@mietze said in RL Anger:
My son is trans and turns 18 in less than six months. He is out, and I have made comments when they've posted less extreme stuff about "hey, you are talking about my family here" to which they always act shocked and how could I think they hated my kid/my family.
I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. It's even more aggravating since this mindset—"how could you think I meant that person?"—is so, so prevalent.
They've actually done studies; people who have gone through life in a privileged/'societal default' (straight, white, cis, etc.) position often see themselves get exceptions in various situations. Someone cuts them slack on a speeding ticket because it's clear they're remorseful, etc.
These people genuinely get the impression that things work on a case-by-case basis and that laws are wielded only against people who deserve it. And so when someone talks in absolutes about any given group of people—LGBT folks, immigrants, people receiving government aid—they assume they mean all those other ones. You know, the people who are actually being bad by doing that. And because they expect things to happen on a case-by-case basis, they genuinely believe that these broad, sweeping absolute laws they are supporting will be used as a tool, something only taken out when it needs to be used against the nebulous "other/bad" folks in that category.
"Oh, I don't mean my undocumented immigrant neighbor; he's a responsible father, I love the restaurant he runs, he's a great guy! I mean all those other ones, who are here for criminal reasons!"
"Oh, I don't mean that person I know who needs financial aid to be able to feed her kids; no, her situation's understandable. We just need to be able to do things about all the people who are cheating the system."
"Oh, I don't mean that LGBT person who I know. Of course not! They're fine! I mean the other ones out there, the perverts and pedophiles people talk about!"
This is how you keep getting stories about how Trump supporters are shocked and outraged that their immigrant neighbor who everyone liked got rounded up by ICE. How they're shocked and outraged when their own sister-in-law (or wife!) gets deported. How they're shocked and outraged when someone turns one of those anti-LGBT laws or mindsets against the LGBT person in their family who they of course didn't mean should be included, because they're one of the good ones.
They're always so surprised when it happens, and upset that this is clearly not what was supposed to happen. Hence the joke around the Internet: "I never thought leopards would eat my face," sobs woman who voted for Leopards-Eating-People's-Faces-Party.
It's infuriating, because you can't point to the examples they actually know of people in the affected classes; they'll only be offended that you think they mean to include those people. And they'll continue insisting that no one would do it to that person, right up until something terrible actually happens to the person in question.
It's bad enough when it happens with acquaintances, co-workers, or friends; I'm so sorry you've having to deal with it with family.