-50 years of this type of grooming.

It is honestly why you can have people spew the most hateful, despicable nonsense, as well as encourage and support garbage policies and criminal abuse, and then act bewildered when you personally call them out on it. Or be mystified as to how you didn't know they weren't talking about YOUR family.

When you base your belongings and beliefs in a culture of fear and either/or 'goodliness', you reap what you sow, and everyone gets splattered with your grossness.

@arkandel sounds like the equivalent of the folks I know who like to instagram/post about their perfect lives with their picture perfect families and how they grow everything from scratch/are the best homemaker ever/perfect kids, ect.

It annoyed me more before, now I think it's pretty funny, especially when I know how their house really looks/the struggles with their kids/how they buy lysol and cleaning shit in the stores rather than making everything with vinegar, essential oils, and angel poop or whatever.

@greenflashlight I don't think that there's really anyone counterarguing anything. Certainly my posts were not, nor were they corrective. I think honestly that you can kind of tell the base age range of the PLAYERS of a "modern, non fantasy/historical game" by the names they choose, but I think that's WHY you see so many "old fashioned" names because people sometimes utilize web searches and the like. (Also why some of the names that people choosing names outside of their cultural experience and so rely on translation sites can sometimes be unintentionally amusing).

I have found your responses after to be a bit weird/hostile, but as you have now said you interpreted everyone as arguing or correcting you, I guess that's more understandable. And for the record, I don't see anything that you need to apologize for either. It's something you see as weird/unrealistic. Other people might agree or not. It's okay for them, and you. And sometimes you'll make a joke that falls flat or people don't get. That's okay as well? It happens.

was out sick for a couple of days with a stomach-flu-ish illness. Went back to work today, slipped in a cleverly disguised patch of mud in the school's car line (to aid drop off, we go, open the car door, kid hops out, we close the car door, parent drives away, and we can roll through 40 dropoffs in like 5-10 mins). I felt a tweak, which no big. Stepped back so that I could close the car door and almost passed out with pain after my leg buckled under me.

Fun times, I think I had like 5 parents out of their cars and running towards me before I even got spit out of the fog of pain. Super embarassing. Hobbled with parents/coworker help into the building, then went to the urgent care, now I'm out for at least a week with an injured LCL.

I guess I'm not getting a paycheck next cycle, since pretty much half of my paycheck goes to my healthcare benefits payment. L&I may pay a small percentage of lost wages, but since I am perfectly capable of sitting on my ass and doing something technically I'm not out of work out of work (even though my job duties as a preschool assistant don't allow for sitting, and I am not permitted to crouch/kneel/walk without crutches/crawl/ect which is kind of the vast majority of my job, especially the bending/kneeling while talking/helping little people).

So a little depressed. I always miss my kids when I'm away. And having the pay bump has been nice in regards to being able to squirrel stuff away and keep most of our liquid $$$ for college expenses and the like. I'll be fine/things will be fine but I probably shouldn't drive down to meet up with two of my college kids next weekend as I'd planned and me trying to get up and down stairs is comical so I can't even work on my house projects I have going, and I'm just feeling super down. It could have been worse. Maybe I'll heal up faster than expected, nothing is even bruised or swollen! But every time I put too much weight on that knee I literally see stars.

Old fashioned girls and boys names seem to be extremely popular right now. I have a Basil in my class and there's a Edgar and a Dennis in the school as well. I'm very charmed by Basil both my little guy and the name though.