Scenes from a Law Firm before a Massacre
Act III, Scene i
Partner: One of my clients needs to have a commercial deal closed by December 1.
Me: Okay. It's November 11, so I doubt that's going to happen.
Partner: He thinks otherwise, so here's the title company he wants to use but has not called yet and a copy of the purchase agreement.
Me: Can I talk to him?
Partner: Not unless it's absolutely necessary. Can you get it done?
Me: No.
Partner: Well, try your best.
Act III, Scene ii
Partner: It's November 12. What's the status?
Me: I called the title company and left an e-mail. Can't really close without them, so I'm waiting for a response.
Act III, Scene iii
Partner: It's November 13. What's the status?
Me: Same as yesterday.
Partner: Did you call them?
Me: Yes. I called them yesterday. And left an e-mail. I'm waiting for a response.
Act III, Scene iv
Partner: It's November 14. What's the status?
Me: Look, how about I just tell you when I have the title company on board?
Act III, Scene v
Me: Well, they called back. They can handle the deal, but they don't think they can close by December 1.
Partner: Why not?
Me: Thanksgiving, mostly. We need a title report finished and a policy issued. We need a legal description of the parcel. We need other documents too.
Partner: So when will it close?
Me: Not on December 1.
Partner: Why not?
Act III, Scene vi
Opposing Counsel: I know it is November 30, but here are the documents for closing.
Me: This easement won't work. We need to revise it.
Opposing Counsel: Okay.
Partner: So when will the deal close?
Me: Not tomorrow.
Partner: Why not?
Act III, Scene vii
Opposing Counsel: It is December 1. What's the status?
(Stage explodes into violence.)
FIN