Posts made by Ghost

Another fun thing is the Unspoken Sun Tzu Law of Urinal Selection. No one fucking taught me this but I guarantee that if you go to a restroom to stand to pre, you know this.

Say there are six urinals. (Which, for the sake of fun, will be marked with a 'P'.) EMPTY urinals are '0' and the number is which order people arrive to pee in.

P-P-P-P-P-P

Pick any which one that you want, but usually one to either far side is appropriate because...

P-P-P-P-P-P
1-0-0-0-0-2

If one is on one side the other goes over there, which means...

P-P-P-P-P-P
1-0-3-3-0-2

Guy #3 can choose either or. No big deal.

P-P-P-P-P-P
1-6-5-3-4-2

Above is "Halftime at the game, all spaces taken. No one really talks."

Here are some other known configs...

P-P-P-P-P-P
1-0-2-0-0-0

Relatives, perhaps. People flying together. The one-urinal buffer zone is kind of like when 2 people go to a movie but aren't on a date so they don't sit next to each other. That seat in between means "Whoa, I'll watch Ant Man with you but I ain't fucking you after..."

P-P-P-P-P-P
1-2-0-0-0-0

So...this is where it gets interesting. If there are 5 urinal spaces open and someone for no reason chooses the one next to yours, it opens up this choose your own adventure game...

1. They might be looking at your dick. In some cases they probably are. In some cases it's probably totally cool. If it's not cool...

2. ...it's terribly awkward if they don't talk to you and are NOT looking at your dick. YOU HAVE GOT TO TALK OR ELSE IT'S FLIRTING. Suggested dialogue includes...

• Hey that meeting at 4 got changed to a Skype meeting.
• So I picked up that new Call of Duty game, holy shit.
• God, bro didja see the Yankees are getting murdered by the Cubbies? Fuckin A.
• You're both murderers and need to quietly whisper mafia hit man stuff to each other.

...but they're probably looking at your penis because they could have said that from the urinal on the far side.

I guarantee you this is actual logic in play that NO ONE REALLY FUCKING TALKS ABOUT but if you stand to piss at a urinal I guarantee you're also reading this and nodding your head right now.

Hahaha god...why am I doing this?

ALSO: Punching a penis doesnt hurt someone with a penis. The penis is remarkably elastic. It has about the same result as punching a stress ball that will squish in then expand back to normal. The dick is mostly immune to most civilian grade blunt trauma. I mean, sure, no one wants a sledgehammer coming down on it against a concrete slab because there is skin and blood and tubing, but a slap or a punch or a roundhouse kick to it? PFFT. Whatevs. Most people with penises dont worry about their dick getting punched. Cut off? Yes. Punched? Nasomuch.

The nads behind the penis that often receive the full weight of a boot kicking the penis into the nads is what men fear.

When we jump it's not because of the penis but because it's next door neighbor don't want the collateral damage.

I'm sharing this because my SO assumed the penis feels a lot of that pain and I had to explain. Nope. It's totally designed for full-contact physical sports which is why the part that does feel the pain rides shotgun.

ALSO, the whole "Sitting on your nads" thing?

Getting into a car is THREAT LEVEL: MIDNIGHT for that.

For those with you that don't have that plumbing I guaran-fuckin-tee you that all of those actors from John Wick, Fast&Furious, Dukes of Hazard, TJ Hooker who have had to film rushing to get into a car or sliiiiiiiiiding across the hood of a car have absolutely sat on their junk.

I can attest to...

• When people act like they're going to punch me in the nads so I suck in my belly super quick and flinch to avoid it, but even if they don't hit it still hurts because the muscles are all connected. That sudden muscle spasm aches that whole area from belly button to groin.
• I know some men who complain about sitting on the toilet because they teabag the toilet water.
• I can't unhear the time that Sarah Silverman said that dicks smell "...like Benson and Hedges cigarettes and beef brisket"
• SwampAss can fight BoobSweat to a stalemate.

I have also learned in my travels the horror that some women have when sneezing on their periods. I have come to recognize the post sneeze "Oh shit" moment and have become quite good at appearing to not notice it.

S...
...S...
.......SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Also, on topic?

I think I've said this before, but bonus points to anyone roleplaying a male (with the piping) who suddenly sits down, grunts, freezes in place, then breathes out slowly.

Sitting on your testicles happens way more (IMO) than crotch adjustments, and its 10x less funny to experience but 100x more funny to witness.

• SIT DOWN.
  "Umppff."
  "Whats wrong?"
  "Nothing...nothing..."

Yo, tip for the non-thong wearers. Brazilian-style boxer briefs by Papi are the shit. My SO loves them, they're comfy as hell, everything stays in place, and they're way more interesting than traditional boxer briefs.

Also, probably shouldn't Google Papi underwear products at work. They also make a lot of mens thongs, jockstraps, etc and I know a lot of buddies of mine in the gay community are all about this brand. You don't want Human Resources reviewing that Google Image search.

I took a pointer from my gay buddies on men's underwear and it's been good to me.

Okay, someone broked this thread with bad syntax.

Anyway...

Mahershala Ali as Blade.
Natalie Portman gets Mjolnir.

Fuck yes.

@Cobaltasaurus said in Sexuality: IC and OOC:

I don't think @Quinn was being literal about the ball scratch thing, my dudes. I think it was an easy example of why it's difficult for her to play male characters and why she doesn't. Saying "well just don't pose ball scratching" and then "well just play a character who happens to be male/female/nonbinary/a lamp and not a character who is male/female/nonbinary/a lamp" is a little bit dismissive of her perspective...

But it could also be damaging to the portrayal of those types of characters. Especially if you take away the gender part and instead insert race/ethnicity or sexuality. If you are a white person playing a POC on a game and you don't give any thought to who that person's background has effected them you might find yourself walking straight into stereotypes.

Eh, I wasn't trying to be dismissive of her perspective; I was just offering my perspective.

Gotta be honest here? I think we could (or should) expect greater accuracy from professionals (writers, politicians, show-runners, public figures), but it's also important to remember that for the most part the people in this hobby are people who just got off of work from Arby's, have sore feet, and wanna eat pizza and creatively roleplay as space wizards, gothy elf-fae coffee house owners, and Decepticons.

It's a best effort service and casual missteps arent going to alter the way things are described on CNN, so the bar for "Are people being cool about it when we say HEY THATS KIND OF OFFENSIVE TO ME" should be higher than the bar for preferred noun accuracy and/or entire social awareness factor; especially when a player from Norway has a different social life than a player from Florida.

@Arkandel said in Sexuality: IC and OOC:

All of my characters are straight white guys. Like me. If anyone doesn't approve for whatever reason, well, I'll just have to live with that then they're judgy and can fuck right off.

^^^^

@Groth said in Sexuality: IC and OOC:

@Quinn said in Sexuality: IC and OOC:

I'm a cisgender, straight woman and I find playing a guy pretty tricky unless I'm just going all out frat-boy stereotype as a one off NPC. I just can't get that into it and feel more comfortable playing women. I'm not sitting there constantly like "is this how guys scratch their balls? How much ball scratching should one pose have?" when I'm playing a woman. I know how many times I scratch my balls a day, people.

This is one of those things that you almost only see in those who 'crossplay'. Most guys who play guys won't put ball scratching into their poses because while that might be something they do in their daily lives it's not something they think about. If you just want to 'pass' as being the same gender as the character you're playing, all you need to do is avoid bringing attention to weird things and just focus on your characters personality/dreams/goals etc, don't try to play a 'male' or 'female' character, just play a character who happens to be male or female.

Agreed 100%.

I don't crossplay. I make characters and simply RP the character regardless of gender or sexual orientation. The important thing is to avoid playing a caricature of a stereotype. The closer you aim to simply writing from the perspective of a character who is 3-dimensional and isn't a cartoon, the less likely you are to offend someone.

@Aria Right, if someone would have stolen the laptop you would have few avenues for recourse because you allegedly signed for it. I imagine faking signatures on mail is illegal, even at the FedEx level, otherwise legal documents could be forged on handoff.

I started having my packages delivered to pickup locations a while back because I got sick of getting texts saying "Your fucking important package was handed off to a resident" while I was at home to receive it, only to find out the driver didn't knock; they just left it on my doorstep. Good? It wasn't handed off to a neighbor. Bad? It's horseshit.

But FedEx drivers should be way more reliable than Amazon drivers, who are basically no different than door dash drivers.

I NEED HELP/Advice.

I recently bought 2 Nintendo Switch game vouchers for $100 hoping to buy 2 copies of Ultimate Alliance 3 and gift one my SO for her to have on her switch. Warning: Read the FAQs first; you can't share these 2-for-100 game vouchers as a gift or between family accounts.

So I got Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3, but have one game voucher left. I'm considering Zelda Breath of the Wild or Super Smash.

Anyone have good suggestions? 2 player would be nice so long as it's a good couple's game.

Here is what I own/have access to currently:

• Marvel Ultimate 3
• Battle Chasers
• Diablo 3
• Octopath Traveler
• Mariokart 8
• Pokemon Evee (Fuck you. Dont judge)

@Aria said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

Fuck that guy

Exactly. Fuck that guy.

He had one job and didn't do it.

KeePass is solid too.

Also because it's fun to say keep ass

Sigh. Moms, yanno?

Actual phone conversation I just had with my mom.

Mom: I just had a holy shit moment.

Me: Oh? What happened?

(Brain read everything my mom says from this point forward in a conspiratorial whisper voice)

Mom: I just went into the bedroom and you wont believe what I saw.

Me: (Strung along) Oh? What?

Mom: Your father was in there on the bed alone...

Me: (PleaseDontSayHeWasJerkingIt) Oh? Is everything okay?

Mom: He was on the bed and when I went in there he immediately hid something under the sheets.

Me: (Still...please god no) Oh? I mean, is everything okay?

Mom: He had a boxcutter that he was hiding from me. When I went in there he really quickly hid it so I couldn't see.

Me: (New version of OhGodNoWhat? because alone+boxcutter) Uhm...thats not good. Is everything okay? Do I need to step away from my desk.

Mom: He was...CUTTING UP A CARDBOARD BOX ON TOP OF MY EXPENSIVE EGYPTIAN SHEETS AND BEDCOVER. HE RUINED MY EXPENSIVE BEDROOM SET AND NOW I HAVE TO REPLACE IT BECAUSE HE CUT THROUGH TO THE MATTRESS.

God damn it, Mom.

Whew. Sigh of relief. I love my mom forever but god damn it her storytelling style freaks me out like this at least once every other month. She doesn't do this on purpose for fun, either. It'll be like:

Mom: Oh. My. God. The craziest thing happened you'll never guess...

Me: Hit me. What happened?

Mom: So I turn down this aisle and I'm all alone, and I see this big guy with tattoos and this pretty girl ALL ALONE IN THE AISLE...

Me: Oh no, what were they doing?

Mom: ...it was BOB AND JEAN'S SON, BARRY. HE'S BACK FROM SERVING OVERSEAS. HE'S COVERED IN TATTOOS, HAS A BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND, AND THEY INVITED US ALL TO A BARBECUE NEXT WEEK.

AAAAAAAAUGHFJEOEI3U38...

They just announced a live action Warhammer 40K TV show is in the works. It's made by the people behind "Man in the High Castle" and will focus on Eisenhorn/Dark Heresy/Inquisition.

@Jeshin

Or an Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer...

RIP Phil Hartman

@mietze said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

Today blew the top off of the record number of people screaming at me at work today.

Just for the record, for most bank issues screaming at anyone wont get them resolved faster. Especially screaming at the teller.

Now I just feel yucky, even though I got to see my favorite clients today too.

Tell them this, this'll make them feel better:

"Technically it's not money. We're not on the gold standard anymore, so it's not like you can trade money for something with value. What you consider money is really just electronic data and/or papers that say you're ENTITLED to what equates to that amount of money; a promissory note, even. It's just 101010101010110 binary that says that you are believed to own X amount of said money, but if everyone in the country went to the bank and decided to cash out their accounts on one day they wouldn't be able to do it. Basically, you're one super-virus away from having the same worth as an unfrozen caveman."

And then go home and watch Harold and Kumar.

Man I'd rather play a Potter-themed RPG with some of y'all.

@Ominous That would work nicely alongside: +dig ThatchRoofCottage and +dig ThatchRoofCottagaaaaaaaze.