@surreality said in Let's talk about TS.:
It never failed to stun me how many people would try anyway if told this, up to and including using dice to attempt to force the issue, regardless of the reason. It similarly never failed to stun me that they'd be stunned I would want nothing to do with them after that.
Yeah, there are assholes everywhere and also in the hobby. I think in that light it's a good thing we continue to beat the ol' dead horse of "state your limits and stick to them" since clearly someone, somewhere is still getting away with it or they wouldn't still be trying the 'ICA=ICC' gambit of throwing the dice then forcing others to TS-or-else-they-are-bad-players.
in metapose (in the same way that player behavior would annoy me in any other context), at which point I will say something, and I will say something the first time it happens. If it happens again, I'm out, and I'm done.
I guess it's a male thing but I never had that issue - sometimes a partner will refer to their own character in assorted ways but never mine. But it doesn't ever bother me unless it gets amped up to really comical levels.
#4. I like the prefs setup I've described various times to be a good first step. It gives people neutral ground for basics without awkwardness or confrontation. If people have questions, they have a place to start the conversation, if one is needed, and having a place to start is a huge help.
The only thing I don't like about setting preferences is the expectations some might think come implied with it, since it can be taken as a signal that TS isn't just a possibility but an actual goal that comes with a checklist attached. Kind of... "I like walks on the beach and blindfolds" becoming "but I BROUGHT you to the beach and here is a goddamn scarf, so why aren't you putting out?!". Dunno.
The squicks list though is definitely a good thing, especially since it goes beyond TS. "I don't want pregnancy RP" applies to FTB as well, for example.
@magee101 said in Let's talk about TS.:
One the relationship shifted from monigomy to friends with benefits and we still did other rp and lead up rp. The other person we ended up going our seperate ways ICly and OOCly but not on bad terms.
Yeah, that's fair enough. Part of a conversation like this definitely is the possibility they might say "nah, sorry, this isn't for me" and walk away. It's another reason to have it early, though, since that way some of the risk is mitigated if the RP ends up having to be aborted.
-However- there have been times that you speak with someone and learn they are into say harder stuff and if I feel like my character would be ok or already has some experience in this area it wouldnt be hard for then to do it with a new partner.
The way this has worked for me at least is to have a list in my head of things a character is willing to or interested in doing as well as what I'd find fun myself. It's kind of a double whitelist, if you will. Still, it's far easier for a PC to be adjusted especially given the circumstances they are often in; I can see a stressed werewolf suffering from PTSD being eager to channel his emotions in ways that actually open up character growth venues for him, for example, if the right opportunity comes along and even if it's not how I originally designed his personality.
Ideally TS is 'just like any other kind of RP' in at least that way - it should give me the chance to change, expand and make the character more interesting.
- Those boundries: so yeah, set them, but dont be afraid to explore. A properly "good" or perhaps better phrased respectful TS partner will thank you if you do try something and be cool with ftb or retconning if you dont enjoy it after testing.
There are hard limits and there are... reservations. There are things I won't do in RP simply because I don't like them; it's not that I find them wrong (in terms of doing them in RP, that is), they are just not enjoyable on any level for me. So for example I might play an asshole who's a flawed human being in all kinds of illegal or immoral ways and that doesn't bother me if my partner is OOC okay with it, but I wouldn't have him beat the crap out of his girlfriend because... I just don't want to.
I have "suffered" through what I consider suboptimal TS bc I really enjoy the player and it is decent enough that beside my own poses I can still imagine the scene well enough to enjoy.
I chalk this under 'bad RP I endure' whether it's TS or not.
Sometimes I'd rather stay around for a little bit longer and finish the scene than offend the person I'm playing with as long as I like them otherwise. After all I don't need to play with them often/again if it's bad enough.
I like to be very descriptive in my poses but I also try to make every detail in some way add to the erotic imagery. In some ways smut is my most creative moments, but if there isnt a spark I can fail to get the flames going at times. I am a very open person once conversations have begun and while I do think some things are weird and def dont want to do them bc of upbrining and personal beliefs I dont look down badly upon anyone for their particulars.
Those who know me are aware I'm not very chatty OOC during scenes since I find it interrupts the RP's flow and it could even be interpreted as crossing the IC/OOC line, and that goes double during TS. But yes if it's going into a particular direction buttons might be pressed I'd be compelled to check up on them and make sure they're okay.
Last but not least 5. Frequency: So for me, it becomes a thing that if my character is young its something they want to do a lot, if they are older less frequently. Sometimes it depends on what is happening. If there is little intersect in the lives of the two characters then sex it is, but if there are other things they share in common then lets go do some of those things from time to time! Admittedly I really do enjoy my 'omg we survivied a thing' fucks.
One sometimes overlooked function TS plays is giving people something to do during downtime. Between PrPs, when there aren't many people online or scenes happening... that's when it thrives. Conversely it's also why so much is reportedly happening on sandbox or stalling games since there isn't anything else to do, and it's easier to come up with the circumstances leading up to someone's pants dropping than some thematic arcane puzzle that has to be solved.
The path of least resistance, yo!