Best posts made by Roz

@silverfox I think it's very correct to be rubbed the wrong way by policies that penalize taking PTO. It may be framed as a BONUS for NOT taking PTO, but just reverse that: it penalizes taking more PTO. This especially stands out to me that everyone is already losing a day to a communal bank of extra time, instead of the employer in the situation just being decent about extenuating life circumstances.

I'm at a company now where my boss strongly encourages to take the PTO we have available to us, stressing that it's part of our overall compensation. That's, IMO, the healthiest way it should be treated. As something you're expected to take.

For the record, I don't think that staff is planning on pulling out from ALL THE ARX THREADS here or something. Just -- as @Arkandel said, MSB is not well-equipped for this kind of really dense system discussion, and I know it was getting pretty discouraging for staff just because of the way MSB discussions can get stuck on one particular issue and circle around it forever and not have a bigger picture to compare it to. There's the publicly accessible Github now, and yeah you'll have to make an account to chat there, but it provides a much better venue for being able to get into specifics, to have different issue threads on different topics and ideas and projects, etc.

@Three-Eyed-Crow It would certainly match the studies that have been done in places like classrooms where the class experience women as "dominating the conversation" if they speak literally like 30% of the time. (The percentage was even lower for what they viewed as women speaking an equal amount of time.)

@mietze I wish I could upvote you more than once.

I will probably be playing here! And thoroughly recommend the gamerunners and other players I know will be there at the start. So, like, people who I like playing with should totally listen to my opinion!! I guess if you hate me that is also fair warning.

@Arkandel Honestly, just accept the possibility that maybe there's been stuff that's happened that you haven't noticed -- maybe not the most egregious stuff, as you've said, but stuff -- and just say "Okay, I'll try to keep these possibilities in mind in case there's stuff maybe I haven't noticed." @Coin is right: these articles are already telling you what experiences people are having. I get the sense that it's really frustrating for you to hear about really shitty things and feel like you're not in a position to intervene because you haven't seen them, so you're asking for more and more information because you want to help. Women do need more instances of men going "Holy shit, that's really shitty that that happened to you" and overall believing and supporting them in their experiences, because the more everyone hears that, the less people -- maybe not the ones you game with, who may already be awesome and not pull this shit, but spreading past that -- will realize that their support throughout the community to treat people like this is crumbling. Because too many women have experiences saying "This shitty thing happened to me" and having the response from men being "Are you sure?" or "I don't really believe you" or "You're probably exaggerating." When that brand of response is so common, just having someone say "Wow that's really fucking shitty," which may sound like the totally normal and decent thing to you so maybe you can't imagine how people can do otherwise because you yourself are not a terrible person, somehow becomes kind of amazing.

@Tyche said:

@ThatOneDude said:

The recent turn in this thread reminded me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GjyBuz2yOk

I don't believe a single word he says either.

http://www.breitbart.com/london/2015/02/13/the-wacky-world-of-wu-the-tortured-history-of-gamergates-self-styled-feminist-martyr/

Great job being disgusting.

@Wretched said in Difference between an NPC and a Staff PC?:

@Sunny So you don't think that having a sexual relationship with a person in power over the community that you are invested in is a detriment to the rest of the community? That it doesn't undermine trust as an impartial staffer?

Uh, I don't have a sexual relationship with any of the players my characters have TSed with. (The one or two times I've had a flirty OOC thing with another player, it was actually in instances where no TS had ever happened between our characters.)

My roommate was on disability for a while after their fibro diagnosis, and their birth mom -- who is kind of a mess and has historically been super awful and unreliable -- offered to pay three months of my roomie's rent to help them out. We just found out that the rent was never paid (and she never told my roommate)and our landlord is suddenly like, hey you owe us two and a half grand. My roommate never asked me to help pay it when they sat me down to tell me what had happened, or even implied anything, but they don't have emergency resources/family with money to help with things like this, and I do and also have savings, so I'm just -- paying it. I'll probably never see the full amount again, but it's still better than my roommate -- who is a kind person even if they are not as responsible as they should be -- taking out some awful predatory payday loan or something. (Someone stole their identity years ago and did a number on their credit, too.)

This on top of a whole mess of work stress and family death anniversary and I literally just broke down last night talking to them about this. I'm not even angry, I'm just exhausted.

@Ghost said in Difference between an NPC and a Staff PC?:

Devil's Advocate Question.

While I'm sure many of you have TSed with people things that you felt were entirely hot, if it's 100% about the story, then why are people so careful about who they TS with? Why aren't people just TSing with random people for the better of the story?

Because some people are weird or skeevy or will actually become manipulative or even abusive. Sometimes players, especially if they've ever experienced this, like to be slightly more selective about who they engage in this kind of RP with to try and reduce the possibilities of this.

But I've totally posted my TS on games where posting logs was the norm.

Was playing Challenge by myself today, and there were guys on my team on voice chat mentioning that they never ran into random female players on the game, even though apparently the playerbase is 40-something percent female. And someone wondered if they just didn't talk because of harassment. They were saying how that sucked, so I totally BLEW THEIR MINDS when I turned my mic on and went, "Yeah, that's pretty much why we tend to stay quiet." Two guys on the written chat were like FIRST GIRL I'VE EVER TEAMED WITH. Which probably isn't true, they just didn't know it, but they were decent folks.

I actually imagine most women spend more time grouping up with other women to avoid the whole issue. I have a bunch of friends -- a lot from MU*s -- that I group regularly with, and sometimes we'll invite randoms who we play with and are good players and nice on chat, and it's kind of hilarious when there's a moment where the guy comes into our Discord and is like, "Oh wow, girls."

I WON'T BE SHOWN UP BY SCAR.

Blonde Women

Redhead Women

Brunette Women

Blond Men

Brunet Men

Women of Color

Men of Color

Greying Men

Redhead Men

(The people in the two folders of POC also double-up in the appropriate hair color folders, so you'll see them both places.)

EXIT PURSUED BY BEAR

My experience with romance and TS has, by and large, been fairly free of creepers or manipulators. I think I might project a certain amount of online RBF that might discourage people, as I just don't have any patience or tolerance for certain tactics. I am happy to talk about stuff OOC to an extent, but it takes a while of proven sanity before I'd give out my Discord.

I had the experience a year or two ago of my PC starting to get involved with a character played by someone I didn't know at all. We had some OOC contact via pages, but not extensive by any means: we'd ping each other to ask for RP, occasional minor chatting, etc. We talked little about the actual IC relationship developing between our characters apart from occasional brief reactions to scenes. One of the things I took as a green flag is that the other player never mentioned anyone else his character was seeing (while it was known that they were seeing other people, just as my character was) and, most importantly, never asked or tried to hint in a way to get information about what my character was doing outside of our scenes. We talked more OOC in general as time went on and we just became friendlier, because we got on well, but I think we both still retain a certain care in how we discuss -- or don't discuss -- what our characters are up to. We do share more nowadays, because the characters are practically married and sometimes we just drop minor updates on each other when we don't have the time or whim to RP everything.

I have had the experience of someone making borderline OOC comments or slightly over-the-line questions about my PC and, after some eye-narrowing (and, actually, a surprising hesitation that I was SO SURE would NEVER HAPPEN TO ME because I am MS BOUNDARIES) I was just like "Okay no more of that if you want to RP with me." He responded by pretty much shutting up and never contacting me again -- except when he hit up my PC on a different alt a couple weeks later. (Yeah, don't worry, all reported to staff.) In my view, this was a pretty mild occurrence. I can be slow to pick up on regular OOC chatter with new people, so I think that, for people who are more deliberate in behaving in a crummy way, I'm probably not identified as a good target. I am not FRIENDLY AND WELCOMING ENOUGH.

In any case, I guess there are actual questions here!

@Arkandel said in The ethics of IC romance, TS, etc:

Which parts of being in IC relationships, be they romantic and/or sexual or even otherwise, bind the players as well as the characters? For example...

• If your PC is going to cheat IC on another character do you feel obligated to let your partner's player know?

I've actually never quite been in this situation, although I have been close at times. I have a PC who is pretty capable of it, and it did come up in the course of idle chatter that she'd probably be capable of it, and it did end up fairly clear that there weren't OOC issues with that if it didn't happen. So I wasn't purposefully vetting the idea, but I guess I did get the info for if the story did go that way.

• Do you think you are responsible for a character whose roleplay is related to yours if your paths are to separate? In other words do you feel guilty someone else's PC might become quote/unquote unplayable because of your IC choices?

It depends! I could certainly feel bad in certain situations. There is definitely a way to RP in which you are just reckless with anyone else's enjoyment and only really focused on your own, and I think that's not great. I can be thoughtless as much as anyone else, and if I really did just kind of totally cause a mess for someone because I wasn't really being thoughtful about my RP and the story, I'd feel bad. There have certainly been instances of this in my time. But that doesn't mean that any time someone says that PC A's choices ruined their character, that Player A actually did something wrong. There are a lot of levels here.

• Very closely related to the above, what if the choice that takes a PC mostly off the table is OOC? For instance if you stop being active on my PC's spouse to play an alt with Theno's PC. Do I have the moral high ground to get pissed off?

If the player is communicative about what's going on, it can suck (in terms of losing out on fun RP) but it's fine. If someone is just kind of -- ghosting a person, that's pretty lame, and I'd be annoyed. But that's the sort of situation where there's not much to really do aside from voicing, "Hey, if you want to close up this RP thread please just tell me, ghosting on it doesn't feel great."

• When it comes to TS what's the correct way to suggest it? Do you let the RP become more explicit until the big words come out or you get told no? Do you page the other player first and explicitly ask if they want to do it? Something else?

Honestly I tend to just try and read the room. I'll play the dance of both parties kind of nudging up to the line and then -- well, generally it's pretty clear when people are on the same page, IMO. Sometimes one party will do a check-in about HOW EXPLICIT IS OKAY, but not always, or even the majority of the time. Honestly I haven't had any issues with this approach. I try to just mirror how explicit my partner is posing.

(I call this the "Cock Line" where two parties who are down to TS slowly edge up to Saying The Explicit Words. Because I find it funny.)

• Assuming OOC consent between adult players is there anything in an IC relationship, including TS, that you consider unethical? No, I'm not going to give examples since I'm keeping this classy! But you can.

I tend to think that players can do what they like behind closed doors if they're in agreement OOC. I don't like people spilling it out to others where they have to deal with it. (Arx eventually banned incest themes altogether, not because of staff objecting to people getting their rocks off with the taboo, but because with some players it would inevitably come out in a way where their head of house would have to deal with it and honestly that's just not a cool thing to make people have to deal with. On the other hand, I'm sure there were and still are people RPing behind closed doors without anything spilling out, and I sure don't care about that, and I don't think staff cares.)

@mietze said in The ethics of IC romance, TS, etc:

I do find that saying outright that you will not be making monogamous promises IC, nor do you wish the other person to, and that you will not (and do not want from them) exclusivity in RP play/time spent will kind of make you a hell of a lot less interesting to the most problematic people.

Yeah, definitely this. When a player is problematic in the fashion that they want to exert control on others, being told that the other person doesn't care what they do with others is a TURN-OFF for them.

@Tyche said in RL things I love:

@Insomnia said in RL things I love:

I just love that this is happening. NSFW, maybe? 3D printed clitoris to teach girls about sexuality in France.

Really? I mean it's not like giving a smart phone to a cave woman. Woman have had this equipment for thousands of years and billions of them have figured out how to use it without the 3d models or classes.

And for hundreds of years, women have been taught to be ashamed of their own sexuality, that their pleasure is dirty, etc., etc. Like, the number of women who go through their teen years and parts of adulthood without having an orgasm is way higher than you clearly think.

People sometimes change, but it's rare for really malicious or toxic behavior, I think. But if people really are going to change? Or are going to say they are? I say: let them do it from a distance. If they really do change, it'll eventually become clear. You don't need to be the one to support for people who have been really shitty to you. It's normal to occasionally have some scuffles or disagreements with friends, but then there's a whole other level.

There are people on this board that I just don't like, and there are people who I think are honestly toxic or malicious. When that's the case, I might respond to them if they're involved in a thread I want to engage in, but I don't -- get cozy? Surr, you probably remember me kind of saying once that it looked like you were getting really cozy with someone I knew you'd had a falling out with before. You weren't happy with me and felt I was kind of saying it to just -- I'd have to go back and find the exact stuff, but I think you thought I was doing it just to stir up drama or toxicity. The truth is that part of me was like, "Oh no. That is not going to end well." I didn't have faith that the person was changing, and it seemed likely that bad stuff and hurt was going to be the final result of someone getting comfortable with them again. I wasn't saying it to be mean. I probably could have expressed it better at the time, but then it also didn't feel like my place to extrapolate further than I did. I recall you saying that you felt it was the adult thing to interact with someone in that situation in a civil manner, which certainly isn't an overall sentiment I disagree with! I guess I just approach it differently. But I'll also be honest: I haven't been in the position where the person I don't trust in that particular way used to be my friend. It's a lot easier for me to say this. And I also think it's perfectly mature and adult to not engage in a friendly, cozy way. You don't need to prove how chill you can be with someone who's been shitty with you. Distance is just as mature.

People sometimes change big stuff, but not often. It can feel noble and generous to give people second and third chances, but you can acknowledge the rare potential for someone to change without being the one they test out the change on.

As to your question? No, even when you were in the position to tell me that you had believed a rumor about me from a certain person and hadn't challenged it, you spoke of your own behavior and not anything regarding that person's personal life.

Let's be real: it's clear we drive each other a bit crazy on this board not irregularly. We argue regularly. Sometimes I throw up my hands. I don't want to be buddies. BUT! I also don't think you're a person who would share private information about someone else. Or tell purposeful, malicious lies about other people. It's just not my impression of you, even when we have yelled and tableflipped at each other.

The people who have already said there's nothing you can really do about people talking shit about you other than block, ignore, and keep living your best life. I think Sao already put it best.

I will say that I think utilizing the Block feature on the board (instead of Ignore) will help to remove even the INDICATION that someone has spoken. Which may be of help!

@Meg I do think there was a sense of disbelief or skepticism expressed by some people that someone could be living in America in 2017 without realizing that cunt is considered a really nasty thing to call someone, which I could see further extrapolated to a point of "you must be offended by this."

Anyways, I'm still going to land squarely in the camp of "someone objected strongly to being called a cunt and the real problem in that conversation was the people who insisted she shouldn't take issue with the word." Not the people who then had to defend their right to be offended by a word that's considered highly aggressive by a lot of the country.

And I totally agree that calling something a "basic point of etiquette" is very far from saying "you have to be offended by this." I think it's another way of saying, "There is a very common cultural reaction to using this word that is strongly negative." I guess I just refuse to take issue with the idea that people should avoid just dropping loaded words like that at the first sign of annoyance. Which is, again, not the same thing as saying "you have to be offended by the word." Some people toss it around in groups that are totally fine with it. I still don't love that, because I think language is complicated and that the words we use do have an affect on how we view the world, but I'm not arguing about it. (Right now. In this thread. >_>) I still don't think it's so terrible to say that there's cultural etiquette of "maybe don't throw that word around in attack on people you barely know because it's considered a pretty nasty word." The fact that this is common etiquette is, in fact, true. Whether that's terrible or not.

@mietze I am very much reminded of the amount of public naysaying that went on when Faraday first started announcing her Ares plans and development. Many of the people who called certain efforts pointless, unnecessary, or even bad can now be seen singing the praises of the system.

A lot of the times? Players have no idea what they'll actually like/enjoy on that level. People get very attached to what they're used to, good or bad.

@Ghost said in Good TV:

@Cupcake said in Good TV:

Did anyone watch the RL GLOW back in the day? I loved the Netflix series, and it got me super nostalgic for it. When I was 11 I was torn between my mixed desires of wanting to be a GLOW wrestler, roller derby diva, actress, or astronaut.

This is gonna sound misogynistic as hell but back when I was a kid I gave zero fucks about GLOW because I was a boogery, GI-Joe worshipping, He Man Woman Hater Club BOY who thought nothing was more awesome than the power of Hulkamania and the Ultimate Warrior.

As a member of the Roaming SJW Feminist Language Police faction, I absolve you of the worry of misogyny. You were just a kid interested in stuff.

Yes, I take the "RP isn't writing" in this context as "RP isn't the same process as writing your own work, despite both involving writing" and I think it's very apt. I've actually witnessed it be difficult for players who are kind of novelists first in their heads to loosen that control for RP. It's a totally different process.