Dating in the 2020's

Arkandel · Feb 3, 2020, 6:35 PM

This is really interesting. I haven't dated in a reaaaally long time but it sounds pretty fascinating that the way we look for romantic interests can (or is!) actually changing society as we know it.

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/first-evidence-that-online-dating-is-changing-the-nature-of-society

Ominous · Feb 5, 2020, 2:56 AM

Dating in the 2020s:

Aria · Feb 3, 2020, 10:08 PM

@Arkandel said in Dating in the 2020's:

This is really interesting. I haven't dated in a reaaaally long time but it sounds pretty fascinating that the way we look for romantic interests can (or is!) actually changing society as we know it.

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/first-evidence-that-online-dating-is-changing-the-nature-of-society

I'm definitely part of this statistic. @insomniac7809 and I met online through the DigiChats when we were teenagers, became friends. Met other online friends who become mutual RL friends. Said mutual RL friends convinced us the other was not an axe murderer and okay to meet in person.

We've only been married since last spring, but our pre-marriage romantic relationship -- not counting the literal years as online RP buds -- has outlasted every single one of my cousin's marriages. One is close on our heels, but she and her wife definitely did the "same sex couple who met online" bit.

Apparently, the family "weirdos" are the ones who got it right. <shrug>

Ganymede · Feb 3, 2020, 10:11 PM

My partner and I met in law school, and we blamed our hookup on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

We both online dated and, like, never, ever again.

Ghost · Feb 3, 2020, 10:18 PM

@Ganymede said in Dating in the 2020's:

We both online dated and, like, never, ever again.

Oh god no. Never again. Never long distance, either.

Kestrel · Feb 5, 2020, 3:03 AM

I hate online dating and yet I'm at the point where I wouldn't date any other way, probably.

When I date people I've met in person I think the thing that lays the foundation for that relationship is lust. I like the look of them, they like the look of me, we get talking. But I know almost nothing about them at that point and it's so easy for them to hide who they really are by just dodging subjects etc., things I don't find out to be obstacles until way later. Some people worry about people online pretending to be someone they're not but it always amazes me that they ignore how much easier that is to do in person.

Online people openly list things like their political views, their favourite TV shows, music etc., long before you would find these things out about them in person. Especially on OKCupid, with its question format, it's super easy for me to, for example, click right through to the disagreement section and eliminate anyone who doesn't answer "yes" to "are you a feminist". Because honestly it gets tiring for me to have to educate good looking arseholes on these issues IRL.

The last time I agreed to a date with someone I met IRL I just got super skeeved out and cancelled last minute. I realised I didn't know anything about this person and for example if they were to chop me up and murder me, no one would know where I was because he could've given me a fake name, a fake job title, everything. If I meet someone from the internet I snap some details of that person's digital footprint and make sure my sister has all the details of where I'm going to be and what time to call to make sure I'm home and safe.

It feels safer overall though knowing I have a 99% match with them on issues pertaining to how likely they are to respect my bodily autonomy, how entitled they feel to sex, etc.

This is surely different if you meet someone via law school, or if the environment you grew up holds similar values to the ones you now hold as an adult. But if you wasted those years on a bad relationship or ended up having nothing in common as an adult with all your early school friends, online is a good place to find that special someone to suit a weird duck like you.

tl;dr key difference: in person you meet someone and slowly get to know them, online you get to know someone first and then decide if to meet them.

Arkandel · Feb 4, 2020, 3:43 PM

It makes sense though. In traditional dating you only even meet let alone successfully connect with people physically near you. Whether you believe in finding the one or not the chances such a person just happened to grow up within 10k of where you live and goes to the same places at the same time you do are kinda low.

With online dating you can kinda... explore the options more. Optimize, so to speak.

Also by my understanding you also be the recipient of many an unsolicited dick pic but that's part of progress I guess?

Testament · Feb 4, 2020, 1:13 AM

Dating in my 30s goes like this.

"Eh...you'll do."

RightMeow · Feb 4, 2020, 1:18 AM

@Testament

I shouldn't have laughed at this comment as much as I did.

Auspice · Feb 4, 2020, 1:35 AM

Dating in my 30s has been nonexistent

Macha · Feb 4, 2020, 1:51 AM

I wouldn't know how to date anymore.

RightMeow · Feb 4, 2020, 2:36 AM

@Macha
You pull out a piece of paper.
Write down the area of stats. Be honest about your dice pools.
Strength: 2 (1 if I see a person I can convince to lift for me)
Dexterity: 3 (I'm not in my 20s, but sometimes my body lets me pretend I am. More if tequila is involved)
Stamina: 3 (See the tequila problem, but late night RP sessions have taught me how to deal with pain and lack of sleep)
Charm: 2 (It's not charming in middle age as it was at like 10 years old, wtf?)
Command: 4 (Mom look on point)
Composure: 4 (No fucks to give - too tired drop stamina to 2)
Intellect: 4 2 (There's some blocks, I've wait. I take back the 4. I remember previous dating life. Corrected)
Perception: 2 (Glasses raise to a 3 - If one can find glasses)
Wits: 5 (I'm fucking awesome funny and sarcastic)

Okay. Now you can start to list your skills. From there you look for what skills and stats you are lacking. You can go to an online forum. I would not post looking for group unless you are into that. So adventurer sought with dynamic storyteller abilities. Must understand game mechanics. Must obey by custom game rules.

Also you can tell others that you are looking for a partner as well. Careful though. Some of these 'side quests' are just a time sink with no real treasure payout. Grinding for nothing is still nothing. Make the grind count.

Then you compare sheets (of paper or well literal sheets bow chicka). You decide that you can adventure together. You roll your dice at each choice and see if you get the natural 20 or the natural 1. Adventure on

If you end up with a dud, just put them on 'block' (aka ghosting) and move onto the next one.

Does this help? (I mean other than explaining why I'm single)

Macha · Feb 4, 2020, 2:37 AM

@RightMeow Well, it definitely gave me a good laugh on a totally crappy pain day, so I appreciate.

Wizz · Feb 4, 2020, 3:25 AM

I've gone from being painfully lonely to not really giving a shit.

People kept telling me this is the secret first step to finding someone so...maybe there's hope yet???

¯_(ツ)_/¯

Kestrel · Feb 4, 2020, 4:27 AM

@RightMeow I feel like my entire life has been side quests but it's all about the journey I guess.

Auspice · Feb 4, 2020, 4:40 AM

@Wizz said in Dating in the 2020's:

I've gone from being painfully lonely to not really giving a shit.

People kept telling me this is the secret first step to finding someone so...maybe there's hope yet???

¯_(ツ)_/¯

I went from lonely to not giving a shit right back around to lonely.
Those people are liars.

Coin · Feb 4, 2020, 10:44 AM

I dated very little in my twenties and hardly at all in my early thirties. It wasn't until I met my latest ex that I gave it a shot, and we met online.

I still care about her deeply and we talk every other day at least for a couple of minutes. But we weren't compatible in the long-run and we both realized it and accepted it.

My problem is that I am often in a mood where the amount of effort I have to put in to meet people (online, offline, same difference) is more than what I'm willing to put into it at the moment. Just the way it is.

Zap · Feb 4, 2020, 3:34 PM

This post is deleted!

Zap · Feb 4, 2020, 3:43 PM

@Arkandel said in Dating in the 2020's:

Also by my understanding you also be the recipient of many an unsolicited dick pic but that's part of progress I guess?

The worst part.

Testament · Feb 4, 2020, 4:15 PM

I'm one of those weird examples where Tinder actually worked for me. I don't know how to explain it, but I managed to run into someone there was exactly who they said they were. Honesty on the internet, who would've expected that.