Posts made by AeriaNyx

@cobaltasaurus I miss you-Ainsley too! You are awesome! But I need to hang out with Clover again.

I suppose I should go ahead and rip this bandaid off. Then again I have no idea if anyone knows me at all! I've been ghosting around the periphery of games for longer than I was active at this point.

Past PCs/Staff:
Honeysuckle Rose Sinclair - Redcap Shadow Courtier - Ashes2Ashes
Geneva, Cult of Ecstasy Mage - Ashes2Ashes
Hail - Changeling Staff - Ashes2Ashes
... a Troll Fiona Knight who was also a firefighter - Denver, whose name I cannot remember. T something?
Rabbit, a bobcat pooka - Denver
Dez, Satyr - Denver (For like, 5 minutes)
Gir/Sister Grimm - Changeling Staff - Denver
A merchant Eshu whose name I don't remember - Denver
Baron Jon ap Fiona of the Butterfly Barony - TeaTime II
Itzy, lynx pooka, one of the commoner leaders of the Commoner Freehold that I don't remember the name of, - TeaTime II
Eiluned Sidhe with a mysterious monster under her skin - Persistence of Memory -- Was that the game set in Hawaii? I think it was set in Hawaii. Man. Uhm. Alicia? Maybe?
Captain Rio, Scathach Sidhe based on the legend of Sedna - Arctic Rage
Black Fury Ragabash, I can't recall the name of - Cajun Nights
Eva, Get of Fenris Ragabash/slam poet extraordinaire - City of Hope
Alala/Countess Ionae the lioness of Fiona - City of Hope
Shane, Black Fury turned Silent Strider Philodox out of time - City of Hope
SugarGlider, Changeling Staff - City of Hope
Rhys, Fianna Philodox - City of Hope
Lady Aeria ni Fiona the Starborn - Oathcircle
Scabious, Co-Headstaff - Oathcircle
Juliana Pravus - Arx
Lark Grayson - Arx (literally overnight. I was so silly)
Vincenzo Villente - Arx (why did I give him up again?)
Korka Glynn - Arx

I am positive there are more that I just can't remember.

Current:
Reigna Keaton - Arx
Alecstazi Thrax - Arx

So yeah. I had some rough patches, I was a monster flake for a good number of years. I'm pretty sure 'flake' was my defining character trait for a while there. I fell in with people that were not the greatest and I did some shitty stuff, but I'd like to think I've grown up in the 17 years I've been doing this.

@Derp
The issue I have with your comments is that it comes across as condescending. Like... Jeez little lady, you should really know better! And again, it cannot be overstated, that putting the onus on the victim is freaking ridiculous. Women know that they are in danger. We are taught this from an extremely young age. And culturally? The divide between our expectations from children of one gender or the other is staggering.

For instance:
When little boys fight, or misbehave, or pick on little girls, what is the most common refrain? Boys will be boys! Oh, he's only being mean to her because he likes her! That's cute! Seriously, how effed up is that?? From an extremely young age, girls are conditioned to associate cruelty with affection/attraction. That is seriously effed up.

Girls are expected to be calmer, quieter, more socially savvy, mature and demure. School dress codes -- omg do not even get me started on those. Telling girls that they can't wear crop tops, or spaghetti straps or skirts that are too short? The reasoning? That it is 'distracting'. Fuck. Off. It is not a girl's problem if others are distracted by their bodies. Put the responsibility on the people who act inappropriately towards a girl instead of telling her that she is the cause of her own victimization. It is not a woman's responsibility to cover herself so that she does not draw the eye of men! That sets it up as though the man has no control over his baser impulses. That is insulting to everyone.

Telling a woman she has to "be smart" and restrict her own ability to enjoy herself to the same amount as anyone else is shameful. Women are already on their guard. It's time to understand male privilege and start working towards honest equality.

This is such a good topic. Man.

I have to echo a lot of the things already stated, that people who are drawn to Mushing or RP in general are folks who have a desire for social connections that can be kept at arm's length. There is a safety to it. A sense that things cannot hurt you because of distance (Utter and completely false, but I think it is an easy lie to tell ourselves and hang onto despite multiple hurts happening) and that most alluring thing of all: The ability to be anything you want. In a table top setting I know I can have hesitancy, at first, from really sinking into character, because I am not a nine foot tall furry tornado of claws, teeth and rage and everyone there CAN SEE ME. Behind the screen, I can be anyone I want to be. And that is incredibly freeing. There is that wonderful ability to have intimacy without the risk of actual (again, this is typically untrue, but damn if I don't convince myself it is) vulnerability.

As for forgiveness... my own unique cocktail of social dysfunctions include a typically passive (and secretly competitive) personality, happy to follow a more dominant personality and generally do my best to absolutely please everyone as much as possible for as long as possible until I burn the fuck out or snap. I am also a wound collector. If someone hurts my feelings or treats me in a way I find objectionable, I will hold onto that and I will remember. I won't treat them any differently, but my eye is on them. And then one day, without warning, I will have had enough. And the Nice Me that is supportive and caring and energized and helpful turns into Raging Bitch and I usually go way too far. And I hold onto all that resentment that has been bubbling and brewing and I just see them as having victimized me for TOO LONG. 99% of the time, now I am self aware enough to stop this cycle before it gets too far. I try talking to people and being calm, or if I am going through a phase of being utterly out of touch with my emotions and am surprised into Rage, I generally pull myself out of the situation and quietly talk to someone to do a sanity check before I start projectile peasouping someone. The problem going forward is that even if I don't hulk out on someone, I tend to never forget the hurts. I will forgive them, I'll be nice and kind and supportive, but I will likely never trust them past that point. No one knows that but me. But it is there. And I wish it wasn't.

There is one particular grudge I really, really wish I could get over. This person was so toxic, so manipulative and just... gragh.. entitled. It still bugs the hell out of me. This person got me so mad that I literally just... I didn't recognize myself in the hateful spew of shit I went on. If someone brought her up on WORA or SWOFA, I would be there, screaming my hate like a freaking harpy. Saying the worst stuff because how DARE she be so evil!!! Said person is now an insanely successful, best-selling author who is working on all sorts of projects that I really want to read or check out, but I can't. Because while I am embarrassed by my behavior in the past, I still think she is the worst. Hearing her name still makes me twitch.

I really wish I could get over that. Because she has no idea, and my grudge is only hurting me.

There are two I can think of that still cause me to die laughing years and years later. One, I was in a scene in which both of us were playing nWoD Changelings, and my rp partner at the time was working nights, so even on their nights off, had to stick to the nocturnal schedule. I was staying up super late one night and in the middle of a pose, I started to doze and began typing out something about Star Trek shuttle craft and away missions. My friend was dyyyyying and was just like 'Go to bed!' It was a somewhat common occurrence for me to pass out mid pose and end things like:
Tzalene looks over to him with pain in her eyes and she parts her lips on a choked breathhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhsasooo...
And yet somehow I always managed to hit enter. -.-

The other thing was actually a really insane phone autocorrect, talking to the same person. I was talking about a sailor-type roster on Arx and how I had had my eye on her for an alt to play with my friend's character at the time who was kind of pirate-ish, but someone else scooped her up.

It could have been cool, I really think the pirate cock was awesome.

And there was this loooong pause before she texted back '!!!!!!!!!!' and I reread the text and burst out laughing as I tried to correct 'CHICK! PIRATE CHICK!'

@aria said in Critters!:

I am a horrible monster who loves to torture my pets. I also have no regrets.

LOL you saw the pictures of the witch hat I put on my cats, yeah? And the muscle shirt that reads 'Furry is the new tan' with a rainbow on it? Now, in my slight defense, the shirt was to keep Stitch from licking his belly after surgery when he proved to be a cone Houdini. Of course the fact that the photo in question is of my girl Cricket... well. >.>

@goldfish
I think it entirely depends on your definition of 'working'. You could certainly create an unlikeable character, or a lazy one if that is something you have an interest in RPing out. The real test is going to be how you interact with PRPs or Metaplot stuff.

As an ST I would adore having a foil like a cluelessly incompetent PC to bounce things off of, as long as I would be able to work with them on how it plays out. If the player is game to use those weaknesses in a logical way that would still be fun for them and not have unrealistic goals, it would be a delight. Like... for sure, someone who is terrible at something will sometimes be handed a lucky win, but if this is the expectation every time, that'd get old fast.

I think there would totally be potential for such a character. RP is all about give and take. The most fun scenes are the ones where everyone is contributing and riffing off one another. PRPs are great as long as you have an ST that can work with people and react on the fly when the plan inevitably goes off the rails. So having an inept PC should be a tolerable hurdle. Especially if the player knows their character is a huge dingus. That is the key, I think. Good luck! I would love to know how it works out!

@darinelle Which show?

That feeling you get when you find something broken in a way that it was not previously and there is no way of pointing this out without it looking like you didn't do your job in the first place, but you DID and something changed, and dear god it sounds like you're covering your ass for not doing it then, even though you did.

Ugh.

Fuckit. Double posting. FYI, unwanted nuzzling IS sexual harassment dude. It's not cool.

@abyss-walker said in Breaking the Silence: Issac/Thrace:

@selira said in Breaking the Silence: Issac/Thrace:

Incidentally, this is this fucking guy.

Well then let @apos post ALL the actual data that lead them to that. Nuzzling. Yeah. Sexual harrasment. Totally. Last one. I'm not wasting my time.

(Arx can never ban me even if they tried.

So... does this mean you ARE a super elite special hacker?? Inquiring minds and all that.

@abyss-walker
How is that a failure to read? You literally just repeated the fact that you don't care after throwing a first class hissy fit.

Clearly you DO care. That being said, other than your lame attempt to look cool, I applaud your acceptance of my 'let it go' advice. So, good on you for that. Keep that up.

Sorry for my snark. My insomnia counters my BS filter.

@abyss-walker
See, that is not helping your case at all. Pulling the 'I tried to kill myself' card is not going to work. Again, all it does is announce that you reaaaaaally need to take a step back, or more like ten or twenty steps back and let. It. Go. Seriously. You need to Elsa, hard. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. No one cares. You think that this has followed you for years and years? I promise you, no one thinks about you or hates you as much as you think they do. And if you just stopped being an asshole who violates people's privacy no one would freaking come down on you. That's the trick to life. Stop being an asshole and try being an adult.

@abyss-walker
The proof is the fact that you posted her Facebook stuff on this forum, dude. That you are oblivious to the fact that you're willing to violate her in order to "prove" that you're right is freaking sad, and pretty damn gross. That alone is enough to show the world that you are on the wrong side of this. Let it go. You are the bad guy here.

It was so hard to leave my house today, because this guy was like 'No. You stay with me.'

So, as I was talking to my best friend today, about our characters and specifically how mine is fairly psychologically damaged, I started seeing the utterly obvious parallels between my character and myself. And as I continued to pick recent events apart, I started realizing how much I use my character as a vessel to understand my own damage. I really found myself figuring my shit out, seeing behaviors in her and because there was a distance, I was able to really see the threads of cause and effect and see my RL behavior and feelings from a perspective that really helped me pinpoint problem areas. I really appreciate the fact that this medium allows for that kind of self-reflection and growth opportunity.

Hey! Is this you? If so I would LOVE to talk to you! Do you know this amazing person? Can you tell them someone is looking for them?

Just to double clarify, I'm looking for the Sandra who is a Get of Fenris Ahroun, who is just fantastic.

@arkandel I was not anticipating enjoying it, but they're was something oddly compelling. There were a few eyes rolling moments but I was fascinated by somethings and confused by others.

OMG I just found this thread! Yay! I get to share all of mah babies!
This is my boy Stitch, he's fourteen and a half years young and just about the sweetest creature on Earth. If me or the husband is home, he will be on one of us, cuddling. He lives for cuddles. All my cats are Canadian, thus why they are so awesome.

This is Kif, he is also fourteen! We named him after the character from Futurama, because when he was little Stitch would pin him by the neck and sit on him. And Kif wouldn't fight, but he'd just get this incredibly long-suffering look on his face.

And this is Cricket, she's 13 and the most unholy terror that has ever been. She is a demon who will have her way when she wants it by licking arm pits and plucking shirts with her teeth. She's so terrible, we memed her:

@ganymede Not the last time I had blood work done. I did some more research and found out that SSRIs can cause clenching, which makes sense since new doc has been monkeying around with my doses trying to find the right balance.

Isn't it awesome when anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds actually make you MORE tense?