Posts made by Macha

I just found out a long time friend, once bestie, just lost her fiance. No when/why/how. I don't know if there was an accident, if she got hurt or anything. I am so not good at this. It's okay to just message her and ask if she's okay and make sure she knows she can call me if she needs to, right? I don't have to ask anything else or anything, right? (yes. Anxiety is a bitch)

@surreality I'm sorry. It's never easy to lose a furbaby, even when you do it to ease their suffering.

My whole life has been "where did you get that bruise?" I almost never know. Of course, because I did bruise easy and I was a rough and tumble kid, no one ever realized when the bruises weren't just me being a kid.

@Meg I've been where you are, and it sucks no matter how old you are, if you're used to that family togetherness. This will be my first holiday season without my dad, and some of my friends and I are joking about making bets about whether or not I'll be invited to anything by my stepmother.

Because my family (what's left of it besides my brother who I never see) is kinda horrible.

@Auspice Well, if it makes you feel better, I haven't the faintest fucking idea what you're talking about.

@Warma-Sheen Sure, doctors can give a wrong diagnosis. They practice, after all. (ha ha, old joke) But a lot of the time, ADD is under-diagnosed, especially in girls/women.

No, it's not insane to think there is something other than meds. But saying so in a thread where people are vulnerable and sharing it, discussing the methods other than meds, or their fears about going on meds, is probably not the time or place to say so. It's like some jackass posting that meme with a picture of the woods versus a picture of pills and saying being out in the woods will cure your depression, your drugs are shit.

Some people NEED the med help. It's like some asshole coming to me and telling me just diet and exercise and vitamin D and essential oils will cure my type 1 diabetes, I don't really need insulin. That guy would be considered an asshole.

Coming in here with your 'opinion' about how you think shit should be treated? Makes you seem like a rude asshole. Everyone is different in how they need to handle and cope with their shit. When they're opening up and being vulnerable about? Keep your 'opinon' to yourself, or you'll sound like Karen saying Young Living essential oils will cure everything!

So - fired for sugar crashes. Now I need a termination letter (which they didn't give me) for unemployment and any other social service stuff I might qualify for, being completely broke.

I call to speak to the HR bitch - she's not in, but my former manager says she'll send it, the girl tells me. I tell her to relay to the manager that I would like the exact wording. AKA - Sugar crashes, phone calls when you crash, etc etc.

We'll see how that works. I'm just annoyed with life in general, because my auto loan tried to take their payment a week early, so that was a million phone calls to the bank to dispute it, reverse the overdraft fees, blah blah blah. I'm still broke, but now I'm not negative broke.

I'm not sure this is in the exact vein Ark is looking for, but...

I had a character dating another one for years. He decided to ask her ICly to marry him, after the other player asked me if that was cool with me. Sure! We got the staff approval, etc, and we actually used the big, flashy proposal to start a little plot arc.

Marriage was going well, things were going on, and then the other player approaches me OOC about them starting a family. My character was the sort of girl who would want that, so I said sure, we could bring it up IC. Yay, marital bliss. We updated Staff and got the okay, and so on. (It was a comic game, so for an FC you need okay to do things like marry and so on)

Then I got sick, and couldn't play every night, and big action scenes were hard for me to focus. (yay trying to find the right med for my ills) . So my girl is pretty pregnant, and her husband wants her to go on a space faring adventure, without knowing how long it would take, how her body might react in space, etc. So she erred on the side of caution and said no, she'd be afraid all the time.

A couple weeks later, the other player comes to me OOCly and says my girl is boring now, and he wants out. He wants to retcon YEARS of IC play and development, because she's not doing action stuff anymore. (She's supposed to be 8 months along, at this point) But in reality, I wasn't TSing him, and someone else was willing to, though I didn't know that at the time (Some mavs made it clear later).

He OOCly threatened me, said he would ruin the game for me, he'd go to staff, and so on. I told Staff the threats, etc. They said he could have the divorce, but he can't just wipe years of my character's RP. So he went to the news board, and posted how his character came out of the hospital, that it wasn't his kid, etc etc. (Which was not supposed to be done, according to Staff decision). Staff didn't so much as slap his hand. They took down the post and said and did nothing. He went on a spree with all his alts (even ones that had no connection to my character), to do his best to ruin any RP avenues I still had left, and Staff did nothing.

So yeah. I'm pretty wary of the IC romances at this point. Communication is huge, but understand if you change your mind, it doesn't mean you should/can ruin someone else's whole thing.

@Ganymede I am not that lucky.

Not to the best of my knowledge. That sort of thing - would it show up with CBCs? (I just had a bunch of blood tests)

So I've been having weird muscle jerks. Especially in my forearms and hands, though my legs have been twitching too. It's starting to worry me

@Selerik I wish it worked like that for me. My therapist keeps suggesting I try to file for disability. (She is not the only one, one of my other providers has to). But I'm terrified.

@Cupcake And probably sits close by, waiting for his tribute.

This is my furry soulmate.

It can be hard. I would make a list - either print it out, or on your phone, and give it to the dr. and tell them firmly "I need to address these things, because I've put them off". I've done it, it's helped.

@Auspice Fuck that. I get impatient when it launches shit at startup.

@Cupcake My therapist worries because I cling to the same humor/deflection even when I'm talking about the dark things. That I deliver it all logically.

Then, at the end of the session today, she remarked that it might be a good thing, right now. I might need it to cling to. So something feels normal. I'm just such a mess, right now.

I got to see my therapist today after not being able to for way too long. Getting to be honest with someone without fear of judgment about how hard the last month has been, and especially the last week, just talking about it and admitting out loud I've had suicidal ideation.. I feel like at least my nose is above water and I can get a little air.

So it's been a week. I can say that my thoughts have slowed down a ton. It's sort of weird, after all these years, to not have a dozen things all going in their own direction. Now it's like two or three, and way more manageable. I've noticed when I get a song stuck in my head though, it is STUCK.

As for the mood thing.. it's all pretty much DOWN this week. After my job decided that "with your sugar crashes and the phone call you make, we don't feel we can rely on you", then my aunt is in the hospital with serious bad, and then a friend since high school passed away over the weekend.. there's low, lower, and dear fucking god stop shoving me into the bedrock.

I'm not sure if this is the welbutrin or not, but I've fallen asleep without my sleep meds several times. Which is WEIRD.

Rip Taylor.