Posts made by Paris

@ganymede I loved Unbreakable. I think what threw people off is that it was a superhero movie before superhero movies became a thing. (And it was not marketed as one.)

@arkandel You should eventually regain the motion. I used to tear up my knee's tendons pretty frequently (I have a congenital tissue disorder), and have had to have it wrapped and immobilized for weeks at a time. When the bandages came off, the damn thing wouldn't bend more than a few degrees. Working the joint carefully should loosen it back up over time.

@mietze I THINK what crushed me this last week was a lupus flare, but I'd been wondering if I'd caught something. I basically spent the week with the shakes (edit: and crazy night sweats) and passing out up to 20 hours a day and am just starting to drag myself out of it. Maybe it was the flu after all!

'Why wasn't I enough?' 'Why didn't/couldn't he love me?' 'Why did he choose her over me?' 'What did I do wrong?' 'Why did he treat me so appallingly?'

@kestrel We find fault in ourselves when we don't feel we can be angry at who's really at fault, partly because of this whole 'there's always two sides' shit that causes unnecessary self-blame. If he treated you appallingly, that's not YOUR fault. That's him being a selfish asshole 100%. You can break up with someone who you don't love anymore without being an asshole. Nobody forced him to treat you poorly, that's all on him.

@cobaltasaurus Oh no! I've been watching this thread for a while. But RL comes first.

Thank goodness you're okay!

@surreality I pay $1200 a year for my doc to come to my home for about a half hour once a month, and get pretty good care-- blood pressure, heart rate, diabetes checkups, etc. An in-person visit is required anyway for my prescription opioids, and this is a lot less rough on my photosensitivity than paying the same to a pain clinic (which dropped me because I pay in cash anyway). But since I often need antibiotics/anti nausea/anti ulcerative colitis/anti migraine/etc etc (because my bodily functions are all mostly shit except for my heart, kidneys and liver) called in at random times, she'll just call that in to my pharmacy without a visit.

Bot's visits are covered by medicare, thank goodness.

I've just gotten used to throwing cash at doctor things, since I'm ineligible for insurance and government aid. (All of my prescriptions are cash only as well, but my pharmacy looks up coupons and deals for me, which helps.)

My peeve this last week and currently is the pretty bad lupus flare combined with us losing our aide. I'm awake roughly 6-8 hours a day and have to fit everything into that time, and then the rest I am a complete zombie who struggles to get out of bed. This means, of course, I no longer get to rp, just sleep, chores, eat, and sleep.

Fortunately it seems to be starting to ease up, I was able to actually get groceries today-- at 8 am, right in the middle of my brief waking cycle. But I commented to Bot that I feel a lot like I'm right back in chemo. One minute I'll be ok and the next my face, hands and feet are numb and I'm falling asleep regardless of what I'm doing at the time, and once I'm down I can't get back up for hours. z.z;;;

I have had surprisingly understanding treatment of my lupus in Vegas as soon as I got here (they even dim hospital room lights when I inform them of my photosensitivity; I go every few months for scans) whereas in southern california I really struggled to get any kind of treatment for years; to the point of a severe anaphylactic reaction from an extreme lupus flare being dismissed as a panic attack at first, and an endocrinologist dismissing my total hair loss and mouth ulcers as 'seasonal allergies'.

IE, keep advocating for yourself and consider moving, if you can.

@tnp I've had to go through several rounds of this to keep my Oxy prescription. I've tried just about every class of painkiller and respond terribly to almost all of them, including other types of opioids. And I'm allergic to pot, so I can't try that as an alternative.

OTOH I respond well to it and don't have a psychological dependence, and have gone cold turkey before. I just dread having to eventually find another doc.

@AeriaNyx And continuing the TMI, I can personally tell you that lack of sleep makes everything, mentally and physically, worse. I have only been able to sleep a few hours a night for a long time (it's caused by lupus and my meds), and sometimes not at all, and my god does it drag at me. It makes my immune system angrier, it fucks with my blood pressure, and I get these horrible racing yammering thoughts that keep me more awake, and then I get these ridiculous notions like I suck, I'm worthless, I'm broken, etc.

Over time, that shit can cause heart disease and all sorts of ugly stuff. It can impair your insulin function. It's really bad for you!

When I can actually get a good night's sleep, especially a few consecutively, I still feel physically worn out, but my god is there a difference.

Please go see a doctor.

@aerianyx We tend to see mental stuff as separate, as if it's just a matter of not trying hard enough, or not making oneself being happy enough, or malingering, or whatever. But the brain is an organ, too.

I have Lupus, which is also an invisible illness. My immune system attacks my body and causes chemical imbalances. It's not like a broken leg; it's ongoing, and sometimes the effects are subtle, and debilitating.

That's how things like depression and anxiety work. They're chemical imbalances, sometimes they cause inflammation, lethargy, fatigue, sleepnessness. It's the brain physically not working properly.

That's why you see a doctor.

Sure, 'others suffer more'. I had stage 3c cancer. Some people get stage 4, should I not have gone to the doctor? I have type 2 diabetes, should I not have that monitored by my doc every month because some people have type 1? My feet aren't falling off, does that mean I should just suck it up and produce more insulin? It's not that bad, right?

Tell that to my friends, several of whom have died and one of whom is in dialysis right now because they didn't monitor and treat their diabetes.

That's the same kind of trap as avoiding help because you're struggling with your brain. It's okay. Society is absolutely stupid about this, but don't let it sabotage your well-being.

@arkandel said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:

Take this somewhat harmless example. I'm in a scene with you and Gany. My character says something confrontational IC and yours comes with a great snappy comeback... then Gany says, OOC, "hahah, she put you in your place Arkandel!". The moment that happens it ruins a lot of that scene for me, as it's reframed from an IC encounter we can all enjoy into an OOC zero-sum game where one person can emerge as the winner as long as the other loses.

I usually don't take that kind of commentary badly if I know the player's just excitable, or it's someone I know who just thinks that stuff is funny, which is usually the case that I personally have found. Especially if they bag on themselves when you get them good, too. Same with variations of, 'Zing!' 'Oh snap!' 'Wreckd!' 'RIP' etc. As they just come off as someone LOLing at the scene, not at me personally.

If it's some rando with passive-aggressive issues, though, that's annoying.

Sort of in the same vein, metaposed insults in a non-verbal pose are annoying, too.

@mietze said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:

To the original-ish point though, boundary setting is not so much about what you do TO or FOR other people. It's more deciding in advance how YOU will react, when someone's behavior starts to feel violating to you, before it gets to the point of being an actual violation..
[...]
Boundaries just are not magical things. I think they're most valuable for keeping your choices and your own behavior on the up and up.

I think this is really key. Boundaries are there so you know how much bullshit you are willing to tolerate before you step back (and then decide on what course of action you will take).

Rarely will an abuser go 'Oh right right sorry!' As they are used to pushing too far. They're an adult, they already know better.

@surreality said in RL Anger:

"Well, can we talk about it?"

"We just have. Non-negotiable."

@tinuviel said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

@auspice I'm good at lots of things.

Ohoho~

@testament The other thing is that if someone was a real jerk to you, and they did not learn that that's not acceptable, they usually will be a jerk to someone else and others will eventually usually connect the dots. It might be kinda late for you sometimes, but it often does eventually come out.

The other other thing is that this type's targeting can feel very personal, but it's not really your FAULT that you got targeted, they're just the type to go after someone and guess who was unfortunately convenient!

@wretched said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:

I think the worst thing is not that we have flaws, but to not work to fix them when you realize it/have them pointed out. I mean people who have known me for a time know i can be more than a little cantankerous, opinionated, set in my ways. I've bitten peoples heads off over little shit and for most of that I have some remorse.

I eventually write people off if that continues, even if they feel bad, because feeling bad and not stopping is pretty awful, too. It's harder to protect yourself, though, because you want to give that person the benefit of the doubt and then oops! Burned again.

Really if everyone's saying the same thing about you it's something to look at, if it's a bunch of different things it's probably personal differences but still worth it to look at and evaluate, but if one person feels that EVERYTHING is ALWAYS your fault, it probably is not, but if it IS, then why didn't they walk away? It's not healthy to keep that going.

Sometimes it's not as important who exactly is WRONG WHERE WHY if the pattern of dysfunction keeps occurring so much as accepting that things are just not working and it's time to disengage. Someone commented above that they crosscheck their every interaction with someone with someone else. It might be simplistic of me to suggest, but I don't think they should interact with that person anymore. It's not working. (Edit: at least, don't interact OOC.)

@aerianyx said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:

Thank you guys. Seriously, thank you so much. This is all really super helpful. Seeing it in writing really helps me absorb stuff, and as much as it sucks that some of you clearly have the same sort of anxiety I do, it's also something of a relief to know I'm not the only one dancing and trying not to trip over myself at the same time.

Something that's become a comfort to me is eventually getting that it's never 'just you'; as a human being in the same society as the folks around you, you're just going to share some very common anxieties, frustrations and hangups.

I mean yes, sometimes it IS just you, but quite often it's nice how much one shares with everyone around them.

@selira said in Good Music:

@kanye-qwest said in Good Music:

I can echo (from a year ago) St vincent and pomplamoose, and I think anyone in the world should listen to Gogol Bordello - Start Wearing Purple, Dogs were Barking, American Wedding, Illumination, I Just Realized...also the best live show I have ever been to, even in a small DC club.

Let's not forget Wanderlust King if we're going for their songs that get you absolutely pumped.

They are /amazing/ live and absolutely the nicest people in person, just all around a fantastic band.

Back when I was going through chemo, my service dog would glue herself to my side for about three full days following my infusion, only getting up from my bed to potty and eat. She'd bring her toy over and insist I hold it while she chewed on it, and would watch me very intently for any sign of trouble.

We couldn't bring her to the clinic itself because she would get very upset that she could not go comfort every person receiving treatment (because they were immunocompromised) and would mope heavily afterwards.

When I am alone at home she reverts to this behavior. But normally she hates to lie down and will play for hours and hours, and is extremely hyperactive. Anyway, she's supercute. Someone the other day leaned over to pet her and then recoiled, exclaiming, 'She's got human eyes!' And the folks at the korean BBQ down the street all want to pet her and glomp her every time we go.

We trained her ourselves, having been given her as a puppy when she was weaned at 6 weeks old.

@thenomain said in Good Music:

Has Kimbra been mentioned?

Kimbra.

Featured as the woman on "Somebody I Used To Know", and the best part of that song. And almost everything else I've heard her do.

This is very belated, but Gotye's other stuff is really good, too, notably 'Save Me', 'Heart's A Mess', 'Dig Your Own Hole', and 'Bronte'.

'Seven Hours With A Backseat Driver' is also solid, as well as 'Thanks for Your Time'.