Posts made by Wretched

Jury Duty as assfuck in the morning. Ugh. We are a swing-graveyard shift household damnit.

@Tinuviel Grandfather-in-law?! Is that you?

When i ask you, how many Taco Shells you want, and you say 2, but then yer the first one in there and you take 3, I want to strangle you.

@Too-Old-For-This I think we went to goodwill so my wife could wear something white under the black, and i got a dinner jacket off the rack.

@Aria Courthouse Wedding with 104 degree fever. Sickness and health on day one, we were out of there in like an hour with a couple friends and my mom and brothers who caught wind the night before. 12+ years and going strong.

@Aria This is how I describe my depression/anxiety/panic attack stuff to my wife. I have an asshole living inside my head, and oh bad days when i think or talk, it's like this infernal asshole monkey imp that is flinging shit to make things worse. On most days I dont actually believe the shit it is trying to convince me of, but sometimes it's rally hard. So picturing it as some snide little trolly asshole, helps, and it helps explain to someone who's never dealt with it.

Which is why sometimes it's hard to get thing out when were having a talk, because it feels like it's both trying to put words in my mouth, and blocking the words i'm trying to make.

'This minor inconvenience is shattering our marriage!!' -No it's not you dramatic fucktard shut up.

"None of your friends actually like you. They're just being polite." -Are they tho? Because my friends otherwise seem to just not hang with people they dont like.

Also this makes me feel like I am not alone, that somone else can describe what i am feeling. https://www.duffthepsych.com/depressionletter/

@Ganymede said in RL Anger:

And since God is a cat, that means something.

This explains why i fell down the stairs the other day. Paw of God. My mortal flesh, like the half filled glass of water on the edge of a desk.

@Pandora Sorta like the last pose code? But for personal page conversations? I think Skews +txt stuff has some functionality. I like the idea.

@silverfox It might help to call and simply ask direct questions politely repeatedly. Grief makes people funny.

@Thenomain I AM VERY EXCITED,

@Arkandel I teared up.

@Kestrel said in How To Treat Your Players Right:

He would regularly assume the worst of minor inactions and then go on the aggressive because of it. ('You didn't respond to my page or react to my joke on the channel within 5 minutes, therefore xyz'.)

So a lot of what you wrote resonated with me but this line alone just brought back memories... of myself. Before i was aware of my own issues (anxiety, self esteem, depression, etc) I have totally flipped out on people for... little things, and in a similar way. Especially if it was with someone who's Rp i was invested in for what reason or another. (OMG i wanted to RP with you today but i see you are already in a scenes with someone else... DO YOU HATE ME?! cringe) I dont know if i was ever this bad, but it rang some bells, and I genuinely feel shitty for how unaware/cringy I was. Not to defend this person, but that struck home.

I have a few people on my own list that i would be SUUUPER wary about joining a game they were on, so i feel ya.

And you are correct, the presence of anti creepoing policy does not stop creepers. I feel that instead the policies should be there as an aid and starting point for those that are creeped upon, rather than strictly to warn people. A 'Here is what you do if someone is harassing you oocly/trying to force you into rp you dont want/etc. Here is how we can help, and here is how you can help us help you.

Does that sound right? Or at least as a start?

@Sunny said in How To Treat Your Players Right:

@Wretched

OK? It happened.

The "blind" / anonymous method only works as far as you can trust staff. If you can trust staff, you don't need to be anonymous. If you can't, there is absolutely no reason to trust that they're actually keeping things confidential like they say they are (guess what? if they aren't trustworthy people, they aren't). The code systems used are pitifully easy to get around with no way to tell if they've been accessed.

@Sunny I hadn't meant to imply that it did not, only that it was news to me. Apologies if it sounded that way. I wish I could say i was surprised, but as we all know, there are no more things to be surprised about, I can even guess staffers that would have shared it.

As for the rest of your statement, I agree, staffers need to be trustworthy, and if they aren't, then hopefully they arent the headstaff and can be removed. If they are the headstaff, then prolly not a game to be part of.

@deadculture Honestly? if there was a complaint, Liz or i took it responded to the player, asked for logs and then took action.

Or at least that is/was the idea.

In the case of Henry it did, in another case multiple staffers ragequit after we told them to stop the CoI a player complained about. I'm not sure we had an actual structure, it wasn't something I was really interested in when i first started staffing there.'

I know that I hit burnout once and came back to a complaint over a month+ old and i felt really bad about that.

Building a game from scratch now, one that I am going to be solely (Co-Solely?) responsible for, i really want to do better and have some better and concrete policy going forward.

One thing I have harped about before and will again is logs and documentation. Even if you 'think you are overreacting' take notes. You can even approach saying "i think i might be overreacting but, this is what happened', and staff should be able to look at that and have a genuine nuanced conversation. But the reason i really like logs and documentation is because I don't know any staffer that feels good about banning somone over he said she said. However, lack of direct proof should not be a reason to be silent either.

@Sunny I was not aware of this but i wasnt headstaff until long after she was banned.

@deadculture The Complaint Job bucket on FC was only visible by Headstaff.

@Thenomain It is not easy, and I still dread the next complaint that comes in, because i will always question my decisions when I am in a position of power like that.

When we banned Henry/Jingshen/Whatever million alts, I had players crawling out of the woodwork paging and thanking me that I was overwhelmed, and my first reaction is OMG PLEASE JUST REPORT THESE PEOPLE, but i can also now see why some people are gunshy, staffers are people too, and whether true or not, not everyone trusts staffers. I mean I am not always the easiest person to talk to when i have a bee in my bonnet either, but it is something I am trying to work on.

Related story time: As we are going through all of the old newsfiles from TR and FC for Miami, we noticed a lot of aggression in tone in the news and rules files. So many of them were written (I presume) immediately after someone fucked up.
We ddint wanna make this rule but now we have to so blah blah stop pressing your buttholes to the glass you asshole sphinx cat wannabies!.
And that might be a small contributor to the problem, and it was even pointed out to me as I was writing things by other staffers. Sometimes we let our exasperations shine through when writing rules that have become necessary. What this can do is immediately put people on the defensive, especially when it comes to sensitive things like TS. OMG IF YOU HAVE THIS KINDA TS AND STAFF HAS TO DEAL WIT H IT, U R BANNED Which doesn't help. Consent is consent. Don't shame people for consenting, shame people for not respecting consent.

I will probably not hit the nail on the head here all the time, but I will try to. I think those of us making genuine efforts to make our games safe places, where we respect one another, that people will be able to tell the difference between that and people who are genuinely abusive.

And to be clear, as many times as you and i have been at odds, or miscommunicate, I've always found you to be one of the most genuinely helpful people in this hobby. I consider you a friend and would never judge your intentions to be malicious. Mad for you.

So, people who have dealt with harassment and haven't wanted to speak to staff, for fear of favortism or nothing being done, or being outed... what can change to make you more comfortable reporting harassment? How can the community change, both on staff and player levels?

@Thenomain @mietze
I replied in the other thread so I'll reply here again, more or less.

Making players feel safe about coming forward against creepers and bad actors is imperative. Even if they consented to RPing taboo things with said player. Consent can be withdrawn and when these things are not respected they should be reported. This is part of why I went on a rant about it in the other thread, people should not be shamed for their (CONSENSUAL) TS, even if it's on our squick list.

Is Sally comes to me as staff she should feel comfortable to say 'Yeah we agreed to play kidnapping scat fetish with non consent elements but then he got marshmallows involved and i didnt want to continue and now he is harassing me.' and staff should be able to go 'Yo, dude, knock it off, or you are banned.' and if they continue (or there is enough evidence that really there is no conversation needed) then you kick them off.

However Sally should also be able to say 'Hey, I consented to some stuff and now he's taking it too far and wont leave me alone and wont respect my wishes' without details and STILL GET HEARD AND TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

Also please log things.