Posts made by AeriaNyx

@Caryatid The thing about reminding yourself, it's the second step in cognitive behavioral therapy. The first step is recognizing it, in being aware of the behavior. The second step is taking that moment to pause and say: Hey brain. You broken, bitch. I see you. I know your tricks." You know in a more loving, less comedic fashion.

Sincerely, it is building the habit of pausing, assessing and reassuring yourself, that can give you the space you need to break the cycle of spiraling out into a meltdown. It is hard. This is something I've been working on for years and it still feels hard. But I have had fewer meltdowns and I feel I've grown way more aware of my habits.

Edited because screw you grammar.

I have so, so many. A lot of my main ones overlap with yours, with an added dash of 'So and so hasn't replied, they must be MAD AT ME.' My go to reasoning for just about anything is to assume they think I'm dumb (and just don't want to hurt my feelings), they are mad at me (I'm always being so damn annoying), I'm pathetic and they don't want to deal with my BS, etc.

My coping for this is to try to remember that it is extremely likely that I'm overthinking things. Try to take a break, focus on something else.

I can get stuck in 'I don't matter!' ruts. That is harder now, given all the awesome stuff my characters are part of. So that one worked itself out. But I relate because I too have comparison syndrome. So I get it.

Basically I have a raging case of Impostor Syndrome, I don't feel good enough, smart enough, fun enough, -- anything enough. It takes constant work to remind myself that I'm ok. That I'm not bothering people by talking to them. Some days are better than others.

I thoroughly agree with @Roz. Don't force yourself to RP someone you're not feeling. Fastest way to burn out. My advice would be to think of some element of the character you want to explore. Find a scenario to put them in that makes them new again. If nothing strikes, it's okay to take a break for a little bit until something does. The less pressure and more fun you can associate with them the better.

@Arkandel As in most things in life the reality is far, far more mundane than what could be.

I was at her house cooking dinner, and while I was in the kitchen, she asked me to do something, I don't remember what, but it was like, nudge something from a high shelf or something like that. As we are both quite short, I used a broom to do so, but the bristles got too close to the gas stove burner et voila.

@Sparks No. It was definitely a blend of real life jerkitude as well. I will give an example -- Keep in mind I fully acknowledge that I am as responsible for the following given my people-pleaser nature, but ... enh. There is a line.

So. This person had a way of being the pinnacle of the social strata, of making it seem as if you needed her approval to be invited to the party. Some of this was just her charisma, and her (clearly) superior writing. Some of it was legitimate if you're not in, you don't get to participate in the cool story. This IS the Pillowfort, that was their entire bag. They'd take over a sphere, become staff and if you wanted anything you had to be in their good graces. So a very real factor was being on her good side. She'd casually mention really wanting something or other, and those of us on the periphery would often scramble to gain ground by giving her gifts. Did she demand this? Nope. Did anyone hold a gun to my head? Nope. Did I make bad life decisions to spend my money on an $80 DVD collector's edition and mail it to her? I certainly did. Now, typically, you would never know if she received these gifts as she would never mention it. Another person I know actually sent her $300 worth of My Little Pony stuff and shipped it across the country. Again, no acknowledgement of receiving any thing, nothing. There was an incident in which she was stranded at an airport and called me asking if I could set up a ride for her. I called my BF, who drove 40 miles to pick me up, another 40 miles across the Bay Area to pick her up, then back across the Bay for another 50 miles, stopped at her comic shop and then to her door, where she got out, and went into her house. No thank you, no offer to cover all or even part of the gas or bridge tolls. Not even a goodbye.

I hung out at her house multiple times. I accidentally set her broom on fire. I'm not saying she was a totally bad person with no redeeming qualities. And I'm able to admit that I did a lot of these things because of my own damage. But she did pit people against each other in an attempt to maintain her position at the top. She did control people for her own benefit and she did not give any fucks what people did to help her.

ETA to remove a lot of self-indulgent whinging.

ETA to add:
I'm really sorry about the stuff going on in your life, Sparks. That all sounds super overwhelming and that level of stress has to be intense. I'm really sorry and I hope that things ... well, I hope something good happens soon. You're a really good person and you don't deserve to have such pressure. I think you're awesome.