RL Anger

Rinel · Jun 14, 2018, 11:09 PM

My best friend from childhood has turned into... not a great person, and it bothers me even though we haven't spoken in years. But we used to be really close, and it's upsetting to see him on FB (I guess I should just unfriend him) posting really inane things.

A few days ago he was making posts about Athens Pride 2018 that were ignorant at best, he supports goddamn neonazis openly. The hell, man, you were never like this when we were 14. Dammit.

I have had two friends go down this path. Both disclaim being neonazis, because one says neonazis fail to follow Hitler's ideology sufficiently and the other prefers the ideology of George Lincoln Rockwell.

The first one cut off ties with me because I wouldn't let him say things without calling him out on his bullshit. The other, I'm still trying to be friends with, because I really, really don't want to lose another person to this evil.

GangOfDolls · Jun 15, 2018, 1:20 AM

My step-sister has a long history of uh, bad choices. Some of these things are related to being relatively young, entitled, and being born to a teenaged mother, who went full Gilmore Girls and raised her child like a friend. I know people love that show but the real life products of the Gilmore Girls parenting method are often a codependent, boundary optional dumpster fire rolling down a hill.

My step-sister is married and made some choices about when to have kid that were not, uh, ideal. Specifically, they couldn't really afford to have them but decided to go forth and multiply immediately after getting married. This has happened a couple times now.

For the most part, I've just said nothing because its her life, you literally can't put multiple toddlers back in the bottle, and I do enjoy my nephews and nieces. However, she's decided that she wants to be a stay at home mom instead of going back to work. And really, this has been her dream for a long time. And I get that, I have no issue with people who really want to dedicate their lives to raising up some little people.

I get frustrated though that she feels that this is a good idea when they're on public assistance, struggling, and aren't in any real position to do this. I think my brother-in-law is too stressed out working 2 jobs (3 in the winter) to try and keep things from totally derailing financially to fight with his wife about it. So that leaves the rest of us to get into argument after argument with her about how this is really a bad plan and if something significant happens to them financially, they're literally dollars away from homelessness constantly.

My parents are dealing with a health crisis. I live 1,700 miles away. My brother is in and out of the hospital with his own medical issues. None of us are in a position to help them if something really bad happens.

I'd be totally for them figuring out how to have this kind of lifestyle when they're financially set-up for it but they're just not and my sister reacts to the suggestion that she even get a part time job (their church will provide free child care) that we're betraying her on some fundamental level.

This is exhausting.

Ganymede · Jun 15, 2018, 1:45 AM

@GangOfDolls

I read your post and very nearly flew into a blind rage.

I hate everything about your step-sister. Every, fucking thing.

GangOfDolls · Jun 15, 2018, 2:34 AM

@ganymede

Thank you. There are moments when I think I do, too? I mean, not in any real actual way and its just me at the end of my rope and three seconds from wanting to actually slap her a little.

I don't. I've raised my voice a couple times, but largely to be heard while she's just spiraling out.

I love my nephews and nieces and I believe really firmly that they need examples of responsible adulting. They're not really getting it because my sister is the way she is and my brother-in-law is working all the time and gone. I don't have a lot of hope that their marriage is going to make it. It's better in a lot of ways but worse for the kids.

The whole thing just makes me... my blood pressure gets going just thinking about it sometimes. If I were able, I sometimes fantasize about having her kids live with me but reasonable enough to know better from a moment of cathartic fantasy.

So, thanks. I appreciate the validation.

Ganymede · Jun 15, 2018, 5:51 PM

@gangofdolls

It might help your conscience to help out and hang with your brother-in-law, if you can. That's what I'd do.

Arkandel · Jun 16, 2018, 1:43 AM

There's batshit crazy, and then there is this.

ShelBeast · Jun 16, 2018, 1:47 AM

@arkandel Man... yeah. I'd have murdered.

Auspice · Jun 16, 2018, 6:54 AM

@arkandel said in RL Anger:

There's batshit crazy, and then there is this.

This is a time where 'bitches be cray' qualifies.

Pandora · Jun 16, 2018, 7:31 AM

Falling asleep after drinking with a faceful of makeup. I'm awake now and my face is so dry I feel like I could peel it off. #TheMorningAfter

surreality · Jun 16, 2018, 5:53 PM

@pandora That 'my eye is opening at an angle because my mascara has hermetically sealed half of my eyelid shut with what suddenly seems to have turned into tar, waterproof my sweet ass' feeling is the worst. It seriously is.

FWIW, those neutrogena makeup removing wipes are really fucking good for those moments. I swear by those things, and they don't leave that 'my skin is now so dry, if I dare smile or blink, my flesh will crack' feeling whilst getting even the worst goth hell mascara off in two sweeps. They are

Auspice · Jun 16, 2018, 5:53 PM

@surreality said in RL Anger:

@pandora That 'my eye is opening at an angle because my mascara has hermetically sealed half of my eyelid shut with what suddenly seems to have turned into tar, waterproof my sweet ass' feeling is the worst. It seriously is.

FWIW, those neutrogena makeup removing wipes are really fucking good for those moments. I swear by those things, and they don't leave that 'my skin is now so dry, if I dare smile or blink, my flesh will crack' feeling whilst getting even the worst goth hell mascara off in two sweeps. They are

For me it's micellar water + cotton pads. It's cheaper than the makeup removing wipes, but works just as well.

But I still pass out with makeup on after nights of drinking all too often.

ZombieGenesis · Jun 18, 2018, 5:46 AM

Heat. I've now been awake for nearly 24 hours and I can't get to sleep because it's 85 degrees and muggy as fuck in my room.

Misadventure · Jun 18, 2018, 5:52 PM

@zombiegenesis You need a sump cooler.

Cupcake · Jun 19, 2018, 2:18 PM

I hate my supervisor for using "we" in her emails, like "Did we remember to send the client xyz?" Like somehow this is some Greek Chorus doing my job, or I'm a four year old kid. I also hate that she cuts me off when I'm talking.

I have no idea how to communicate how much I dislike these things, and it's starting to effect my performance because I simply can't deal with her.

Ifrit · Jun 19, 2018, 3:36 PM

@cupcake Ugh that's awful. I would respond: "No I haven't yet, have you?" and then when queried point out "Well, you said we, so I assumed you were asking about both of us."

And then I'd get fired.

There is someone I work with who signs all of their emails "Your regards". Like, no, I'm not giving my own regards to myself here.

surreality · Jun 19, 2018, 5:17 PM

@cupcake I would read that shit as the royal we and start emails back to her with 'your grace', which would either get me fired fast, or-- no, it would just get me fired fast.

Jaded · Jun 19, 2018, 6:09 PM

How fucking irresponsible as a fire marshal do you have to be when you oversee 5 firehouses and all five of them are yellow tagged fire panels indicating they are not working properly, and you continue to refuse to fix the fucking problem.

Auspice · Jun 19, 2018, 6:25 PM

@cupcake said in RL Anger:

I hate my supervisor for using "we" in her emails, like "Did we remember to send the client xyz?" Like somehow this is some Greek Chorus doing my job, or I'm a four year old kid. I also hate that she cuts me off when I'm talking.

I have no idea how to communicate how much I dislike these things, and it's starting to effect my performance because I simply can't deal with her.

To play devil's advocate, she may not realize she's doing it.

I have a couple clients that require me to use 'we' when emailing customer's because 'what if someone else steps in on your day off and emails them back?'

Okay, so? The customer isn't going to care and nitpick to that level.

But it's required. So I have to do it.

It's possible she's had past jobs like this or supervisors of her own that require such things. It is a business parlance that a lot of people/companies use because 'blah blah it shows that your issue is cared about by all of us here at <company>.'

It's one of those really stupid marketing / buzzword-y type things. You probably could (on a good, non-bad-anxiety days) sit down with her and say 'Hey, it kind of makes me uncomfortable when you say 'we' on emails' and find out.

Deleted · Jun 19, 2018, 6:30 PM

The 'we' thing is garbage they teach you in basic management classes in college. Well, shitty colleges. It is supposed to make your employees feel more connected to you or something.

I say shitty colleges, because that's what they tried teaching me in my management classes in college. And it's terrible.

My response to 'we' would be the trolling described above by @Ifrit.

Arkandel · Jun 19, 2018, 6:33 PM

@auspice said in RL Anger:

To play devil's advocate, she may not realize she's doing it.

I use 'we' when someone I work with has done something wrong but I don't want it to sound like an accusation singling them out instead of a team trying to fix a problem.

"We should avoid dividing by zero" sounds softer than it could have been.