Posts made by mietze

And even if the setting does not have racial bias or discomfort, it doesn't mean ick stuff doesn't crop up.

On one of my attempts to get started on Arx I picked up a roster who had PC parents, looked at their descriptions/pictures and picked a biracial PB. The first conversation ooc I had with her PC father was how great it was I'd picked a mixed PB and arent people like that so attractive. Did that player mean anything bad, I dont know, because it was sufficiently close to other weird racial fetishization I'd experienced elsewhere that I noped out and just did not come back to that PC.

So it's not like you escape shit even in an IC setting that it shouldn't be an issue. The amount of time needed to try to explain to people no really, purity culture/male strong woman weak/racism ect on games where it does not exist in IC culture can be really exhausting sometimes.

I am of German-Japanese descent. But I very rarely play biracial people on games because tbh especially with part asian folks they tend to be fetishized or I will get comments about how exotic or mixed people/babies are prettier.

It's not something I really want to deal with in my fantasy life, tbh. I heard it and experienced it enough. (Imagine being amerasian with auburn hair and also hanging out in game stores in the 90s. I heard/experienced a lot of gross stuff from "they're just awkward" men, though granted just having tits would have done it I'm sure. But a lot of those comments were very specific to my appearance and a lot of people making them were very proud of themselves for not just being into 100 percent white people.

I do not have an issue with people playing what they want, I've played male and female PCs of various cultural and racial backgrounds.

But sometimes the reasons why one might not want to play a female POC in particular may also stem from unwanted ooc behavior in the past, too. Or cringeworthy behavior on the part of others playing a brown or black PC to go on an exotic adventure.

@Sparks I dont know if this will help but you do not need to be related to ask for a wellness check.

I have done that before, both for a neighbor and a client. You don't get info back necessarily, depending but at least they will take the call (this was the county sheriff's dept in my case).

It is hard, because you do not want to piss people off. But I think right now it's understandable. I really hope you hear from him soon. I know that worry, and it really sucks.

Finding a new "theme song" for one of my PCs that fits so perfectly with all the stuff going on around/through her.

Another one of my clients died last month, but was not found until last week. He was elderly and lived alone. Feeling really sad.

I'm going to get a dishwasher! Ours has been broken for almost 2 years, and while I do not mind washing dishes by hand, I'm glad to have a break from trying to keep up with 6 people constantly home now. And to have counter space back since my dish rack/dryer is huge. This has been a shitty week, a shitty month and a shitty spring so I'm going to take what happy RL I can get. Even if its dumb!

If I were a game runner I would be pretty leery of paying for a service like this. Or even participating in something more similar to groupon for games, after seeing how having an influx of clients that you didn't anticipate and could not accommodate at the pace that they expect can impact a business in RL.

I get how this might be an attractive business venture for the people arranging it, but there are just a lot of consequences for increasing volume that a lot of people do not think about.

The rush and influx of people who come in to create new bits and join a game even when it's just advertised here can be a game killer, especially after the 6-8 weeks for the new shiny to wear off and people wander away or get mad that they aren't being entertained as much as they think they should be, especially if staff was excitedly running a lot of stuff at first but then quickly burnt out by needs and wants of a population that was double or more what they planned for. Or people get super excited and run a bunch of stuff until the novelty wears off and then disappear, which can make others feel like the game is suddenly "dying" when in fact it's just that the super active RP/scenerunners burned out quickly and there was a mistaken impression of the /base/ activity level of the game.

I just do not think you'll have enough buy in from game runners in order to monetize this. (Note, I'm not saying it's wrong to monetize your work or your coordination.) I think maybe if one wants to expand access to MUing then the focus should be less at first on finding players and more supporting and empowering game creators/runners, to expand the number and diversity of offerings first, because otherwise you're likely to decrease the quality of the experience if you stuff 3x more people into the same games.

To that end I think stuff like Ares that puts the ability to run a game into more diverse hands in a plug and play format does much more to help sustain MUing than advertisements on social media.

Being what seems to be the lone Rando Stranger at an event where everyone else seems to know each other, and still having fun because they're actually oocly friendly and the story is engaging. Even if I'm totally out of my league!

And also, getting to make one of your mush besties squealy-happy with something that I made! Sometimes it's the little things.

I think it is fine. While I agree that having integrated stuff is really nice, I also think with an interesting concept and fun and active people to play with, people will forgo the bells and whistles too.

I hate being reminded of why I loathe going to a doctor that I don't know/didn't vet prior to going in.

But at least everything still looks good on the ekg/other tests, so that's something!

my favorite sisters, in a very different world

I wish there was a fantasy generators that allowed same gender and/or non romantic pairings! But this captures them well in spirit I think. <3!

I was told the same by my regular care provider. That system will not order a test for the antibodies, period.

Thankfully my health plan is a PPO, there are clinics with providers that will allow their providers to order you a test even if you're not a regular patient, and my company will pay 100 percent for COVID related care no matter what.

I do understand the caution, especially since people are determined to be idiots about this and presume that positive antibody tests means they a) now when they got the infection, b) aren't infectious now, and/or c) are immune.

But yeah, it sucks but it seems a lot of people have to go to an outside clinic/lab than their usual provider/system to get the test. Surprise surprise, it's usually around here the ones where they have to send the test to another competitor to get processed that tell you they won't support it. I hope it's not like that really, but I have my doubts. It might be work a look to see if your employer has any COVID bonus coverage. While our insurance company wouldn't cover a lot as far as testing (and you'd have to meet the deductible anyway), right now my company will reimburse people 100 percent for covid-related care, including copays and deductibles.

On Friday, I spent the evening in the ER with probably the worst kind of chest pain I have experienced in my life (I actually was 90 percent sure that I was a goner). I did not have a heart attack or stroke, nor does it look like I had anything minor previously, and do not have the markers for a potential upcoming one, nor did I have an aortic dissection (what they were actually worried about) So that's good, ruled out all the Actual Emergency stuff. I do have a follow up appointment with cardiology though, and there were some other bloodwork results that were off that my primary care doctor wants to revisit (one of those things that could be an indicator of Bad Things or nothing) soon, especially since I have had such a pretty life-changing problem with severe fatigue over the last few months that I had thought was more psychological in origin (and it very well may be, though if that was a panic attack it's unlike any other I've experienced, I'm open to the idea that's all it was). It feels weird and fucked up to visit the hospital period right now, and even worse to take up time when what I experienced was not an emergency emergency, but I'm also kind of not looking forward to further visits in the hospital complex. Not that I would have enjoyed them BEFORE the age of Covid19, but. Also, I really wish that more people would listen to "Hey, I know I'm a bad stick, you might need to get your best vein-whisperer in here and/or the ultrasound attachment that lets you find/place IVs" before they'd ripped up both my arms. It's been 3 days and they're only now not aching.

But mostly I wish that this stupid ass fatigue would go away. I can be okay and then within 10 minutes once whatever that invisible limit is reached I literally feel like I have mere minutes to crawl into bed before I am out cold for awhile. It hasn't yet happened dangerously (at work, during driving where I'm more than 15 minutes from home, though it's started in both before). It's aggravating, I'm sad and worried about it of course, but I at least have Real Doctor visits set up now to find out more instead of just assuming it's just a part of stress I have to deal with.

I hate the feeling of overwhelming dread that makes me just want to run far far away in my interactions with people RL or online. For me this external stress is really starting to manifest as feeling like I should apologize for my existence because everyone is annoyed with me and wants me to go away, which very very easily leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm sad that this is happening just as inertia seemed to be wearing off but I think I'm also supremely burnt out and stressed AF at work, and even more aggravating it is happening at a time when things are /improving/ at least demand wise. Hopefully memorial day will help, but I think I'm just going to have to suppress rabid brain weasels as far as who is mad at me for what in basically all parts of my life/how much awfulness I can expect until July when I will be able to take a significant chunk of time in vacation. It's pretty gross to feel this way, and even more important to not put it on anyone else in my life. I had thought even about talking to the doc again about meds (I have taken them with huge success for other major depressions and then just weaned off afterwards) but then I realized it's not like they are going to help since probably 90 percent of this is situational, and just is not going to get super better until I have a chance to destress from work.

My deck feeder "pets" are bringing more friends, but they do occasionally fight with each other. I thought I had primarily one Stellar's jay and one douglas squirrel, but I started to suspect that there were two individuals of each, and finally I saw them all together (in a four way very loud thumpy frisky squabble) recently. They're all still very shy if I go out to the deck, but now the jays will peck the railing of our crappy old deck extremely loudly and hop up and down to get my attention if they see me at my computer and there aren't peanuts in the shell available, and the squirrels will come right up to the door (it's a glass paneled French door) and do the laser pew pew pew call at me to put out more too. If they don't see me at the dining room table (where I use my laptop), they'll hop/fly/scamper all around the windows in the upstairs living room looking for someone to scream at. They are super fun and relaxing to watch (even when they're making a racket), along with all of the fat little finches and chickadees and juncos.

We can't have bird feeders on the ground, because we have bears. So I didn't put out any kind of wild bird/squirrel feeding stuff for a long time, but I'm really enjoying it this year. I'm sure all my neighbors are wondering where the fuck all the peanuts/peanut shells are coming from if they do yard maintenance though.

I work in a job where I get screamed at/unloaded at/have to deal with people who are in distress but express it as extreme anger, belittling, non-violent threatening, and insulting behavior. I often get difficult people directed to me at work because frankly I handle them really well, and as a result we can develop a relationship where I can help them usually.

My pay sucks, but the benefits are amazing, so I reserve my energy to do that.

But I only have so much energy. If people on a mush act like some of my clients do towards me, I will avoid them like the plague, report abusive behavior towards me, and choose to not interact with them again. Why, when clearly I am capable of listening and helping people process their emotions to the point that finally the task can be complete? Because mushing is not a job, and it is my outlet for fun, and that person is providing me with absolutely nothing but a sinking feeling and a headache. And usually there's no goal/transaction/task to work towards to resolve the situation.

I think sometimes that people who find it too hard to mask/behave calmly tend to assume that it is easy for other people and natural and costs them nothing to do, when in fact it is usually far from the case.

So then they are surprised when the people who have remained calm in the face of their tantrums and lashing out finally put a permanent end to their association, and interpret that as uniquely mean, not respecting their challenges, and awful to them personally, rather than realizing how much energy and thoughtfulness it took to try and remain calm in the face of that person's regular emotional blow ups.

And add that while people may be willing to shoulder more of dealing with someone flailing in their professional or family life, especially if they have to deal with that elsewhere, they may be especially disinterested in having to do it yet again "for fun."

Generally people on mushes as a whole are not going to be a safe place for you to unload or express yourself fully in the moment of upset. I do think people who run into problems a lot fail to realize or accept this. And it is by no means limited to people who struggle with social cues; people who can function in public settings or at work or when they want to make a good impression can and do explode into tantrums, threats (against others, against the game, self-harm) on games because they lose sight of that (and the fact that other people are dealing with it, not just the computer).

@A-B conversations here often turn in to this sort of thing, whether there's name calling or not. People like to get into theory, semantics, different focuses, ect. It isn't bad per se, and probably good to try to not take it personally if things start to wander a bit.

@Groth it also can be a real shitty way to treat people, too.