RL things I love
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@RnMissionRun An accurate assessment. The unfortunately side effect was that they smell absolutely delicious out of the oven but I cannot eat them until tomorrow.
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Transformers the Movie.
And the fact that my kids love it. It’s what they want to watch all the damn time.
At least they are growing up with good, character-building media.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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@Ganymede You've got the touch.
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I looped with a couple of my kids this year (I was their teacher for 2 years), and it's just so cool to see them grow up. It's Valentines Day and one of my kiddos who was the most socially awkward at the start of last year told me that he has a valentine this year.
I don't ship my kids (some teachers find it super adorable when the kids match up) but I love seeing how much he's grown that he's making connections beyond people also interested in mindcraft.
Edited: Actually, just being an elementary teacher on Valentine's Day period. My most precious thing right now is this 100% handmade valentine written on a cut out piece of lined paper and a little cat drawn on it. (Also my name is misspelled but that just makes it more adorable.)
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Office doggos on a really bad day.
Sure, certain things are potentially on fire (and I mean that literally, not metaphorically) and I kind of want to hide under my desk, but I got love and kisses from a giant affectionate floof (who I hadn't seen in a while because she is the rarest of office dogs). Also a golden retriever who lay down and rolled on his back because he wanted belly rubs. And a little dachshund who sat down at my feet and wanted his head scratched.
Office doggos make everything a little better.
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I don't know if this is a love.
So the person I was 90 percent sure was my bio dad based on some research I've been doing (and then cross referencing with some bio cousins that I had found via Ancestry DNA and 23andme)...maybe he got a kit for Christmas or something or they told him about this link, because he just popped up on my Ancestry relatives list--as a parent/child match.
I thought I was neutral. And I am happy to know I was correct. I know that I'm okay with contact or no contact, having lived my whole life in that no man's land and having a shitty upbringing means I know that families are complicated.
But at the same time, I am so scared of rejection or not being wanted that my stomach has been in my throat since I saw it tonight. You'd think after hearing my whole damn life from the parents that raised me that I was defective garbage who couldn't do the one thing I was supposed to do (make them happy) right, and that I'm a disappointment in all ways except for having a lot of kids they can display in pictures and say they're grandparents just like their friends are...that I would not give a shit.
But I do. I wish I didn't. At the same time though, I'm glad I have a name and know a little more background at least about that half of my heritage. It's better than nothing. But this waiting for rejection really kind of blows.
I will say though that the sum of things is that I am grateful to these dna matchup companies, even though yeah I do understand they scare many people and there's questions. It has been nice (Even before I discovered close bio relatives, for years it was just like really super distant ones) to know just a little wee part of my background with more security than "non identifying' information from the agency that has full legal authority to lie (some have, but mine didn't). Maybe this belongs in irks, but it's not. I'm profoundly grateful to have some information now that I couldn't find in nearly 30 years of off and on searching.
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@mietze If you popped up as my family, I would flip my shit for joy.
(And you pretty much are family anyway.)
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@Sparks I can really connect with this, I am in the middle of moving half way across the country right now to start a new job, having just left what was frankly a pretty good job to seize that opportunity.
So not exactly a bad situation to be in a but a ton of change and worry. When one of my kittens comes up and squeaks at me to be picked up? It is a few minutes of bliss. She climbs onto my shoulder then basically rolls around and rubs herself against my face whilst purring and stretching, licking an ear, perhaps 'biting' me in a grooming manner. It is fucking adorable and the fact this cute little furry thing just completely loves and trusts me and wants to be close? It melts my heart.
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@mietze Hey. You feel how you feel, and it's okay.
I am adopted, and I never had any information about my birth parents outside of rumor. I never looked, and after awhile I didn't even care. I didn't think about them, for years at a stretch. I took an ancestry.com DNA test because I wanted to know my mix of DNA. It's a cool thing to know! That was over a year ago, and then I got an email out of the blue about a DNA match and logged in. It had matched me to a few 3rd cousins before, but this time it said "This person is your mother". Suddenly it was on my mind a LOT. I found myself looking to see if she'd messaged me. Talking to my friends about it. Finally I decided to just message her, like hey. Did you give up a baby for adoption in x on y date. Her first response was weird. It was yes, I'm your birth mother, I don't know what you're expecting but you can message me here again if you want.
And that felt hard. Like, I wasn't EXPECTING anything? I lived 30+ years without her, I wasn't reaching out to fill some need. It felt like a rejection, and it felt bad, but I have good friends and family and they propped me back up. And then she reached out again, a month later. She'd had a very bad year of her own, and now we are very tentatively getting to know each other, and I have 2 half siblings that have also been very kind. I hope your story ends the same way, or whatever way this resolves, it's in a way that gives you some peace.
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@Kanye-Qwest I actually get this, in a weird way. When I finally decided to contact my birth father, I fretted that he might feel like I was only looking for him out of some sense of expectation, money, medical, whatever. I think when you reach out in a situation like this, on either side there could be that concern, whether to reassure or to caution.
Thankfully, we did get to know each other a little bit before he passed away.
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I heard back from him, and it is very clear that he is super excited and happy and probably a little in shock too, as he had no clue I existed. I will admit that I had never considered that possibility, even though I know in the era of 1950s-70s adoption there was no such thing as requirements for birthfather consent or notification in many areas. (in fact that was not really uniform until closer to the 90s). We have been messaging back and forth, apparently his kids and wife and the nieces and nephews that noticed me on the site are all extremely excited too, though we will see how things settle once the shock starts to wear off. But he seems happy, stable, ect, so that is a good thing. And I have the name of my biological mother now too. So back to the waiting for rejection game there. I have been walking around for the last 6 hours or so in a state of shock. Almost 30 years of combing through microfiche, looking at records, ect...and it's a DNA place that finds it--more than 3 years after I took the test. I am so thankful, given that he had no clue, that it wasn't a bad situation for him.
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Picking back up a hobby from your youth... and being better at it.
When I was a kid (10-12 years old, roughly), I began carrying a deck of cards everywhere. I taught myself some basics of what is now (maybe it was then & I just didn't know it) called cardistry. Just various flourishes and other tricks. Essentially, I was on the path to teaching myself sleight of hand. No books, no nothing. Just fumbling my way through doing neat things without a teacher.
I sort of fell off because you can only get so far. Esp. when you have smaller hands. But I kept to keeping a deck of cards on hand at p. much all times (every bag I carry is likely guaranteed to have one in it) and I collect cards.
Recently, I began watching a YouTuber who is a magician, does cardistry, and solves puzzles (the puzzles are why I began watching :P). He sometimes does tutorials on his channel. Which got me into other tutorials. Which got me back into things. And in just a few days, I'm doing more than I ever did. I found, through tips, tricks, etc... how to be able to cut the deck single-handed. I would have, years ago, sworn it impossible for me to do.
And yet I can sit here and as of tonight, do it again and again. Not perfect. Not quickly. But I'm doing it. I know I'll never be as good as some of these kids out there, but... it's fun and it's a skill I'm thrilled not only to return to, but to improve.
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I have spoken to/texted back and forth with my bio dad, his wife, and his sisters (whom he is super close to) and one of my brothers daily since this came out. (We have decided to roll things out slowly elsewhere, but they are so excited). Imagine a huge extended cajun family that is now over the moon. I am happy, it is a little overwhelming getting love bombed, and I know this is a shock reaction from everyone. But I feel like I am dreaming because I never expected this kind of reception. I do not think it will be the same with bio mom and her family because that is a lot more painful on their end no matter what.
This has made me crash out early and need to take a lot of naps which is totally weird. It is like my body just shuts down for a bit.
Also I got a call from one of the places I have been sending out resumes and now I have an interview on monday!
I feel like a zombie though. Now how to log in to places and say hi, I will be, but I am so fucking overwhelmed by RL right now I fall asleep at 8 PM and also nap when I used to hop online. I hope this will ease off soon.
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My read aloud just made my students cry.
(Good, happy tears.) -
Every year my town has a Matsuri festival that is always awesome in theory. Haiku contests, Japanese food, culture, taika drums, etc.
Every year a shitload of anime cosplayers and furries storm it. It's a train wreck. Apparently Japanese culture is a purple furry cosplaying Dragon Ball Z.
And I'm loathe to admit that I hatelove this.
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Every time I hear about Dragonball Z, I can't help but think of the Dragonball Z/Anne Frank fanfic.
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@TNP OMG I love you right now.
All this talk about Umbrella Academy, it might be worth reposting the link to (IMO) the greatest fanfic ever written: My Immortal, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU WILL READ TODAY, SECOND ONLY TO ANNE FRANK AND GOKU
Delete the Hog Pit. It'll be fun.
I really don't understand He-Man -
@TNP God Damn it Fan Fiction, the words you put together:
Hitler had become a Super Saiyan
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@Ghost Got drunk and delivered a dramatic reading of about half of that to an enraptured Skype audience once. Don't know how Skype managed to stay stable though that but whenever I want to talk to my children... ugh.
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After five days of being loose roaming around and me slowly devolving closer and closer to Howard Hughes level crazy as I kept weird hours to be out searching for him at the times of night cats tend to roam and avoided eating because my stomach was in knots.....
OUR CAT CAME HOME. Like, an hour before a snowstorm started.
He managed to lose 10% of his body weight in that time and is absolutely filthy, but he is home and the vet said he was fine. I have ugly-cried with relief, like, three times today.
Obligatory Cat Covered in Gross Pic:
