RL Anger

[Arkandel]

@faraday It's okay to rant in general. Sure, it's not really constructive to whine about how much my papercut hurts or how annoying traffic jams are but it's not aimed at anyone here.

[Paris]

@faraday Being angry in and of itself isn't bad, sometimes blowing off steam is really constructive. I assume it's not in the hog pit because we're mostly not bitching about mushing or each other. Usually.

[Testament]

I would file this more in RL Agony.

Thinking you put the right amount of wasabi on your piece of sushi and only realizing after you started chewing that it was A LOT more than you had expected. Like you were sure that it was only enough wasabi to enhance the flavor, not OVERPOWER it.

And suddenly your eyes are watering.

[Wretched]

@testament Yet somehow those tendrils that go all through your sinuses and tickle your brain are AMAZING... but yeah also pain.

[mietze]

The last time our family went out for sushi, that happened to one of my teens, who grabbed his drink and accidentally choked on that, which spread the wasabi burn like up until his sinuses! Super painful!

[surreality]

My husband shaves his head, and has a really intense blush response to wasabi. Goes bright pink in a wave, and poof, it's instantly gone again within seconds.

Recently, my parents, terrified of 'the green stuff', dared him to eat a small amount.

We can track its strength by how far up his face the bright red goes: bridge of nose, weak; mid-forehead, average; hairline, somewhat strong -- etc.

While traveling, we went to a place that had much stronger wasabi than normal, and we watched in amused awe as he turned scarlet all the way to the top of his head.

My husband, wasabi spice thermometer. (ETA: Proof that we all have super powers -- most of them are just spectacularly ridiculous.)

[Tinuviel]

@surreality Is it just wasabi, or other piquant foodstuffs as well?

[surreality]

@tinuviel I have only observed it with wasabi, not just generic spicy foods -- he likes a number of spicy pepper dishes and curries, and it doesn't manifest there. Admittedly, I haven't seen him try other spicy horseradish dishes specifically, so it could be a food family.

[Aria]

@surreality said in RL Anger:

(ETA: Proof that we all have super powers -- most of them are just spectacularly ridiculous.)

Now I want a listing of everyone's super power.

Mine is taming animals that their owners insist "aren't friendly", to the point that I've gotten used to hearing people comment "Oh my gosh, I've never seen her react to anyone like that!" or something similar. Even @insomniac7809's mom, who doesn't particularly like dogs, has noted my ability to reduce an unfamiliar doggo to a wriggling mass of tail wagging puppy that is losing its little doggie mind that I am petting it. This also works on stray cats that bite the fuck out of everyone else, yet will somehow just crawl out of hiding and prance over just because I said "Hi, kitty-kitty!" and start rubbing on my legs.

I inherited it from my dad, who also has the same effect. It's kind of absurd. I think we might secretly be the world's laziest were-people or something.

[Kanye Qwest]

@derp said in RL Anger:

Alright, well... cool then? I mean, by all means, stop trying to help educate women on how to protect themselves from predatory behavior because it puts too much onus on them to take responsibility for their own safety. Let me know how that works out, I guess?

Wow.

Ok. Here's the thing. WE HAVE NOT YET REALLY TRIED STOPPING RAPISTS FROM RAPING.

When there is actual punishment, when rapists go to jail for actual jail terms, when judges don't victim blame and people don't ask that rapists not have their lives ruined for 20 minutes of fun, then maybe society can say it has tried to dissuade people from raping, and the onus can go elsewhere.

Jumpin fucking jehosephat.

[Ganymede]

@kanye-qwest said in RL Anger:

When there is actual punishment, when rapists go to jail for actual jail terms, when judges don't victim blame and people don't ask that rapists not have their lives ruined for 20 minutes of fun, then maybe society can say it has tried to dissuade people from raping, and the onus can go elsewhere.

This is kind of why I intend to teach both of my kids how to protect themselves in the world.

[Derp]

@ganymede said in RL Anger:

@kanye-qwest said in RL Anger:

When there is actual punishment, when rapists go to jail for actual jail terms, when judges don't victim blame and people don't ask that rapists not have their lives ruined for 20 minutes of fun, then maybe society can say it has tried to dissuade people from raping, and the onus can go elsewhere.

This is kind of why I intend to teach both of my kids how to protect themselves in the world.

ME: The most effective method of rape prevention to date is teaching women how to protect themselves out in the world.

EVERYONE: YOU MONSTER RARG!

KQ: Do you not understand that the methods in place are ineffective?

Ganymede: Because all of these methods are ineffective I intend to teach my children to defend themselves out in the world.

[saosmash]

@derp You said you were out, so I suggest you stop. Your failure to get it won't change and neither will the frustration of the people you are arguing with.

[Paris]

@aria As someone who is also like this, and I have watched this going on with my service dog with others, one of the key markers of inoffensiveness to animals is not making much eye contact an animal you've just met.

My super power is that I can detect certain chemicals in extremely minute contentrations from about an acre away. This used to be so bad that I'd get anaphylaxis from being in the same room as, say, a bar of soap, (and I was thus homebound for a number of years) but it's improved over the years. I can still identify gas leaks that even professionals have a hard time finding with specialised equipment, and can smell smoke so acutely that I've saved my family from two house fires.

[Ganymede]

@derp

I wasn't really agreeing with you. And it's not really a full-circle situation either.

It sucks that the world sucks, and that it forces me, as a parent, to help my kids get through the suck. But just because they are prepared for the suck doesn't mean I can't keep on smashing my boot against the suck in the vain-but-hopeful pursuit of justice.

I mean, I hate how health insurance works in this country, and I want to go universal, but that doesn't mean I won't devise and approve of measures like Obamacare that try to do something positive.

[Paris]

As an intersex person who has passed as both male and female at various points, especially whilst homeless, I had to learn how to defend myself pretty quickly. I n e v e r get drunk, I don't do any kind of drugs, and actively avoid things that will make me dopey even in a medical setting-- for example, when I had my chemo port put in, usually they give you the stuff that makes you drowsy. I just went with local because I didn't want to be impaired.

So, I have been in situations where I was attacked, or going to be attacked, sometimes sexually, by men. I was able to defend myself. The problem is that my defending myself or not had nothing to do with their INTENT of raping me. IE, my behavior had no impact on their decision to try-- at least at first. I did develop a reputation for being so brutally violent to any attackers that they stopped, but the problem then was that they simply transferred their intent to rape someone to someone else.

But telling women who have been assaulted, 'well, why did you put yourself in that situation?' especially if you are among the class of people doing the assaulting, is wrong. The only thing that leads to rape is rapists. Without rapists, there would be no rape. And the mindset that a girl who is drunk, drugged, unconscious, or impaired is just inviting rape is the justification that rapists as well as cops, friends, and most of society uses. This is also not a standard we put on men (even though it happens in those circumstances to them, too). Why is that, I wonder?

As someone who's been able to move between both gender presentations and dealt with the privileges and consequences of each, I can assure folks that there is very much a nasty double standard, and I am not surprised that people here are sick of it.

[Paris]

Further, both as a gripe and an illustration, of which I don't believe I've brought up here before, I was accosted on the Strip a small while back.

I was surrounded by many of the world's prettiest men and woman, folks in beautiful dresses and trousers and coats, all able-bodied and semi-drunk and having a great time. I, meanwhile, since I live here, was dressed in nice but non-party clothes and stone-cold sober.

I was also in my wheelchair, presenting an ambiguous gender-- some people assume from the back that I'm a man, others a woman. IE, not necessarily someone who would stand out as amazingly hot attention magnet, right?

This guy walks right up behind me and starts fondling me. Telling me he's gonna take care of me, this and that.

Why did he do this?

Because I am disabled. Because he felt entitled to go after me because I am less likely (he thought) to fight back. Because to him, I looked 'helpless'.

Because he wanted to.

You can't tell me, 'don't be disabled in public', even though I've actually been confronted with anger about that. 'Don't hold up the line while the meat guy chops the chicken up for you.' 'Don't hold the bus up because the driver needs to strap you down.' 'Don't block my way with your wheelchair.' 'Don't make me stumble over you because your head is at elbow height and I had mine in my phone.'

But why's it ok to tell a woman, 'don't be drunk in public.' 'Don't do drugs in public.' 'Don't wear this--' (Even though many assaults are done to people who dress unsexy.) 'Don't do that--'

'Oh, but she can CHOOSE to be drunk, you can't choose to not be disabled!'

The point is that the standard for preventing rapes is put on the victim, and is generally only aimed at ONE gender. Men don't have to go through every rigamarole and behavior-policing that women do. Why? Because most men don't rape men.

What she was wearing, drinking or smoking has no business being in a discussion about rape, aside from the regrettable having to train as a goddamn ninja, if you're a woman, to be able to function in public without being violated.

[peasoupling]

A recent study that's going around predictably shows that women in NYC spend a few hundred dollars more than men, per year, on public transportation. Guess why.

You can look into other studies on things like the social and professional costs of avoiding sexual assault and harassment. Or just listen. Women know already. You are not conveying any new information. You are not helping. Given that society is already steeped in the idea that it's women's fault to get themselves in risky situations, that statement is, at best, the equivalent of "I told you so".

[Paris]

@peasoupling It is.

Rapists tend to try to target people they identify as 'vulnerable'-- that's why we disabled are disproportionate targets. The problem is that 'vulnerable' can really mean 'being in public' if you present as female (or as ambiguous or trans), because rapists will try to rape you no matter what you wear, what you are doing, or where you are. The standards for this varies rapist by rapist, so it turns into, 'Well, don't do all of these things!' Okay, you can do that and STILL get assaulted, and it still doesn't change how half of the population is required to change all of their behaviors for something they didn't even ask for, and often times are not factors at all.

It's reasonable to take precautions, but holding that over someone's head imo is simply wrong. The only way, imo, you can really fully control the situation is by making rapists wholly accountable and stopping that.

I'm harping, but the intersection of vulnerability and assault (via gender, ability, whatever) is a personal issue of mine. I am in danger every day because I am an intersex paraplegic in a major city (which has had a mass shooting about a mile from where I live), who lives independently, who works on the street, and conducts most of their business at night. I attract people (and often weirdos) like someone who's allergic attracts cats.

(Some of these reasons are why I worry about Bot when she is out alone.)

[Tyche]

@derp said in RL Anger:

ME: The most effective method of rape prevention to date is teaching women how to protect themselves out in the world.

EVERYONE: YOU MONSTER RARG!

Not everyone. You are absolutely correct.
To be angered by good advice offered by a law enforcement officer is silly.