Aug 11, 2015, 3:45 PM
Apparently a friend of mine just got engaged to his girlfriend. And I want to be happy for him but their combined age is under 40 and he isn't even 21. I don't know wtf to say.
RL Anger
-
Maybe alanon.
-
If that was for me, @misadventure, I don't drink. Sorry if it was confusing.
-
@tragedyjones said:
I guess good sex is less important than not being the douchebag sleeping with someone's girlfriend.
As far as I can tell, her desire to be with you is her problem, not yours.
-
@tragedyjones said:
Date girl for a few weeks, have slight falling out, remain friends. Feelings grow, she gets a boyfriend. See each other, romance rekindles much stronger. Wait too long, she is afraid to leave her boyfriend and I won't see her while she has one.
Just one question - you won't see her while she's with someone and that's fine. Do you think if you would that she'd go for it?
Because if so then that's a pretty bad mark right there for the lady.
-
I know she would. I have been resolute. Last time I saw her I thought she was leaving him.
-
@tragedyjones Al anon includes meetings for people who gravitate towards folks with addictions. She might consider them, atop her own therapy. They also offer a book which might be helpful.
-
I was not aware of that. Thanks!
-
@tragedyjones Good for you. You are too awesome and I don't even know you.
No one deserves to be put through the 'I'm totally breaking up with them...tomorrow' wringer. I'm just staying until I get some money, until the lease is up, for the kids, until xyz holiday...nope. It's selfish and not right to anyone involved, even the 'awful' spouse/so.
I'm sorry. This sucks. I feel for you.
-
I'm with @Arkandel. Why would you want to be with someone who was willing to cheat? You deserve better, obviously, given your own high morality.
-
@VulgarKitten said:
I'm with @Arkandel. Why would you want to be with someone who was willing to cheat? You deserve better, obviously, given your own high morality.
I was very much avoiding asking myself that question.
-
It's easy to feel you'd be the exception or somehow special. People like that are very good at making someone they aren't paying much attention to special somehow.
It's even easier if it starts with misinformation. Like we're separated or if you have no knowledge of them being with someone. One you're out its easier. Sad and then wtf and then like 'wow, you're not a nice person, bye Felicia!'
-
Simply put, you've dodged a bullet. Don't run back in front of it.
-
There needs to be an addictive help group that is not antagonistic towards athiests.
“If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.”
― Carl Sagan, Cosmos -
"If they did it to someone else with me, then they could do it to me with someone else."
Believe me, I know how fucking hard it is (pun
notintended) when you feel the need to turn down something fun and hot and that you really want because of some personal morals or ethics. But it seems like you really had some kind of feelings for the girl and that means you can't really treat it as something that won't go anywhere.My only advice is don't wait until you're naked on a semi-public stairwell to come to that realization. It's awkward and your pants might fall down the stairs and... just... okay, look, just... carry on.
-
@Thenomain said:
There needs to be an addictive help group that is not antagonistic towards athiests.
From my experience, it is possible to get along in A.A. or N.A. by having a sponsor or other confidant who is also atheist or agnostic and by being carefully noncommittal when sharing in meetings. It can even be useful to be in a situation where everyone is ideally expected to tolerate each others' understanding of deity, including understanding that there is no deity and that it's possible to stay clean without one.
The problem is that when you're first in, sick, and hurting, you don't need to deal with other people's god-shit. A few people will understand that, but more than a few won't. Moreover, despite the benefits of attending meetings, even after you've been around for a while it can be more trouble than it's worth. My partner, who is essentially atheistic, has been clean for 29 years and still goes to at least one meeting a day. I've been clean for coming up on 31 years, and I haven't attended meetings regularly since 1999.
-
Apparently a friend of mine just got engaged to his girlfriend. And I want to be happy for him but their combined age is under 40 and he isn't even 21. I don't know wtf to say.
I'm a rodeo clown.
-
@tragedyjones said:
Apparently a friend of mine just got engaged to his girlfriend. And I want to be happy for him but their combined age is under 40 and he isn't even 21. I don't know wtf to say.
You could have a talk with him and ask him why he wants to get married so young. But in the end, he's probably going to do it. People do dumb stuff.
-
Talk with him, but know it likely will not do any good. And be prepared to be the supportive friend when the fall out happens.
I had a friend in the same situation back when I was younger, it was a mess and the marriage lasted roughly a year. Said friend was really in a bad place afterward. The upside is that said friend is now in his thirties and married with a happy family, sometimes people need to make and learn from their mistakes. Though i fully understand letting them is one of the hardest parts of being a friend. -
The constant stream of wedding updates on Facebook I got in my late twenties has become a stream of divorce updates as I enter my thirties. For better or worse, this is just the circle of life.
-
Just so long as they don't have a kid it won't be a huge deal.