@Kanye-Qwest ...at least, thankfully, with few exceptions (eta: I'm thinkin' Vault Girl and Elsa here), we haven't seen much of this since happening in the hobby since the 90s, either. So I'm all for leaving the term and what it represented in the rear view, and am glad things are moving in that direction on the whole.
@Thenomain said in When To Stop Listening To Those Voices:
It is not a trivial thing for some people (for me people, but I’m not alone here) to just adjust to the group. If the group is being open then you go with the flow and it’s fun, but tell me if this has never happened to you:
[Appropriate Channel] You: Hey, what’s going on?
[Appropriate Channel] <silence>
There are other ways to try to insinuate yourself into scenes and groups, but there is a certain point where you give up, where you wonder if the problem is you, and if it is you what you can do about it. Welcome to the entryway to anxiety and depression, and if you don’t understand this then I am deeply, painfully jealous.
I've experienced this also from time to time. Broadly speaking, I find that it's a solid indication that the game itself is not for me. I may suck, it may suck, but ultimately it's not a good fit for me.
This kind of situation -- where you're joining in things but requests to do things turn into a sonata of cricket-chirping -- can very, very easily create the feeling of 'I feel like I'm forcing my presence on people who don't want me here', though.
This isn't something that's exclusively on the person doing the asking, because the people who are truly unfun persona non grata types are very rare in this hobby, though many of us sometimes feel like we're 'that person'.
This is really something that's on all of us. If you wouldn't mind someone joining? Don't just leave it for someone else to pipe up: say so. If you're doing a private scene at the time but would like to do something later? Say that, too -- then there's a reason it's not a yes right now, not just the deathly silence that feelings of doubt and anxiety and self-loathing and so on feed on like it's an all you can eat cheesecake bar. These things make more difference than you might initially think, and they are worth the time.