Maybe we need an 'amusing RL shit' thread.
Got to the bus stop and a man offered me his seat on the bench. I took it because I'm still getting over being sick and felt unsteady on my feet. I quickly found out why he was willing to offer... when the other guy on the bench began regaling me with his bowel movements, various STDs he's experienced, and that he was kicked out of AA.
I got on my bus and hallelujah, he didn't budge. Sit down, breath a sigh of relief, look up...
...guy across from me is obviously wasted. He's got a grocery bag packed with wine coolers. He asks me: 'Is this the 320?' 'No, it's the 1.' 'I need the 320.' Another lady tells him he can get the 320 at the transit center. Guy proceeds to spill gatorade all over himself.
He did not get off at the transit center. He was still too busy trying to tie his sweater around his head like some kind of new wave turban.
Then, he proceeds to go around the bus offering everyone snacks from his mystery grocery bag. "No one?!" he proclaims, "but this is the dankest shit! It's better than northern lights and rainbow!" So he's high, too...
Moments later he's on the floor, dumping out his bag and digging through it. There's more wine coolers (some empty, some full), two bottles of champagne.
A little old lady asks what he's looking for. He describes a box then, mumbling before: "... or some bitch's ass-" he looks at the old lady, "...some lady's booty is gonna get beat."
He got off the bus after that, but please man: tell me your life that you are that wasted on a bus at 1pm on a Tuesday.