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    Best posts made by Selerik

    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      I'm going to be heavy and share my own story of dealing with ADHD. It isn't like the ones posted so far, and I don't have a short way to tell it. Probably because so much of it is still raw for me to face, makes it hard to abbreviate it and feel honest.

      My story is one I've had to learn to tell from more perspectives than my own, because my perspective was warped through the lenses of a kid who feared nothing and would do anything. I identified with all the books about kids going on adventures, and I was determined to have my own. I did, and they're the sort people don't believe me about until they hear it verified by second and third parties who lived through them with me. I'm a bit more mellow these days, but the backdrop of how and why that all happened was ADHD.

      There is a quote: 'Just because you're paranoid, that doesn't mean they're not out to get you'. Well, that is my mother in a nutshell. She was a rape survivor that nobody believed before she met my father, she was targeted by local police after she pissed one off (a sheriff's office who even today have a reputation for corruption and abuse of power), she'd had wages stolen by men who claimed they did the work she had done and was actively dismissed when she contested it and/or fired. The list goes from there. She came from a very poor family, quit college to raise me at 19, and dealt with the stigma that mental health wasn't even a thing to consider having evaluated. Doctors were for richer families and you got by how you got by, no complaining. Only, she did have mental health issues, and so did my Grandfather, and lucky me - I had them too.

      Her bad experiences shaded my entire upbringing. When it finally drove a wedge between my parents, I was five. The divorce meant I had someone talking in my ear about how drugs were dangerous and can't be trusted without a voice to mediate that. Plus, since I grew up below the poverty line, I'd witnessed a lot of drug addicts up close and how much they ruined their lives. Still, the schools tried, but they sort of sabotaged it even if my mother hadn't. They were doing a full blast DARE campaign the same year I got my ADHD diagnosis. There was no way medication was going to work with me, because I would rather fake taking it than 'ruin my life' with drugs. So my parents bought drugs for me they couldn't afford while I faked taking them and spit them down the sink.

      My ADHD behavior was off the charts, and it only took one bad teacher to give me an excuse. I still remember what she said: 'Stay there or I'll break your legs.' I looked her over, told her she'd have to catch me first, and ran off. They had cops looking for me all day, I showed up six hours later at my home several miles away. That was Kindergarten, and I'd only start to run away more and more after that. School didn't interest me, and as far as I was concerned? I was getting away with having my adventures. But for my mother, it wasn't so easy. Finding work was hard, keeping work while dealing with my going missing was harder. The stress destroyed her. She couldn't afford to keep me in school, but she couldn't afford me not being in school either. That meant she couldn't work if she wanted to be sure I was safe, and who would provide for us if she didn't?

      I remember telling her I was hungry after we were given lunch one day, and her collapsing on the floor in a sobbing mess. She hadn't eaten anything that day, and she'd given us the last food in the house. That is the sort of memory that etches into a child, the sort of thing you feel guilty about even though you don't know what you'd done wrong. I started to go out and hang out with other people. Bum food, raid the fridge at friend's houses and at distant relative's houses. To try not to be a burden, and that made me only more of an outlier. Took me further from having anything resembling a normal upbringing. This was happening while I was still only six, and this is the compact version of everything that went on.

      Every year after that, she'd struggle to find work and a way to get someone to help care for me and my siblings. Every summer the family members who'd helped her would pull out or the boyfriend would leave, and she'd lose her job because she had to be home with us. It was like that for years, the cycle of poor to dirt poor. Nobody wanted to deal with me, my ADHD made me uncontrollable, and my circumstances only cemented the perception that I was the only one who knew what was the best thing for me to do.

      Then there was school. I tested well, I wasn't a slow learner or anything, but I was so disruptive that nobody else in my classes would learn. I'd routinely go throught he workbook and ignore the teacher entirely, then when it was done get up and harass the class because I was bored. I got suspended many times, then finally expelled. Then I went to a new school and it happened again. Eventually they put me in a school that was deep in the bad part of town where I was one of two white kids in the entire place, they had barbed wire on the fences, and I'd get assaulted by the older kids in if I used the restroom. I was hurt so badly that I blacked out, and that was the day my mother gave up on it and let me teach myself. For context, I was still only eight. From there until I was maybe fourteen, I just was told what to learn and left to my own devices. Sometimes I'd learn a thing, and sometimes I wouldn't, but we'd always crunch the week before the state tests and I'd be fine.

      But it wasn't safe for me to do what I did. I was a kid actively putting myself in dangerous situations in New Orleans, the pasty boy who'd go for bike rides through the projects. Most people were really chill, but cover enough ground and you'll find someone who isn't. I had run-ins with gangs, I got attacked a few times, and it was the day I showed up three hours after dark breathing fast and deathly pale she decided we'd move. I'd spent half the day being chased. For sport. She cashed in money she didn't have, bought a house with a mortgage she couldn't afford, and I went from being able to visit the French Quarter to walking two miles and being rewarded with a different color cow. I didn't think about my diagnosis with ADHD at all by this point. It was a thing in the past, and I'd clearly made the right choice avoiding drugs. It made me stronger, or so I told myself.

      After we moved, I did a brief stint in junior high that went terribly as I learned just how different country culture was from New Orleans culture, and just how incredibly racist the people in that region were against blacks in other parts of Louisiana. Ever been called a N-lover for telling someone not to say a racist joke? Well, let me tell you how MY first day in the country went. There were fist-fights, the suspensions started up again for an entirely different reason. I broke my hand in one of them with a kid named Jenkins. I'd been learning jazz piano until that happened, and I was getting pretty good. Had to give up on it. My hand still doesn't work quite right. The Internet was pretty much my only escape after that. I couldn't walk somewhere to do something, I couldn't socialize with the local kids because they were either bigots or related to bigots (which I hated them for). So the internet was where I would retreat and stay. We'd set up a computer room in the barn-like guest house, and it became my new home. At least my mother could hold a job down now.

      In a sort of quirk of fate, spending that time online nearly killed me, and did kill my high energy. Not because it was the internet or because I just 'slowed down' as I got older. Because a pesticide company had used our property as a dumping ground for a chemical called Dursban before we bought the place.

      https://www.cbsnews.com/news/dursban-banned/

      This was the year Dursban was announced to be getting phased out, and the pesticide company wanted to get rid of it before they'd have to dispose of it at high cost. We were the lucky lottery winners that got several thousand times the recommended quantity pumped into the pilings. Not only did it kill bugs, it made everyone in my family horribly sick. Myself and my brother (The two gamers who spent time near the exposed pilings) got the sickest, and we've permanent health issues because of it. It was a whole thing, but the sum of it is: Because I wasn't HYPER anymore, we decided I didn't have ADHD anymore. I'd 'beat it' through willpower, nevermind the rest of what was going on. There was a lawsuit where my mother tried to get justice. They stonewalled us. We lost money we didn't have trying to get that justice, and failed. My mother was, again, justified in her outlook on life and became more drastic in her views about chemicals. I got a new diagnosis as a survivor of chemical poisoning, a chronic one I'll have until the day I die.

      Fast forward. I got my GED, went to a cheap local college, and failed my first semester. Channeling the rules lawyer in me, I found a way to contest my grades, got ADA accomodations because of my condition, and went on to have a successful college career where attendance didn't matter. I changed majors a half dozen times (haha college loans), survived a hurricane, fell in love, got married, went to a better college for more degrees, got a job, bought a house (haha more debt), and finally had some kids of my own. All this time I was still convinced ADHD was a thing of my past that would never come back to haunt me, and wasn't at all interfering with my life or my relationships. Spoilers: I was fucking wrong.

      It took having a son just like me to be my wake up call. Before he was even in school there were behaviors that raised red flags, but they were rationalized away. Yet when we put him in daycare there were issues. He got into fights with other children, he wouldn't follow directions, he did whatever he wanted. We changed daycares, it happened again. We argued for intervention, and they flubbed it. Worse, we found out a teacher was so conditioned not to talk to parents about the truth of these things that she had been blatantly lying to cover up his misbehavior. It just cemented that the bad behavior was okay for him, and each year things got worse. Each year we tried interventions, only to have IEPs that listed symptoms he didn't have and care that didn't work.

      Until this year. When I finally got a diagnosis for what he is really going through because my wife and I poured our souls into helping him and took years off our life in stress. After my wife had been pushed to the point of asking if she should give up on a career to care for him, the way my mother had for me. He finally got medication, the RIGHT medication, and now?

      He is doing amazing. He is a star student, he does well in class, he is making new friends, he does well at home. Getting him the help me needed and seeing the difference in the trajectory of his life from my own made me realize that all of his troubles were my troubles. Only our circumstances were different. That he is like me, and I didn't get better. I just got too sick and used to hiding it for people to recognize what it was. Even me, especially me.

      I'm not angry with my parents for my experiences. They've made me who I am, and I still believe those struggles did help to make me a better person. Better isn't the same as healthy, and now that I've been rediagnosed I'm going to see what ADHD treatment means for my life. I have to go through three months of state-mandated counseling before they'll start me on meds, so... Perhaps this time next year I'll be unrecognizable from the person typing this. I don't know, but I feel a lot of empathy for everyone else's struggles. I had parents who loved and supported me, even though they didn't know how and ended up making things harder in the process. So yeah, there is my ADHD origin story.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • Selerik's Playlist

      I've no way of even remembering all of the character's I've had over the years. Here are the places I currently have bits that I log into regularly.

      Arx - Sparte / Seymour
      Tenebrae - Selerik
      Shadowrun: Denver - The Dude
      Chontio - Matcha
      Fate's Harvest - Beatrice
      Fallcoast - Butters

      posted in A Shout in the Dark
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • RE: Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.

      About three years ago I tried to apply for a doctoral program I really felt like I would be a good fit for. It would've been hard, it would've changed everything.

      I was declined.

      That could've happened for a lot of reasons, I figured. Competitive, I flubbed the entry letter somehow, who knows.

      Today, three years later, BECAUSE I have finally had the courage to try again in a new program, I found out why.

      There was a flag for Letters of Recommendation to be responded to. Not for positive mention, not for negative mention, just for people to get off their ass and reply. Two of the letters (Both people working for the University who encouraged me to apply, and volunteered to fill that role) never even responded. It was a rejection by default, they never even saw my full application because it was incomplete.

      I could boil an egg right now.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      I've been realizing that I don't know the difference between anxiety and stress, because I have entirely rationale reasons to be stressed. All the time. I've also realized I can give my therapist contact PTSD just talking about it. He is already contaminated, so guess I'll keep it up and see if it gets sorted out before he takes a sabbatical.

      Wouldn't be able to do that without having the medication for the ADHD, the whole mindfulness thing. I always felt like I knew what was going on, but now I can actually unpack it, and damn. Damn.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • The Hub Concept: Structured Mush Development

      Laying out this idea below. It has been kicking around in my head for years, I've had plenty of talks with others that went nowhere. I'm not expecting anyone to pick this up and run with it. I just want to write it out once in full and really look at it with the eyes of other developers on it too.

      Core Concept
      Too many games rebuild the wheel. Efforts to improve organization are happening in bits and pieces over time, and coming up with a community structure for support, a set of guard rails, can mitigate a lot of the pitfalls I've seen.

      The design below would mimic some of the elements of the more successful mod communities, and acknowledges that the desire to contribute to a game does not mean you have the full package of skills to do so: Management, Community Development, Relevant Coding Experience, Storytelling, Worldbuilding, Time Management... It is rare to find that team which brings everything to the table. Most of the time we struggle on something that can't be unmanaged, and it detracts from the stuff we're really good at.

      This doesn't specify a backend, I know both Ares and Evennia are already setup to do some of these things. Various other tools exist that can do other parts. This is more about a structure


      Lexicon of Terms
      Because it helps to use consistent language

      User Terms

      • Account: The core credential for access. All users are required to have an account in order to connect to anything in the network.

      • Account Login: Entering Account credentials in order to access some part of the Hub network.

      • Account Permissions: Your special credentials on your account. Relevant only to Repository and Hub administrators.

      • Profile: Profiles are created on individual Hubs. Profiles have names unique ot that hub,. and are associated with your Account automatically.

      • Profile Login: After performing Account Login on a Hub, you are allowed to select one of your profiles or create a new one. Simple click through.

      • Profile Permissions: Your special credentials on a profile. Unique to that profile on that Hub.

      Architecture Terms

      • Hub: An individual server supporting multiple games.

      • Hub Network: All currently active Hubs.

      • Spoke: Name taken from the spokes of a wheel. An individual game world hosted on a system hub.

      • The Repository: The development and support website. Includes some core backend services, such as the accounts database.


      The Repository
      The Repository is not an actual MU.
      It is a website with a database and account system.
      The Repository provides resources for all users as detailed below.


      • Hub Tracker
        The Hub Tracker is a publicly visible dashboard with information pertaining to the Hub network.
        • Visible without login, mobile friendly.
        • Any active Hub automatically reports use data back to the Hub Tracker.
          • Usage statistics only, no individual user data of any kind.
        • Consists of three key views: Hub List, Hub Details, Bounty Page.
        • Hub List
          • Serves as a public advertisement for all hub servers.
          • Reports uptime.
            • Server uptime, average uptime over past 30 days, current status, etc.
          • Reports users.
            • Average users connected, Peak users connected in past 30 days, current users connected, etc.
        • Hub Details
          • Click through information on a particular hub.
          • Includes a click through to the hub and a brief advertisement.
            • If not logged in, click through prompts to login or create an account first.
          • Includes a report on the spokes on that Hub.
            • Names of individual spokes, average user data as subset of user report.
          • Includes module use statistics on that Hub.
            • List of installed modules with versions, associated code use statistics as appropriate.
        • Bounty Page
          • List of desired code improvements from users in the community.
          • Connected users may flag an individual bounty as important, raising their visibility.
          • Bounties are satisfied by identifying code in the repository that can do what is requested, whether old or a new submission.
          • No monetary reward component.
            • It'd be nice to pay our coders but I would need a contract lawyer to vet that.

      • Modular Development Standards
        • All code must either work by itself, or clearly identify the dependencies that must be met for it to work
        • Relevant guidelines for code development provided
        • Dependencies of all modules defined within the code itself
          • Enables internal check to ensure dependencies are met before module is loaded
        • Installed modules and their versions reported to Hub Tracker
          • Configurations of modules not reported

      • Code Archive
        Where the code lives when you aren't using it
        • Uniform naming conventions.
        • Submission guidelines provided.
        • Standard submission format.
        • Versioning enforced.
        • Submission dates documented.
        • Baked in credit to the developer(s).
        • Licensing agreement defined at time of submission.
          • Declares that the code is their own work.
          • Permits community use of the code so long as that use is not for direct profit.
            • Having a patreon is okay, requiring users pay to play is a violation.
          • Permit other users to create modules that use this work as a dependency.
        • Searchable by all users.

      • Hub Launch Process
        Information needed to create a new Hub and integrate it into the Hub Network.
        • Repository support provided at no charge
          • Limited to login support, module downloads, and the Hub Tracker reports
          • Not that donations would be a bad thing
        • Hosting options out of scope
          • Let the people specialized in hosting do what they do best

      • Hub Owner Control Panel
        Make adding, updating, and removing modules easy
        • GUI page associated with the account owner for a Hub
        • Provides the module information from the Hub Details page with admin buttons
          • Lists warnings when updated versions of installed modules exist
          • Can enable, disable, update, or remove any module via button click with confirmation
          • Allows lookup of new modules by name to flag for installation
        • Provides the spoke information from the Hub Details page with admin buttons
          • Can create new spokes, alter their names on the Hub Tracker, or delete them entirely.
            • List of profiles associated with each spoke, this is queried from the Hub itself and not stored on the Repository. Only visible to the Hub Owner.

      Individual Game Hub
      This is a server you can connect to and play on. Functionally accessed just like any other mush.
      Naming convention for a hub will be 'Hub (Number in order of hubs created) - <Game System Supported>.
      Ex: Hub #1 - Dungeons & Dragons 2nd Edition.
      Hubs with original games will be asked to name the mechanics system supporting their game distinctly from their story or worlds.


      • Account and Profile Driven
        Support for associating multiple characters on multiple games with single user account. Ares does this, no longer a novel idea.
        • Secure Login: All logins managed by the Repository with validation reported to the Hub.
        • Hub Owner: The person who oversees the hub and pays to keep the lights on.
          • Full system access.
          • The only Account with special permissions on the Repository.
        • Hub Development Staff: Coders who have demonstrated their competency and are trusted to review and post changes independently of the Hub Owner.
          • Full code access on the Hub..
        • Hub Support Staff: Community support roles unrelated to a specific game. Expected to maintain neutrality when acting in this capacity.
          • Ability to ban or restrict access for player accounts and IPs.
        • Spoke Owner: The lead for a specific game on this hub. They control all story, house rules, and related decisions.
          • Control all game specific decisions, including character approvals.
          • May ban players from their game, but not from the server.
          • May add/remove staff from their game and share permissions with those staff as they see fit.
        • Spoke Staff: Game-specific staff. Storytellers and related.
          • Duties and authority as defined by the Spoke Owner.
        • Character: Individual character you can play as.
          • Associated with a particular Spoke and approved by that Spoke's Staff.
          • Uses the commands as configured for the spoke(s) they have access to.
            • One-to-many situations covered in Collaboration support.

      • Dedicated to a Game System, not a Game
        The goal is to provide all of the foundational code support needed for the game system in a single place, then allow people to engage in world building.
        • Spoke Independence - The Hub supports the code that enables playing the game. Spokes pick their own stories and can modify the rules as they see fit.
        • Shared Commons - A development and community space independent of the existing game worlds supported, available to all users.
        • Association Flags - Rooms, Profiles Assets on a server may be associated with one or more Spokes. This restricts access to being only for those Spokes.
          • This enables secret societies and similar within a game, by having a spoke within a spoke. Spokes all the way down.
        • Collaboration Support - Two or more Spokes in a Hub can choose to collaborate on a wider story.
          • Profiles allowed to have multiple spoke permissions.
            • Disambiguation support for profiles with multiple spoke permissions, to avoid running the same command against multiple spokes with different customizations.
            • Ability to designate default profile for running code.
            • Ability to transfer characters between spokes, pending approval by Spoke staff.
              • Depending on spoke customizations, this might not work smoothly.
          • Ability to create collaboration spokes
            • Explicitly possible due to Association Flags

      So there it is. The concepts I combined are all pretty generic, and not at all unique to programming or game development. The segregation of duties by specialty while reducing how much individual games live in silos was the idea, but with Github and similar resources being so popular today the value is far reduced from where it was ten years ago. I know some parts are more practical than others, but maybe the bits still impractical today will be solved within a few years by other developments.

      Thanks for reading.

      posted in Game Development
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      I shared this thread with Mrs. Selerik and she sends a bunch of hugs too. She relates to some of these stories as well, the one about setting timers and reminders really stood out to her because she does the same and thought that was what normal people do. She realized she doesn't actually know if that is normal or not.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • Strange Facts

      So I learned of a reddit thread about strange facts, collected the ones I liked, and compiled them together.

      I figured others might enjoy this too or have ones to add I don't already know.

      Strange Facts

      Bees turn into queens by eating a special honey that transforms them, as if they were a real life pokemon
      (Hrmm, bee one appears to be false. The other bees are just deformed from being starved)
      Worms have 5 hearts
      Chocolate was used as a currency by the Aztecs
      The surface of Mars is covered in rust, which is why it appears red
      There is a train station in Japan that has a cat station master
      Cows have "best friends" and get stressed when separated
      Tomatoes were once thought to be poisonous
      Apples float but pears sink, because apples are 25% air
      Wombat poop is cube-shaped
      Pineapples are a collection of berries
      Bananas are berries
      Hoppoptamus milk is pink
      Some Frogs will glow when they eat fireflies
      Before 1913, Americans could mail their kids to Grandma via the postal service
      Some fish can cough
      It takes a little over 8 minutes for the light from the Sun to get to the Earth
      Giraffe tongues are black, to protect them from sunburn
      Owls cannot be choked
      A group of elephants is called a parade
      A group of owls is called a parliament
      A group of wild cats is called a destruction
      A group of crows is called a murder
      A group of ravens is called an unkindness
      Pineapples used to be so expensive that people would rent them as a centrepiece for their parties
      Scotland's national animal is a unicorn
      At birth, a baby panda is smaller than a mouse
      Bulls are colourblind
      Herrings communicate with flatulence
      If you heat up a magnet, it loses its magnetism
      Garlic attracts leeches
      It snows metal on planet Venus
      A single Spaghetti is a Spaghetto
      Cows get excited when they solve puzzles
      The filling in a Kit Kat is broken up Kit Kat's
      The little jump guinea pigs do when they're happy is called popcorning
      When a cat walks towards you with its tail up that means it likes you and is excited to see you
      Elephants have a noise that means "there are bees here let's leave immediately"
      Humans glow in the dark, but the light we emit is 1,000 times weaker than our human eyes are able to pick up
      On some other planets, it rains diamonds
      Otters have skin pockets. They use them to carry their favorite rocks
      Male seahorses carry the babies in their tummies instead of the mothers
      Humans have stripes we can't see, known as Blaschko's lines
      Making a penny costs more than a penny
      There are more ways to arrange a single deck of cards than there are stars in our galaxy
      There is a D in Fridge but not in Refrigerator
      Every "E" in Mercedes is pronounced differently
      Cashews come from a fruit
      Cheese is just a loaf of milk
      No land animal can match humans for endurance

      posted in Mildly Constructive
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      @Wretched tentacle hug

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • RE: Trivia for Health

      @Kanye-Qwest said in Trivia for Health:

      aluminum in antiperspirant has been linked to breast cancer. the research is not widely validated but a woman who worked on the study that found the link said "i know i am personally never using aluminum based ap again, take that as you will'

      Antiperspirant is further linked to a range of minor health issues from over-use, and can cause health risks related to overheating. If you expect to be in the sun and active, that is the worst time to have an antiperspirant. Instead, consider a deodorant.

      posted in Mildly Constructive
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      alt text

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      I'm on my 4th day with actual meds. It took this long from the start of the thread to get to where I was aiming, and now I'm just sort of learning how it impacts me.

      First big observation is, without the meds, I've been drinking coffee for months now like it was all that sustained me. It didn't give me energy, it didn't get my blood pumping, it just keep me from being unfocused.

      The meds moved my baseline. What I used to need copious quantities of coffee to do, I get within 30 minutes of taking my pill in the morning.

      That was expected, right? That is what the meds are SUPPOSED to do. Hell, my baseline is even a bit crisper. I feel ever so slightly more aware.

      Then I had coffee while on the meds, because habits. Holy shit. I have NEVER gotten a coffee buzz in my life, but I now understand how coffee works for ordinary people. I wasn't jittering and seeing through time, I wasn't being one of those ten cups a day people, I just had one large dark roast. But man, it was like the difference between a regular processor and suddenly discovering there is an overclock setting. I processed things faster, I was more alert, I was able to keep my train of thought even when it wound into knots and remember where I started. I wasn't suddenly immune to making mistakes, I still had the minor blunders most people have of saying the wrong word or remembering a detail inaccurately, but my recovery was quicker.

      The first day I combined the two I was a chatterbox. Wife said I never talk that much, it blew her away, and I wasn't just talking to talk either. I was addressing things that needed to be addressed and it was all relevant, just more than she anticipated. That only happened the first day, I'm no longer all chattering, but wow.

      The second thing I've noticed is I notice more. Here is an example: I'm always vaguely aware of the process of unlocking my car and getting inside. Now, I'm aware of myself inserting the key into the slot and the general level of resistance. How hard I turned the key when I unlocked it. The mental choice to keep the keys in my hand because I need them once I sit down inside the car. It wasn't something where I was suddenly honed in on this key-ignition process like the rest of the world was drowned out, I just noticed myself doing it... More. There have been MANY times I've space-cadet through that process and put my keys into a pocket as I was getting into my car, only to have to dig them back out two seconds later. I don't think that will happen anymore.

      That doesn't extend to things I already paid attention to myself doing. It is just the rote things being less rote. Regular tasks that require attention and focus, where I applied attention and focus pre-meds are working out to be... Pretty much exactly the same. With the caveat that the whole stacking coffee on top of meds does make it easier to get done a little faster.

      I havn't yet noticed any difference in how much I retain for information. Memorization was always my bane in school. I'm less than one week in, but that is one of those things people report getting better. Maybe I'll notice more of a difference after a month or two has passed. Similarly my mind still goes all over. I hear some people say the medication takes a multitrack mind and puts all the stuff on one track. I really don't feel that way, but I do feel like switching tracks is more of a choice. Less like I can't help my distractions, more like I acknowledge them and decide whether to pursue them.

      I realize this falls under bringing a thread back from the dead, but this is something I wanted to share from the beginning. I was frankly scared of if the meds would make me a different person, cause me some sort of zombie mode, but so far it is a positive experience. Not a magical cure-all, but positive. I'm glad I went through this bit of soul searching and pursued it.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Selerik
      Selerik
    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      @Auspice That is heavy. I'm so sorry you went through that. That you are STILL going through that.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
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    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      @surreality Your story is also heavy. Gods, now I want to give people hugs. This is awful.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
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    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      Picking up where we were, here is some info to help people be on the same page.

      The DSM is the official diagnostics manual used by the majority of the western world. It was last updated in 2013 to the DSM-5.

      ADD was rolled into ADHD in 2013 when they published the DSM-5. Now ADHD has three types: Inattentive, Hyperactive/impulsive, and Combined. My understanding is part of the change was because the treatment and cause are the same.

      Screening for whether a child has ADHD (and other mental health factors such as Anxiety) is only enacted in one of three situations.

      1. When there has been a disruption of the classroom or the student's learning ability such that an IEP (Individualized Education Program) is called for, and they recognize there is a potential mental health component to the need.
      2. When a parent seeks independent evaluation for their child. The child must demonstrate a need for evaluation, they will not evaluate children just to check. This means the ADHD must be measurably interfering with their lives. A child who appears to be successfully coping with/self-managing their ADHD will be refused evaluation as standard practice.
      3. When a child has undergone a severe trauma.
      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
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    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      @Auspice I wish I'd found those doctors when I moved. Sadly I had to go for a third sort of doctor to make it work for my Fibromyalgia. I've been more fortunate with my effort to find mental health professionals.

      So, I work for a Public Institution. That means I'm supposed to file for Americans with Disabilities Act (ACA) as well as Family and Medical Leave ACT (FMLA) accomodations, each of which have their own paperwork and procedures.

      For either to recognize that I have Fibromyalgia I need to specifically see a Neurologist. There is some debate on which specialists are best for actually treating Fibromyalgia and Neurology is a broad field. No one near me has explicit expertise in Fibromyalgia.

      Instead, I found a person specialized in arthritis who was willing to nod his head and sign the papers and charge me for the consult. I'm required to go back and essentially pay this guy who has only the vaguest notion of my condition roughly $100 every Spring so he'll sign that year's batch of paperwork, and that is with insurance.

      I see it as my disability tax. Doesn't help me get better, but keeps my work from being able to retaliate and punish me if the condition ever interferes. I've been fortunate to have a desk job, and with the accommodations I can log in remotely to do my work when having a flare up and they can't fire me over it.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
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    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      I am not sure if this is related to ADD/ADHD, genuinely not sure, but I am stupidly bad at taking compliments. I feel like maybe it falls under that neuro-atypical space, where I perceive it differently from an ordinary person, like I've been handed something with a cost and now own the compliment-giver some existential debt. I've never managed to make a character good at taking compliments either, so I can't even fake that skill set effectively.

      So, uh, super identified with this comic.

      alt text

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
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    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      Last week was... Different.

      I finished my first month on meds for ADHD. Got my next month approved on the very last day. Tried a different pharmacy to save cash because I am teh poors, and they made me wait a week before they'd fill it. So, that was a week without the meds. I did that for decades, how hard could it be?

      Turns out, having had a month with treatment made me acutely aware of how bad my symptoms are without it. There were two times in that month I missed a day, it wasn't so bad. Turns out, the meds are still low-key in your system the next day. After you hit 48 hours they're completely gone.

      I'm now questioning how I even survived. Was I a functioning adult before? Or did I just happen to shamble through and flash the right gang signs to convince everyone?

      It has been an hour. One, hour, today. That I have been at work. I have been mushing the entire time, watching anime, and reading emails.

      Yet DESPITE that, I've also gotten more work done in this hour than I did all of last week.

      I can't even at myself.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
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    • RE: Strange Facts

      @insomniac7809 I will never understand why people like lobster. Maybe they're all lying and too scared to admit it tastes like sea rubber.

      posted in Mildly Constructive
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    • Persistent World Advertising Discord

      I've got a discord that literally only exists to do one thing - be a discord where people can advertise for their games in our hobby.

      If you are staff for a game, I'll give you a channel and 100% control over what goes on in that channel. Knock yourself out.

      If you're a player, you can see which games have active discord foo. Some of the games on there arn't MU, but they're all games that are open 24/7 with story elements.

      'But isn't that what we're doing here already?'
      Of course it is, but not everyone who chats on discord is on soapbox or vice versa.

      'Why are you bothering with this?'
      I want to see the hobby stay strong and the community vibrant. A lot of people only ever find one game, then quit the hobby when the game ends. The more ways there are for them to find out about other games they can enjoy, the better.

      'Is this just a way to lure players to your game?'
      I don't currently run any games or staff on any games. Going to be the neutral watcher cameo'd as Stan Lee and meddle as little as I can while keeping the server useful.

      https://discord.gg/9NjAtZ8

      Excelsior!

      posted in Adver-tis-ments
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    • RE: The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

      @Darinelle said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

      If I schedule 30 things and get 15 of them done though, that's still more than most people so no one ever notices how much I fucked off while doing those 15 things.

      I've said this exact thing so many times. Damn if I don't feel guilty about the other 15 though.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
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