@Seamus said in L&L Options?:
There is IthirMUSH, however, it is L&L Lite, due to the real lack of politicking, more along the lines of agreements and so forth, and no real "working to be better than others", but that's in their theme.
I appreciate the recommendation. Unfortunately, I would rather chew glass than subject myself again to that staff corps.
@Ganymede @Pondscum Story's what I'm missing! My schedule's made that difficult but I'll have a log in and look about. Thank you. 
Are there any lords & ladies style games other than Arx open at the moment?
@mietze I'm going to grab some of those meditation via phone thingies, that sounds very useful.
It's a tricky thing, that sense of need for reciprocation and also not wanting to put more on staff's plate (especially when it has been very clear just how busy they are). When you're very good at giving, it can be so so SO hard to put out a hand and request the same. Especially when give is the first instinct and it's easy to assume (we judge others according to ourselves) others are wired the same way.
I've had some success by consciously listing what I have been given by others, whether it's them reaching out to offer help or a hook, providing a shoulder to lean on when I've given into venting, or even just dropping me a nod or a compliment. Maybe those haven't always come from the direction I was looking in and hoping about, so it's too easy to forget, overlook or overshadow the good with the perceived bad. I am trying to be more conscious of the good and also more vocally appreciative of them that share it with me.
@AeriaNyx Ah, yes. Imposter Syndrome. I am sometimes amazed when I get feedback on my reputation in the community. It's positive enough that sometimes I have to do a doubletake and remind myself that, yes, that is me too. Not just the spiky bundle of neurosis. 
I don't find that reminding myself works very well. The thoughts can be so pervasive and the negative pattern recognition habit so deeply entrenched. And... well, I am very aware of my own faults. It becomes a spiral of "you're overthinking again BECAUSE YOU'RE TERRIBLE" that I fall into being a jittery hyper-focused mess.
Trying to break that focus with a diversion does help sometimes. Especially if it's something constructive, productive and fun. The problems come when I cannot come up with something which fits that bill.
But I keep tryin'.
Like many people in this hobby, I am a bundle of bad habits, anxieties, and baggage that colour my perceptions and affect my decision making. A lot of the time I can recognize my own patterns but recognizing doesn't always help so much with changing them. Shining a big old spotlight on them and listing ways I can knuckle down and avoid them... maybe that will do the trick.
I've been wrestling with a lot of things in my RP experience of late. This is my productive (mildly constructive!) way of trying to improve both the struggle and the experience.
So, my issues:
I am RP buddies with some very proactive, extroverted people who are excellent at Making Shit Happen and, while I genuinely celebrate their experience, I also compare my own to theirs.
I have difficulty expressing exactly what it is I want to experience/would like to do with my characters if I do not have a set and specific plan for their immediate and long-term future. This leads to situations where someone asks what I want for them and I say "adventure!", but have nothing more concrete to offer.
I fall into support mode at the blink of an eye. I enjoy helping others chase their unicorns and can brainstorm a thousand and one activities they can throw themselves into to help that momentum. But when it comes to doing the same for myself, I often draw a blank.
3.a) Related to the above, I often step back and hold up others to give them spotlight time, but quietly assume they will do the same for me when the time comes. When they do not (not from malice but just people being people), I get resentful... and I hold onto that grudge. I have difficulty letting shit go.
Five years ago, I would RP with anyone and everyone. I had my favourites, but I would still put myself out there. These days, between my schedule and the lack of energy that comes from life, the universe and everything, I do not venture out in public nearly as much. I isolate myself.
Memory issues. Whatever the reason behind it, I no longer keep up with multiple threads the way I used to. If I do not respond to/answer/act on something right away, I forget. This includes scheduled RP, answering mail and message, or following up on potential hooks that have come up in conversations with other players.
Taking shit personally. If I've asked someone for RP multiple times and they seem enthusiastic but it never happens, it's because underneath the open response, they really do not want to RP with me. If I've done a lot for someone else on a game, and they don't reciprocate in kind, it's because I'm less interesting/engaging/fun/they know I'm a whiner in my head. If I'm in a scene and it fizzles out because one person left and the others who remain can't continue, it's because they hate me. If I sit in public and no one comes to play, it's because I built a boring character.
Those are my patterns. I know them very well because I live with them day to day every time I log into a game. When I'm feeling perky, driven, energetic and enthusiastic, they vanish or are positive forces (being a supportive player isn't a bad thing!). It's when the energy dips that they start affecting my experience.
Which brings me to resolutions.
Focus only on my goals in RP. Stop paying attention to what other people are getting. Stop inviting/agreeing to listen to the tales told by others about all the stuff they're doing, at least for a little while, until I can drop the comparing habit.
Spend some time brainstorming for myself only. Get in the habit of figuring out things I can do instead of handing that creativity to other people. Stop chasing the unreliable and focus on what's achievable.
Sit out in public to RP with anyone and everyone at least a couple times a week.
Write things down. I have friends who bujo, this might be a good way to keep track of things I want to do and threads I've picked up to pursue, so they don't get dropped.
Every time I start to wallow in despair, I owe 5 stretches/push ups/sit ups/laps around the house. May as well get some benefit out of being a mopey m'fucker. 
And now I hit submit, to see if anyone else wants to join in with pattern recognition and resolutions.
The only thing that's ever worked for me is to get the inspiration for some new project to chase. I need for my characters to have tangible goals, something which drives them. Once I succeed at something if I don't come up with something else pdq, the chances for my shiny flash of inspiration involving a totally new and different character goes through the roof.
Adding to the list: Dragon Age: Inquisition.
I WANT IT SO BAD PLEASE SOMEONE
What @Roz said. I would wonder if they maybe knew there were issues with their all male team and how they might react to a female coming on board.
A woman coming into a tech setting will probably (as others have said) anticipate the environment being male-heavy. A better way to show instead of tell (thereby risking her reading into a well-intentioned question that still gives weird vibes) is to, before or after the interview, tour the interviewee through the workspace. Let them see, yep, there's a whole bunch of penii in here. Don't mention it. Don't bring it up.
If much was made about my being the first woman hired into a position, I'd feel odd. Mention it in passing, ok, sure. Mention it with emphasis, or frequently? I'd feel as if my vagina were the determining factor, not my skills. I'd worry it might create overt resentment in my existing male colleagues. I'd wonder if in today's climate, it was being used to win brownie points or a pat on the back for the person bar-rattling about it.
Don't put your female employees in a "Look we have women now!" spotlight, in front of your existing employees. Even if it's to discuss issues pertinent to suddenly having women in an environment that's been male-only for always.
Make sure you are prepared to enforce a safe, constructive environment. Make sure you're up to date on the policies and how you can enforce them when issues arise. Don't sit back and trust you'll be approached if the policies are being violated. Keep your eyes and ears open. Model behaviours that make it clear you are open and approachable, so that when it happens, people know they can come to you with issues.
I hate the extremes we fall into in discussions here. I hate that the distinction becomes "those who get NPC time and plot shenanigans are more fun to play with!" and "those who don't are boring and if they complain they're jealous".
Ugh. This thread. U g h.
I actually do fall into the pool of opinion that sexual stories are valid stories. Like @saosmash says, I do think that character development can occur during TS. I think that other RP can be spurred by what occurs in sexual situations. It's all part of the human (or alien or robot or mutant) experience.
Where my discomfort comes into it, specifically in regards to NPCs being played by staff, is where it feels there is a barrier to achieving greater RP because NPC access is limited to a chosen few. I have been in that situation before. When you're following the posted rules and guidelines to interact with the world/metaplot/staff/NPCs, presumably jumping the same hoops other players are jumping, and they are leaping into a dynamic tapestry of interactions that spur on their story and you... just are not living the same experience.
That isn't a player issue. The players who are benefiting from their experience, I'm happy that they get that.
But I want that too. Call it jealousy, ok. I feel to name it that is dismissive, and overlooks the underlying issues. With all of their tools staff is creating experiences for people. NPCs are a big part of that toolbox. And people notice when the pattern is radically different experiences for different portions of the playerbase.
I guess my take on this is... if NPC interaction is free and equally spread, and any sort of interaction with them, be it mundane, sexually charged, or plot-related, is not limited to only a few players/characters, then so what. Where I run into a wall is when NPCs are falling into multiple frequent interactions with the same players/characters, when it is evident that their interactions with those players/characters is radically different (more invested/more interesting/more in-depth/more rewarding) with a tiny pool of players/characters, and when that interaction sets up other players/characters to be audience only without the possibility of breaking through to more involved interactions.
If I see an NPC in multiple scenes with the same people over the course of a period of time, handing out shinies of whatever variety to one or two people, and I am putting in the same level of effort but not getting the same level of return, then yeah... that's a shitty feeling, a shitty situation, and probably not a game I am going to stick around on. I have walked away from games for that. I will walk away from games if I'm in that situation again. It's something I'm wrestling with right now, in fact.
The shape of the interaction with the NPCs doesn't matter to me. What matters is the atmosphere created by those interactions, if it feels like a level playing ground. When it doesn't (and I acknowledge there will be times it doesn't feel level without there being actual staff misconduct), no amount of railing by the players is going to change staff's approach to it (because people on any side of an argument will find justifications to shore up their side of things). Your option then is to vote with your feet.
It isn't a matter of knowing it when I see it. For me, I know it when I feel it, and when I do feel it I'm generally not long for that game.
@Sparks I would also play the hell out of a Sunrunners setting, oh my god are you kidding me.
I probably fall into that category too. I have slept with women, made out with women, had fleeting crushes on women, but what really curls my toes is guys.
I have also played a few male characters but generally only in forum settings, with only a couple of attempts on MUSHes. I don't click with them as well, as characters, and that's something I've always lamented. I would love to be able to play a male character whose story gets me as excited as my ladies' stories do. No luck yet, but maybe one day. If and when it happens, I'm not sure what direction his sexuality will go in but I know myself well enough to guess it won't be gay. I am gun shy about creating a gay male after seeing the horrorfest of fetishized female-played gay men back in the 90s. It was bad, y'all. So very, very bad.
Sexuality is generally dictated by my character's story but upon reflection, I realize I haven't had a successful gay love story in the long term. The closest was my Mekhet elder, with her ghoul and her childe. Caroline's best loved were all women, but she was more sensual than sexual and I would not call what she felt love (vampire elders are great). Others have run the gamut but I admit my characters often end up with men.
I currently play one straight girl, one bisexual woman, and one heterosexual/demiromantic chick. All three are in relationships with dudes. I did recently create a woman who has an ex-wife, and a daughter, but I haven't found the spark for her story yet.
Breaking your character so you can rebuild then anew from shards and ashes. >.>
@Livia I really can't right now. But I hope there are people aplenty who'll play the hell out of it for me!
Dear god I would play the hell out of that setting if I could. I'd play the hell out of that MUSH. What a great concept for stories.
@krmbm That's the one. I do remember it being used, at least at first. Maybe because a template was provided to slot in impressions of a game. But you're right it didn't last (partially due to the forum dying a slow death, I'm p sure).
For truly constructive criticism to take place, you have to provide things that can be improved. And yes, people often mistake that for rampant negativity against the thing they love, OR an excuse to be vicious.
There's a reason why how to properly provide constructive criticism is something that is taught in a number of different job fields. People are bad at that shit naturally.
