Best posts made by surreality

1. Comcast/Xfinity customer 'support'. Need I actually type more? I don't think I do.

2. Dear everyone who does this: I do not exist to be your emotional support system/punching bag/sage guru.

More than that, I am a person who has her own shit to deal with at the moment.

I am not a symbol of this, that, or the other. The next person who tells me how I'm 'the symbol of <X>' or 'the embodiment of their <Y>' or 'the archetype of their <Z>', so help me fucking gods, the size of the hole I am going to tear in them.

Even if, in (generic) your mind, I am the AYYYYYYY of your ZED, that does not mean I am obligated in any way -- to be beat on, yelled at, insulted, accused, to provide sage counsel, or even listen to you at all, period.

That is your mental construct, and it is your problem and responsibility.

Not mine.

I try to be compassionate. I am a more empathic person than I will ever admit to being here. I give a genuine damn about the well-being of any number of people.

I am real tired of people who think that they can exploit these traits on a whim while refusing to seek the qualified help they need that I am not equipped or able to provide.

If I tell someone I am dealing with my own shit right now and cannot offer them what they need, I am really past the point of apologizing for not being able to do so at that time.

(Generic) your fucked up is not cosmically more important than my fucked up.

If I need to focus on fixing my fucked up right now, all the guilt trips, accusations, and tantrums are not going to change that fundamental reality, and they are not going to make me want to help you when I am in the headspace in which I might be able to do so, either.

ETA:
3. WHAT IN THE EVER LIVING FUCK IS IT WITH THIS SHIT ALWAYS HAPPENING ON THE DAY I HAVE TO GO IN TO DO MY FUCKING TAXES?!

@insomniac7809 While I agree with this, in most cases -- barring the really egregious ones -- they're first steps worth trying.

Most people on games do not intend to be assholes, and are assholes without intending to do so. Cluing them in about behavior they likely don't realize is problematic can stop this unintentional assholery, which is conveniently the most common form.

It's the dedicated assholes -- those that don't care that they're creating issues with their asshole behavior -- that just need to be shown the damn door with no regrets.

It isn't often too difficult to tell one group from the other. We tend to pretend it is harder than it actually is. The "I had no idea" excuse? Your decent folk will generally feel bad and want to make right, even if they had no idea their behavior constituted being an asshole. Your dedicated asshole will continue to feign innocence/obfuscate/misdirect/shift blame or argue or try to throw themselves a (usually wildly over the top) pity party, but they won't feel a shred of remorse or regret and they will care even less than that about making right. It is really, really not difficult to distinguish between the two types, and we need to stop pretending otherwise sooner or later.

@silverfox This reminds me of a story that... sorta never stops making me giggle every time I think of it. So, my father used to work at our local paper, back when various places would send books/movies/etc. for review, and even though he wasn't in that department, it was a small enough paper that everyone knew everyone.

One day somewhere around college-ish I got it into my head to write romance novels.

This went nowhere, but before then, it went to... my father, an old codger of a sportswriter, wandering into the book office to humbly ask, "Do you have any romance novels left over? Uh... my daughter would like them. For reference."

It's funnier as the world's oldest (combination of) excuse(s) was, you know, true in this instance, but at that point, the guy at the desk starts pulling out box after box after box and saying, "PLEASE, take them, take them all! They have been gathering up for years in the giveaway box!"

And that was the day my father came home with three file boxes crammed full of romance novels and a world of, "I don't want to talk about it."

@faraday said in Privacy in gaming:

If they don't complain, then they're not entitled to a status update about the complaint, IMHO.

^ This, x1000.

If staff does not know you're experiencing a problem, the means at their disposal to notify you that your problem is being addressed decreases dramatically.

@Auspice While I don't know what KQ's example is... I suspect tossing all three of our fathers down a well to keep each other company might well be the best answer here.

While there are many, many stories about my father, I'm just going to sum up with this. When I was 20, and got diagnosed formally (again), and I had a therapist weeping on me -- she literally grabbed the psychiatrist from the next office and dragged him into the room to check my records, re-eval, schedule for a formal re-eval, etc. -- I was in shock. It was in my records going back over 15 years. No one had told me.

I was in shock, and I was fucking furious. My folks had known the whole time and 'didn't want to give me an excuse to slack', per earlier records the therapist thought I knew about. She didn't realize she was the first of a long line of folks like her to actually talk to me about these things like I was an actual person or something.

When I got home, I spent about five minutes sitting in the car to calm the fuck down. When I went inside, I -- no ragrets -- dropped the, "We need to talk," on my father.

He says, "Sure, what's going on?"

I remember the following exchange verbatim, because I wrote down his response five minutes later. Somewhere, in a sketchbook, it is reproduced in floufy calligraphy with swirls all over it, with a penciled caption/note at the bottom.

"So, I have ADD. You've known since I was in kindergarten. There are things I could have learned that would have helped. There are things I could have done, that you and Mom knew about, that could have tangibly helped, and instead, you both just let me believe I was nothing but a fuckup for fifteen years?"

Dad: "Well, you still were just nothing but a fuckup, so?"

The caption at the bottom of the page in pencil is -- this is more paraphrased since it didn't, you know, burn itself into my psyche like a foiled hot stamp --

Some people are never going to understand. Remember this, and try not to take their attitudes to heart.

To this day, in my 40s, I am still trying to do that.

@Thenomain said in Punishments in MU*:

But when the outcome of doing something wrong (cyber-stalking) is the same as not following a barrier to entry (write a background of at least 3000 characters), what kind of difference is there?

A notable one, when you keep in mind that playing on any given game is not an inherent right.

I look at the initial setup stuff -- I loathe 95% of it and always have, so I don't love this truth -- as 'what you need to do to earn the privilege to be there in the first place'.

'Doing something wrong' is a way to lose that privilege.

@Wretched said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

Imma write a bigger post later, but I just wanted to say I'm all choked up. I see so many echos of my own life and struggles here among all of you and it's just... a little overwhelming okay?

Am kinda here, too. Been keeping most of it quiet since I already have a bad habit of oversharing but, uh. Yeah. This actually would be a proper place for it, so when I find where I left the rest of my spine... yeah.

Also extra hugs to Gany 'cause reminder of 'swear it's not like this now' still makes me wary because I don't wanna cause needless worry.

There's a decent article about some of the concerns with this, and some of the forms it currently takes, in the NYT today.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/12/07/us/video-games-child-sex-abuse.html

Definitely worth a read.

<rubs face a little> A number of posters here are geniuses or near, technically speaking, and it's never stopped anyone here from being a spectacular idiot, too, so, uh, there's that.

Seconding Sunny here. Plenty of folks wouldn't find this useful, and have stated their reasons for it. Hammering people who would find it useful because those solutions don't work for them isn't going to magically solve their problem.

All it takes is staff biting your head off once or twice -- especially if they get very personal -- to become very wary of approaching anyone.

Because I am me, I noticed this and went 'awwwwwyisssssss' but pretty sure no one else will care. But if/when you watch this episode again...

***Costume Geek Moment!***

@Lotherio I have a few concerns with this approach, but they're no more problematic IMO than any of the other solutions.

The main one is identifying 'adult content'. In the US at least, almost any level of violence can make it in under a PG or PG-13, while anything involving naked parts or the use of more than one instance of the word 'fuck' in a scene* would push it over the limit. Drug use, casual non-graphic discussion of sex, etc. could be issues, or they may not be. You'd basically need to find a way of describing your specific standard for a non-adult scene, since I don't think a film rating approach necessarily works here in a way that would leave everyone on the same page.

The second is just 'there are games that this would work on better than others', but that's a giant 'duh', really.

The big one -- and the first one is pretty big in terms of 'could be a potential nightmare to manage' -- is actually the peer pressure factor. If nine people in the room want the dance party to turn into a mosh pit, and the tenth isn't down for that? Unless there's a seriously important reason for #10 to be there (they're performing the music, they're the bouncer, etc.), there's a lot of pressure on #10 to play along or leave. Personally, I feel in such cases that #10 should leave (barring special circumstances as above) and let the others have their fun, but the other downside of the coin it's possible for one person to hold a whole room hostage with this. Neither of these issues are trivial ones, and there are jerks who will engage in either end of this particular jerkiness in order to manipulate outcomes or out of simple selfishness.

I think a carve-out of 'opt-in only' subject matter is the way to go here, and it isn't too far off from what some places have dipped a toe in for years. The ever-popular (hurk) rape policy is a good example of this one, which is commonly 'don't involve anyone in this on any level whatsoever unless they opt-in'.

I've advocated for a long while about a selection of subjects that would be treated in the same fashion. In part, this is because it's a lot easier to define a list of 'these things require an opt-in' than create an all-purpose list.

Will there always be that asshole that pulls some shit that isn't on the list, and then you have to go add it to the list? Yup, the ingenuity of idiots is one of the true constants of the universe; that's to be expected and is easily addressed with a 'don't be that jackass that makes us add to this list' tacked onto the top/bottom/in flashing scrolling marquee/whatever else.

• This may sound bonkers, but I have actually run across a player or two that has major issues with language. Not just 'slur language' as has been discussed on the forum lately and is understandably a concern, but any sort of profanity/etc.

@Sockmonkey ...well, they keep saying the ending is going to be 'bittersweet', so... perfectly on point.

There is a twisted part of my soul that wants to make a parody Starbucks logo now with the kraken tentacles, tho. If only my illustrator skills were up to par, but alas.

***But if we're going there...***

@Ganymede Hey, at least we haven't overtly have someone say 'clearly these people are not actual adults' or 'these people don't belong in the hobby' despite various people insinuating either or both. I'm counting us lucky there.

Double post. Deal with it. Here is more text because spoiler tags, they are fussy bastards.

***I keep forgetting to yammer about this one. It's been a distracting few weeks.***

@Auspice Virginia Madsen is too good for those shenanigans!

@Taika Definitely will. I am very ignorant on this front, but I'm looking to educate myself. Everyone's help here has been very much appreciated.

Generally, I wish this guy would just recognize: 'I have shut off as many means of you contacting me as possible to the extent that you need to keep making new accounts all over the place regularly to try to get around them, stop trying to engage me in any way'.

I do not want to hear from this guy. I do not want anything to do with him at all. A few years back, I tried to be empathetic regarding his bullshit behavior, and he stopped for a while. He is not stopping this time, and I have told him I'm not here to be his therapist. I do not exist to provide him emotional support or to be his punching bag. He is not in any way entitled to my attention, and no matter what it is he wants to say, I don't want to hear it.

He has used up every drop of empathy I could possibly ever have for him and I have forgiven and forgotten and door-matted like I'm going for a medal much of the time. I am so done with this guy. I knew him in the 90s and the only contact we've had since is this abusive bullshit nonsense, and he is incapable of just going away, especially when he knows someone wants him gone.

To Said Dude:

I want you out of my life completely, in every form.
I do not care what you have to say.
I do not care what you want.
I do not care how you feel any more.
I don't care that you apparently cannot seem to help yourself, and that this behavior stems from some form of mental illness and emotional distress.
I want nothing to do with it or you and nothing is ever going to change that at this point.

If you showed up to hand me a suitcase full of twenty million dollars before turning around and walking away, I would not let you in the door.

If we were the last two people on this earth, you would have to talk to yourself.

If the only thing standing between me and falling off a skyscraper was you, I would prefer to splat on the sidewalk.

Go.
Away.

ETA: Report with law enforcement sent.

I... think? the point on #2 was meant to be: 'look for the kind of person who could play a major IC antagonist while maintaining positive relations with all parties they interact with in that role throughout the course of play over time' when considering potential staffers.

I think.

I hope?

While that isn't how I would have put it, I can see that logic (in a very general way).

@Ghost I couldn't tell you my mobile phone number if there was a gun to my head.

One of the reasons I've long been very anti-politics/issues/activism (from anyone about anything) on games is that it isn't the purpose of the game, and it can create an environment that makes the game less effective as the kind of game it is.

A lot of people come to these games to engage in a story that is not about their real life, even if we sometimes chat about our real lives in the 'living room' of that space. It's IDEALLY not a social space where we briefly and rarely play make believe in between talking about our real lives and feelings; that's a flip of the intent, being 'this is a place to tell stories together that aren't about the real world or the real us, even if we should feel comfortable chatting socially in downtime without fear of being treated poorly based on who we are'.

The more a game becomes about the socializing living room (OOC room/channels/etc.), the less it becomes a game, and the less effective it is as a 'break' from dealing with that real life reality/a form of escapism/etc.

Don't get me wrong here; I think the 'living room' is very important to the health of a game. Part of that, though, is how much focus it has as compared to the story and RP going on.

For instance, if I go to a game and everyone is just arguing identity politics all the time (which still happens even if everyone is mostly on the same damn page about them in that group, gods fucking help us), I'm not getting to play that game, and I'm not getting something I can't get here on MSB or literally anywhere else on the internet.

That game is giving me absolutely nothing I can't get everywhere else, and I have no reason to be there.

This stuff will take over if you let it, and that's the end result (after the inevitable flame wars and arguments and hurt feelings, none of which are good, either). It may be a lovely, wonderful, amazing social circle full of people you absolutely adore! ...but it's not a game any more, and people trying to run a game need to be conscious of this.