4th day of vacation and mostly what I can do is sleep. Short bursts of being up and about are possible but then wipe me for a couple of hours or more. It is hard to not feel bad about this. Theres so much to do/catch up on RL and otherwise and all I want to do is pass out.
Felt really good to be able to say "Sorry, I'm not available" to a request for me to step in as a sub at the school's "winter break camp" and receive no pushback nor have fear that bad things would happen (from a child safety standpoint) if I didn't agree to do it.
He was a kick ass RPer and storyteller and an even better friend, and will be deeply missed. And you are so very loved.
I kind of wonder if I will ever not feel existentially exhausted and on empty ever again. Just physically and emotionally so tired.
Also thus upper respiratory bug that isn't covid or flu but also pack a huge punch to the face really sucks. First day feeling somewhat human since Saturday and I'm kinda ready to just go back to sleep until next week after just one day back at work.
I dont think its a bad or good thing (certainly we could not have afforded to have all three teens on the insurance because of the premium increase). But i am pretty sure it is a trend that a lot of folks my age or a little younger just don't get.
Also my driver's ed cost $50 and was done via my school. Drivers ed now in my area for teens costs more like $500 at the bare minimum.
@tinuviel of course! Though by the time it gets through customs you might be done! 
My 18 year old twins and 19 year old worked through the school year starting at 16 including through the pandemic. Only one other kid in their large circle of combined friends did so. Much of the time except for during summer they were one of maybe 2 or 3 at most other high schoolers working at their respective places of work.
I'm sure that companies will say they keep wages low because teenagers. I think perhaps that actually isn't why they're keeping wages low.
I would say that I think one of the reasons why there's less working teens in our immediate acquaintance network is the fact that a shocking number have little desire to get their drivers licenses (or their families could not afford the cost), and with busing shitty in most areas and Uber too expensive access to work may be too much time juggling for mom/dad taxi.
The best thing about having 3 kiddos at uni is that I get to send care packages to them! (just sent off finals prep care packages). It kinda makes me a little sad I don't snail mail pen pal anymore (lack of energy/time) because that too was fun to put together a little package for a friend now and then too.
If someone really doesn't want a sandwich club on their game I don't think there's anything wrong with that, as long as they're up front about their expectations of activity, ect.
However most of the games I've seen where sandwich club suddenly becomes a problem are ones where hands off/no staff interaction beyond spends and approval is one of the appeals, but then someone gets pissed thar the group isn't paying attention to their pet storyline, ect. So then the annoyance/angst that staff has for the minute group defying their interest expectations can cause everyone else to suffer when they get stompy about it.
Personally if you set things up so that sandwich club is a possibility then just leave it be.
I guess ultimately what I don't understand is why you'd want to play with people that don't want to play with you, and how you think that forcing people to do so will improve your experience.
I can see trying to incentivize subgroups and cliques to interact (ive seen that done in interesting ways) as well as trying to make things friendly for newer folks but.
I can think of little that is more repulsive to me than feeling like I must stay at a scene/place where people are actively resenting my presence. I just could not.
Pretty much this reminds me why I will never serve on any type of hospitality commitee like ever fucking again in my life.
@derp what does someone having difficult integrating have anything to do with requiring anything of anyone else?
It is okay to feel down about that, to understand the reasons behind it that make it nobody's fault, without making the assumption that the person feeling left out wants to force themselves on anyone.
The complexity comes in balancing out as a person the desire to be part of things and also to not want to intrude/impose upon others.
Wanting to be involved doesn't mean wanting to force anyone to do anything against their will.
@faraday i think the two are getting conflated (i am here to rp specifically with my small peep circle/if you are having trouble integrating into a game obviously you suck or are lazy or don't know how to mush). I think they are separate issues for the most part though of course they can overlap back and forth.
Whether that is the small group getting ticked bc they're not being included in larger meta stuff or not reached out to (bc they don't respond usually) or someone has lost the small group they were part of and is having trouble transitioning or integrating esp if there us resentment to that group or the wider game culture isn't as friendly as the friends group they started with, or any other situation.
It can be complicated im sure we have all seen it.
Sometimes giving a list of Things You Should Do to someone whom you do not know (and therefore don't know what they have/have not done) is helpful or will be taken with some grace.
And sometimes it comes across like being one of Those People who when someone says "I've just been diagnosed with <insert diagnosis here> or I'm really struggling with X" is all immediately "whats so bad about that? Just take this vitamin/have a growth mindset/omg its just a made up or popular thing, snap out it" or treating the person like an idiot.
Depends on the day, the person, and the delivery. If you share a frustration you have to be wiling to be treated shittily or assumptions made. If you offer advice when you've not been asked or aren't aware of the actual context, sometimes you won't be actually helpful and can even kinda come off as a dick. That is to say, assumptions will often bite you on the ass, either way.
@il-volpe said in The Desired Experience:
Also, my experience with this is that it really looks as if the people who can "only bring four" are bringing four to a group where three out of the four, if not all of them, are doing the same, and they are having a feast. If it really would and truly just ruin your fun to make sliders instead of foot-longs from time to time, welll.
So here's the thing. It very well may be that the extra time and equipment required to make a party platter of sliders instead of just throwing together some footlongs WILL sap the energy and fun. (Please forgive me, y'all. I spent the vast majority of my formative years plus most of my older kids' early to elementary childhoods being on various hospitality committees for church/PTA/all that shit, so this analogy works very well for me. Not only because people assume a lot about how easy it is to convert a regular recipe to a potluck/funeral/open house size one, but also the unbelievable amount of like...feral, primal angst that is often floating around behind the scenes when someone does something different, unexpected, or "not the norm--i mean not how I think i would do it") In addition, imagine investing all that energy and then having a bunch of people say "oh. yucky, i don't like that. It's soggy/does it have mayo/it looks weird/i've never had that before/is it organic or freerange?". If you think the equivalent doesn't happen on game, then you're very lucky.
I think we all will get more of our desired experience if we remove expectations and resentments from strangers, or people we already know we dislike, and if we have people that we like/know and worry about, to be a little bolder and try to check in/ask them for things we need (as long as it's okay if they say no). But it's fucking hard, I know.
It is fruitless to try to break in when it's clear you aren't wanted. No amount of forcing whomever you perceive to share with you will make you feel wanted. It's a tough time right now especially because a lot of people now are burnt out and anxiety is whallopping many people who usually are able to keep an handle on it, so the feeling of being unwanted may not even be reality.
But in the case where truly only a small clique of staff friends gets attention and time, I mean...why on earth would you waste your time moping at the lukewarm, wilty pepperoncinis that are left amongst the crumbs for you, and why wouldn't you just GTFO.
That's why I say the most important part of my desired experience is less who gets what, and more...I don't know. Being around people who are nice to me. Who seem to enjoy interacting with me. Who aren't noticeably OOCly mean to people in front of me. If that's not present, then it really doesn't matter how technically awesome and populated the game is. It falls flat. But for others, it's exactly the opposite. That's okay, even if it's sad that a place that you want to like you just doesn't work out.
@il-volpe the fact is though that you will always have people that are rude and not able to have empathy on a game. Or who will assume that anyone who says that are like the asshole that was a collosal time and energy suck who said shit like that all the time while rejecting all offers of RP/reaching out/ect, and are unable to not apply that to anyone new saying it.
So I mean, people have to develop a thick skin about that shit, sorry. I don't see that it has ever changed in the whole time I've been gaming.
There are humblebraggers and also major energy suckers in the community (and sometimes an unfortunate combination of both occasionally). While I do think it's okay to express sadness or frustration here or on game, if that's really how you feel, I've come to understand that you shouldn't without understanding most of the responses are largely going to be "just suck less". It's a kneejerk response. And often is one from learned experience.
Nobody is likely to care about people who keep their sandwiches to themselves in their own corner, in my observation, unless they a) become rude to people. You know, like if a newbie says "wow it's kind of hard to break in here" and then the sandwich club sniffs and says "well just work harder, and be better, I mean we don't ever have a problem socializing so you must just be shit" or unfortunately b) an organizer decides that sandwiches are bad so why can't this group that isn't really taking any casseroles have casseroles like everyone else, and decides to rub their casserole all over the sandwich platter, making a huge gross mess that nobody involved likes and also the bad energy from that kind of ruins the mood for everyone else too.
I am so unbelievably exhausted.
I have worked forward facing and/or high public comtact jobs the entire pandemic so have run the gamut of masks. This person is local to me and makes the only ones that don't fog my glasses and do not make me break out because no fabric touches my mouth or chin at any time. She also has really fun patterns. I wear these for 8 hours a day including nature walks and running around on the playground playing with ece students with no issue.
I try to make each scene fun for people regardless of who is there (except for large info dump scenes which tend to give me anxiety).
I think for the most part I succeed and have been told so by a variety of people not just those that are my friends, but I find that if I get too tired to issue invites or chase folks it is rarely reciprocated, which can lead to a spiral of worry (are people just saying they like my rp but they're relieved when they don't have to). Then I worry that maybe there are people who worry the same thing about me.
I really do think that make your own fun is very dependent on the fun that you like. If it's a game that is highly staff dependent, then that is out of your control. If you love being able to participate in a st scene that's not you STing and nobody is willing to reciprocate bc of time/intimidation/ect (i don't think it makes people bad) then no matter how much you put into it you are unlikely to get the thing you most want. And then you have to deal with people getting upset over your fun (how many times here have I read people shitting on people who never come out of private rooms or who "only" like social play instead of being all up in the metaplot and srs bsns like "real" gamers are.. , the answer is a lot)
I do sometimes wish that more games would have very specific "you can expect x experience" plastered everywhere.
But you know, the more I think about that, the more difficult I understand it to be to write that sort of thing.
I have come to loathe stuff like "you get out what you put into it" because that's certainly never been true in my experience--while people who get a lot do tend to put a lot in, lots of people also put in a lot and get...crickets. Doubly so if there's no real guideline or clear way showing the right kind of work to put in to get results--but there's always folks who are targets of a certain degree of snobbery (their writing style doesn't fit in, they're unknown, ect) or timezone mismatch, things that aren't really anyone's fault per se.