Feb 4, 2020, 3:28 AM
Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff
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@Auspice said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
The other day I did an hour of Just Dance. It was great. I felt great after.
The following day I could only manage 20 minutes.
The next day I couldn't make myself do it at all and just felt exhausted. Sluggish. Full fibro flare had come up..
Yesterday I slept until 2pm.
Today walking to/from the bus is torture.I hate this. I hate how even finding a method of working out I like.....and my body is rejecting it. I hate how I WANT to get in shape.... I mean an hour may have been the issue and once I recover I should prob do less but I was having fun! I should be able to have fun and enjoy myself and not pay for it for days on end.
Maybe the problem is you're not giving yourself enough time to recover. I'm working out hard, and getting to the point where I'm getting a high from it, so I try to carry on the high by working out on my days off, right? I ruined a whole week like that, exhausted throughout because I was not giving my body time to rebuild everything I'd been tearing down. Because like an idiot, I forgot that highs by definition cannot be maintained.
I don't know how that interacts with fibromyalgia, but maybe taking a day between sessions would make things easier? If I'm being presumptuous, I apologize.
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@Auspice said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
I hate this. I hate how even finding a method of working out I like.....and my body is rejecting it. I hate how I WANT to get in shape.... I mean an hour may have been the issue and once I recover I should prob do less but I was having fun! I should be able to have fun and enjoy myself and not pay for it for days on end.
Unsolicited advice: don't give up.
Maybe you should do less. Maybe you should do more. As long as you're doing and loving it, you will hit your goal, even it is "just have a bit more fun."
Also, maybe stretch.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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@Ganymede said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
@Auspice said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
I hate this. I hate how even finding a method of working out I like.....and my body is rejecting it. I hate how I WANT to get in shape.... I mean an hour may have been the issue and once I recover I should prob do less but I was having fun! I should be able to have fun and enjoy myself and not pay for it for days on end.
Unsolicited advice: don't give up.
Maybe you should do less. Maybe you should do more. As long as you're doing and loving it, you will hit your goal, even it is "just have a bit more fun."
Also, maybe stretch.
I don't plan to give up.
I'm just... grouchy. Grouchy that I enjoyed it. Grouchy that I'm struggling to even walk and everything hurts and I feel like I'm moving through mud today even tho I slept half the day yesterday.
I wish I could go home and do more because I enjoyed it, but instead I'll go home and sit on my ass. -
@GreenFlashlight said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
@Auspice said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
The other day I did an hour of Just Dance. It was great. I felt great after.
The following day I could only manage 20 minutes.
The next day I couldn't make myself do it at all and just felt exhausted. Sluggish. Full fibro flare had come up..
Yesterday I slept until 2pm.
Today walking to/from the bus is torture.I hate this. I hate how even finding a method of working out I like.....and my body is rejecting it. I hate how I WANT to get in shape.... I mean an hour may have been the issue and once I recover I should prob do less but I was having fun! I should be able to have fun and enjoy myself and not pay for it for days on end.
Maybe the problem is you're not giving yourself enough time to recover. I'm working out hard, and getting to the point where I'm getting a high from it, so I try to carry on the high by working out on my days off, right? I ruined a whole week like that, exhausted throughout because I was not giving my body time to rebuild everything I'd been tearing down. Because like an idiot, I forgot that highs by definition cannot be maintained.
I don't know how that interacts with fibromyalgia, but maybe taking a day between sessions would make things easier? If I'm being presumptuous, I apologize.
I can second the importance of having rest days. Getting older, I feel it takes longer for me to recover than it used to. I only do 3 days a week now, and while I try to get in a nice walk on my rest days, that's about the extent of it.
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My legs are agony today. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get my calves to stop burning to agonizing levels when I walk. Today my feet just HURT. I need new shoes, I know that, but there's no money for that, yet.
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@Macha said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
My legs are agony today. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get my calves to stop burning to agonizing levels when I walk. Today my feet just HURT. I need new shoes, I know that, but there's no money for that, yet.
Those ten dollar memory foam shoes from Wal-Mart (assuming you are somewhere in the U.S.) are a godsend for short-term benefits for not a lot of money. They tend to hold up for a couple of months, at least, and are super comfy when you buy them. They break down quickly, but screw it. It'll solve the problem at first.
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So I've been reflecting a lot lately on self-care: the easy parts and the hard parts.
I've also been reflecting a lot on self-love (no not that kind you perv).I thought on the whole 'someone else can't love you until you love yourself' and how much I revolted against that when it came up recently because it came up in a thread on attraction because some of those who brought it up brought it up in regards to physical attraction and I think that's where it got to me.
I hate my physical appearance.
I know others who do as well.And it is okay to hate your physical appearance. You can hate your physical appearance and still love yourself.
You can hate your physical appearance, still love yourself, and still be open to being loved by another. And I think that's why it made me so angry. I shouldn't have anyone telling me 'you have to love the way you look to ever be loved by another person.' Because I found myself thinking of all the people with various forms of body dysphoria and feeling for them.I hate the way I look. I probably always will to some extent (I have some scarring in a couple places that, even if I lose the weight that has me especially depressed, will always be an issue). But I don't hate everything about myself. I'm not consumed by self-hatred. I just hate the way I look. So when I'm told things like 'oh no one will love you until you love yourself (aka your appearance)' (which, in the context of that thread being about appearance is how it came across and is also what my mother has told me my entire life)..... it's infuriating. People have loved me despite my hatred of my looks.
I dunno where this is going, but. I guess I wanted to share since I know there's others on the board who struggle with acceptance of their appearance and I don't want them to feel the same: that they can't be loved/accepted by others unless they manage to accept/love their appearance and I just don't think that's true. I think you can still be loved even if you hate parts of yourself.
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@Derp Ordered some insoles for the dress shoes, and one for the walking shoes to/from the car
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@Auspice There are things about me I will always hate. But I feel you about the scarring (hello 4 abdominal surgeries in 4 years) and no matter what, I KNOW where the scars are, even the ones other people may not 'notice'.
Other people think I'm hot, so I'll roll with it. I will stop telling them how they're blind/wrong/etc. Because even if I am heavier than I would like to be, and scarred, I'm a badass bitch.
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Got prescribed some beta blockers from my psychiatrist on Friday. They keep heart rate depressed and will stop the physiological effects of anxiety, which is what causes me to spiral into full blown panic.
2+ years of this makes me know there are no silver bullets, but I confess when I heard about it, I thought "silver bullet."
Of course I remembered yesterday that my panic attacks are atypical and, given other facts, indicative of Prinzmetal's angina. Which, if I have it, means I cannot under any circumstances take beta blockers. And the main way of testing for it is to induce coronary vasospasm. During angiography. Also known as coronary catheterization.
And, of course, if I do have it, I get the possible joy of having a pacemaker installed before my 30th birthday.
I'm terrified and overwhelmed and have spent most of the weekend crying in bed. I am a broken human being.
Also, I did a look-back, and I'm one of the lucky few who see absolutely no hair regrowth on HRT. I even showed pictures to strangers for analysis. So I either look balding, choose wigs that I can't afford, or get a surgery that I can't afford.
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Stress, anxiety, panic, etc. manifest as severe chest pains for me often. The way one doctor described it is I get muscle spasms in my chest right around my heart (which is why I have landed in the ER, blacked out, etc etc etc...). It sucks. Finding the right meds, right balance of 'how do I manage this' - it sucks. Atypical shit sucks. I hope you can figure it out.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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The Superbowl being at the same time as our weekly basketball league game meant most of the team wasn't there. There were six of us, playing 25-year olds, so we only had one sub.
I ended up playing slightly over 40 minutes. There was nothing left in the tank near the end, my legs were dead, the lungs on fire and during a timeout I could barely stomach water.
Now and then I really, really feel my age - those motherfuckers wouldn't stop running and slamming into us in the paint.
It was still glorious. But Monday morning is decisively not fun now.
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@Auspice said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
Stress, anxiety, panic, etc. manifest as severe chest pains for me often. The way one doctor described it is I get muscle spasms in my chest right around my heart
Yeah. I just don't know which muscles are spasming. If it's not vasospasm, then it's probsnly esophageal. Nothing else matches the area and migration upwards and outwards.
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@Rinel I relate and I send love. I've had more than my share of one peice of bullshit after another. I see ya.
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I've been having a string of pain days so bad I can barely get around. I call the Doc and talk to his nurse about finally going for something for pain management. Just something to take the worst edge off on the worst days, so I can function. ...he wants me to up my Prednisone. The steroid I'm on because I'm waiting for the injection med to hit 3 months and hopefully work. The steroid that as a diabetic, I shouldn't even be on this long.
Fuck.
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That moment of panic when you finish washing the dishes then realize that you can't find your wedding ring.
(I found it, but was on the verge of full panic attack - racing heart, labored breathing, tunnel vision, etc. - before. Thank God for my husband keeping his cool.)
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@surreality Sounds like you really need someone at least semi professional to help you through this. I hope you find just the right person on the other end of the line to help you.
I did some googling and all I could find is the Stop Bullying Now Hotline for the USA at 1-800-273-8255. They say they do cover cyberbullying so...
The road to hell is paved with adverbs.
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@nyctophiliac Thank you, from my heart. Bit of a moot point; have made some other decisions about how to handle it.