Best posts made by AeriaNyx

So, as I was talking to my best friend today, about our characters and specifically how mine is fairly psychologically damaged, I started seeing the utterly obvious parallels between my character and myself. And as I continued to pick recent events apart, I started realizing how much I use my character as a vessel to understand my own damage. I really found myself figuring my shit out, seeing behaviors in her and because there was a distance, I was able to really see the threads of cause and effect and see my RL behavior and feelings from a perspective that really helped me pinpoint problem areas. I really appreciate the fact that this medium allows for that kind of self-reflection and growth opportunity.

It was so hard to leave my house today, because this guy was like 'No. You stay with me.'

Thank you guys. Seriously, thank you so much. This is all really super helpful. Seeing it in writing really helps me absorb stuff, and as much as it sucks that some of you clearly have the same sort of anxiety I do, it's also something of a relief to know I'm not the only one dancing and trying not to trip over myself at the same time.

@Derp
The issue I have with your comments is that it comes across as condescending. Like... Jeez little lady, you should really know better! And again, it cannot be overstated, that putting the onus on the victim is freaking ridiculous. Women know that they are in danger. We are taught this from an extremely young age. And culturally? The divide between our expectations from children of one gender or the other is staggering.

For instance:
When little boys fight, or misbehave, or pick on little girls, what is the most common refrain? Boys will be boys! Oh, he's only being mean to her because he likes her! That's cute! Seriously, how effed up is that?? From an extremely young age, girls are conditioned to associate cruelty with affection/attraction. That is seriously effed up.

Girls are expected to be calmer, quieter, more socially savvy, mature and demure. School dress codes -- omg do not even get me started on those. Telling girls that they can't wear crop tops, or spaghetti straps or skirts that are too short? The reasoning? That it is 'distracting'. Fuck. Off. It is not a girl's problem if others are distracted by their bodies. Put the responsibility on the people who act inappropriately towards a girl instead of telling her that she is the cause of her own victimization. It is not a woman's responsibility to cover herself so that she does not draw the eye of men! That sets it up as though the man has no control over his baser impulses. That is insulting to everyone.

Telling a woman she has to "be smart" and restrict her own ability to enjoy herself to the same amount as anyone else is shameful. Women are already on their guard. It's time to understand male privilege and start working towards honest equality.

When Kael and I wrote House Keaton, we deliberately made it a county with the intention of growing it as far as we could. From day one, out of the gate, it was all about expansion. This had nothing at all to do with our IC lieges, and while our momentum stopped due to a bunch of IC stuff happening, it's still in the back of our minds to see if we can't go for duchy (Sorry @thesuntsar ), though K doesn't think we should as it isn't really realistic to think we could grow that much in such a short period of time, despite the fact that we're sitting on a veritable mountain of resources and our army is the same size as Laurent's.

I think @Tempest is right. If there is a solid RP relationship between liege and vassal houses, it DOES add a natural deterrent to pushing for elevation, since they would be close to their liege on a personal basis. What drives the desire to rise? Wealth/prestige? Wealth is kind of a red herring -- when a House is elevated their income doesn't really change just because they get a bump in title. When Keaton became a March, we did not gain 3 counties and 9 Baronies. We just had the 3 Baronies we had while being a County. So, in terms of pure power, there isn't really a big gain beyond the acclaim granted from the achievement and the shiny new title.

To directly address @wahoo's complaint about losing money -- that should serve as a reason to negotiate with your vassals. All of this is an opportunity to RP. Try to find something to offer them instead of being released from their vows. Or, like, make them jump through hoops to buy time to court their vassals, be they PC or NPC houses.

This is all, I guess PVP in the strictest sense, but so long as there is open communication on an OOC level and people are willing to work with one another there shouldn't be a problem. I think the biggest hurdle there is not communicating OOCly. There is a stigma, I think, to approaching someone and being like "Hey, this is my IC goal. I understand there may be IC consequences and I'd like to work with you to see what kind of story we can develop." But an approach like that requires trust (This person, thus notified of my intent is not going to do everything in their power to fuck up my plans) (This person is trying to screw/manipulate me into rolling over and giving them everything), the ability to compromise (No one is going to get everything their way), and desire to cooperate and build story together. I try to do these things every time I engage some one. I play to have fun, but I also play with the mindset that other people are trying to have fun too.

As in real life, if everyone took the time to treat people the way they would like to be treated and extended the basic trust that everyone else isn't a dick looking for an opportunity to fuck you over, I think we'd all be happier.

@roz Uhm, technically we're called Xennials. And when I think about how old I am, I wanna cry.

https://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-vs-xennials-biggest-differences-2018-4

When you feel like all your creativity has been dried up and then you stumble across an idea that shines so brightly that it motivates you to get things done just so you can do that inspiring thing. And then you do it and it is AMAZING and better yet, people ENJOY it!

I love writing things for people that delight them. I love being surrounded by other writers who enjoy the same. Arx has taught me so much.

I suppose I should go ahead and rip this bandaid off. Then again I have no idea if anyone knows me at all! I've been ghosting around the periphery of games for longer than I was active at this point.

Past PCs/Staff:
Honeysuckle Rose Sinclair - Redcap Shadow Courtier - Ashes2Ashes
Geneva, Cult of Ecstasy Mage - Ashes2Ashes
Hail - Changeling Staff - Ashes2Ashes
... a Troll Fiona Knight who was also a firefighter - Denver, whose name I cannot remember. T something?
Rabbit, a bobcat pooka - Denver
Dez, Satyr - Denver (For like, 5 minutes)
Gir/Sister Grimm - Changeling Staff - Denver
A merchant Eshu whose name I don't remember - Denver
Baron Jon ap Fiona of the Butterfly Barony - TeaTime II
Itzy, lynx pooka, one of the commoner leaders of the Commoner Freehold that I don't remember the name of, - TeaTime II
Eiluned Sidhe with a mysterious monster under her skin - Persistence of Memory -- Was that the game set in Hawaii? I think it was set in Hawaii. Man. Uhm. Alicia? Maybe?
Captain Rio, Scathach Sidhe based on the legend of Sedna - Arctic Rage
Black Fury Ragabash, I can't recall the name of - Cajun Nights
Eva, Get of Fenris Ragabash/slam poet extraordinaire - City of Hope
Alala/Countess Ionae the lioness of Fiona - City of Hope
Shane, Black Fury turned Silent Strider Philodox out of time - City of Hope
SugarGlider, Changeling Staff - City of Hope
Rhys, Fianna Philodox - City of Hope
Lady Aeria ni Fiona the Starborn - Oathcircle
Scabious, Co-Headstaff - Oathcircle
Juliana Pravus - Arx
Lark Grayson - Arx (literally overnight. I was so silly)
Vincenzo Villente - Arx (why did I give him up again?)
Korka Glynn - Arx

I am positive there are more that I just can't remember.

Current:
Reigna Keaton - Arx
Alecstazi Thrax - Arx

So yeah. I had some rough patches, I was a monster flake for a good number of years. I'm pretty sure 'flake' was my defining character trait for a while there. I fell in with people that were not the greatest and I did some shitty stuff, but I'd like to think I've grown up in the 17 years I've been doing this.

@abyss-walker
The proof is the fact that you posted her Facebook stuff on this forum, dude. That you are oblivious to the fact that you're willing to violate her in order to "prove" that you're right is freaking sad, and pretty damn gross. That alone is enough to show the world that you are on the wrong side of this. Let it go. You are the bad guy here.

I am fairly self-aware when it comes to personal character flaws, and being a people pleaser is near the top of that list. It means I am usually willing to overlook behavior that makes me uncomfortable because I would far rather be mildly uncomfortable than make someone else upset. I'll save the dime-store sob story about why I am the way I am, but I've been working on being better to myself and part of that is in learning how to establish and maintain boundaries. The biggest hurdle I am experiencing right now, however, is identifying when something is a legitimate issue rather than me being picky or fussy. I am struggling to figure out if I am being judgmental and overly standoffish, or if it is okay to for me to speak up. The problem is, I do not want to harsh someone else's fun. I know we all come to MU*ing to get access to pretendy-fun time and I really don't want to be the jackass that tells someone they are doing it wrong.

So, this is my long-winded way of asking for advice or tips on how to ascertain if something is worth broaching and most importantly, how to address an issue in a way that doesn't come across assholish.

I'm grooving so freaking hard on The Orville, Star Trek Discovery and Brooklyn 99. How three shows could be so freaking different and yet simultaneously make me squeal "WHY IS THIS SO GOOD!?" at the screen and mourn when each episode is over, is strange and delightful.

Discovery is just freaking gorgeous. So. Pretty. And I love me some of those characters. Spock is so different and yet so good as portrayed by Ethan Peck. Anson Mount's Pike is just... perfect. He's the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of Kirk and Picard. Michael is so complicated, but her heart shines through so strongly. Saru and Tilly and fuck.. all of them. So many feels.

And speaking of feels... Who the fuck would have thought a Seth freaking McFarland Star Trek ripoff would make your heart ache in new and different ways while making you laugh at the dumbest stuff like Cliven eating a cigarette with the most amazing look on his face. "I wanted to see what it tasted like." Even the characters I didn't think I'd really ever relate to, like Gordon, get their moments to shine and become beloved.

As for the 99... it's just comedic genius. I can't stop laughing at it and it still makes me go 'awwww' in that great way. Rosa's relationship with Jocelyn, and the whole Captain Holt of it all... just. Melty. Love it.

ETA:

I have so, so many. A lot of my main ones overlap with yours, with an added dash of 'So and so hasn't replied, they must be MAD AT ME.' My go to reasoning for just about anything is to assume they think I'm dumb (and just don't want to hurt my feelings), they are mad at me (I'm always being so damn annoying), I'm pathetic and they don't want to deal with my BS, etc.

My coping for this is to try to remember that it is extremely likely that I'm overthinking things. Try to take a break, focus on something else.

I can get stuck in 'I don't matter!' ruts. That is harder now, given all the awesome stuff my characters are part of. So that one worked itself out. But I relate because I too have comparison syndrome. So I get it.

Basically I have a raging case of Impostor Syndrome, I don't feel good enough, smart enough, fun enough, -- anything enough. It takes constant work to remind myself that I'm ok. That I'm not bothering people by talking to them. Some days are better than others.

@Auspice

**** Because anything can be spoilery ****

***=NSFW content***

Man that was SO MUCH FUN! I love Arx, I love the players are willing to try new things and jump in with enthusiasm. I love the fact that I can experiment with so many things and that there are so many receptive folks.

Tonight's event was ridiculous amounts of fun, and I hope that it is something I can try again sometime.

I have been having the best time lately. Between writing clues and running PrPs... I'm just really glad to be on this game.

@Darinelle is the freaking best. I cannot overstate how much I appreciate how much people put into this game. The depth of characters, the meaty story, the insane amount of coding and badassery in terms of world building and investment. I mean. Yeah. You picked a good first Mu* @Dreampipe!

OMG I just found this thread! Yay! I get to share all of mah babies!
This is my boy Stitch, he's fourteen and a half years young and just about the sweetest creature on Earth. If me or the husband is home, he will be on one of us, cuddling. He lives for cuddles. All my cats are Canadian, thus why they are so awesome.

This is Kif, he is also fourteen! We named him after the character from Futurama, because when he was little Stitch would pin him by the neck and sit on him. And Kif wouldn't fight, but he'd just get this incredibly long-suffering look on his face.

And this is Cricket, she's 13 and the most unholy terror that has ever been. She is a demon who will have her way when she wants it by licking arm pits and plucking shirts with her teeth. She's so terrible, we memed her:

@Caryatid The thing about reminding yourself, it's the second step in cognitive behavioral therapy. The first step is recognizing it, in being aware of the behavior. The second step is taking that moment to pause and say: Hey brain. You broken, bitch. I see you. I know your tricks." You know in a more loving, less comedic fashion.

Sincerely, it is building the habit of pausing, assessing and reassuring yourself, that can give you the space you need to break the cycle of spiraling out into a meltdown. It is hard. This is something I've been working on for years and it still feels hard. But I have had fewer meltdowns and I feel I've grown way more aware of my habits.

Edited because screw you grammar.

I play Reigna (shocking!) and Alecstazi (Maybe surprising?)

@abyss-walker
See, that is not helping your case at all. Pulling the 'I tried to kill myself' card is not going to work. Again, all it does is announce that you reaaaaaally need to take a step back, or more like ten or twenty steps back and let. It. Go. Seriously. You need to Elsa, hard. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. No one cares. You think that this has followed you for years and years? I promise you, no one thinks about you or hates you as much as you think they do. And if you just stopped being an asshole who violates people's privacy no one would freaking come down on you. That's the trick to life. Stop being an asshole and try being an adult.

That moment when you get an FI that lays out that you are playing your character exactly the way you intend to. Like, how rewarding is that feeling? It is just the best.